Lily's Charm: The Gift

Remus' chest constricted as he watched Sirius turn away.

"Sirius, you can't just leave," Remus told his friend's retreating back. Sirius paid no attention to his plea. "Harry would want you to try," Remus said desperately. Sirius stopped walking.

"Harry," he stressed without turning around, "would have wanted you tell me about this. How could you and James have kept this from me?"

Remus swallowed, and stepped toward his friend, not sure what he could say to make it better, but Severus' voice stopped him.

"Lupin only found out a few months ago, and I would not allow him to tell you."

Remus could see Sirius' spine stiffening, and Remus wished pointlessly that Severus would stop calling him Lupin.

Sirius turned slowly around to face Remus. "You take his orders now."

It should have been a question.

"I did not trust that you would not abandon Harry if knew the truth," Severus told him bluntly. Before Sirius could retort, he added, "I did not anticipate Voldemort using that knowledge to taunt you so blatantly."

Remus inwardly winced at the unintentionally smug tone. Sirius' fingers flexed, but he kept his eyes fixed on Remus.

"You weren't going to tell me at all, then?" he demanded. "Not even after you'd found Harry?"

"There is very little point to this discussion," Severus interjected impatiently, glancing about them as though the veil would simply appear at his command. Sirius finally rounded on him.

"I'm talking to Remus," he snapped. "Or is that not allowed, in the little game you're playing?" he asked sarcastically. Severus simply raised a condescending eyebrow, silently goading the other man.

Remus drew in a calming breath, feeling more trapped than he cared to.

"Sirius, I want you to try to come back with us," he said, trying to sound as calm as possible, though in reality, his insides were jumping frantically. More than anything, he wanted to just take Sirius' arm and force him to come with them.

Sirius' face crumpled, and he shook his head. Remus stepped closer to him, turning his body a little to give Sirius the illusion of privacy.

"What is it, Padfoot?" he asked his friend. "What's wrong?"

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment, and Remus thought he was smiling a little. "Do you know how many times I dreamed about the possibility, Remus?" he asked, his voice faraway. "How many times I wished I could take a step and I'd be back there again?"

Remus gripped Sirius' forearm. "Then why won't you try?" he demanded, trying to keep his voice easy, but failing spectacularly. Sirius shook his head.

"I have tried," he lamented. "I've spent so much time...whatever time is...trying to find that veil. I can't."

But Remus wasn't about to be deterred. "But if we can find it, just as Albus thinks we can, maybe you can come with us." Sirius looked up at him, the eyes filled again with sorrow.

"And what would I do, Remus?" he asked quietly. "Sit in Grimmauld Place again, in hiding? At least before...with Harry..."

"You won't have to be without Harry, Padfoot," Remus assured him quickly. "And," he added, "you won't have to hide anymore. Voldemort's gone, and Peter's been captured with all the other Death Eaters."

Sirius blinked at that bit of information. "...just as I imagined it..." he said, almost to himself, but then he re-focused on the part that was consuming him. "I always hoped that it would all end--the war, Voldemort--and then Harry could come with me. Now-" He swallowed, unable to finish.

"I will not object if you wish to attempt it," Severus broke the silence, his voice completely devoid of emotion.

Remus and Sirius both turned swiftly in surprise. Severus had already turned away.

--

Severus stepped through nothing and almost closed his eyes in relief as he found Harry waiting for him on the other side. Ginny and Poppy looked up, their eyes registering their shock. Albus simply smiled and nodded.

"You found him," he said with his quiet confidence. Severus nodded and knelt down next to his son. His arm brushed against Ginny's but she didn't seem to notice. She was still holding Harry's hand just as gently as she had when they'd left. She hadn't moved even a centimeter, in fact.

"You only just left," Poppy objected quietly. Severus didn't respond as he moved his hands to rest against Harry's face, being careful not to jostle Ginny.

The flames continued their vigil, surrounding the storm with gentle warmth. Harry, the flames called to the storm, you need to return.

The storm jerked back as though it had been slapped. The flames fluttered anxiously at such a response, but Severus forced them to still. They stayed warm beside Harry.

You are not whole, Harry, they encouraged. This part of you needs to return to your body.

The storm seemed to sag dejectedly, but it didn't protest. And again, Severus had no idea if his son could hear him, or if Harry was perhaps choosing not to understand. His heart aching with unmasked sorrow, Severus gathered the storm up, tangling the cloud in his flames as he directed it back to where it belonged.

The cloud faded easily away, streaming back into Harry's mind, slipping through the fingered flames as strands of white hair through a flamed comb. He was almost gone. Severus braced himself for the onslaught of pain that he knew he would feel as he was left alone again. But the pain did not come.

The same tiny wisp was nestled into the hollowed out space Severus had once created. As if it had never left.

Harry? the flames prodded against the wisp, unable to still the surprise in the question. But the wisp remained silent. Still uncertain if it belonged here.

The flames backed away reluctantly and Severus was once again staring down at Harry. But Harry was silent as well, his eyes closed. Severus looked immediately to Poppy, who was waving her wand over Harry.

"His pulse is returning to normal, as is his breathing and brain activity," she confirmed.

"Why isn't he awake?" a deep voice asked from above.

Ginny and Poppy snapped their heads around. Black stood next to Remus, his grey eyes filled with worry. Remus gave his friend's arm a squeeze before kneeling down beside Poppy. He took up Harry's other hand, his eyes drifting upward to give Severus a look of encouragement. Severus inclined his head in acceptance of the other man's offer.

"Sirius?" Ginny questioned incredulously. Black didn't even nod; his eyes were glued to Harry. Ginny shook her head, obviously attempting to convince herself that it wasn't an apparition standing before her, and then a slow smile spread across her lips. But just as swiftly, it disappeared; she turned to Severus.

"Is he all right?" she asked. Severus ran his wand down the length of Harry's body. Harry, in all physical aspects, was perfectly healthy. He simply was not ready to wake up. The wisp stayed frozen against his flames, no matter how much warmth Severus projected.

"He needs time," Severus told her, remembering his words to Harry only days before. Poppy, pulling herself out of her stupor, nodded a little jerkily as she waved her wand over Harry as well.

"We need to return to the Hospital Wing," she agreed.

"Sirius, it is good to see you again," Albus told the stock-still man kindly. Black started, and then nodded politely to the Headmaster. Albus smiled at him, taking him gently by the arm and moving him to stand near Ginny and Poppy. Remus accepted a second vial of Polyjuice from Poppy, downing it in one swallow.

While the others watched, Severus gathered Harry in his arms, positioning his hands gently under Harry's knees and around his shoulders so that Harry's head was cradled comfortably in the crook of Severus' arm. Severus noticed the way Black stiffened beside Ginny; his fingers stretched outward a little, before fluttering back to his side. The line of Black's jaw was tight as Albus cast a wide-spread Disillusionment Charm over them.

And then Albus, standing close to Remus-Harry, led all of them out of the Department of Mysteries and back into the marbled corridor. Albus walked quickly, looking for all the world like he was on an urgent errand. Severus ignored the whispered conversations as he pulled Harry in protectively against his chest. He heard an odd sound behind him and he knew instantly that it was a strangled noise of grief from Black.

And Severus could find no pleasure in his pain. He had expected to. Black's worst nightmare had been realized. Severus was certain if Black was ever visited by Dementors again, this was the vision he would see. Severus' fingers twitched against Harry's shoulder as he tried to dispel the feelings of pity that he wanted no part of. Black would not want them either, nor was there anything to pity, Severus told himself firmly.

Black deserved this. To have his own family ripped from him. Black had, after all, wished for nothing less for Severus. This could be the revenge Severus had always craved for the bully who had made his years at Hogwarts a misery. But as he gazed down at Harry, at his son, who was cosseted in his own painful memories, Severus knew he would do nothing to Black. Harry would want to see him. Would likely choose him over Severus. And Severus would accept it.

Harry deserved to be happy.

Severus heard Albus chanting. They were standing in the Infirmary. Severus, so lost in his thoughts, had barely noticed their trip here.

"Put him on the bed, Severus." Severus complied to Poppy's order and then pulled a blanket up and around Harry's shoulders. He did not wish him to be cold. Both of them had been cold enough to last them the rest of their lives. "I'll need to examine all of you," Poppy was adding, indicating the three men who had survived their trip beyond the veil.

Severus was barely listening. Harry was so pale.

"Your dad's here, Harry."

Severus blinked. Ginny was again holding one of Harry's hands. She was speaking to him in a low, soothing voice, her fingers straying up every few words to brush through Harry's fringe. Ginny smiled at Severus and for some reason, the gesture eased some of his pain, though there was no conceivable reason that it should.

Severus stepped closer to Harry's bed and took up his son's other hand. He and Ginny stayed there, watching over Harry together.

--

"If you would sit down, Sirius, I'd like to-"

Sirius shook his head, his eyes still on Harry. Remus had never seen his friend looking so tense. Remus gave Poppy an imploring look.

With a gusty sigh, she nodded, though she told them firmly, "None of you are to leave the Hospital Wing until I've examined you." At Remus' nod of agreement, she went to her office, looking very displeased.

"We're very glad to have you back, Sirius," Albus said from Remus' other side. "Harry will be pleased to see you." Sirius didn't answer. "When you've had time to recover, I'd like to speak with you about your experiences," Albus added. Sirius nodded mutely, his eyes still riveted on Harry. Albus, with a gentle smile, patted Sirius' shoulder and followed Poppy into her office.

Ginny kept up a steady stream of quiet words for Harry.

"How could you and James not trust me?"

Remus' guilty gaze traveled to his distraught friend. Sirius wasn't looking at him, and his mouth was drawn in a taut line. Remus didn't know how to answer him. How was he supposed to explain that he hadn't been certain what Sirius' reaction would be?

"Is that what kind of monster Harry sees when he looks at me as well?"

Startled, Remus shook his head quickly. "No one thinks you're a monster, Padfoot. Harry adores you," he added, hoping to bolster his friend's flagging spirits. But Sirius frowned, finally turning to look at him.

"If you really believed that, you would have told me. If you thought Harry still-" He stopped talking abruptly as he voice thickened.

"It is possible for Harry to love both of you, Sirius," Remus told him softly, knowing that Severus would be able to hear him as well, and hoping the other man would take it to heart.

Sirius swallowed. "Harry loves him?" he asked after a heavy silence.

Remus nodded solemnly, seeing no point in skirting around this issue. Sirius would see it soon enough for himself anyway. "They've been through some terrible things together, Sirius."

Sirius nodded jerkily, his mouth hardening again. "And Snape's put Harry through hell, Remus. You know he has," he insisted, when Remus shook his head. Severus' head was bowed, and Remus had an urge to clamp his hand over Sirius' mouth. He didn't have a chance to even respond to his challenge though. Ginny's head had come up sharply, her gentle sentences coming to a swift halt.

"You haven't heard the whole story yet, Sirius," she surmised, frowning slightly at both Sirius and Remus. Sirius looked up in surprise at her, as though he'd forgotten he and Remus weren't alone in the room.

"I can't believe anything Remus can say will make so much difference-"

"That's because you weren't here, Sirius," Ginny explained softly. She glanced down at Harry. "Even if Remus tells you the entire story, you still won't understand."

Remus and Sirius were staring at her. Coming from anyone else's lips, the words would have been cruel, but the affection in her voice, affection that somehow spilled over to include all three of the men standing around her, softened the tart words.

"I've never seen Harry as happy as he's been in the past few months," Ginny went on, looking as though she was talking to Harry this time, her eyes were so soft.

Sirius made a vague, pointless motion with his hand. "I'm gone for months, and when I come back, everything's changed," he told her hoarsely. "Snape made Harry's life miserable for five years, Ginny. You know how he treated him."

Ginny nodded, but she didn't change her tone at all. "And Severus has paid for those mistakes more dearly than anyone other than Harry will ever understand," she told him, her eyes locked with his.

Sirius' grey eyes widened a bit at Ginny's familiarity with her professor. Ginny didn't seem to notice.

"But Harry is happy, Sirius." Ginny squeezed Harry's hand lightly. She smiled a little at Sirius. "I'm glad you're back. And Harry will be as well. You won't believe how happy he'll be to see you again, but," she cautioned, her soft brown eyes forming into daggers, "he won't let you hurt Severus like this, so just give Remus a chance to explain." She narrowed her eyes a bit to make her next point. "And when Harry wakes up, don't talk about Severus like that in front of him," she warned, all affection gone from her voice.

And though Remus knew that Ginny didn't know full history behind Sirius' anger, he appreciated her attempts nonetheless. And they seemed to strike something in Sirius as well. For a brief second, he stared at Ginny. And then his eyebrows bunched together in confusion.

"You remind me of your mother," he said under his breath, and Remus wasn't certain if it was meant as a compliment or not. Ginny smiled anyway, and turned back to her charge. Sirius sighed, and Remus was surprised when he raised a quick Privacy Spell around them. "How is it," he wanted to know, "that Ginny can be so much like her mother and yet Harry is nothing like Arthur?"

Remus smiled in spite of the tension. "Ginny isn't so very like Molly, once you get to know her, Sirius," he said with a shrug, remembering that he'd made the same assumption, not so very long ago. "She's been wonderful for Harry. You'll have to ask him all about her. He practically glows whenever he mentions her," he said with a smirk. Sirius grinned, but then he must have remembered he was supposed to be angry, because a scowl quickly replaced the jovial look.

"You should have told me," he said stubbornly. "No matter what Snape had to say about it, you should have told me."

Remus sighed. "It's not that simple, Sirius," he said, feeling very tired as he switched his glance to Harry before turning back to Sirius. "Severus and I," he began, but stopped when Sirius goggled at him. He shook his head before Sirius could say anything. "Just let me start at the beginning, okay? And when I'm done, you can have your say, I promise."

Sirius nodded reluctantly. And with both of them keeping chary eyes on Harry, in case he stirred, Remus told Sirius the entire story, starting from that first week in September, when he'd stepped into Dumbledore's office. Sirius didn't interrupt once. And when Remus had finished, after glossing over Harry's behavior of late, Sirius hoisted himself up on the empty bed next to Harry's and simply stared. Remus wasn't certain who he was starting at.

--

Shadows danced in eerie silhouettes around the Infirmary walls. Shadows like these always reminded Severus of his mother's house-elf. She had been Severus' nanny, taking the place of his mother whenever she couldn't be bothered with him. Middle of the night frights were most certainly one of those times.

Tulla had always popped in with an ear-splitting crack at his smallest whimper--she knew very well what would happen to Severus had he woken Tobias with his childish noises. So she would sit with him, holding his hand as he cried that the shadows were coming for him. But eventually, Tulla's reassurances would lull him gently back to sleep; his fear had actually seemed to be banished away by the little elf. He had never told either of his parents about her comfort, and he had mourned her when she'd died--even more than he had his father's death...and certainly more than he mourned his mother's 'illness'.

Severus leaned forward, grateful that the others had fallen asleep--finally. Ginny had eventually reminded him that he had agreed to inform Weasley and Ms. Granger that Harry was back. They, with a worried Minerva, had joined them. Most of the beds were occupied with Harry's various friends. At least now they were silent now. And as Severus smoothed his son's fringe from its favorite spot--falling over his eyes--he wondered if perhaps he should have told Harry about Eileen. Even though he knew perfectly well that Harry would disapprove.

Severus sighed, wondering, not for the first time, how Harry could so easily forgive...how he could so easily love. Black had been correct, and even though he appreciated Ginny's efforts on his behalf, they were unnecessary. Harry had forgiven him too easily. And since it was likely that Black would not heed Ginny's counsel, Harry would realize it as well, all too soon.

Severus closed his eyes as his fingers touched Voldemort's gift--the scar that would never allow them to forget what had happened; what had brought them to this sordid place.

Severus' fingers wound themselves more tightly in the strands of Harry's black hair, his emotions burning through his throat.

He had no idea what was wrong with him--it was as though his shields had lost all of their strength. He struggled to cap them and thrust them beneath the cleansing flames, but it wasn't any use. Overwhelmed with the understanding of how much he was going to lose this time, Severus dropped his head against the mattress. He could feel Harry's left lung expanding, contracting with air against the top of his head as he felt his flames rising higher and higher, burning him.

An unfamiliar sound escaped Severus' lips as he tried to draw a shaky breath, completely unaware that one of the occupants of the other beds was still awake. The other man's teeth had locked together to stop their chattering, his heart pounding painfully against his ribs as he watched Severus clinging desperately to his son.

And both of them sucked in sharp breaths at the tremulous query, "Dad?"