Hermione's Guide to Owning A Ron

Hermione’s Advice to Owning A Ron

Number One: The Ron likes Quidditch. The Ron especially likes the Chudley Cannons. Beats me why, they haven’t won for years. Give him a radio, a few hundred posters and the occasional tickets to a game and he’ll be happy.

Number Two: The Ron likes candy. It’s amazing how he keeps his figure with all the candy he eats. Make him happy with showering him with candy every holiday. He likes chocolate best. How do I know? *Hermione blushes* My secret.

Number Three: The Ron has no taste in school. You must discipline him. MAKE him get good grades. Bribe him with candy if you must (see advice bit #2).

Number Four: On a further note, you can also threaten him with ‘predicting’ a howler from the powerful screaming…Mrs. Weasley.

Number Five: The Ron has a vicious temper. He argues at the drop of a hat. Or maybe it’s me. At any rate, calm him by saying he’s right and kiss him on the nose. He stops dead and his ears turn red. No rhyme intended. Whaaaaaaaaat? I argue in public and flirt in private ^_^

*The author whistles ‘woo hoo’*

Number Six: The Ron gets jealous easily. It is not recommended to have any other male pets that are not related to the Ron, especially those from Bulgaria.

Number Seven: On a further note, females are fine with the Ron, but you might get jealous.

Number Eight: The Ron feels left out if you’re famous. Cuddle him if needed. He loves it. Especially at midnight in the Common-oops. You did not hear that. I repeat: you did not hear that.

Number Nine: The pure-breed Draco Malfoy will often be in spats with the Ron. Avoid the Draco. He’s mean. He called me ugly! Well, his girlfriend looks like Dudley Dursley’s twin!

Number Ten: The Ron loves his brothers and his sister. A set of them is advised. Plus, Bill is hot.

Sticky Situations and How to Cope

Number One: The Ron is sad: Chocolate. Whenever he’s sad, it calls for chocolate. You’d think he’d be at least a little chubby by now. But he’s still skinny. Maybe it’s a tactic to make people want to feed him chocolate…

Number Two: A Veela comes: Slap him and say to the Ron that he’s yours and no one else’s.

Number Three: A Bulgarian comes: Restrain the Ron and hug him tight.

Number Four: 3 words: Fred. And. George. Ignore.

Number Five: You-Know-Who: That be Harry’s business.

Number Six: You find a book called ‘The Universe of the Four Gods’ (Fushigi Yugi joke) Give the Ron to a loving friend; the Ron can’t compete with Tamahome!

Number Seven: You find out Harry’s a crossdressing girl: Move to Bulgaria; even the Ron’ll agree.

Number Eight: You find out the Ron’s a girl: Back away…far away…

Number Nine: Snape hits on you: Send in the army. Send in the navy. SEND IN THE HENTAI FANGIRLS!

Number Ten: Trelawney predicts Ron’s death: Make Ron quit the old dingbat’s class.

Supplies You Need Before Bringing the Ron Home

Number One: Chocolate; lots of it. I swear: he has to be bulimic! If he wasn’t he wouldn’t be so skinny now! Lupin too!

Number Two: The Muggle book ‘The Princess Diaries’ the author loves the series.

Number Three: The movie ‘Titanic’ the Ron is pussy-whipped; face it girls

Number Four: School books; he HAS to study!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Number Five: Snuggles the bandit wolf; stolen from Tasuki, no exceptions. (Fushigi Yugi joke)

Number Six: A warm bed (don’t even think about it you pervs!)

Number Seven: Good lips (^_^)

Number Eight: A darting board and darts with Victor’s pic on the board.

Number Nine: Good excuses (you should have them already)

Number Ten: A rabid fangirl fence. It’s any girl’s game.