Lily's Charm

1977

"Lily!"

Lily Evans turned, trying to shift her armload of books so they didn't topple over into the stone corridor. She smiled as Remus rushed over to her, grabbing up most of the books.

"Here. I've got them," he assured her with an easy smile, arranging the books easily in his own arms.

Lily pushed back the lock of red hair that had fallen into her eyes. "Thanks, Remus," she said with a sigh.

"Are you coming from the library, or on your way there?" Remus asked with a grin as he fell in step beside her.

"I just spent the last four hours in that damn library," Lily informed him with a shake of her beautiful head. "I'll be glad when I never have to see that room again!"

Remus laughed. "What will you do, though, without immediate access to thousands of books at a time?" he asked in mock-horror.

Lily made a face at him. "After the N.E.W.T.s next month, I swear to you, Remus, I don't ever want to see another book."

"Right, Lily. You'll be Flooing Flitwick at least once a week for a new Charms Text," her friend teased, and Lily laughed with him.

"Well, maybe," she agreed with a sheepish smile, "but only after a suitable amount of time has passed. I am going to spend the entire summer doing absolutely nothing."

Remus grinned, shaking his head, not believing Lily for a minute. "Are you going home?" he asked her and then frowned as Lily stopped walking and shook her head, so that her bright hair brushed against her cheeks; her eyes lit up with excitement.

Remus stopped as well, turning to face his friend. "You aren't going home?" he asked, bewildered. "Where are you going?"

"That is none of your business," a silky voice interrupted.

Lily's heart skipped a beat. She looked up quickly to find those obsidian eyes she loved so much staring down at her. She couldn't help the smile that found her lips, nor the blush that crept up her cheeks.

Severus, his eyes glinting quickly in response, turned abruptly to Remus. "I believe I can take those for Lily," he told him, reaching for his wand. He used it to shrink the entire pile of books, and then he placed them neatly in his pocket, giving Remus a look of utmost disparagement as he sneered, "Seven years at Hogwarts, Lupin, and you do not know a simple Shrinking Spell?"

"Of course he knows one, Sev," Lily told him lightly. "I didn't think of it, either, and he was just trying to help."

Severus' eyes narrowed immediately. "Indeed."

Remus smiled and shrugged. "You're right, though. I should have thought of that," he acknowledged, making Severus narrow his eyes further with suspicion. Lily tucked back a smile.

"Thanks, Remus," she said quickly. Before he could turn away, she asked, "Are you coming to the study group tonight?"

Her friend nodded. "Eight o'clock, right?"

"In the common room," she affirmed with a nod.

"Well, until then, I guess, Lily. Nice to see you, Severus," Remus added with a slight smile at him.

"Bye, Remus," Lily said cheerfully, and then with a wave, Remus was hurrying down the corridor, having spotted Peter just coming around the corner.

Severus turned back to Lily, his lips turned down in a frown. Lily smirked at him. "There's no reason to be jealous, Sev," she told him frankly. Severus stiffened.

"I am not jealous," he informed her.

"Hmm," she said quietly to Severus, pulling him quickly around the corner and backing up into an empty alcove. Severus allowed himself to be pulled. "Why the frown, then?" she asked, bringing her fingers up to trace along his neck. Severus caught her hand in his.

"You should not be alone with a werewolf," he told her in a hard tone. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Sev, it's nowhere near the full moon," she chided. "Remus is simply my friend," she insisted, trying to make Severus see that Remus was no threat to them. She knew, of course, that Severus felt himself unworthy of her love, and she felt the familiar tug of grief that anyone would have made Severus feel that way. The sadness was followed quickly by a flash of resentment toward Severus' parents... horrible people, both of them.

"You have questionable taste in friends," Severus told Lily sourly, bringing her back to the present.

Lily scowled playfully at him. "You were my friend for years, you know."

Severus' lips twitched. "I am not any longer?" he asked, his voice lilting slightly.

Lily raised an appraising eyebrow at him and enjoyed the way his lips quirked in appreciation. "I wouldn't exactly call what we have friendship," she told him, pulling herself slightly away from him.

"What would you call it, then?" Severus asked her, his eyes brightening as they swept over her form. Lily's stomach fluttered.

She pulled his hand from where it still rested against Severus' neck, bringing his hand with it. She tugged it down to rest on one of her hips, and without another word, Severus' other hand found Lily's hip as well, and he pulled her a little closer. Lily wound her arms around Severus' neck, drawing her fingers lightly through his dark hair, and she smiled slightly to herself, enjoying the feel of his soft locks, a relatively new phenomenon.

"Does this say 'friend' to you?" she asked him, her voice soft as she pulled his head down to run the tip of her tongue lightly along his bottom lip.

Severus' lips quivered, and then he was pulling Lily roughly to him, pressing her firmly against his body and twisting his calloused fingers in her soft hair. Lily responded, her own hands tangled in Severus' hair and in his robes. They stayed in that alcove for much too long. Lily's study group and Remus were completely forgotten.

------

1996

Severus leaned over his son, tucking the blanket lightly around Harry's shoulders. He reached a hand to slip Harry's glasses from his nose. Harry sighed, and Severus felt a kind of gentle heat fill his chest. He looked so young, so innocent, as though the past fifteen years had never happened. Grateful that Harry was asleep, Severus sat next to him on the sofa, feeling an inexplicable urge to be near the boy. As he gazed at his sleeping child, Severus allowed his shields to fall, though not completely. Never completely.

How far they had come, Severus marveled. Of course, there was much to rediscover, too many of his own sins to get past for everything to be right between them. But for the first time since he had seen the Pensieve memories, Severus let himself truly believe that he and Harry would somehow find a way to just be father and son. Merlin, if Severus could use every skill he possessed to create such an Elixir for the wolf, even the obstacles that stood between he and his son could be overcome.

Being gentle enough that he knew the movement wouldn't wake him, Severus smoothed a hand over Harry's peaceful brow, a gesture that was becoming more natural each time he did it. As if by reflex, Harry's head turned toward Severus' worn hand, and a small smile touched the boy's lips. Feeling uncharacteristically pleased, Severus carded his fingers through his son's messy hair, remembering the many times he had done this when Harry had been a baby.

Letting his hand fall back to his side, Severus rested his own head back against the soft cushions and closed his eyes, sifting through the memories with ease, allowing the long-forgotten images free range in his mind. And without realizing he was even doing it, Severus smiled.

------

Harry felt incredibly tired as he stretched himself gently back to consciousness. He opened his eyes, noting blearily that he wasn't wearing his glasses. And then, belatedly, that he had no idea where he was. A fuzzy black shape entered his field of vision. His father, he realized as the details of earlier this morning filled themselves into Harry's mind.

"It is still early," his father's voice told him, and Harry looked up, knowing he was squinting. His glasses were pressed lightly into his palm. Harry shoved them up onto his nose.

"Thanks," he mumbled, rather grouchily as he hadn't really been ready to wake up.

"Perhaps you should go back to sleep," his father suggested, sounded amused at Harry's mood. Harry glanced up; Snape's face was coming into focus now... Severus' face, Harry reminded himself, and then remembering as well that Pomfrey had said they could see Remus, Harry pushed the blanket aside and rolled off the sofa.

When Harry had scrambled up to standing, he found his face very close to Severus'. Not paying the closeness any mind, Harry blurted quickly, "Can we go see Remus?"

"It is not even six o'clock, Harry," his father told him, placing his hands lightly on Harry's arms and moving him slightly so that he could step past and on into his lab. Harry followed, hurrying to keep up with Severus' long strides.

"But Pomfrey said we could come up," Harry argued to the back of Snape's head. "It's morning," Harry reasoned excitedly, realizing that he sounded very childish but not really caring.

Severus eyed him as he began checking the various bubbling cauldrons around the room.

"Lupin is likely still asleep."

"Please?" Harry implored impulsively, unwilling to give up. His relief after learning that Remus would be okay had ebbed a bit, and he swallowed to cover up his renewed nervousness. He just needed to see that Remus was really okay. "Just for a minute. Just to make sure..." Harry didn't want to finish that sentence as he waited for his father to answer. "Please?" he asked again as his father stared at him.

The same look his father had worn in the Pensieve, the one which Harry had only been able to call indulgence, passed Severus' eyes again, and Harry grinned, knowing he'd won.

"Help me bottle these potions, and then we will go," he agreed, and Harry completely forgot his fatigue as he moved to assist his father.

Each vial of potion was bottled and capped quickly, and after Severus had tucked them into his robe, they walked back out to the sitting room, and Severus turned abruptly. "I will need to go first. Stay here," he ordered with a hard look. Harry raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not just waiting to defy you every time you tell me to do something, you realize," he felt constrained to point out. His father looked startled, and then, with a brief nod, putting his Snape mask firmly back into place, Severus Flooed up to the infirmary. Harry shook his head as he smiled.

Severus had found the infirmary empty of anyone save Pomfrey and Remus, and after collecting Harry, they were in the infirmary a few minutes later as well. Remus was indeed asleep, and Harry crept slowly over to his friend's bed, trying not to disturb him.

The effort was wasted, however, as Pomfrey came out of her office, paying no mind to her uninvited guests. She went straight to Remus' bed; she shook Remus gently awake after waving her wand over him.

"Remus," Pomfrey called quietly as she lightly shook his arm. Remus' eyes fluttered as they had last night, and his eyes opened. As soon as he spotted Harry, his eyes lit up and he struggled to sit up. Pomfrey gently guided him, using several pillows to prop him up.

Remus smiled weakly as Harry moved stiffly closer to his friend, feeling all of a sudden very nervous. "Harry," Remus warbled, flinching a bit at the sound of his own voice.

"Remus," Harry whispered, and then his throat clogged and he let out a sort of quiet strangled sob. Harry felt his father stepping closer, and it helped.

"I'm okay, Harry," Remus told his young friend gently as he reached up a hand to take Harry's. Harry wiped at his tears, feeling foolish.

"I'm sorry," Harry said quietly, even though he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for.

"Nothing to be sorry about, Harry," Remus assured him, shaking his head. "It must have been very frightening to see me last night."

Harry bit his lip, remembering the image of Remus in Dumbledore's Floo, looking as though he would never take another breath. Harry drew in a shaky breath, not even wanting to deny how scared he'd been. "You're really all right?" he asked as he stared at his friend, trying to make sure. He was still so pale.

But Remus nodded. "Madam Pomfrey says I'll only be in here for a week," he said with a small smile.

"What happened?" Harry asked, and he looked up as he felt his father shifting beside him. Harry frowned. "You're still not going to tell me?" he asked, allowing his frustration with both of them to show.

"You cannot--" Severus began, but Harry waved his hand impatiently, cutting him off.

"I know, I know, I can't help," he said with a sigh before turning back to Remus. "Whatever you were doing to help almost got you killed. Maybe you shouldn't be part of Dumbledore's plans, either," Harry said tersely. Both men raised their eyebrows, and Harry almost laughed at their twin expressions. But, really, it wasn't very funny. Nothing about any of this was funny.

"Look," Harry told them quickly, before they could head him off again, "I promise I won't try to help, if you'll just tell me what's going on."

His father frowned. "I have already told you, Harry, if you are not going to help, there is no reason for you to know."

Harry scowled at his father. "You just don't trust me," he accused. His father pursed his lips, apparently unwilling to agree, though it was perfectly obvious to Harry that he didn't trust him at all.

"Hey!" There was a muffled shout from beyond the infirmary door, and Harry furrowed his brow in confusion. Severus waved his wand, and then with a quick command, he was both stepping away from Harry and opening the door.

"Remus!"

The familiar shout filled the infirmary as the door swung open, only this morning, it was filled with joy instead of sorrow. Tonks rushed toward them again, stumbling over her feet a few times in her rush to get to the bed. When she finally made it--amazingly in one piece--she gathered Remus in her arms, only to release him abruptly at his muffled, "Oomph! Tonks, not so rough!"

"Hmm..." she mused around her grin, "you usually don't mind," she teased, though her eyes were shining with unshed tears and her face quickly fell into a frown. "You're all right?" she asked quickly.

Remus reached up gingerly for Tonks' hand, and when she took it, he assured her, "I'm fine."

"Oh, Remus," she breathed, and then, unable to control herself any longer, she started crying loudly as she leaned her head down onto Remus' chest.

"Shhh, Dora, it's all right. I'm all right," he tried to tell her as he gently stroked her short hair with one of his hands.

"Dora?" Harry mouthed at Remus, and his friend gave him an amused glare before turning back to Tonks. After a few minutes of snuffling, Tonks brought her head back up. Then her eyes narrowed as they landed on Harry.

"How did you get in here, already? Dumbledore kicked me out last night! And Poppy wouldn't even let me in before now, either!" she claimed, and then, spotting Severus coming out of Pomfrey's office, she waved. "Hi, Professor!" she said in a much more cheerful voice, and Harry blinked, remembering that his father had once been Tonks' professor as well; the Auror had in fact only been out of school for a few years. With that thought stuck in his head, Harry eyed Remus appraisingly. Remus smirked at him. Harry grinned.

Tonks peered between the two of them for a moment, having noticed the interplay. "How did you get in here, Harry?" she asked suspiciously after a minute, sounding much more like the Auror she was.

"Well..." Harry began uncomfortably, not able to think of a lie fast enough.

"I found Mr. Potter wandering around the castle unsupervised," Snape's harsh voice sneered as he glided over to the bed again, and Harry's veins turned to ice at his father's tone. "It seemed more efficient to simply bring him here, rather than wasting my time later trying to explain to his Head of House why he was serving a detention at six o'clock in the morning," Snape explained coldly, and Harry swallowed nervously, though he knew he had no reason to feel wary.

"Thank you, Severus," Remus interjected. Snape made a small growling sound as he spun around toward Pomfrey's office, and Harry felt like he had used Hermione's Time-Turner. He shuddered lightly.

"Hmmm... still doesn't like you much, I see," Tonks whispered, and Harry swallowed, feeling ill over the exchange.

"Er... yeah." Harry nodded.

"Mr. Potter, would you come get Professor Lupin's tray?" Pomfrey asked, sticking her head out her office door. Harry, befuddled, shrugged and came toward Pomfrey's office. She waved him inside.

Snape was waiting next to Pomfrey's desk. He gestured for Harry to shut the door. Harry complied, and Pomfrey busied herself in a far corner.

"You wish to stay longer?"

Harry nodded silently to his father's query, not really meaning to avoid the man's eyes but doing it just the same.

"Harry," Snape said quietly, making Harry look up, "that was for Ms. Tonks."

"I know," Harry answered, his voice much too quiet as he looked down at his shoes again. When his father didn't say anything, Harry frowned. "I just wish--"

A warm hand squeezed his shoulder, and Harry looked up again. "It will not always be so," his father assured him softly. And then the gentle pressure left his shoulder and Severus said, his voice normal again, "Ms. Tonks is on duty in an hour. I will tell her to escort you to the Great Hall for breakfast."

"All right," Harry agreed. Then, not really knowing why, Harry asked tentatively, "Can I--can I see you this weekend?"

That same glint of pleasure winked in his father's impossibly black eyes.

"I will arrange something," he promised after a moment and a quick nod. And then, Severus turned and plucked Remus' breakfast tray from Pomfrey's desk. He handed it to Harry. "Your cover," he explained with amusement, and smiling finally, Harry took the tray. Pomfrey followed Harry back out of the office and over to Remus' bed.

Tonks looked up when they entered. Remus smiled that gentle smile at Harry, while Tonks raised a brow. "What took so long?" she asked, glancing toward the office.

Harry shrugged. "Snape was just yelling at me some more," Harry lied, hoping he sounded convincing. Tonks snorted.

"Of course he was." She nodded, and Harry wasn't sure he liked her tone. His father came out of the office then and handed a vial to Remus. Remus drank the potion without hesitation. Severus turned to Tonks, a heavy scowl on his face.

"I have work to do. Escort Potter to the Great Hall before you go back on duty," he commanded, and then turning so only Harry could see him, his father smirked slightly and sneered, "I assume an Auror should be able to keep even you out of trouble." Harry almost laughed at the dichotomy of tone and expression, but he managed not to. Then, with a fierce glare that all of them were allowed to see, Severus swept from the infirmary.

Tonks whistled. "Still a git, I see," she said cheerfully. Harry narrowed his eyes in annoyance at Tonks' casual observation.

------

Harry never made it to the Great Hall. He and Tonks had met a worried Ginny and Ron on their way, and after a brief exchange, Tonks had left Harry to the two Weasleys.

Harry explained everything that had happened, and before he was even finished, Ginny threw her arms around Harry's neck, as ecstatic as Harry that Remus was going to be all right. Ignoring Ron's uncomfortable frown, Harry kissed Ginny soundly, feeling altogether too happy with his own affirmation that his friend was indeed all right.

Making sure Ginny was still close to him, Harry finally asked the obvious question, "Where's Hermione?"

"Library," Ron answered quickly. "We're supposed to bring you down there. She said she found something she wants you to see." Excitement prickling his insides, Harry grabbed Ginny's hand, and the three of them hurried on to the library.

Hermione waved them over, and after demanding an update on Remus, she nodded and then shoved a book at Harry. "It's fiction, and it's very old," she explained quickly, "but in the story, the heroine uses the Impenetrabiilis Charm the exact same way I think your mum did."

"Really?" Harry asked excitedly.

"Yes, but Harry..."

Harry's spirits sunk immediately at the frown on his friend's face. "What's wrong?" he demanded.

"Remember, it's just a story, Harry," she warned him. At Harry's scowl, she rushed on, "They needed both people to activate the charm. Your mum would need to be the one to do the incantation."

Harry slumped in his chair as the bitter disappointment washed over him. He had so hoped that Hermione would have found another answer. "Are you sure, Hermione? It has to be the caster?" he asked, his voice still tinged with hope.

"I can't be certain, Harry. But stories like this were generally always based on some sort of facts. And it does make sense. Why else wouldn't Dumbledore have already ordered him to kill Voldemort?" Although she didn't use his name, Harry knew the 'him' that Hermione was referring to was his father.

Of course Severus would have killed Voldemort by now, if he had been able to. How daft could Harry be, walking around with this asinine hope that he wouldn't have to kill Voldemort after all? Damn it, Harry cursed himself silently, bringing his fist down on the library table. Hermione was right; his mum's charm was completely useless.

------

As soon as Harry and Ginny had entered the infirmary after dinner that night, Pomfrey had pressed a small package into Harry's hand, telling him it was from Severus. Intrigued, Harry had torn it open immediately. There was a carved wooden box and a note, neatly penned in his father's script.

Saturday dinner, the note read, use the infirmary Floo after your visit with Lupin. Incendio this. Harry had grinned at the last line, and then shook his head at his father's seemingly endless knowledge about his plans. He'd known that Harry had Quidditch practice after lunch tomorrow and had assumed, just as Harry had planned, that he would come to visit Remus right afterward.

After Harry had carefully followed his father's direction to Incendio the tiny piece of parchment, he, Ginny, and Remus had chatted about nothing in particular. When Tonks finally joined them, Harry watched with Remus while their girlfriends battled in a game of Exploding Snap.

Effectively distracted, Harry almost forgot his despair about his mum's Charm, which lasted into the next day and through another carefree visit with Remus, but as soon as Harry stepped out of the Floo the next evening, into his father's sitting room, his gut clenched as he took in the décor... his mum's things. Why hadn't they just used the Charm when they'd had the chance? He ran his finger along the brocaded pattern of one of the chairs, his eyes closed.

"Harry?"

Harry opened his eyes. His father was standing in the door to his lab, watching him.

"Are you all right?" his father asked, the concern heavy on his voice.

Harry swallowed, wanting to ask Severus about the Impentrabiilus Charm but afraid that he would refuse to answer, just like all the other questions he had asked, so he just shook his head. His father continued to just gaze at him, and Harry was beginning to feel very awkward with the two of them simply staring at one another.

Severus finally broke the silence. "You flew well today," he offered, finally stepping away from the lab door.

"You were there?" Harry asked in surprise, unable to keep the happiness from coming through his voice.

"I was," his father nodded, his features relaxing at Harry's tone. "You are extremely talented on a broom," he added.

"Thanks," Harry said with a grin. He cocked his head at the look in his father's eye. "What?" he asked.

Severus shook his head. "Tobias was a seeker... for Slytherin," he explained. His tone was strangely reserved as he mentioned his own father's name, and Harry almost wanted to apologize for emulating him, a man who had obviously caused Severus so much pain. Noticing the look on Harry's face, Severus said quietly, "I was not thinking solely of my own disappointments."

With a rush of some strange emotion, Harry stepped toward his father. Looking up at him intently, Harry told him firmly, "You aren't disappointing me."

Shocked by his own frankness, Harry wasn't surprised when Severus stared at him in stunned silence. And then his father's lip twisted, and he asked wryly, "Do you remember when I told you that we would need to work on your ability to lie?"

"Hey!" Harry objected indignantly. "I'm not lying!"

His father raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps... you would be, however, were your expectations not so low," he informed him. Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times, not sure how to counter that disturbing piece of truth.

So finally he shrugged. "All right, but even so, you're not doing so badly."

Severus' lips twitched slightly. "That is a high compliment, indeed," he remarked dryly as he inclined his head, and Harry grinned sheepishly at him. "You are hungry, I presume?" his father asked, changing the subject as he walked past Harry to the table. He turned around again when Harry didn't answer.

"Can I ask you something?" Harry asked suddenly, heat creeping up in his cheeks, but feeling all of a sudden much more courageous after his earlier honesty.

His father frowned at him, though not in anger. "You may," he agreed.

Steeling himself, Harry asked quickly, "Did mum use the Impenetrabiilis Charm on your arm?"

"Where did you hear that name?" Severus asked sharply, and Harry swallowed, flicking his eyes downward to study the carpet.

"Erm... Hermione found it in a book," he answered hesitantly.

Snape made a low snarling noise, and Harry's eyes flew up. "Your friends know too damned much," Snape said furiously.

"But why does it matter if I know?" Harry wondered, his voice small.

"Because you do not need to be burdened with this," Severus snapped, and when Harry tried to object, Severus leaned forward slightly. "I assume that you have gotten it into your head that I can destroy the Dark Lord any time I wish?" he demanded, and Harry shook his head quickly, even though that had been exactly what he'd been hoping.

"Is that why you did not seem disturbed by the prospect of killing the Dark Lord?" his father asked sharply. Before Harry had a chance to answer, his father demanded, "Why did you not mention this then?" The lines in his face deeply etched in anger.

"Hermione was still researching... she wasn't sure you wouldn't need mum--" Harry tried to explain, but Severus turned away abruptly, and Harry bit his lip. "I'm sorry, sir," he whispered. Snape spun back around, a pained look on his face.

"I am not angry with you, Harry," he said softly, though his voice remained rough.

Harry swallowed once and then forced himself to ask, "What's wrong, then?"

Severus shook his head, his dark eyes unfocused. "We should not have waited," he whispered, and Harry was startled by the tone of absolute misery in his father's voice. "Your mother and I designed that Charm... but right after I took the Mark, I found out that Lily was pregnant... I refused to allow her to activate it, and then, after you were born, I was still unwilling to put her in danger."

Severus sank down onto the sofa, his face bloodless as he said hoarsely, "I killed her... and you... it is my fault that you have that scar... it is my fault that you will have to kill Voldemort."

Harry stared at his father. And then, for one brief instant, he wanted to grab him and shake him, to scream at him, "How could you have let this happen?!" but he couldn't do that. How could Harry accuse his father of anything after Cedric... and Sirius?

And no matter the choices Severus had made, no matter how far the horrifying repercussions of those choices reached, Harry wouldn't hurt him like that. And then Harry wondered fleetingly if Remus had felt similarly after Sirius had died. He felt all at once grateful for his friend's kindness, as he made the only choice he could.

His insides squirming madly, Harry sat carefully on the sofa next to his father, their positions reversed from the first time they had sat there together. Harry had no idea what to say. He didn't think a simple, 'it's not your fault', would do much good. And Harry couldn't know how his father might react to an attempt at comfort.

Forcing himself to stay calm, Harry said quietly, "I don't think mum would want you to do this to yourself."

Severus didn't look up as he answered shakily, "She is dead only because of my fear. I killed her."

"You didn't kill her," Harry interrupted forcefully. "Voldemort killed her, and Voldemort gave me this scar. You couldn't have known what he would do."

"I knew what he was capable of," his father spat, his fists were now clenched in his lap and his head was up again, though he was staring at a spot off to the left. "I watched the Dark Lord kill countless people, and I did nothing, because I wanted to protect Lily... and you."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep your family safe," Harry said quietly.

"Safe?" his father echoed venomously, whipping his head around. "I did nothing for either of you," he said angrily. Closing his eyes, he was whispering, "I left you. Left all of you there as fodder for Voldemort."

"It's not your fault," Harry insisted, shocked by the intensity of his father's regret. "Mum told you I wasn't your son!"

"And that was all it took?" Severus sneered. "One word, and like a coward, I ran away? It should not have mattered. Do you have any idea how much James loved you and your mother?" he asked suddenly, his eyes intense, turning now to look at Harry.

Harry, taken aback by the seemingly unrelated question, could only shake his head.

Severus held Harry's gaze. "James gave up everything he could have had just to keep Lily safe, and then later to keep you safe. He never once questioned any of it... James would not have left..." Severus looked away again, his lips pinched tightly together, and Harry knew he was trying to bring himself back under control, most likely by burying his thoughts.

Harry's throat closed as he listened to his father's anguish. His guilt over so many things. Actions that could never be changed. And Harry was beginning to understand just how much it meant to his father to have this second chance. Harry had been surprised over and over that Snape had seemed so willing to make an effort, but how could he not be willing in light of his remorse? He was trying to atone for so many things, so much beyond just his indefensible treatment of an innocent boy for five years.

Harry swallowed slowly, trying to stop the emotions that were rising up, threatening to consume him. How could he possibly tell his father that any of this was not his fault? But his father didn't deserve to feel this way, not about his mum and James. Nobody deserved this.

So Harry shifted forward on the sofa, preparing to say what needed to be said. It was, after all, the only thing he had wanted to hear after Sirius had died. Harry put his hand carefully on his father's left arm. "I forgive you," he offered quietly. Severus' head jerked around, his black eyes wide. "Mum would forgive you, too," Harry added.

His father's jaw tensed. "You do not--" he began in a hard tone, but Harry squeezed the arm gently.

"Yes, I do. I understand. Sirius died because of me. And Cedric..."

"Harry," Severus started to object, but Harry shook his head.

"I know," he rushed on, "and that's my point. You didn't mean for any of this to happen, any more than I meant for Sirius--"

Harry couldn't finish through the clog in his throat, so he said instead, "If you had known that mum and James would be killed...or that I would have to face Voldemort, you would have made different choices... you did the best you could."

Harry had to bite his cheek to stop the sob that wanted to break free as he watched his father, the mask completely gone. The pain was almost unbearable to witness, and Harry was certain that the ache was echoed in his own eyes.

Not knowing what else he could say to still the sorrow in both of them, Harry leaned forward. "Dad," he said softly, the word breaking gently off his tongue before he was even aware that he'd thought it. His father drew in a harsh breath. And then Severus' hand closed over Harry's. They sat together in silence, because for now, there was nothing more that needed to be said.