Nied is Not Enough

Chapter Ten

Harry glanced at the clock. He must have dozed off with images of Draco swimming in his head because it was now 9:40. He jumped from his chair and checked over himself in the mirror before leaving his rooms for Draco's. In the hallway, Harry's heart began racing. Three doors, two doors, one door, and here we go...

He knocked tentatively a few times. The door squeaked open on its hinges. Harry peeked into the room and saw Draco sitting at his writing desk to Harry's left.

"I thought I said nine-thirty, Mr. Potter," Draco said without looking up from his grading.

Harry suddenly felt like he was late to detention with Snape. "I, erm, had to take care of a few things." Harry scuffed his feet along the carpet. "Besides, you're still grading."

"Yes, well, give me a few, will you? Please make yourself at home." Draco waved his hand around the room.

Draco's rooms were set up exactly opposite of Harry's. Their fireplaces stood back to back. Harry looked around more carefully than he did the first time he barged in looking for Draco. A small, dark green couch sat facing the fireplace, which lit the corners of the room. Small spherical lights illuminated the room from each wall. Harry walked over to the bookcase and scanned the tattered covers. Potions, potions, potions, ah...yes and more potions. What's this? 'The Collected Works of J.M. Synge?'

Harry pulled the book of plays from the bookshelf and sat on the couch. He mindlessly thumbed through the book, noting pages here and there were folded at the corners. A muggle photograph slid from between the pages and landed on Harry's lap. He picked up the photo and looked at it for a moment. In it were Draco and a young woman who looked vaguely familiar. He turned the photo over and glanced at the back, April 17, 2004. Harry "humphed" to himself. He looked at the photo more closely. The woman and Draco stood side by side in front of a very run down stone cottage surrounded by flat sandstone. Neither looked entirely happy, nor unhappy: just there.

Draco's chair slid from behind him and Harry replaced the photo in the book. He turned his head to watch as Draco made his way to the couch and sat at the opposite end from Harry.

"Find anything interesting?" Draco asked as he relaxed into the sofa. Harry could smell the spice of Draco's skin wafting toward him.

"Didn't know you were into dead muggle playwrights." Harry casually tossed the book onto the coffee table.

"It was a gift." Draco leaned forward and picked up the book. The photo slid into his lap as he flipped through the pages. He picked it up, looked at it for a moment and replaced it.

"Who was she?" Harry asked.

"An old friend, Harry. An old friend." Draco leaned and put the book back on the table. He sat back again and smiled toward Harry. "So, Mr. Potter, what do you want to talk about?"

Harry fidgeted for a moment. He didn't really have anything having to do with the house to talk about. "So, erm, the students still doing okay?"

"There really hasn't been much change since last week." Draco knew Harry didn't want to talk about the students, but played along. "I've noticed a slight increase in scores in Defense Against the Dark Arts in almost all of the students in Slytherin." He raised an eyebrow at Harry. "Have you decided to ease up a bit or make the classes more interesting?"

Harry playfully glared at Draco who kept his eyebrow raised. "I guess I just wasn't feeling myself for the first few months is all. They should all improve as I do."

Draco waved his hand and two wine glasses floated from his hutch to the coffee table followed by a crystal decanter. Harry watched Draco as he poured a silvery liquid into the glasses. Since Draco was paying attention to pouring, Harry took in his entire body with his eyes. Draco had no shoes on and wore black pants. His white shirt was unbuttoned one too many and when he leaned to pour the liquid, Harry could see a perfectly smooth and well formed chest. He caught a glimpse of the scar on Draco's chest and without thinking, reached his hand across to touch it. Draco jumped at the dark-haired man's touch in such an intimate place. One of the wine glasses shattered.

Harry, realizing what he was doing, jerked his hand back. "I'm sorry, Draco. I didn't mean...to..." Harry looked around the room trying to find something to focus on.

Draco quickly cast a spell to fix the broken glass and filled it again. He handed the drink to Harry who was still a bit embarrassed. Draco took a sip from his own cup and set it on the table. He sat with his back against the arm of the couch and stared at Harry for a moment. Very cautiously, he began unbuttoning his shirt to reveal his milky chest marred by the skewed cross scar. "It's okay, Harry. I'm just not used to being touched."

Harry looked at the blond as he spoke and realized quite quickly that Draco had unbuttoned his shirt completely and the scar was in plain view. "I, erm I..."

Draco reached across the couch to Harry and took the glass from his hand. After setting it on the table, he took Harry's hand in his and slowly brought it to his scar. Harry was breathing rapidly, focusing on Draco's face. As his hand touched the blonde's skin, Harry felt like electricity surged through him. He pressed his palm to the taut skin on the scar. He could feel Draco's heartbeat in his own head and limbs.

Draco reached across to Harry's forehead and placed his palm on the lightening bolt. Both men gasped as power flowed between them. The room blurred around them and all they could do was stare into each others eyes.

Every inch of Harry's skin tingled. When he closed his eyes, he could see himself through Draco's eyes. He could see Draco's hand touching his own forehead and his eyes closed behind his glasses. He quickly opened his eyes and returned to his own head. Draco then closed his eyes and experienced looking through Harry at himself.

Harry wasn't sure what was going to happen, but closed his eyes while Draco's were still closed. He felt sick to his stomach, like he was falling thousands of feet and then the world was black.

****

Harry cautiously opened his eyes. There was nothing around him but empty dark space. He wasn't sure if he was conscious or not so he pinched his arm. It hurt. He wasn't dead. Off in the distance, he saw a pinpoint of light and tried to make his way toward it. He had no idea the distance, but it seemed to get much larger with every step. He could barely make out the shape of a person and began running toward it.

Draco stood breathing heavily in the darkness as Harry reached him. Both men seemed to be giving off a slight glow and could see each other fairly well.

"What the hell is this, Malfoy?" Harry grabbed the dazed man by the shoulders.

"I don't know." Draco looked around himself. "I don't know where we are." Draco looked around himself again and he suddenly understood.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Harry began to feel frantic for a moment then Draco placed his hands on Harry's arms. He felt calm again.

// I think this is our subconscious//

Harry pulled his hands away from Draco immediately. He had just heard the other mans voice inside his head.

// I can see everything about you, Harry//

"Stop it, Malfoy! Get out of my head!" Harry shouted outloud. He turned and started running away from the blond man. When he stopped running, Draco was directly in front of him. It was like a nightmare.

// Harry, calm down. I want to show you something.//

Draco took Harry's hands in his and stepped closer to him. Harry was suddenly thrust into Draco's memories. What he saw terrified him.

He was looking through the eye holes of a mask at a battlefield. Sparks flew in every direction and the sky was covered with a dense curse fog. He ran to his place in a circle of other Death Eaters.

Lord Voldemort was facing away from him and toward a seventeen-year- old Harry. Dementors half-circled the young man and Voldemort raised his wand. He ran toward the Dark Lord and threw his arms around him from behind. The seventeen-year-old Harry shouted "Accio wand" and Voldemort's wand flew to the young Harry.

The Harry inside Draco's subconscious watched over the Dark Lord's shoulder as the boy in front of them began glowing bluish white. He rose up and hovered a few feet from the earth. The young Harry held the wands side by side. From the earth and all the space around him, energy gathered in a white sphere. Suddenly, fierce white light shot from the tip of the now-fused wands and toward Voldemort.

Harry in Draco's subconscious felt the pure power fly through the Dark Lord and into his own chest before being thrown back from the intensity of it. His head pounded and burned and he could see nothing. He lay immobilized for what seemed like an eternity before he felt the young Harry's hand fall over the open wound on his chest. He felt the wound on his chest grow painfully hot and then close under the young Harry's hand. The young Harry's magic sealed itself inside the wound. He felt it surging through his veins. The boy collapsed on his chest.

The Harry in Draco's subconscious was now able to slightly move. He brought his hand to the boy's head and felt around until his fingers found the lightening bolt scar. He traced it and whispered to the lifeless boy on his chest, "We're even." The world was again black.

Draco pulled his hands from Harry's.

// Now you know Harry. We are bound by the power you sent through Voldemort and into me and that which you used to heal me. We are bound by your magic, our magic. We are equal and the same. We are complete.//

Harry looked back and forth at the hazel eyes in front of him. He had just witnessed the fall of Voldemort through someone else's eyes and body: through Draco's eyes and body. He placed his hand on the blonde's chest over the scar.

// Bound. //

// Yes, Harry. Bound.//

Draco placed his hand on the lightening bold scar and Harry again felt nauseous. He opened his eyes and found himself sitting on the couch in Draco's rooms. Draco dropped his hand from Harry's forehead and the two men stared intently at one another.

"Bound." Harry repeated.

Draco's eyes filled with tears as he looked at the man before him. "You could have let me die, Harry. But you didn't. I don't know why, but you didn't."

Harry searched the blonde's face, not really knowing why he didn't let Draco die that night. All he could think to do was reach for the man's face. He wrapped his hand around the back of Draco's neck and pulled him closer. Draco closed his eyes and a tear escaped down his cheek. Harry leaned further toward the blond and caught the salty drop with his lips. A tear fell on the other cheek and Harry caught that one as well. He moved his mouth around Draco's face: on his eyelids and forehead, across his jaw line and chin.

He pulled back and looked at Draco's now open eyes. He leaned toward Draco and let his lips fall on the blond man's lips. He felt himself pulling closer to Draco: bringing his arms around Draco's neck and pressing their bodies together.

The blond brought his hands from his lap to Harry's waist and around to the center of Harry's back. His fingertips pressed into Harry's flesh bringing Harry closer to him.

Harry let his fingers entwine with Draco's silky hair as he moved his lips to the blonde's jaw line and down to his neck. Harry inhaled deeply, wanting to never forget Draco's scent. He shuddered as he exhaled and buried his face in Draco's collarbone.

"Draco..." he spoke softly. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

Draco loosened his hold on Harry and sat up to look in the man's face. "I couldn't. You had to be ready." He placed his hand on Harry's cheek. Harry pushed against the warm palm. "You figured out most of it by yourself."

Harry was drowning with the images Draco gave him and at the same time he felt as though Draco was the only thing that could keep him afloat. As Harry looked at the man before him, he understood the constant urge he felt to touch him: the constant compulsion to be near the man and feel his skin. It was the magical bond between them.

Maybe that's all it was. Maybe Harry made a huge mistake those many years ago when he healed the wound on young Draco's chest.

Harry scooted away from Draco on the couch and looked intensely at him. He noticed everything about the man when they were together and could almost feel him inside when they weren't together. The years of being cut off from feeling made this bond even stronger. Harry didn't know if he even wanted this, but at the same time, he never felt as whole as he did when his hands were on Draco Malfoy.

Harry took off his glasses and set them on the table. He rubbed his face with his hands dropped them to his lap. "I don't know about all of this. I just...it's like..."

Draco moved his hand to Harry's knee. "Listen, believe me when I say I know what it's like to realize this bond. I was eighteen years old, Harry. Eighteen. I've been living with this almost painful longing for thirteen years. You at least had easy until you saw me at the Leaky Cauldron."

Harry looked agitated at the statement. "Do you think my life has been easy?"

"That's not what I meant.."

"What did you mean, then? That poor Draco had to sit around longing for thirteen years while ignorant Harry ran around the world looking for bad guys?"

Draco looked extremely hurt.

"I have had nothing, Draco. Nothing to hold on to. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing that would have made me happy to come home. You at least knew about it and that maybe someday..." Harry trailed off, not knowing why he was so angry at the blond man.

"I'm just glad we found each other. You know, this hasn't been easy for anyone. I'm not saying that I sat around longing. I've done plenty of living all the while feeling you inside me; knowing where you are and what you're doing. Who you're searching for and taking back to Azkaban. I've felt your disgust for the human race, Harry, but I didn't make it mine. Living with you inside me is not an easy task. Believe me. It's hard enough to deal with my own emotions, but to have yours too..."

Harry had buried his face in his hands while Draco spoke. The two sat in silence for a few moments. I don't want this. I don't need this. I don't want him. Not like this.

"Then want me another way." Draco looked at him seriously.

Harry looked up in surprise. Draco had read his thoughts without touching him. He could never get away from this.

// I need you Harry. As much as I hate to admit it. But it's your choice. //

"I won't ever force you into anything. It was your choice to bind us thirteen years ago. It will be your choice to continue or not." Draco stood and looked down at Harry.

"I need time. I...I don't know if what's inside me is from the bond or something else."

"Take whatever time you need. I'm not going anywhere." Draco walked over to the fireplace and put his hands against the mantle. He stared at the flames. "I lied to you."

Harry cocked his head. "About what?"

"When you had the nightmare the first night here, your screaming didn't wake me up. Your dream did."

Harry looked at him questioningly. "My dream woke you up?"

"Yeah. It scared me that I could see into your dream while I was asleep. I've never had someone else see my dreams either."

Harry tried to remember the dream from his first night back at Hogwarts. "The part about you slapping your father and him turning to ash...that wasn't my dream?"

Draco shook his head. "Mine."

"What about the night after our first head of house meeting?" Harry's heart began pounding in his chest. He remembered the Draco in his dream sliding his fingers along the inside of Harry's arm and breathing in his ear.

"That was definitely yours, but I manipulated it a bit. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know that I already knew it was you at the Leaky Cauldron. The bigger fireplace was my idea. I wanted you to be too warm and unbutton..." Draco shook his head to clear it. "You're just so closed off all the time, Harry."

Harry felt his ears go pink.

"I was hoping you wouldn't wake up so quickly, though." Draco gave him a sly smile and raised his eyebrow a bit. "You know, to see what would happen if..."

Harry grabbed a small pillow that was on the couch and threw it at Draco who caught it without blinking.

"What?" Draco was laughing. He threw the pillow back at Harry and it hit him on the side of the head.

Harry was across the coffee table in the blink of an eye and had knocked Draco to the ground. Draco's hands were held to the stone floor by Harry who was straddling the blonde's torso. Harry looked back and forth at the hazel eyes that were filled with utter surprise.

"Didn't know I was so quick, did you?" Harry bit his bottom lip as he said this.

Draco let his arms relax and Harry felt the body under him ease. Harry let loose of Draco's wrists and slid his hands to Draco's open palms. Their fingers intertwined and Harry leaned down to Draco.

// Am I doing this the right way? //

Draco looked at Harry surprisedly. He nodded his head. "You're a quick learner, Mr. Potter."

// I'm not going to be the only one who has someone else in their head, Mr. Malfoy. //

Draco smiled at this acknowledgement. The two men stared at each other smiling for a moment. Harry's smile faded and he felt his stomach twist. He felt himself becoming aroused as he straddled Draco. Let it be what it is. He leaned further down until he could feel Draco's rapid breath on his lips. They crushed their lips together with zealous force. Harry relaxed the kiss and let his lips slightly part. As the tips of their tongues touched, Harry let out a soft moan and moved his hands down Draco's arms. He slid his palms over the taut skin on Draco's chest.

// Oh, Gods, Harry. You can't know how long I've wanted this. //

// I can only begin to imagine. //

Harry scooted himself further down Draco's torso. He felt Draco's arousal under the black pants. Harry's eyes rolled back for a moment, lost in the sensation. With his hands and mouth, Harry covered every inch of Draco's chest and abdomen. He drew in Draco's spicy scent, letting it roll in his mind; etch itself into his memory.

The blonde's skin was satiny and warm under Harry's palms and lips. Harry sat up and looked at the man underneath him. His eyes followed every muscled curve. Harry moved his hand from Draco's side and traced the scar on his chest with his fingers.

"Nied," he said softly as his fingers slid over the scar. Everything was making sense to Harry as he focused on the scar's shape. "The Rune of necessity." So this is what he meant by changing the password. That man...

"He doesn't miss a trick, does he?"

Draco looked up at Harry softly. "Dumbledore?"

Harry nodded. He pulled himself from Draco's body and sat on the floor next to him. He reached over to the blond and pulled him up as well. The two men sat cross legged in front of the fireplace.

Harry studied Draco's every feature in the fire light; the shadows played his eyes and face. With each passing moment, Harry felt more and more whole, like this connection between them was the only right thing in the world. He could feel Draco's contentment inside him. He could feel Draco's attraction to him. He could feel every emotion coming from the blond. It was a bit overwhelming, but having the sensation of another's mind inside him was wonderful. Harry decided it would be difficult to focus on reality this way and tried to remember his Occlumency lessons with Snape those many years ago.

"How do you function like this?" Harry asked.

Draco snapped into reality at the dark-haired man's voice. "Oh, I erm, I've had a lot of practice." He smiled warmly at Harry. "You can use Occlumency, Harry, but it may prove to be more difficult than you'd think. Cutting yourself off from the bond once you've realized its existence is pretty painful."

Harry looked a bit confused. "Once I've realized it, huh? So because I didn't really know about it before, it didn't much bother me?"

"I wouldn't say that." Draco looked at Harry from the corner of his eye. "You've been running from this for thirteen years. I don't really know how to explain it. Uh, okay, this is what I believe happened." He looked quite seriously at Harry. "Once you sealed your magic inside me and collapsed on the battlefield, you pushed everything away: the final moments of the battle, me, your other friends, living... feeling...I'm not sure why, but after spending the last thirteen years with you in my head, I think I have a pretty good idea."

Harry began getting quite uncomfortable at the thought of Draco knowing almost everything about him and he knowing very little about Draco. He felt violated and confused.

Draco laid his hands on Harry's legs. "You'll learn in time. There are plenty of things I don't know about you Harry, plenty."

Draco's touch soothed the thoughts running through Harry's head.

"I don't always know what's going on with you, you know. At first, when I was in St. Mungo's, well, let's just say I was really confused as to what the hell was going on. I couldn't see anything, but when I closed my eyes, all I could feel was you back at Hogwarts, hating the world. Every thought I had somehow involved you and I hated you for it." He mentally apologized to Harry, who nodded in acknowledgement.

The blond continued. "I wanted nothing more than to stay away from you for ever and cut this bond you gave us." His eyes glanced at Harry who sat in silence listening to every word that rolled out of his mouth.

"With each passing day, I felt more and more of you inside me. I tried everything to get rid of it. The first thing I tried was a version of the dreamless sleep draught. I kept out some of the ingredients and it almost killed me. My brain didn't function properly for weeks. I had to check into St. Mungo's again. That's when I started really studying potions. I tried and tried to create something that would close you off to me. No potions worked." He sorrowfully half-grinned at Harry.

"I took Occlumency lessons and was slightly successful, except for the fact that I had become accustomed to you in my head and I felt terribly lonely without you. Not only that but sealing myself against you was like sealing me from myself. It proved to be a failure as well. I kept studying potions, though."

"Obviously," Harry raised his eyebrow and gave Draco a 'Draco" look.

"I couldn't get rid of you, Harry, so I just began accepting it. It didn't take too long before I looked forward to being alive just knowing you were out there somewhere and that you were safe. I hated that you were unhappy, though. I really tried to ignore that, but it was pretty hard to."

Harry placed his hands on Draco's hands. He silently thanked the blond for, what, he didn't quite know.

"When we were younger, I thought the best thing about the bond was the fact that every bit of magic you learned, I learned through you. Your auror training was pretty intense."

"You mean to tell me that you know all the magic I know?" Harry was decidedly angry at this. He stood and paced away from Draco.

"It's not like I meant to, Harry. I didn't have much of a choice." Draco's voice was slightly harsh. He brought his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on his crossed arms. He watched Harry walk to the wall away from him.

Harry leaned his head up against the stone wall. The cool was a relief from the rage which was building inside him. "You could have found me and let me know what was going on," he said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, I could've, but at the time of your training I was in a place where I couldn't use much magic and it was welcome on my part." Draco could feel Harry's anger growing. "Please don't be upset with me, Harry. I never intended to use it in a negative way. I switched sides a long time ago, if you don't recall." Draco was beginning to feel slightly guilty for the past. He stood and walked to Harry who was still leaning against the wall.

"You used me, Draco."

Harry could feel the man's presence behind him and his body tensed. Draco lifted his hands to Harry's shoulders. Harry couldn't help but relax, as hard as tried to keep tense. Draco rested his forehead on Harry's upper back. Harry could feel the man's breath through the sweater he was wearing.

"I am a Malfoy. But I didn't use you, Harry. You gave me such an amazing gift when you healed me that night. You gave me yourself and there's nothing I have wanted more in the past thirteen years than to do the same for you." He moved his hands from Harry's shoulders and wrapped them around Harry's waist, bringing his torso to the other man's back.

Harry could feel the sincerity from the man behind him.

// It was my choice that night to heal you but I certainly didn't know what the consequences would be.//

Draco loosened his hold on Harry. Harry could quickly tell that the statement had hurt the blond. He tried to right it.

// I guess it was better you than some nasty old witch. //

Draco slightly chuckled behind him.

//This is hard for me, Draco, as I'm sure it was hard for you. Please have patience with me. //

Harry felt the arms go tight around his waist again. He looked down at the arms around his waist. Draco's sleeve was slightly pushed up and Harry could make out the end of a black mark. He grabbed the man's arm and pushed the sleeve up all the way. On the blonde's forearm, like a brand, was the mark of Lord Voldemort. Harry began breathing rapidly. The only people he saw with the mark, he sent to Azkaban (other than Severus, of course).

// I had to get it Harry. In order to help you that night, I had to pretend to be a faithful servant to him. Severus taught me the charms he used to keep Voldemort from finding him out. //

Harry winced and cried out as he felt Draco's memory of being branded with the mark. He grabbed his own forearm, checking it over to make sure the mark wasn't there. It stung and throbbed with the memory.

Draco released the man and spun him around. "Oh, Gods, Harry, I'm so sorry..." He held Harry's forearm in his hands and rubbed the sore spot. "I guess I need some practice on controlling the strength of my memories. I'm just used to everything going on full force in my mind because you didn't have to deal with the consequences. I'm sorry..."

Harry looked for the door and started to make his way toward it. He held his forearm with his other hand as he walked.

//Don't go...//

Draco's thought's pleaded with Harry.

// I'm sorry, please don't go...//

Harry's hand was on the doorknob and he looked at Draco's beseeching eyes. "I have to right now. This is all too much." He turned the handle and stepped into the cool of the hallway and away from the only thing in the world that could hurt him.