Imperio

Chapter Two: I Can Feel Everything

Snape stared at him.

"Will it?" Harry demanded impatiently, wanting to shake the man. And when Snape only continued to stare at him, he said, his voice frenzied now, "Can you use it to bring Pettigrew to you? Does it still work?"

"Potter, what are you blathering about?"

Harry nearly did shake Snape then. "The Imperius Curse!" he nearly shouted. "You cast it on Pettigrew!"

Snape's eyes narrowed. "I am aware-"

"But if it's still in effect, you can make him turn himself in, can't you?"

Snape's mouth snapped shut. "In theory-"

"Sod theory!" Harry erupted. "Will it still work?"

"If you would cease the theatrics, I might be able to think!"

"What's going on?"

Both Snape and Harry turned toward the soft query. Sirius was gazing at them with a worried brow, Ron and Ginny a few paces behind.

"Your godson has taken leave of his senses," Snape said tersely.

Harry gritted his teeth and reminded himself that he needed Snape's help.

"He wishes me to discover if the Imperius I cast on Pettigrew is still in effect," Snape went on, a hint of snide in his voice. Sirius brought a hand to cover the lower half of his face, his eyes turbulent as he stared at Harry.

"If it is," Harry rushed to explain, "Snape can make Pettigrew go to Ministry; turn himself in, Sirius! And then you'll be free. They'll have to exonerate you when they realize--"

"Harry," Sirius interrupted in a strained voice as he lowered his hand slowly, "I don't think-"

"But it might work!" Harry flung a hand at Snape. "Snape said it would in theory. And if there's no time limit on the spell, it would!"

But instead of being as excited and anxious as Harry was, Sirius shook his head, his features drawn. "Snape would have to go to Peter... to give him such an order. Harry... it's too dangerous."

Harry stared at him.

"What if Snape sent his Patronus along to Pettigrew?" Ron shrugged as they all turned to look at him. "That would work wouldn't it?"

"If Peter was alone," Sirius said tiredly. "But if he wasn't, whoever he was with would probably kill him." He circled his fingers over his eyelids and then gestured toward the stairs, where Remus and Tonks had just appeared. "Let's let Ron and Ginny go back to bed," he said to Harry. "And then you and I--"

"Back to bed?" Harry echoed incredulously. "We can't just go back to sleep! How can you not understand what this means?"

"Of course I understand," Sirius said gruffly. "I've understood for weeks what it would have meant--"

"For weeks?!" Ignoring Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's confused looks as they came down the stairs as well, Harry demanded, "You've realized this for weeks and didn't tell me?"

"We've had other things to worry about." Sirius sighed when Harry had no response. "And there was nothing we could have done about it until a few days ago... I can't ask Snape to do something so dangerous, Harry."

Incensed, Harry glared at his godfather. And then very deliberately he turned back to Snape. "Will you do it?"

"Harry."

Harry ignored Sirius and asked as calmly as he could manage, "Will you?"

Snape looked considerably less murderous than he had when he'd first opened the door, which rather encouraged Harry.

"I'll go with you," Remus said quietly. Harry turned quickly. Sirius was glaring at Remus now and Harry realized Remus must have known too.

"No," Sirius said forcefully. Remus smiled slightly.

"Not your decision."

"Like hell it isn't," Sirius snapped. "I am not going to let you risk your life for me."

"I'll go as well," Tonks said before Remus could reply.

"What's going on?" Mr. Weasley asked.

"Snape's going to tell Peter Pettigrew to turn himself in," Ron answered. "If Pettigrew's still under the Imperius..."

"This is ridiculous," Sirius said. "Snape isn't going to do anything--"

Harry rounded on him. "Why the hell not?!"

Sirius' jaw pulsed. "For one thing," he said tightly, and Harry could tell he was on the verge of losing his temper, "we don't even know where Peter is. And for another Snape hasn't agreed."

Harry tried to find a suitable response to that.

But Snape spoke before he could, "There are several places he might be."

Hope soaring through the lingering anger, Harry demanded, "You'll do it, then? You'll try it?"

Snape curled a derisive lip. "Would you accept any answer other than yes?"

"No."

Snape studied him with narrowed eyes and then turned his glare on Remus and Tonks. "Get dressed," he snapped. "We will need to devise a plan." He pivoted on his heel. The library door slammed behind him.

Sirius stared at the pitted wood. He turned around very slowly, his eyes raking over Harry before he said to Remus, "You aren't going."

Remus paused beside Tonks on the stairs. "Of course I am. And unless you're planning to keep me here at wand point, you aren't going to change my mind."

Sirius' lips mashed together. Remus didn't say anything further and he and Tonks continued on their way. Sirius' chest rose and fell in the silence, then without a word he stalked into the kitchen, leaving Harry alone with the Weasleys.

Harry gazed after him, that knot of unease reemerging.

"Do you think it'll work?" Ron asked.

Harry couldn't answer that. His mouth felt like it was full of sawdust.

"The Imperius Curse is intended to retain control over a victim until the caster releases the victim," Mr. Weasley said, sounding like he was reciting from a textbook. Harry's heart thudded painfully against his ribs.

"What if the caster dies?" he murmured.

"I don't know. The curse would probably be broken."

Harry swallowed, wondering if the curse would have registered Snape as being dead when he had 'disappeared' all those times that Harry had been immersed in Sirius' reality. Unless Wormtail was in Snape's reality the whole time...

That seemed too much to hope for.

"Pettigrew could be dead by now," Mrs. Weasley said softly. Harry's head came up with a jerk.

"Mum!" Ginny protested.

Mrs. Weasley was watching him with worried eyes and Harry knew she didn't want him to get his hopes up. But it was much too late for that.

"You'll feel better if once you're fully rested," she began.

"Are you mad?" Ron demanded, his blue eyes huge.

"Ron," Mr. Weasley scolded lightly.

"Well, we can't go to sleep now!"

"Of course you can sleep," Mrs. Weasley began as Harry slipped around Ginny. "Harry, where are you going?"

"Be right back..."

The Weasleys continued on with their argument but it became background noise as Harry found Sirius standing by the window, staring out into the darkness.

Harry crossed the kitchen slowly, but Sirius didn't acknowledge him. Trying not to be bothered by that, Harry said, "Snape wouldn't do it if he wasn't willing."

"I think you know how my much my freedom would mean to me," Sirius spoke quietly, his gaze fixed on the smudged plane. "And I know you didn't have time to think this through; of the risks involved-"

"I don't care."

Sirius' eyes were intent as he turned. "Do you realize how dangerous it would be for Snape to approach Peter? I can't think it's very likely that he's alone. And if he isn't, Snape would be killed instantly. Or tortured again."

Harry beat away the images of Snape's charred face even as his stomach churned. "He said they'd devise a plan," he said stubbornly. "Snape can use a Disillusionment Charm or Polyjuice."

"If he can even find Pettigrew-"

"Well he won't if he doesn't even try!"

Sirius' nostrils flared.

"He already agreed," Harry said before Sirius could voice more arguments.

"Yes, I know."

The squirming guilt was rather hard to ignore; Sirius' brittle tone even more so. "I had to ask..."

Sirius blew out a slow breath. "I know you did," he said wearily. Harry studied the lines of worry in his godfather's face and wished he hadn't been the cause of them tonight. A faint smile lifted Sirius' lips as he squeezed Harry's shoulder. Harry wanted to say something, but Snape swept into the kitchen then, in full glower.

"It would have been preferable," he said in his usual acid drawl, "if you had thought of this at a reasonable hour, Potter."

His nerves taking over, Harry could only nod.

Sirius stepped around Harry, but Snape didn't allow him to speak. "I am aware of the dangers," he said, his words clipped and precise. "And I will remind you that it is quite probable that Potter would be able to find Pettigrew in the streams eventually."

"I know," Sirius said in a low voice. Snape nodded sharply.

It took Harry a second to decipher the cryptic exchange and then his mind began inventing possibilities. Ones that Sirius would object to even more strongly than the first.

"And given enough preparation," Snape went on placidly, "he will likely discover a way to bring Wormtail here. I doubt he will be patient enough to accomplish it safely."

Sirius nodded tightly, and Harry wanted to be offended by their assumption that he would be so foolish. And he would have been, if he hadn't already begun to visualize the tangled streams in his mind. It would surely be easier to find Wormtail, than Voldemort...

"Harry."

Harry blinked at the sharp tone, the waters receding as he grounded himself back in reality. He inwardly cringed at the look on Sirius' face. "I was only-"

"I know exactly what you were doing, Harry," Sirius said, the grim features matching his tone; a slow burn crept up Harry's cheeks. "Snape... and Remus and Tonks will try to find Peter. If they fail, you can't attempt to find Peter."

Harry nodded quickly, but Sirius wasn't quite finished.

"You have no idea what would happen if you tried. No idea how the streams would react, which is why we've been practicing." He planted his hands on Harry's shoulders, dipping his head so that he and Harry were eye to eye. "I need you to promise me that you won't attempt it on your own."

"All right," Harry mumbled, though it was a very difficult promise to make. "I promise," he added more clearly when his godfather raised his eyebrows. Sirius nodded once.

"Good boy." Sirius gripped his shoulders before turning back to Snape, leaving Harry with a warm glow in his chest. Snape began pacing, as he often did when he was thinking. Sirius sat at the table and Harry chose a seat beside him.

Remus and Tonks came in, both fully dressed. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley came in behind them and Harry could hear Ginny and Ron muttering on their way back upstairs. Mrs. Weasley began making coffee as the others settled around the table.

"I placed a Tracking Charm on Pettigrew before we left the cellar," Snape said, continuing to wear a path in the floor, acknowledging no one. Sirius nodded though this was news to Harry. "It is no longer in effect."

Harry's shoulders slumped. Sirius let out a short breath of his own.

"Whether due to... circumstances," Snape continued, "or the passage of time, I cannot reliably say."

"The Imperius Curse is rumored to have been used for months at a time though," Tonks said. "Years even."

Snape inclined his head. "The Dark Lord has used it on many occasions. For years sometimes. I am, however, not his magical equal."

Harry thought he sounded a bit envious of that. Snape had stopped pacing and he shook his head as though to clear it of clutter.

"Pettigrew may still be in residence at the manor," he murmured. "He has also... on occasion, stayed at my home."

Eyebrows went up around the table.

"And there are several darker establishments which he has been known to frequent. Though it is a bit late even for Death Eaters to be carousing," he said with a pointed sneer in Harry's direction, but Harry's nerves made it difficult to mind.

The conversation began to melt around him, in a series of words that he understood but couldn't quite process. Disillusionment Charms, Tonks' Metamorphmagus talents, magical handcuffs... even his dad's cloak was discussed.

"If Pettigrew is at your house, or even at one of the pubs, we might not even need you to use the curse," Remus said at one point, which annoyed Snape, though Harry's wasn't quite sure why.

"It will be added security and we'll need it if he's at Riddle Manor," Tonks pointed out and the professor was mollified enough to continue on with the plotting while Harry tapped a nervous rhythm on the table top.

"You all right?" Sirius whispered, leaning in. Harry sketched a nod; Sirius squeezed his fidgeting hands. "You're like ice," he murmured, his eyebrows furrowing. He slid his steaming mug of coffee over, and Harry realized he was the only one at the table who hadn't been given one.

Mrs. Weasley frowned slightly as he wrapped his hands around the warmth and sipped it. He didn't particularly like the bitter taste but at least it made him feel less like he was sitting in icicles.

"Do you think..." Mr. Weasley paused to glance at Harry. "Perhaps we ought to wait a day or two; to make sure the plan is sound."

Harry pulled the mug closer as he tamped down his protest but it didn't matter. Snape and Tonks both shook their heads.

"Timing is critical in a case like this," Tonks explained. She glanced at the cracked clock near the stove. "Three hours until dawn, which will give us the element of surprise if Pettigrew is at the professor's house. Or even if he's with You-Know-Who."

"We really should speak with Kingsley," Mrs. Weasley finally spoke. Remus and Tonks shared a glance. "We did nominate him to head the Order."

"We did," Remus agreed. "But this isn't an Order matter."

Harry felt his godfather tense beside him.

"It isn't," Tonks said firmly.

Mr. Weasley patted his wife's arm and even Snape didn't object. Mrs. Weasley sighed but didn't protest again.

"There are no other objections, I presume?" Snape raised a dark eyebrow.

"None," Remus said firmly; he was looking at Sirius again. Sirius hesitated; glanced quickly at Harry and then shook his head.

"Please don't take any extra risks," he said, his gaze roaming to Snape and then back again to Remus and Tonks. The words were quiet, but with a tremor that immediately made Harry feel guilty again. "My freedom isn't worth your lives."

"Obviously."

A smile rose to Sirius' lips, but he quickly pressed it away. Snape glared at him and snapped at Remus and Tonks to move along.

"Why is he the leader?" Tonks grumbled under her breath to Remus.

"He cast the curse."

"Right."

Sirius stood along with them and Harry did as well, though his legs didn't feel particularly sturdy. Before Snape could leave the room in his haughty swirl of fabric, Harry blurted, "Thank you."

Snape didn't even acknowledge that he had spoken. He merely flicked his fingers toward the front door, gesturing Remus and Tonks to follow as he strode away. Tonks hugged Harry.

"We'll take care of him," she assured him as she pulled back, which startled Harry but Sirius simply nodded.

He turned to face Remus.

"Don't tell me I don't need to," Remus said quietly. Sirius gave a jerky nod; Remus gripped his arm. He smiled warmly at Harry and then he and Tonks joined Snape near the front door. Sirius put an arm round Harry's shoulder as all three of them disappeared under Disillusionment charms.

The front door creaked open, stayed open long enough for three bodies to slip out and then closed again with a soft click.

Harry only vaguely noticed as Sirius steered him to the sofa in the parlor. He watched his godfather walk back into the kitchen but it was too much effort to wonder why. He went back to staring at the front door.

He looked up as a teacup was pressed into his hand.

"Better than coffee," Sirius said with a smile. "Drink up."

Harry obediently sipped, smiling a little as the soothing flavor of cinnamon washed over his tongue and warmed him.

"And here," Sirius added, holding up a bundle of grey fabric. "You aren't wearing socks."

Harry glanced down at his feet; he stretched his toes out against the cold floorboards. "Thanks..."

Sirius sat beside him, gesturing to the cup once the socks were pulled on.

Harry took another sip, and then absently circled the rim with a thumb. "Do you think they'll find him?"

"They'll do everything they possibly can."

Harry glanced up. Sirius smiled again. "Would you like to play a round of chess?" he asked. Harry shook his head. "A friendly duel?" He nodded when Harry shook his head. "Probably best; you might have flattened me. I'm a bit distracted."

Harry didn't have it in him to be amused.

Sirius brushed a light hand through Harry's hair. "Even if they don't find him, everything will be all right," he said softly.

Harry closed his eyes. It wouldn't be all right. It was stupid--so incredibly stupid. Only hours ago, he'd accepted that Sirius would never be able to leave this awful place and now, after that silly dream, the idea that he'd have to choose someone else to be his guardian felt like it might suffocate him.

"It will be just as Tonks said," Sirius assured him. "Simply a formality and I'll still be here. I won't go anywhere. You can visit me at Christmas and again at Easter. And we'll work out a way to have Floo chats now that Umbridge is gone. And next summer, you'll come stay with me if you want..."

Sirius cleared his throat; his smile was a bit shakier this time. "Everything will be all right," he said again.

Desperate to make the ache in his throat subside, Harry took a large mouthful of tea.

Sirius pressed a quick kiss to the top of Harry's head. "I'll make certain it will be."

The ache was worse then, and Harry suddenly wanted to apologize for being such a prat earlier, but his vocal chords wouldn't work properly.

--

Sirius leaned over to adjust the quilt so that it covered Harry's feet and then settled back on the low footstool, his elbows crossed on his knees. He hadn't expected Harry to fall asleep, but somewhere in the middle of a yawning sentence, his godson had begun to drift. And now, as Sirius watched him, he had to force himself to let the poor kid be.

It had been easier to pretend that everything would be all right when he'd been trying to convince Harry of it; not that Harry had believed him but the effort had eased Sirius' own worries. Worries that had been with him anyway since Arthur had announced that random wizarding families wanted to adopt Harry.

And as soon as Harry had asked Snape to find Pettigrew, all of Sirius' sensible reasons why Snape shouldn't had tried to desert him. Though in the end, Harry's desperation had won out over common sense. Sirius could have denied himself his freedom, but refusing Harry wasn't even an option.

There were just too many ways that all of this could go wrong...

His nerves finally propelling him out of his slouch, Sirius pushed himself to his feet abruptly. He swiped Harry's empty teacup and the saucer from the side table. He paused over the threshold into the kitchen. Molly and Arthur were sitting at the table, their heads bent together. He had expected them to return to their beds. They stopped talking abruptly.

"Is Harry asleep?" Molly asked, an odd note of casualness in her voice.

Sirius set the teacup quietly in the sink and nodded.

Molly smiled. "I wasn't certain the Calming Draught in your cupboard would be strong enough, but I couldn't find a Sleeping Draught."

Sirius frowned. "You put a Calming Draught in his tea?" Molly hadn't even made the tea.

"When you went upstairs to get socks," Molly said, looking extremely pleased with herself. "I'm glad it worked."

Sirius stared at her. He told himself his anger was irrational. Except that where in the bloody hell did Molly get the idea that she had the right to lace Harry's drinks with calming draughts?

"He didn't need a Calming Draught."

"Of course he did," Molly told him. "He was obviously very upset.

"Yes he was," Sirius said, trying to temper his sharp tone and failing. "He was upset, not hysterical."

Molly raised her ginger eyebrows. "I was only trying to help, Sirius."

"Yes well, thank you Molly," Sirius said stiffly. "But Harry and I are doing just fine on our own."

"I expect you think so," Molly said with a little nod. Sirius halted on his way back to the parlor.

"Molly..."

"No, Arthur," Molly said, brushing off her husband's hand. "He should know."

Sirius narrowed his eyes, not liking Molly's tone at all. "Know what?"

Molly lifted her chin. "We do hope of course, that Peter Pettigrew will be apprehended for your sake, Sirius... But even if he is, we'd like to offer Harry a home with us."

Sirius was fairly certain someone had punched him in the stomach. There was no other reason why he couldn't seem to breathe. "What?"

"We've wanted to for years," Molly explained, her eyes softening. "But the headmaster wouldn't allow it. He said that Harry needed the wards on Privet Drive. And no matter how many times I told him that Harry needed a proper home even more, he wouldn't be swayed." She rushed on, her words blurring together, "But now that he can't go back to Little Whinging, he'll be more than welcome at the Burrow."

"But..." The anger had completely drained and Sirius felt a bit clumsy as he shook his head. "Harry wants to stay with me."

"Of course he does," Molly said, sharper now. "I won't argue that he wouldn't have fun with you, Sirius, but he needs more than that. He needs someone to take care of him-"

"I have been taking care of him," Sirius interrupted, anger surging right back to the fore.

"By allowing him to stay up all hours of the night?" she demanded.

"I haven't-"

"It's the middle of the night and you gave him coffee!"

"He was cold!" He cut off Molly's next words. "And despite your belief that I am nothing but an irresponsible oaf, Harry has been going to bed at a reasonable hour since everything was put back in order. And I haven't once given him coffee otherwise. Firewhisky either, if that's your next ridiculous accusation."

Molly's eyes were snapping. "Well, what would you expect me to believe?" she demanded. "Harry clearly doesn't respect you!"

Once more Sirius felt like the air had been knocked out of him.

"Now Molly," Arthur interjected quietly. "That's hardly fair. Our own children have shouted at us, after all. Numerous times."

"But such blatant defiance?" Molly countered. Arthur tried to answer, but Molly ploughed right over him. "You are very dear to Harry, Sirius, but obviously he thinks of you as an older friend... a brother even. And even free, you haven't anything to offer him besides a roof over his head. Harry is already very comfortable with our family and you know that we consider him one of our own..."

Molly continued on but Sirius was no longer listening. He turned away and as if his feet had been clad in lead, he walked slowly back into the parlor. He sat heavily on the footstool, his gaze fixed on his sleeping godson.

Of course he'd been irritated when Harry had dismissed him earlier. Actually, he'd been quite hurt by Harry's snub, though he probably shouldn't have been. He knew that Molly was likely right though that Harry thought of him as a friend more than anything else. Sirius' own paternal feelings notwithstanding, he could accept that.

Sirius leaned over and gave the quilt a gentle tug; Harry had turned over and his socked toes were sticking out once more. Smiling despite himself, Sirius rested a hand on his godson's ribs as Harry curled up, letting himself be soothed by the even in and out of Harry's breathing.

He was absolutely certain that Harry wouldn't choose the Weasleys over him. And even if Harry didn't respect him, it didn't change anything. Sirius wasn't quite as stupid as Molly wanted to believe. He realized sixteen year olds needed boundaries. But he was also realistic enough to understand that Harry was a kid who'd done without his entire life.

Harry might not want--or accept--a traditional sort of parent. And Sirius might not ever have the chance to give him that anyway, though hope continued to creep in without his permission.

But whatever happened, whatever Harry needed him to be, he would be.