Fred and George's Guide to Snogging

Chapter Three: The Repercussions of Snogging

Once you have acted upon the snogging advice given in the previous chapters, and mind you've signed the waiver, you will have to wait and find out the repercussions of your decision. At times these consequences will manifest themselves immediately, while others may take awhile to fully bubble to the surface. Mind you, not all consequences are bad, in fact some may work out far better than you had ever intended. Below is a list of the most common situations, reactions, and how to deal with them.

1. You have used seduction tip number one (see Chapter One: Getting Started), to snog someone who, in the long run, did not want to snog you.

This situation most commonly occurs when the snogger is a guy and the snoggee is a girl, and is generally followed by a good bit of yelling, storming about, and a good slap in the face on the part of the girl. She will invariably cease talking to the snogger for an extended period of time which, depending on the girl, can be either a good or bad thing. Watch out for girls with known tempers, however, or you may find yourself the victim of a well-executed hex, or, more commonly, a pudding to the face during dinner. Both authors can speak from personal experience on this subject, particularly as to the matter or the pudding.

If the snoggee was a male, the chance is far less that he will become pissy, as men generally don't care and will fancy a snog from anyone who can give it to them, providing their WSRS number is a two or above. There have been occasions where a good punch to the face has been recorded if the situation involves two males, but a guy will never lose his temper over snogging a girl. Generally, if the temper is lost, it is because the snoggee does not consider himself to be gay, and as such is outraged at the thought of snogging another man.

Lamentably, neither of the authors have ever been privy to the act or repercussions of an unwilling girl-on-girl snog, and as such cannot testify to the results.

2. You have snogged someone whom you fancy, and in turn fancies you.

Provided that this is an appropriate relation (someone your own age and species), you may as well take the plunge and ask him/her/it to be your boyfriend/girlfriend/itfriend. There can be no doubt that he/she/it will be expecting such a declaration, so you might as well get it over with to avoid the he said/she said/ it said drama.

3. You have snogged someone when one or both of you were in an inebriated state.

Chances are that neither of you will remember it, and you'll get away scot-free.

4. You have snogged someone who you feel relatively indiffferent towards but who, unbeknownst to you at the time, fancies you madly.

This is, perhaps, the worst of all fates connected with the art of snogging. Congratulations, you have just successfully picked up a Clinger. Clingers are, as was seen in example number one, usually female, and are characterized by obsessively following you around, waiting breathlessly for you to ask them to be your girlfriend, waiting breathlessly for their next opportunity to snog you, and calling you things like "Won-won" in front of everybody you know. Unlike the girl in example number one, ignoring a Clinger will not make the issue disappear. While the anger of girl number one will eventually subside and she will forget, the more you ignore the Clinger, the clingier she will become. If you find yourself the victim of a Clinger, you must act quickly and decisively with little regard to her feelings. This is, after all, your own personal safety we're talking about here.

You must simply tell the Clinger that it didn't mean anything, you didn't know what you were doing, etc. Be prepared for weeping. Also be prepared for large amounts of profanity and flying objects. The Clinger will either shuffle away and sniffle with her friend, shooting you evil looks every five seconds, or blow up with the force of a bomb and cause a scene. It is necessary to gague which reaction seems more likely, as you may want to avoid public places if it will be the bomb one.

This behavioral pattern will also apply to flambuoyantly gay males, but rarely to straight ones. The latter will more likely react by remaining calm on the surface, but then going up to his dormitory and smashing something. Afterwards, all will be well.

Men are, however, far less likely to be Clingers, because that's just not how we roll.

5. You have done the unthinkable and snogged a teacher.

Get professional help, drop whatever class the professor teaches, and have someone place a memory modifying charm on you as soon as possible. You also may want to consider sterilizing your mouth and never snogging again, to prevent the spread of all things nasty.

The authors understand that all situations are different and there may be some that have not been covered here. These are by no means intended to work for every possible situation, and should any questions or concerns arise, or should you try a solution from above and have it fail, please remember the waiver and do not contact us.