Lily's Charm: The Gift

1971

He watched, a lofty second year, as Regulus marched into the Great Hall with the other first years. He waited with barely-held anticipation as the tattered old hat was placed on his little brother's head. "Gryffindor," he chanted silently, believing with all his heart that Regulus would join him. And then he could prove to Reg, once and for all, that their parents were wrong in their attitudes toward anyone who wasn't a pureblood.

He held his breath as Regulus fidgeted on the tall stool.

"Slytherin!" the hat shouted with gusto.

And Sirius found himself staring, unable to breathe, at his brother. Regulus smiled widely. Then his eyes caught Sirius'. They stared at one another; Reg's smile had faltered just a tiny bit. But then the smile brightened as the Slytherins cheered from their table. Regulus handed the hat back to the Deputy Headmistress and sauntered over to his table, accepting congratulations from his new family.

And then Sirius watched, his empty stomach churning with anger as he watched his brother choose a seat next to Snape. The scrawny boy nodded at Regulus' smile. Sirius' fists clenched the napkin in his fist as Snape stuck out a bony hand to the new kid. Regulus accepted the gesture, and with that simple handshake, Regulus became a member of the Slytherin gang which Snape belonged to.

The gang the Marauders loathed. The gang that went against everything Sirius had learned to love.

--

1975

"Come on Snape. She's a mudblood," Caulfield scoffed as Severus hung back, after having just told his friends that he wouldn't be joining their 'study session'. Severus felt the heat rising in his pale cheeks at Caulfield's use of the word that had almost lost him Lily's friendship forever. But he couldn't correct the older boy. Not when Tobias had ears all over Hogwarts. He had already sent him a howler in his dorm room when he'd found out that his son had not stopped fraternizing with Lily.

"She's in my study group," Severus explained with a pathetic wave of his hand, wishing he had the courage to stand up to his father. But at least he hadn't had to lie--Lily wouldn't have liked that. Dumbledore had arranged it so that the combined class of Slytherins and Gryffindors in fifth-year Herbology was now formed into study groups. They were supposed to meet twice a week.

"Herbology?" Regulus spoke up from beside him. "You're aces at Herbology. You don't need to go to a study group full of half-blood idiots," he told Severus. Severus grimaced, and hoped the others would take it as a sign that he disliked the situation as much as they expected him to.

"Bader said she'd take points if we missed the sessions," he told them. The other boys groaned.

"She'll probably take even more from you," Caulfield growled, reminding the others of Bader's often blatantly inequitable treatment of the Slytherins. In fact, with the exception of their own Head of House, most of the teachers often did the same. Even Lily had admitted it, always frowning over the topic.

"It's beastly," she'd said on more than one occasion, and each time Severus had almost smiled at her furrowed scarlet brows. She always looked exceptionally pretty when she frowned.

"Well, at least try to persuade them to change the night," Regulus suggested, with his own scowl. "The other Slytherins in the group will agree with you."

Severus shifted uncomfortably. His father would have punished his knuckles for such a display of emotion. "I'm the only one," he told them, pulling down the corners of his mouth to match Regulus'.

"That bitch," Yaxley spat, causing the other boys to laugh at the invective. Severus nodded along with them, well aware that the movement of his head was probably too stiff to be completely believable. He didn't know how much longer he could keep up with this.

"We'll fill you in after curfew," Caulfield promised when the others has stopped giggling at the offensive word. "Don't let those Mudbloods get to you, Severus," he encouraged with a heavy pat to Severus' shoulder. The hand seemed a little too heavy to actually mean to convey only comfort.

Severus nodded in what he hoped was a grateful manner. The seventh-year Prefect, already marked as the Dark Lord's own, smiled at him and led the others down toward the dungeons. Severus had a very difficult time stifling a relieved sigh as soon as they turned away.

He'd made it all the way to the library, when the familiar jeering voice stopped him.

"Don't you have your pureblooded hate club tonight?"

Severus barely paused as he rounded the corner that would lead him straight to the library door. Three bodies blocked his way. He stared at the Gryffindor-colored tie in front of him, refusing to give Black the satisfaction of forcing him to look up. Damn his late growth-spurt anyway, he fumed silently.

"You know, Snivellus...the one you force all the firsties to join as soon as the opening feast ends," Black continued in his cruel voice. "After all," he drawled, "you want to be certain they are all brainwashed to believe the idiocy all of Slytherin stands for, don't you?"

Severus took a step away from the cluster of Gryffindors, hating himself for being so weak. His father probably would have been proud of him if he beat up the boy considered to be a blood-traitor by all of pureblood society, he realized with an ironic twist of his lip. But even if he could have won, he wouldn't really consider starting such a fight. Not after what had happened with Lily. He wasn't going to disappoint her again.

"I need to go into the library," he said quietly, sounding exactly like the coward Tobias always told him he was. He took a step, intending to go around the trio, but a hard hand stopped him. Despite his own promise not to do so, Severus looked up.

"But you'll miss your Dark Wizard-worship club, Snivellus." Black smiled at him mockingly. "Don't you think Regulus will miss you?" he asked, and something even darker than hatred glinted in Black's eyes. "He is your best mate, isn't he?"

"It is difficult to believe he is your brother, isn't it?" Severus retorted, before he could stop himself.

"Anyone who hates my friends because of their blood status, doesn't deserve to be my brother," Black spat back at him. Severus raised a curious eyebrow at the display.

"Funny," he sneered, "he doesn't think you deserve to be his brother, either."

Severus watched in satisfaction as Black's face burned scarlet. Black's fingers curled around the loose black fabric at Severus' chest. He pulled Severus toward him furiously.

"Sirius!"

Black's head whipped around at the indignant shout. So did Potter's. Pettigrew simply ducked his head in shame.

"Let him go," Lily ordered, her emerald eyes flashing at each Marauder in turn. Her slender fingers flexed against her hips as she glared. Black's fingers slackened. Severus hurriedly stepped away from the volatile Gryffindor, his face flushing in shame as Lily came to his rescue for the second time in less than a week. But he forced himself to remain silent this time. His father's lessons would finally come to some use; Tobias had taught him the art of silence many times.

"Lily, we were just-" Potter started to say, even as he ran a casual hand through his unruly black hair.

"Save it, Potter," she ordered with a scowl. "We have study group," she informed them icily. Only then did Severus notice Lupin, standing slightly behind Lily, looking guiltily between his friends and Severus. He said nothing to either party as Lily gestured to Severus. Severus didn't look at his tormentors, not wanting to see any of the sneers that indicated he was weak for allowing a girl to fight his battles. He simply moved toward Lily. With a haughty lift of her chin, she took Severus' long-fingered hand in her own and marched toward the library.

He figured Lupin was following behind, but he couldn't really pay attention. Lily was holding his hand. A slow tingle began to burn through his chest.

--

1977

"You're making a huge mistake, Reg," Sirius pleaded, grabbing his younger brother's arm as Regulus tried to ascend the moving staircase.

"I'm making our parents proud, brother," Regulus returned, the words more vicious than any others he could have delivered. And Sirius hated the way he used the word 'brother', simply to make a point. When Sirius had nothing to counter his statement with, Regulus wrenched his arm away. "At least they have one loyal son," Regulus said coldly. He lifted his chin a little, gazing down at Sirius with haughty eyes. Sirius thought he could see uncertainty in the familiar eyes, but then Regulus narrowed them slightly, and there was nothing but contempt within their depths. Regulus made a sniffing noise and turning to join the other Slytherins further up the stairs. They turned away in disdain as soon as Regulus joined them.

Sirius stared after his little brother, hating his mother more than he ever had. More than he had after she had spent their last ten screeching minutes together last summer telling him exactly how much of a disappoint he was to her. More even than he had when she had brought her youngest son to her bosom and told him how much she loved him--words she had never wasted on Sirius.

"You all right, Padfoot?"

Sirius dragged his gaze from his brother's back. He attempted a half smile at his friend, adding a little shrug for good measure.

"You know Dumbledore warned me about this," he reminded James, indicating with his tone that he didn't care that his brother was about to commit his loyalty to Voldemort. James smiled sadly at him.

"That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt," he assured Sirius quietly. Sirius swallowed the ache in his throat as he thought of his little brother. And all the times they'd spent playing together in their old house. It had been easier then, when there had been nothing but cranky house-elves to interfere with them.

Sirius sighed, the sound coming from deep within his chest as he turned away from the stairs. Familiar, tinkling laughter made him scowl. The scowl deepened as he caught sight of the source of that lovely sound, and her friend. James had stiffened beside him, though his anger was for an entirely different reason than Sirius'.

Damn you, Sirius wanted to shout at the tall Slytherin walking so close to Lily that he could see no air between them.

He didn't believe for an instant that Snivellus had changed, no matter what Lily insisted. This was his fault. It was Snape's fault that Regulus would be marching with a madman's army. Regulus had come to Hogwarts, without the stain of hatred marring his heart. But Severus had taken him under his wing and taught him how to despise his own brother.

And Sirius vowed as he watched the slippery serpent enticing another innocent, that he would find a way to make Regulus understand who Snape was--who their Master was. But Sirius was denied that chance. He never saw his little brother again.

--

1996

Harry knew his anger was unfair, irrational even. But he couldn't help it as he watched his godfather, staring at Severus with loathing. And his mind travelled back unwillingly to the cruelty he'd witnessed in the Pensieve. They'd had no reason for what they'd done--no reason except the ambiguous, "We were idiots."

Harry swallowed and turned his eyes back to his father. "I'm sorry about how he treated you," he offered quietly on his godfather's behalf. It was the least he could do, since it was unlikely that Sirius would ever offer such words. Severus' eyes softened with concern as he studied his son.

"It was many years ago, Harry. And it is not your responsibility to apologize for the actions of others." Even though Harry knew that it was meant as an admonishment, he could feel his father's affection.

"I know, but you didn't deserve that," Harry said anyway, ignoring his father's direction not to apologize for Sirius. Severus was silent for a moment.

"Black has his own reasons for what passed between us," he finally said, confusing Harry immensely.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Yeah, Snape, why don't you tell him?"

Harry turned around. Sirius, his arms crossed over his chest, was slouching next to Remus, looking deceptively relaxed, but Harry could read the tension all over his face. Remus was frowning at Sirius. Harry looked between his father and Sirius, feeling a heavy weight settling in his ribcage.

"I do not believe this discussion is an appropriate one for-"

Sirius snorted. "What's the matter, Snape? Don't want Harry to know about your youthful indiscretions?"

"Sirius," Remus began, his voice a low warning, but Sirius paid no attention as he glared at Severus, his eyebrows raised in challenge.

Before his father had a chance to say a word, Harry was already shaking his head. "Sirius, you don't understand-"

"He was a Death Eater, Harry!" Sirius exploded, almost vibrating with agitation.

"He wasn't!" Harry shot back, his eyes flashing in irritation. "You haven't any idea what you're talking about, Sirius!"

"Yes, I have, Harry," Sirius growled, though he was looking at Severus. "Snape was part of a group of Slytherins that were dedicated to joining Voldemort the moment they turned sixteen, and all of them did. Didn't they?" he demanded of Severus. "You made certain of that, didn't you?"

" He didn't do anything!"

"Didn't do anything?" Sirius repeated, actually shouting now. That had Severus turning around. His eyes were narrowed. "My brother's dead because of him!"

"Do not shout at my son," Severus ordered, in his slow, dangerous voice, giving Harry no chance to ask Sirius what he meant.

"Your son," Sirius mocked, though Harry noticed he was no longer shouting. "I haven't seen any proof," he said in a hard voice, looking pointedly at Severus.

A throat cleared behind them. And Harry found Dumbledore standing behind Sirius. Poppy was still there as well, glaring at all of them. Dumbledore waved his hand; a scroll appeared in his palm. He handed it to Sirius with a gentle smile.

With jerky movements, Sirius untied the yellow and green striped ribbon. The scroll unwound itself, hovering in front of them. It was the record of Harry's birth, announcing clearly that Harry had been born to Lily Evans and Severus Snape. And he had been born Harry James Snape. The name winked out at Sirius, taunting him. But all the names had been scribed there with intrinsic magic, and Harry knew Sirius would know that.

He couldn't deny the truth.

Sirius stared at the parchment for a long time, no one in the room making a single sound. Then, without a word either, Sirius plucked the parchment from the air and rolled it into a neat spiral. He held it out to Harry.

"I assume you want this," he said quietly. Harry took it, even though he already had the first copy Dumbledore had given to him. He and Sirius gazed at one another; Sirius opened his mouth several times, but it seemed he couldn't quite manage to say whatever was on his mind. But finally, he began speaking hesitantly, looking ill, "I'm sorry, Harry...but I don't think I can... If only you could understand the things he's responsible for."

"He was never a Death Eater," Harry repeated through terse lips, wondering if his godfather had always been so thick and knowing as well that the thought was unfair.

Sirius dragged his fingers roughly through his wavy black hair. "Harry-"

Remus touched his arm. "It's not Severus' fault, Padfoot."

Sirius whirled on him. "Not his fault?" he echoed roughly. "Who do you think taught Regulus all about blood purity, Remus?" he demanded in a crushing voice. "Who was it that encouraged him to join their Junior Death Eaters Association?" he asked in a raspy voice.

Harry had never heard so much pain in Sirius' voice.

Remus drew a slow breath through his nostrils. "Your parents, Sirius."

Sirius' breathing was ragged and heavy. The statement seemed to destroy him. Remus was watching him warily, and Harry was so confused, he couldn't help his curiosity even as he felt both irritation and pity for his godfather.

"Your brother was friends with my dad?" he asked. Sirius flinched, obviously not even trying to hide his discomfort anymore. "That's who he is Sirius," Harry reminded him, wishing he could explain to Sirius about Tobias and his wish for his son to become part of Voldemort's inner circle. If anyone should be able to understand...

Sirius looked away from him. "I can't, Harry..." he said, his voice like sandpaper. Harry stared at him, the hurt swelling over him like a tidal wave.

You can't? he wanted to shout. Not even for me?

He stilled the quiver in his lips.

"So then, you never did care for me because I was me?" he asked, the words so wretched he could barely stand to say them. "It was always because you thought I was James' son that you pretended to care about me." Harry concluded, his shoulders sagging as the realization finally sunk in. He should have known it before.

Sirius' face had paled. He shook his head. "No, of course not, Harry," he denied vehemently. But Harry didn't want to listen to him.

"Even Mrs. Weasley said so."

"Harry, he just needs some time to see-"

"Don't speak for me, Remus," Sirius ordered, his eyes still locked with Harry's. He shook his head a little bit. "I love you, Harry...whether you believe it or not. You remind me of James; I won't deny that. But I didn't spend the past fifteen years caring about you just because of James."

He swallowed, shaking his head forlornly. "I just found out that my best friend never trusted me enough to tell me you weren't his son...and that hasn't made me stop caring for you." Harry ignored the prickle in his eyes as his godfather continued, "This has nothing to do with James. I just can't believe that Snape has changed so much. You have no idea what he's capable of, Harry."

Harry tried not to glare; he had started to believe that perhaps Sirius would be able to accept this. "You can't believe it because you don't want to, Sirius," he challenged, wishing his voice wouldn't wobble.

Sirius took a step toward Harry, which was matched by a sideways step by Severus, so that Severus' side was almost touching Harry's knee.

"I'm not going to hurt him," Sirius snapped. Severus raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. "I would never hurt him. He's my godson."

Severus simply gazed at him. Sirius' gray eyes narrowed instantly.

"He is," he stated, looking furious, but then his voice sort of warbled at the end and he was looking back and forth in horror between Harry and Severus. "...James had no right to name me Godfather..." He seemed to be talking to himself, and Harry thought he could see the echo of the madman he had first seen in the 'Wanted' posters before his third year.

"You're still Harry's godfather," Remus assured him. He looked to Severus, his eyebrows raised. "Isn't that so, Severus?" he asked, giving Severus an encouraging nod. Harry could see the war behind his father's eyes, the first sign outward sign he'd seen that his father was struggling with Sirius' return.

He was frankly stunned when Severus pronounced, "Lily and I made the decision that you were to be named Godfather."

The words were stilted, to be sure, but Severus had offered them nonetheless. Harry wished right then that he could hug his father. He settled for smiling at him. The war ended in the black depths; his father gave him a little nod and the warmth gathering in his eyes made Harry feel more at ease.

"I don't believe that," Sirius said flatly. "You hated me, the entire time you lived with James..." He shook his head as though trying to clear the muddle. "...he lived with..." He gritted his teeth and glared at nothing in particular, seeming to decide he couldn't figure out what he was trying to convey.

"I admit that it was James' suggestion," Severus acquiesced the point. Sirius' head snapped around to goggle at Severus.

"James?!" he repeated as he brought his fists to his sides. And Harry knew exactly what Sirius was thinking. Even he'd had trouble accepting that his father had once been friends with James Potter.

"Sirius, James made a great sacrifice for Severus' wife and child," Remus tried to explain, but Sirius was shaking his head wildly.

"James hated you," he said unsteadily to Severus. Harry could feel his father's extreme discomfort at the turn in the conversation, so he stepped in quickly.

"They eventually made it up, Sirius. Dad forgave him because of everything he did for us-"

"Snape was training to become a Death Eater, Harry! All of us knew it. Don't you even understand how many of those Slytherins in Snape's little club died?"

"That isn't his fault. You don't even know what you're talking about, Sirius!" he added, wanting ever more to divulge all of his father's secrets. He needed Sirius to understand.

"Harry," Severus interjected in a low voice, placing a calming hand on Harry's knee, "there is nothing to be gained from these recriminations..."

"This-this is mad," Sirius stuttered, as he stared with wild-eyed confusion at Severus' calm hand on his godson's knee. And the way Harry was nodding, soothed by Severus' words. "James hated you. You killed my brother," he whispered and Harry would have been frightened of the sudden gleam in Sirius' eye if his father and Remus hadn't been so close...and Dumbledore, who had inched closer to Sirius at the strangled words.

"You're my godson," Sirius told Harry plaintively. "I fell through the Veil and everything's changed," he continued to whisper, sounding utterly destroyed. "My best friends think I'm a monster. And Snivellus is my godson's father. And you, Harry...you're not even Harry Potter."

He shook his head fervently, suddenly looking quite deranged. "This can't be real," he denied. "I'm still in the Veil and finally they've decided to send me to hell." A calm, almost serene understanding washed over his handsome features. "Yes," he told himself firmly. "Finally. They've let me leave that nothingness." He smiled at Harry, looking satisfied with his conclusion. Harry darted a worried glance at his father, who gave Dumbledore a pointed look.

The guilt swooped over Harry again. How could he have been so angry, when Sirius was hurting so much? "It's all right Harry," Sirius said lazily as he noted Harry's downturned lips, "you're not even here. And that greasy git won't get anywhere near you."

Sirius' eyes rolled back into his head and he began to sway. Harry and Remus gasped, but Dumbledore caught Sirius easily. Remus scrambled forward and the two hoisted Sirius easily onto one of the empty beds.

"What happened?" Harry asked, peering around his father's black robes

"Only a simple Sleeping Spell, my boy," Dumbledore answered in his customary unconcerned tones. "I believe your godfather is going to need a little more time to adjust to being part of this world again, before he will be able to fully digest all that's happened in the past few months," he said sensibly. "I am not certain he's entirely together after his ordeal," he added. Harry slumped back against the headboard.

"What if he can't get used to it?" Harry asked quietly, the feeling of anger at both himself and Sirius surging forward again. And why was he even so worried about it, when Sirius was clearly not well?

Severus had turned to face him again. "His system is in shock, Harry," he explained. "Black has been alone for sixth months and he returned to find that the world he knew, no longer exists."

Harry gazed at his father, struggling to find it so easy to understand. "But you've accepted that he's back."

His father looked like he wanted to sigh. "My feelings toward Black have not changed, I assure you. However, I will not allow his return and your affection for him to come between us," he said calmly as if it was the simplest thing in the world not to toss careless abuses at his bitter enemy. Had Harry not almost lived and died twice with his father, he would have been none the wiser. The emotions that his father was not bothering to shadow from his flame helped him to understand as well, he supposed.

Harry knew this was not at all easy for his father, but it didn't matter. His father was willing to do what he had to do. And he knew as well, that it would make little difference if Sirius wouldn't agree to at least try not to shout at Severus.

"But he wouldn't hesitate to come between us," Harry said, wishing it wasn't true.

"Give him time, Harry."

Harry started as Remus came to stand opposite Severus beside the bed. Pomfrey and Dumbledore were tending to Sirius; Harry could just see them beyond his father's shoulder. He pulled his eyes back to Remus, his face flushing again with his embarrassment over how he'd acted. He found he still couldn't meet Remus' eyes.

"It isn't fair to expect him to be able to accept this immediately. All of us have had time to change with the circumstances," Remus continued easily. Harry nodded obediently as he stared at his sheet-covered legs.

"I know," he murmured, finding he couldn't not answer Remus. He had no desire to be at all disrespectful.

There was silence around the bed. Harry finally looked up. Remus was smiling at him, without any acrimony in his gentle face. And Harry scolded himself silently for hurting his friend. His insides felt moth-eaten as he tried to come up with an apology.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you," he finally managed to say, the words so stiff, that Harry knew they sounded insincere, but Remus didn't seem to notice.

"It wasn't your fault, Harry," he assured him, sounding like an echo of Severus' earlier claim. Harry shook his head.

"Even if Voldemort took a part of me, I had no right to speak to you the way I did," he said quietly, his cheeks warming still as he remembered the way he'd purposely tried to hurt Remus by calling him Professor and Sir. He grimaced, looking down at the sheet again. "You should have given me detention," he said miserably. He felt Remus take his hand. Harry looked up again.

"I shouldn't have suggested that," he said with a slight grimace of his own. "I was a bit out of sorts and I think I let that get the better of me," he admitted. Harry frowned, not willing to let Remus blame himself anymore than he had been willing to let his father take the blame for his behavior.

"Well, I was being a prat. Arguing with you and being so rude," he said, still feeling terrible. "I'm sorry and I'm sorry I wasn't sorry about it before," he added, feeling even more ashamed with that admission. "And after everything you've done for me, I was selfish and I wouldn't blame you if you-"

Remus chuckled. Harry looked up quickly.

"Harry," he said in his best light, scolding tones, "I'm certainly not going to declare our friendship null and void simply because you were impolite." Harry didn't know what to say to that, especially as he'd been much more than impolite. "You do realize that, don't you?" Remus asked, his tone much more serious as Harry remained silent. Harry bit his lip, but before he could say anything, Remus was pulling Harry into his fourth hug of the night.

Harry, feeling very relieved, squeezed his friend right back. "I am sorry, Remus," he said again. Just in case Remus realized he should still be angry with him. Remus patted his back before pulling away.

"I know, Harry. I accept your apology, and I'm not angry with you," he assured him. Harry managed a tentative smile. Remus returned it without hesitation. He squeezed Harry's shoulder and then turned abruptly to Severus, the movement so sharp that Severus blinked, his face no longer looking relaxed.

"It occurs to me, Severus," Remus began in a formal voice, "that I never apologized to you for my own role in James' and Sirius' mistreatment of you."

Severus stared at him, and Harry found himself having a very difficult time keeping his mouth closed. Remus was gazing at Severus calmly.

"I'm sorry I never tried to stop them from bullying you," he said, his voice soft and sincere and Harry could clearly hear the pain his past mistakes were causing him. "I was no better than they were, and I have no excuse other than a misguided wish to be accepted by my peers. I'm truly sorry, Severus."

Severus had turned away from Remus; his eyes were blank as he stared at one of the flickering sconces on the wall. Harry watched his father, his breath held as he waited. He knew it was very unlikely that would his dad would accept the apology; it was more likely that Severus would snap at Remus to cover the emotions he didn't wish to put on display.

"You don't need to accept my apology," Remus told him. "I don't expect you to, but I needed to tell you."

The sconce continued to flicker steadily.

And then Severus' words were barely audible as he turned his gaze for a single moment toward Remus. "Thank you, Remus."

His eyes slid back to the sconce, and silence formed around them.

Harry felt his chest expanding with relief as he looked between his father and Remus. Remus was smiling, the expression full of his own relief. And though nobody else would have ever noticed, Severus' mouth had relaxed as well. Something had been solidified between the three of them. It was tangible in the air. Harry grinned.

But with a jolt of disappointment, Harry realized he couldn't enjoy it. He turned to look at Sirius. Sirius, a man he'd thought of as his only family for years was lying in the bed next to them, confused and hurt. And Harry hadn't done anything to help him. He'd only made it worse. He couldn't seem to do anything right lately.

With a sigh, he turned back to his father and Remus. Severus was watching him closely. Harry sighed again, not knowing how to make any of this better.

"I did befriend Regulus," Severus spoke up suddenly. Harry frowned at him.

"But you didn't make him become a Death Eater," he objected, not liking the tone of his father's voice.

"Nor did I do anything to discourage him when we were young," Severus countered. "Many of the Slytherins were encouraged by their parents to become part of Voldemort's cause. I joined the group of hopefuls as soon as I began here...under Lucius' direction at the time. All of us meant to take the Dark Mark as soon as we reached our sixteenth year."

"But your father made you join them, didn't he?" Harry contradicted, feeling very uncomfortable with this conversation. Severus nodded.

"I will not deny my own culpability however," he said quietly. "All of us were products of a mistaken ideology, drilled into us by our parents, but I believed it just as fully as Lucius and Bellatrix did at one point, Harry. And I did invite the younger students to join our group, just as surely as Lucius did." Harry could feel his heart beginning to pound in his chest. His father squeezed his knee. "Muggles would call it brain-washing," he tried to explain, and Harry nodded shakily, understanding the concept perfectly well.

"But you stopped believing it," he said, hoping it didn't sound too much like a question, and he was glad when his father didn't look at all offended.

"It was almost impossible at fifteen, to go against everything my family held dear. And by the time I did make the decision to rebel against Tobias, Regulus was mired too deeply in Voldemort's cause. I tried only once to dissuade him." He paused, darkness flashing in his eyes. "I had to Obliviate the conversation from his memory when he threatened to tell the others of my treachery."

Harry blinked in surprise. "You did?"

Severus nodded. "They would not have tolerated my defection," he explained, not needing to elaborate. Severus pursed his lips before adding quietly, "I never mentioned it again, and no one else benefitted from my enlightenment."

It was as if he was agreeing that Sirius had the right to hate him. There was already a huge pit in the middle of Harry's stomach, but he said anyway, "It's not your fault that they couldn't see past it. You did," he reminded his father, realizing this was just one more thing for his father to feel guilty over, and Harry wanted to dispel the unnecessary guilt.

Severus nodded, his eyes wistful as he murmured, "They did not have Lily."