Cho Must Die a Horrible, Painful Death

Chapter Eight: Harry Potter and the Ice-hot Ice Lolly

He hated him - *hated* him! Draco stalked down the corridor, hastily trying to do up the zipper of his trousers. However, he kept meeting with the resistance of his being continually erect.

Who the fuck did Potter think he was? Using Draco like a sex toy - please. Draco scoffed to no one.

But he liked it.

Don't be ridiculous; Malfoys were nobody's sex toy. They were in charge, king of the castle.

Damn it. Why wouldn't the thing go down? Shit - now he'd have to wank. Die Potter die!

**

The next day, Draco sat unusually erect in Transfiguration. Normally he liked this class (even if that twit McGonagall was the professor), but today he couldn't focus. Someone was watching him. He could feel it. Damn it, if Potter...

Draco whipped around, sneering. Granger. Granger was watching him. What was her problem?
Fine. If Granger was going to stare at him, he'd do her one better.

"Granger," Draco called after her as they filed out of class. She turned and peered at him curiously. Draco was suddenly glad that she always stayed after class to prattle on with McGonagall, sending Boy Wonder and the Weasel ahead.

"What do *you* want, Malfoy?" she responded coldly.

"What I *want*, Granger," Draco sneered sarcastically, cornering Hermione in an alcove outside the classroom, "is for you and your cheer gang to take a trip into the fiery pits of doom," he paused for dramatic effect. "But as *that's* unlikely to happen, I'd like to know why the fuck you were making such a study of me in class."

"I wasn't making a study of you, Malfoy," she bit back.

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Granger. You were staring at me with your beady little Mudblood eyes, and now I feel quite dirty."

Hermione scoffed and gave him an appraising look.

"What?"

"Nothing," Hermione looked away. She seemed to be suppressing a smile.
"Don't 'nothing' me!" Draco shrieked, his voice echoing off the stone walls. He paused a moment. "Jesus fucking Christ," he started angrily. "He told you. He bloody told you!"

Hermione simply arched her eyebrows and smirked.

"Fucking brilliant!" Draco threw his hands up in exasperation. "So, what? What did he tell you?"

She played innocent and shrugged her shoulders.

"Shit," Draco spat and ran his fingers through his hair nervously. He was starting to sweat. (glisten!)

"Well, I'll have you know, Granger, that Potter started it." He nodded vehemently, as if trying to convince himself. "Your little fairy friend is the one who shoved his hand down my trousers and humped me by the bathtub. I had no part in it."

"That's not what he told me," she finally spoke. "From what I understand, you were quite the eager little vixen."

"What?!?!"

"Hmm," she continued, unfazed by his astounded reaction, "he said, and I quote, that it was 'bloody unbelievable.'"

Malfoy thought he would have a heart attack.

"Listen, Malfoy," Hermione tried to sound soothing, "there's nothing wrong with being gay..."

"I'm not gay!" he cut her off, his eyes flashing. "I'm.... I'm..." he struggled to find the term, "demented! Potter pulled a fancy memory trick on me and skewed all my fucking priorities. He's evil - pure unadulterated evil!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You're being a bit dramatic. Harry isn't evil; he's just... a bit confused, " she finished delicately. "He's never had these kinds of feelings for a bloke - "

"And you think I have?" Draco seethed. "He... hoodwinked me!"

"Please, Malfoy!" Hermione countered, hands on her hips. "You can't *hoodwink* someone into being gay. You clearly had these feelings for Harry before, and his actions triggered your dormant sexual attraction towards him."

"Excuse me, Granger, but I most certainly did not have... dormant sexual feelings for *Potter*."

"Oh, lay off your righteous indignant act and calm down for a minute," she ordered him. He started at her gaul, but she indicated by a hand gesture that he would suffer a harsh penalty for interrupting her.
"Do please channel the human being I suspect is in there, " she pointed at his chest, "and listen to me. You need to talk to Harry - sans groping. You two clearly have issues that won't be sorted out through angry banter and reciprocal fondling."

"Reciprocal!" he squawked.

"You gave him a hand job!" she cried shrilly.

"Well," he pouted, "it's not like I finished or anything. It doesn't count if they don't come."

"I admire your twisted logic. Face it, Malfoy. You and Harry are involved in some big, sexual... thing," she finished.

"How articulate, Granger."

"Shove off, Malfoy."

"Blow me, Granger!"

"Oooh!" Her eyes lit up suddenly. "Harry could!"

She couldn't be serious.

"I should mention it to him..." she trailed off, clearly making a mental note.

She was serious.

"You're kidding me," he asked rhetorically.

"Nope," she answered. "It's a lovely and effective way to mend bridges. And," she smirked, "every man is negotiable when he's having his dick sucked."

"Ugh, Granger!" Draco drew back in repugnance, his face scrunched up in disgust. "Never, ever utter those words... EVER. That is so wrong coming from you. It'll take weeks to expunge those disgusting images from my head."

She chuckled and he scowled at her. "Well, there's an obvious solution for that." She paused. "Picture Harry doing it instead."

She winked at him and pushed past him to make her way down the hall.

The nerve of her, saying those... shit. Potter sucking him off. Shit, shit, shit. He'd have to wank again.

**
Harry paced back and forth across the small space at the foot of his bed. Hermione sat on his bed, her feet settled on his trunk, as she peered at him expectantly.

How could she... suggest that? What was she thinking?

"Are you mad, Hermione?"

"No, Harry," she answered seriously, "I think it's a really good idea."

"A good idea to... to..." he hesitated.

"Blow Draco Malfoy?" Hermione offered, a glint of amusement dancing in her eyes.

Harry narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't even understand why you're so on board with this. You hate Malfoy."

"Yes, but you fancy him. You're my best friend, Harry, I'll support you no matter what."

"It would help me a lot more if you'd simply tell me that I'm crazy and keep me away from him."

"Well," she smirked, "I also find it a tad bit amusing. You and Malfoy, shagging in the loo."

"We weren't shagging!"

"But you could."

Harry chose to ignore this stem of conversation and move on. "Where did this come from, anyway? Yesterday you said I shouldn't worry about Malfoy and today you're suggesting I... I..."

"You're an adult, Harry, you can say it."

"Fine! That I give Draco Malfoy a blow job," he threw his hands up in resignation. "Why would you suggest such a thing?"

"Well, when I talked to him earlier, he gave me the idea that - "

Harry interrupted her with a shriek. "What!?!?!?"

"It was no big deal, Harry." She shrugged him off. "But about you and Malfoy... frankly I find it rather hot."

"Hot? Excuse me?"

"Well, two attractive guys making out - every girl's fantasy."
"Oh, God." Harry could feel himself turning a shade of puce.

"Oh, grow up, Harry!" Hermione rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. "You blokes get to fantasize about two women getting together, why shouldn't we women have a little fun?"

"You think that Malfoy and me would be fun? Hermione, that's gross!"

"Not if you do it right."

"Right? I didn't know you could do it wrong!" Harry found that he had to lean against the wall for support; his palms were clammy with sweat.

Well, you could use teeth - that would be wrong."

"TEETH?!?!?!"

"Oh, Harry, do you know nothing about blow jobs?"

"I haven't exactly *had* to before, Hermione!"

"You mean Cho didn't..."

"No!"

"Wow. We have a lot of catching up to do, then."

"Catching up? What are we catching up on?"

"You need to know how to give Draco Malfoy a blow job. Which is a problem, because it seems you also need to know how to get one."

"Hermione..."

"Don't worry, I don't intend to... demonstrate or anything. Ron would get terribly jealous. He's quite enthusiastic about them, you know."

"No, I wouldn't know, we haven't discussed it."

"Are you sure you're a normal boy?" She peered at him skeptically.

"Yes, I'm normal! I just don't discuss how one of my best friends gets blow jobs from another. That would just be... pervy."

"Well, we're about to break the fourth wall anyway, so let's go for it."
"The fourth wall?"

"Don't ask. Anyway - for starters: no teeth. Ever. Well, that's not true. It can be an erotic addition to the act, but if you're not gentle it can be very unpleasant."

"Uh..." Harry simply nodded.

Hermione tilted her head, assessing him. "Harry, why don't you sit down. It might make this easier."

He sat beside her on the bed.

"Where to go from here? There's so much information you should know..." Hermione racked her brains. "Okay: for starters you'll want to wrap your hand around the base of the shaft. Then you use your tongue and mouth in various ways, all to simulate sexual intercourse. The key is alternating between applying pressure with your hand and your mouth... Harry! Sit back down!" Hermione pointed emphatically at the mattress and Harry took his seat once more.

"Hermione," Harry lamented, "I do have a... a... one of those; I know what feels nice."

"Quite." She smirked and continued her diatribe. "Honestly, Harry, the rest depends on the individual. Some men like it when you play with their testicles, while others get a kick off deep-throating. But never do anything you're not comfortable with. Mind you, Ron and I have done about everything and - "

"Hermione, stop!"

"Right," she nodded, "maybe you should be practising. You can only take in so much... information."

"Practice? Practice on what?" He looked around frantically.

"On this!" Hermione smiled and gave her wand a quick flick, muttering a spell under her breath. An ice lolly appeared with a pop and she handed it to him. "I wasn't sure of Malfoy's exact, um, measurements, but an ice lolly's a good starter. We can graduate to cucumbers when you're ready."

"Cucumbers? Even Malfoy's not that big, Hermione!"

"Really?" she looked vaguely disappointed. "I had heard rumors, but it's no matter."

"What kind of rumors?"

"Oh, you know - that he's got a bit of a tripod."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You're such a gossip, Hermione. Anyway, he's big, just not *that* big."

Hermione smirked, "So he's *big*, is he? Could you give me an idea in inches?"
"Hermione!"

"What? Just cause I'm a book worm by day doesn't mean I don't enjoy the finer things by night. A girl can be curious, can't she?"

"Not about the boy I'm supposed to shag!"

"We're talking about blow jobs, Harry, not shagging. Though I'm delighted that you've got that in mind."

"You don't get to watch, Hermione."

She pouted. "You're no fun. Anyhow, the ice lolly's going to melt if you don't get started."

Harry let out a great sigh and tentatively pressed his lips to the tip of the ice lolly. It was orange, his favourite flavour. The surface of the ice lolly was frosted with ice and Harry's lips stuck to it. He wet his tongue and ran it from the base of the ice lolly to the tip, once on each side.

Harry looked up. at Hermione was gaping at him with wide eyes.

"What?" he questioned innocently.

"That was... hot, Harry."

"Hot? I really don't think you're allowed to think that I'm hot."

"I don't, Harry. I think that you doing that to an ice lolly is hot. There's a difference."

"Hmmpf," he muttered in protest, though he turned back to his lolly without another word.

Harry slowly but surely worked his mouth over the lolly, slowly sucking just the tip at first and then working his way further down towards the base. It wasn't at all as difficult as Harry had thought it would be, as this was how he normally consumed his ice lollies. Well, when the Dursleys ever actually gave him any.

Hmmm... deep throating. Harry wondered how much of the ice lolly he could take into his mouth without choking. It was quite cold, which stood to impede his progress, but Harry reckoned he could give it a shot. He inched his mouth closer to the bottom of the lolly, releasing the back of his throat to take more in. This wasn't so bad...

"Harry!" Hermione leaned over and began thumping on Harry's back, trying to stop him from choking. "That would be your gag reflex." She smiled at him. "But you're really not all that bad. It's pretty impressive for your first try."
"This is so mortifying," Harry choked, slumping over and hiding his face in his hands.

"It could be worse," Hermione cajoled, "Malfoy could have told everyone that you wanked him off."

"Hermione!" Harry's head shot up and he narrowed his eyes at her. "You're not helping!"

"Sorry," she shrugged and hopped off the bed. "Well, I have to study, and it would do you well to as well."

"I know, Herm, we have an exam in Transfiguration next week."

"I wasn't referring to that, Harry. I think you should practise on more ice lollies," she threw him an impish grin and scampered out the door.

End Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine: They Fancy Malfoy, Don't They?

A few minutes after Hermione left, Ron appeared at the door, looking at Harry questioningly.

"Harry," he started, "can we talk?"

"Oh, Ron - of course."

Ron smiled shyly and sat next to Harry on the bed. "Harry, mate, I feel like I never see you anymore. And what's with all this secretive talking with Hermione? Harry," Ron asked seriously, "does she want to break up with me?"

"Oh, no Ron! That's not it at all. Don't worry about Hermione - she loves you. We've been talking about a problem I have."

"One you couldn't talk to me about?" Ron looked disappointed and slightly betrayed.

"It's just... not the kind of thing I thought I could talk to you about."

"What could there possibly be that you couldn't talk to me about?" Ron practically whimpered.

"It's just -" Harry paused and thought about how to put it, " it was about sex, and I really needed to talk to a girl."

"What about sex could you not ask me?"

Harry swallowed hard. "It was about boys."

"Of course it was about boys, Harry!" Ron laughed at him. "We are boys. And I could have told you about being with Hermione just as easily as she could have told you about being with me."

"You don't understand, Ron. I didn't want to talk about being a boy, I wanted to talk about being with a boy."

"What? Oh... OH." Realization hit Ron and he took a moment to think about the impact of Harry's words. "Well, you still could have spoken to me." He shrugged. "You know perfectly well that I'm no angel - or prude."

Suddenly it dawned on Harry. How could he have been so stupid, forgetting?

"Ron?" Harry asked, peering nervously over the rim of his glasses. Ron nodded for him to go on. "You know your... fetish?"

"Uh, yeah," Ron answered awkwardly, wishing he hadn't let his dildo fascination slip to Harry.
"Have you...?" Harry trailed off, only half sure what he was asking.

Ron looked down at his hands and grinned sheepishly, "I, uh... yeah."

"Really? Wow. Um, what was it like?"

"It's different, you know, but kind of erotic."

"Erotic? What did Hermione think?" Harry tried prompting Ron with a Hermione reference, to see if they were talking about the same thing.

"Hermione? Well, we haven't actually gone that far. I used them. Personally."

"Oh," Harry paused. "Have you ever thought that you might be... gay?"

"Yeah, once or twice."

"Do you think you are?"

"Maybe sometimes. I love Hermione, but I could do that too. Sometimes, that is."

"Oh."

"Harry," Ron looked worried for a moment, "You don't want to...?"

"With you? No!"

"Well, thanks!" Ron pouted and looked put off.

"I didn't mean it like that, Ron," Harry threw him a sympathetic look. "It's just... that I like someone else."

"Really? Who?"

"I don't think I want to tell you." Harry looked away from Ron.

"Come on, Harry - I'm your best friend!" Ron pleaded with him.

"Yes, but I don't think you'll be at all happy about it."

"How bad could it be? As long as it's not Neville or Malfoy."

Harry averted his eyes.

"You like Neville! Harry, he's not even gay! Of all the Gryffindor boys, you have to pick the one who isn't - "
"Ron." Harry cut him off. "Calm down. I don't like Neville like that."

"Thank God! But who..." Ron trailed off. After a moment's thought, he narrowed his eyes and glared at him. "*Harry*."

Harry shifted nervously and peered at his bed curtains. After a moment, he stole a glance at Ron, who was staring at him fixedly with his eyes narrowed.

"Fine!" Harry screeched "Malfoy, I like Malfoy!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms up in defeat.

"Malfoy?" Ron questioned, though he had been half expecting the answer. "You've got to be kidding me! Harry, he's an evil sodding git!"

"I know! It's just - I can't help it!"

Ron didn't even break stride. "I mean, sure, he's sexy, but also EVIL!"

Harry gaped at his best friend. "You think he's sexy?"

"I'm not blind, Harry. Even Hermione thinks so."

Silence fell between them.

Harry figured he'd found a good explanation for his fancying Malfoy - everyone seemed to.

"Harry?" Ron practically whispered. "Have you... done anything with him?"

"No!" Harry exclaimed instinctively. "Well, yes." Harry peered at his feet. "I've kissed him."

"Kissed him?"

"And gave him a hand job."

"You gave Draco Malfoy a hand job? Are you mad?"

"No, I - well, maybe. I was just so confused. I thought I might be gay. Then I thought I might fancy Malfoy. Or the other way around, I don't know. And Hermione suggested that I kiss him, so I did and it was wonderful and horrible all at the same time, but he looked so freaked out and I panicked and did a memory charm, but then he remembered and attacked me in the bathroom and before I knew it I was naked and he had his hands on me, but then we fought and I was so angry, so I took his pants off and just... went at it. As revenge."

"You gave Malfoy a hand job as revenge?"
"Well, it's not like he... you know! He ran out before I could - finish him off."

"Oh yeah - then it doesn't count!" Ron bantered sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "Harry, what were you thinking? That's a rather dramatic way to figure out if you're gay."

"I didn't know what else to do and Hermione -"

"- Thought she would play matchmaker and set you up with Malfoy? Alright - she's mad. Everyone around me is mad!"

Harry threw Ron a scathing look.

"Alright," he conceded, "I'm done. But why Malfoy, Harry? You could have come to Seamus or Dean, or me, even."

"You? You would have helped me?"

"Hell yes, Harry! Anything would have been better than your wanking Draco Malfoy."

"Ron!"

"Sorry, mate, but that is just wrong. And I thought you said that the point was to kiss him and find out if you're gay. I could have helped you out with that."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I guess," Ron shrugged. "I've only ever snogged Hermione, might as well try it with a boy. At least that might help me understand Percy a bit more."

"Percy?"

"Yeah, he's gay. Came out to the family last year."

"But he had a girlfriend!"

"He was in denial, I guess. And he didn't have a Draco Malfoy handy, so who can blame him?" Ron smirked.

"Ron!" Harry shrieked at his laughing friend. He pouted. "You're never going to let this go, are you?"

Ron grinned. "Nope."

Harry sat in thought for a moment. "Ron? Do you like, um, using the um, like..." he drifted off awkwardly.

"Uh, yeah," Ron blushed.
"How did you know? You've never been with a boy. I just. I'm curious, I guess."

"I found Percy's supply of Playwitch once. Let's just say that they're very educational."

"And Hermione doesn't know?"

"I don't really know how to tell her. It's not like I want to be with guys, it's just that I like a little something... extra. And we haven't done enough for me to bring it up."

"Wow. But she's given you blow jobs?"

"Yes, and very well."

"Unfortunately she told me that. She wants me to do the same for Malfoy."

"Blow Malfoy? Ugh. That's just wrong."

"That's what I think!"

"Well, you have done a lot with him though. And I'm sure he's more pleasant when he's speechless."

"True."

"Too much information, Harry!"

"But you said! Never mind."

"Okay."

"Yea."

"Right."

Ron shot Harry a worrying glance. "This is getting weird, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, Harry, mate - you know you can talk to me whenever you need anything. I'll try to be, uh, understanding. And if I'm not, Hermione will make me be anyway."

"Yeah. Um, thanks Ron."

Ron smiled sheepishly at him and left the room.

"I hate my life." Harry flopped down into his duvet and covered his head with a pillow.
**
Friday. Potions Class. Again.

It was becoming Harry and Malfoy's habitual meeting place. Well, it was the place where they chose to pass each other 'subtle' messages, at least. Harry knew that he had to get Malfoy somewhere private so he could give him a blowjob. Sounded simple enough, but he had no idea how to do it. Malfoy was still considerably peeved over what had happened in the Prefects' bathroom on Monday, apparently. He blatantly ignored Harry in both Transfiguration and Charms; he even refrained from sniping at him and delegating Crabbe and Goyle to threaten Harry or his friends.

Harry was quite put out, really. Negative attention was better than no attention, after all. So, here he sat in Potions again, watching the back of Malfoy's head. He really did have pretty hair. If only he didn't gel it so much. Could that really be his natural color? Maybe -

Damn it. Snape.

"Considering your abysmal performance in my class," Professor Snape droned at Harry, "as well as the high likelihood of your failing your Potions NEWT, Potter, I suggest you pay better attention to my lectures."

"Yes, Professor Snape," he mumbled.

Oooooh. Malfoy craned his neck a bit to look at the altercation. Perhaps irking Snape was the way to go. And he could get another detention, and maybe Malfoy would show up again...

"Class dismissed," Snape asserted.

Wow. Harry hadn't even realized that so much time had passed. He wouldn't be able to land detention unless he pulled off something big. Damn. Well, he'd probably have more privacy somewhere else anyway.

The class proceeded to collect their belongings and shuffle out of the classroom.

"Malfoy!" Harry called out to Draco in an insistent whisper before he could move away from his seat.

"What?" Draco snapped back, the word hanging from his lips like venom.

Snape, who was sorting through some 2nd years' scrolls on the properties and uses of Wolfsbane, glanced up at the two boys and arched an eyebrow in muted interest. This was the third time in so many weeks that the two antagonists had begun an altercation in his class. Surely their natural enmity had not stepped above its normal level?

"I - " Harry started before losing his nerve to be direct and commanding as he had planned. "I... I'm taking a bath tonight," he finished lamely.
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Well, Potter, I'm pleased to know that you engage in semi-frequent acts of bathing. Now why the fuck are you telling *me*?"

"Oh," Harry stammered as he glanced at his feet, "I just thought you might like to know. You know, um, in case you need to, um, use the Prefects' bathroom."

Draco's eyes flared. "*You're* not even supposed to use the Prefects' bathroom, Potter!"

"Oh, well, yes - but still. I'll be there. Tonight."

"You're fucking nutters, Scarhead," Draco shook his head in disdain as he picked up his bag and strode away from Harry.

**
That night, around nine o'clock, Draco strolled into the Prefects bathroom.

"Well, well, well Potter," Draco drawled, "fancy finding you here. And here I thought your cryptic little message was all in an effort to bed me, but you're actually bathing."

"It is a bathroom, Malfoy," Harry retorted, rolling his eyes.

"My bathroom, not yours, may I remind you?"

"I have every right to use this bathroom, Malfoy."

"Oh, really? Last I checked you weren't a Prefect. Nor are you Head Boy, as I am," he smirked.

"I might as well have been a Prefect, Malfoy. Extenuating circumstances are the only reason I wasn't."

"How delusional are you, Potter?"

"No, Malfoy. Dumbledore told me."

"What?" Draco raised his eyebrows amusedly. "That you were just too fragile to take on the responsibility, so he gave it to your impoverished, underdog friend?"

Harry didn't say anything.

"Wow, Potter. That's pathetic."

"Shut up, Malfoy."

"No, really - that's really, really sad." He was grinning. "You are truly pathetic. Dumbledore thinks you're too weak to handle a bit of hallway duty."

"That's not true!"

"It's what you just told me."

"Dumbledore didn't make me Prefect because I'd just seen Cedric Diggory die. Because Voldemort nearly killed me. Remember that, you prat?"

"Well, if that's the case, then you'll be relegated to shirking responsibility for life."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "Is there something you know that I don't, Malfoy? Voldemort's plans - something your father told you?"

"No, you git. It's actually rather common knowledge that Voldemort wants to kill you, and if he goes about it in the fashion that he has before, you'll be battling him for centuries."

"Very funny."

"No, I'm serious," Draco said in earnest as he nodded his head. "He's an idiot, so this could go on for quite sometime."

"Listen Malfoy, if you think that you can just bait me -"

"Dear God, Potter, you're quite the mood killer. I didn't come here to talk about Voldemort and the chip on your shoulder, I thought you wanted to shag."

"Excuse me?"

"That little message today in Potions? It's clear that you want to have your wicked little way with me," he grinned, "and who am I to deny you?"

"Déjà vu."

"Excuse me?"

"I think you've said that before and, if I recall, you couldn't follow through."

"You've got to be bloody kidding me, Potter."

"No, Malfoy, I'm not. You ran out of here like a little schoolgirl." Harry leaned close to Draco's ear until he could feel the Gryffindor's hot breath puffing against his skin. "I guess I got you a lile too hot, huh?"

"Fuck you, Potter!"
"That could be arranged."

Draco started at his gaul. "What the fuck has gotten into you? You get within a twenty mile radius of this bloody bathroom and you turn into a slut."

"You like it."

"Ugh! Get off me, you freak!" Malfoy struggled against the onslaught of Harry's lips and arms. "I mean, ugh, no! You... you..."

Harry abandoned Draco's mouth and kissed his way down his chest, unbuttoning Malfoy's shirt as he went. His agile fingers worked on the clasp of Draco's trousers.

"I, uh... uh..." he trailed off, falling into the sensation of Harry's tongue, which had found its way to tip of Draco's growing erection.

End Chapter Nine