A Life More Ordinary

Grimmauld Place, July 14 1993

There are fifteen transfigurative properties of Gemini Milkweed during daylight hours, but only three in moonlight...

Harry stared at the opening sentence for his summer potions essay; he had been staring at it for twenty minutes. He knew what came next--identify and explain the properties of the four varieties of milkweed. It was a simple assignment. The answers were waiting in his open potions text. But no matter how many times he dipped and re-dipped his quill, he couldn't put the next words to parchment.

It shouldn't be this difficult. There certainly weren't any distractions.

And any minute now, Remus would be leaving for the cottage in France. And any minute now, Sirius would stop staring at Remus like Remus was going to explode. Or Harry imagined Sirius was still staring at Remus like that; he had excused himself to his bedroom after breakfast.

Thirty minutes ago.

Maybe if his stupid clock didn't tick so loudly, he might be able to write.

Milkweed picked in sunlight...

Who cares about sunlit milkweed?

Professor Aarons would probably care... Too bad he couldn't explain to Aarons that Remus was about to spend the night in France.

It was only one night.

And then Remus would come home.

He would.

Harry paused in dipping his quill for the hundredth time when he heard footsteps on the stairs. He wiped the tip slowly against the lip of the jar as he watched Sirius and Remus go into their room.

... is not as potent...

Sirius was gripping Remus' satchel and cloak when they emerged a moment later.

Remus' soft knock jarred Harry's nerves as he let the quill's tip sink into the midnight liquid.

Behind Remus, Sirius smiled a little before disappearing. His footsteps echoed on the way down.

Remus cleared his throat, his fingers sorting his already-tidy hair into even tidier order. Harry continued to push the pile of the quill's feather the wrong way.

"I need to leave for the cottage," Remus said quietly.

Harry nodded. At least Remus was the one telling him this time.

"It is early," Remus went on after a pause, "but I don't want to risk leaving too close to nightfall... and the night generally progresses more easily if I rest beforehand."

Harry let the feather go; it was beginning to look rather pathetic. "Is Sirius Apparating with you?"

"Yes," Remus said, nodding. "He will be just a moment--"

"OK."

Harry had pushed away from his desk, vacillating between flopping on his bed and tugging a book from his shelves. Remus didn't leave though, so with a hand on his dog-eared copy of Hogwarts: A History, Harry asked, "Can you tell if the new potion is working yet?"

"It is too early to make much of a difference," Remus said as his fingers restlessly tugged at a cuff. "The... wolf will be more aware as night approaches."

"Oh." Harry moved a thumb over the colorful spines. "You won't know how well it works until tomorrow then?" he asked, peering up through his fringe as he waited for an answer.

Remus gripped opposite elbows, folding his arms as if he was cold. "Not until I wake with the sun, no."

Harry turned his attention back to the gold letters marking his favorite book about dragons; Sirius had given it to him on his first birthday here. He had written Harry's name on the inside cover--in permanent ink. Harry had peeked under the cover for days afterward just to make certain it was still there.

He heard Remus clear his throat, but it took a few seconds until Harry could make eye contact. Remus smiled the world's tiniest smile. "Would you... like to come with us?" he asked, the words careful somehow. "To see the cottage?"

Harry stared at him, not sure he'd heard correctly. "Yeah?" he ventured when Remus' fingers began tapping a nervous rhythm against his elbow.

Losing his taut posture, Remus nodded. "Would you like to?"

"Yeah," Harry said, letting his hand fall from the dragon book.

Remus smiled a real smile. "It's rather small," he said as they walked out of the room and down the stairs. "Tiny... but the mountains are lovely."

Harry glanced up at him. "It's in the mountains?"

"Yes. There is a Muggle village in the valley below but the cottage itself is isolated."

Sirius was waiting in the parlour, sitting in one of the chairs with his hands tangled between his knees. He smiled when he looked up, but he didn't look any more cheerful than he had all morning. "Ready?" he asked, standing.

"Harry is going to come with us," Remus answered with a quick glance for Harry. Sirius' eyebrows shot up, his smile brightening along with it.

"You'll like the mountains," he said. "They're probably full of dragons."

Harry smiled.

Sirius gestured him over. "All right," he said, "the property is under a Fidelius Charm." Harry nodded. "Dumbledore was the secret keeper when he first secured it for Remus, but I am now, so all you need to do is repeat after me: Remus Lupin's Cottage, Corbières, France."

"Isn't it usually an address?"

"Bit hard to give an address to the middle of nowhere," Sirius said as he tucked Harry close. "Go on and repeat it."

So Harry did, and then he and Sirius were sucked into a vacuum of nowhere and everywhere, reappearing a moment later in a forest thick with trees. Remus followed shortly with a loud crack. A worn shack--there was no other word for it--stood in front of them.

"It's..."

"Not quite as awful inside," Remus murmured.

"The mountains are nice," Harry said. Nice was an understatement. He had never seen mountains like these, with peaks stretching into the clouds in every direction.

"They are breathtaking, aren't they?" Sirius said. He opened the door, stepping back to allow Harry and Remus to go inside. There was only one room, but it was much better than the peeling walls outside, with nice furniture and rugs. A stack of books on a small table and cozy-looking pillows. Curtains as well.

"Dumbledore gave you all this?"

Remus made a noise that Harry would have guessed was a snort if anyone else had made it. "Sirius replaced all the furniture."

"Had to," Sirius murmured as he set Remus' satchel carefully on the bed and hung the cloak on a hook. "It was rubbish... what little there was."

"Look around if you like," Remus said, probably noticing that Harry didn't know what to do beyond standing by the door. Sirius gave him an encouraging smile as well, so Harry crossed the room into the very small kitchen; he could see the mountains out the window.

And even though it really was beautiful out there, it was hard to believe that Remus had ever wanted to live here. Not that the first time had been his choice. "Were you going to live here again?"

Remus' half-smile immediately vanished. "I... hadn't thought it through..."

Harry didn't answer, instead moving to the short stack of books on the table. He flipped the topmost cover with an idle thumb while he looked around the room, took in the door to what was probably a toilet. The entire cottage couldn't have been bigger than the parlour at home.

"It's gloomy here," he finally decided. Whatever word meant worse than gloomy. Harry thought he would go spare if he had to live here. No wonder Sirius hadn't wanted Remus to stay.

"Would you like to go outside?" Remus asked.

At Harry's shrug, Sirius said, "We could take a walk."

Harry looked between his parents, took in their twin expressions of worry. "You said you needed to rest," he said, squinting across the space to Remus.

"A short walk will be all right."

"Come on, kid," Sirius said, tilting his head toward the door. So Harry left the stack of books to their silence and went outside.

"Are you looking forward to visiting with the Weasleys today?" Remus asked after several twigs had been crunched under Harry's feet.

"Guess so."

"Do you and Ron have any special plans?"

"Nope." Not unless you counted Ron's insistence on trying one of the Marauders' pranks on the twins. Even if Harry had tried to explain that the twins had read all of them and had probably already prepared counter-pranks.

"Did you have any success with your potions essay?"

"Not really," Harry answered.

"I could help you with it tomorrow evening if you like," Remus offered.

If you come home.

Remus didn't say anything after Harry's shrug. Harry listened to the sounds of the forest--birds calling to one another, the soft susurrations among the carpet of pine needles and leaves. And nearly camouflaged by a fallen trunk, the soft rustle of a brown and green snake as it poked its head out of a crack.

The snake stretched, its forked tongue darting upward as if in greeting. Wondering if this snake could talk to him like the other two he had spoken with, Harry crouched. The snake did not recoil.

"Hello," Harry said quietly. He sensed more than saw his parents pausing alongside him. The snake's tongue darted out again; its head bobbed up and down.

"A ssspeaker?"

"Don't be frightened," Harry said quickly.

"Of you?" The snake's tongue slanted upward again. "Or of them?"

Harry smiled. "They're my parents. We won't hurt you."

"Are they ssspeakers as well?"

"No," Harry said, shaking his head, "just me."

The snake studied him, its black eyes so expressive that Harry wondered how humans had not yet realized that snakes were intelligent.

"It is nervousss..."

Harry cocked his head. "You are?"

The snake slipped slowly from its hole, winding carefully upward until it was resting on top of the log. "That one," it observed, its head bobbing in Remus' direction as Harry stood up.

Harry eyed Remus, who didn't look particularly anxious; both he and Sirius looked more interested in the snake than anything else. "How can you tell?"

The tongue flickered. "The sssmell."

Harry wasn't sure what the snake meant, but he didn't press for more details. "May I touch you?" he asked.

"Sssertainly..."

He extended a finger, uncurled his hand after a moment and let the snake cross his palm and circle his wrist. Harry smiled, enjoying the cold touch of the scales.

"Better than the sssun," the snake told him appreciatively. It twisted until it was coiled in Harry's palm, only the tail around his wrist, the tip of its head poking out from the middle of the spiral. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Did it thank you?" Sirius asked curiously, coming to sit beside Harry on the log.

"Yeah, says I'm warmer than the sun," Harry said, looking up and finding his godfather smiling at him. Harry relaxed his spine, watching the snake along with Sirius as it closed its eyes. The pink tongue flicked out occasionally.

"What else did it say?" Sirius asked.

"Just wanted to make sure we were safe. And it said being nervous was a smell. Isn't that weird?"

Sirius' brow wrinkled. "It was nervous?"

"No." Harry brushed the coils with a knuckle. "It said Remus is. Because of the full moon, I reckon?"

Sirius lifted his gaze to Remus, his grey eyes in silent communication until Remus nodded jerkily a moment later. He hugged his arms to his chest just like he'd done in Harry's room and sighed. "Harry," he began, the word soft and awkward enough that Harry shifted. The snake lifted its head, weaving as it watched Remus. Remus blinked as he was studied. "I..."

"It is very nervousss..."

"I know," Harry assured him, taking the words as a warning. "It's all right, he won't hurt me."

Seemingly satisfied by that, the snake sunk back into its coils, though it kept its eyes open this time.

"I think he senses nervousness as a danger," Harry explained. "But I told him you wouldn't hurt me."

Harry was so startled by the strangled noise from Remus, he almost missed the whispered, "Moony..." from Sirius.

With a deep sigh, Remus sat beside Harry. "Harry," he began again, this time in a calmer tone, "I need you to tell me if you're angry with me."

Harry tried to ignore the sudden tempo of his heart. "I'm not!" The immediate--and loud--denial brought a wry smile to Remus' lips.

"You certainly are."

"I am not," Harry insisted, not quite as loudly this time but it didn't really help that he could feel a flush creeping up his neck. The snake in his palm was more alert now.

Remus sighed. "Please don't lie to me," he said softly. An unexpected wave of irritation burned through Harry's chest at that.

"I'm not," he snapped.

"But you were?" Remus asked, even more gently if such a thing were possible. "You were angry enough to lose control of your magic--"

"I didn't mean to do that!"

"I know," Remus began but Harry shot to his feet; the snake unwound itself hastily and dropped back to the leaves with a muffled plop, which for some reason annoyed Harry further. "I wasn't accusing you of--"

"You were the one who left," Harry said crossly. "And you didn't even tell me or say goodbye! You can't punish me for blowing up the train. You were the one who left!"

The shock on Remus' face halted the rush of words. "Harry," he said, "of course I am not going to punish you. I understand why were angry--"

"Bully for you," Harry muttered as he turned away. He kicked a large stick out of his way and shoved his hands deep in his pockets, glaring at the snow-capped mountains visible through the trees. He nearly jumped when a hand settled on his shoulder.

"Harry," Remus said in a voice that was hoarse, "I know I hurt you. What I did was inexcusable. I know that. But I don't know how to make amends. And if you won't talk to me..."

The painful silence wrapped Harry's stomach into knots. "You didn't say goodbye," he mumbled. "You were going to be gone forever and you didn't even--" He refused to cry, so he shook his head and pressed his lips tightly together.

The leaves whispered their disturbance as Remus moved around to face him. He lifted Harry's chin. "I'm sorry," he whispered, scraping over the words. "I have no excuse except that I was so muddled--and hurting so much, that I was not thinking clearly." He shook his head. "I wasn't thinking at all. And by the time I realized what a mistake I had made... I didn't know how to fix it."

The words were like bile. Harry pulled his face from Remus' fingers. "So you wouldn't have come home if Sirius hadn't come to fetch you." He knew it. He wished he had another stick to kick.

"No," Remus said softly. "I was attempting to find the courage to come home on my own. And failing miserably, but I could not have stayed away."

Harry stared at the icy peaks again. Yeah right, was what he wanted to say. But the anger had burned through, fizzled to something else that was much more difficult to understand.

"Do you know why?"

Harry didn't answer. Didn't even shrug. Tried to tell himself he didn't care, but even he had to accuse himself of lying then.

"When you and Sirius agreed to become my family... that was the happiest that I have ever been. Do you remember that day?"

Still unwilling to pull his eyes from the mountains, Harry nodded.

"A family is something I never thought I would have; something a werewolf is not usually privileged to have. And that's what I am--a werewolf. And in those brief moments of madness after I saw what had happened to Sirius, that's all I was. It consumed me until I let myself forget everything else."

Harry blinked several times. "What if you forget again?"

Remus took his chin again and this time it was a little easier not to look away. "I won't. I made a very poor choice," Remus said softly. "One I won't ever make again. I love both of you very much, and I promise I won't let anything interfere with that again."

"Even if the Wolfsbane doesn't work?"

"Even then," Remus said solemnly. "Even if I have to spend every full moon alone."

In that tiny shack. That awful shack, even if it did have cozy pillows. He really couldn't think of anything worse than for Remus to be so alone.

Harry gazed up at him, his throat burning. "You promise?"

"Yes," Remus said in a thick whisper. "I promise."

Harry nodded, valiantly swallowing through the tingles that were trying to climb up his sinuses. "I'm sorry I blew up the train..."

"I am the one who needs to apologize for that," Remus said, shaking his head. "I know how much you used to like it."

Harry sucked his lower lip between his teeth, let it pop out again. "I still do," he admitted.

Remus smiled, an odd expression when tears were gathered in the corners of his eyes. Without warning, he pulled Harry close, arms capturing him. Harry hugged him just as tightly, his face pressed into a shoulder, his chest heaving out the weeks-worth of tension as Remus pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

When Remus let him go, Harry returned the smile, though his face felt a little rubbery. Remus squeezed his shoulder and Harry scrubbed a hand over his cheek. Sirius was still sitting on the log when they turned around, wearing the goofiest, most face-splitting grin Harry had ever seen.

"You look mad," Harry told him.

"Do I?" his godfather asked as he stood, not looking bothered in the least.

"Yeah, like Lockhart with all his teeth."

Sirius chuckled. "You're a cheeky thing," he said, hooking Harry's neck in the crook of his arm and poking a finger into Harry's armpit. With a breath of laughter, Harry planted his hands against his godfather's chest, trying in vain to wriggle away.

But before he could, he was crushed in a hug, this one taking away any chance of breathing. Another kiss was placed in his hair. Harry gazed up at Sirius a moment later, bemused as he brushed a palm over the twice-kissed spot.

His parents were definitely mental, he decided with his own stretched smile as Sirius and Remus sandwiched him between them on their way back to the cottage.