Swallowed in the Sea

Chapter Four: See You Soon

James and Lily looked around the house one last time. James was sure he'd never, ever enter it again. He hated it, was repulsed by it and wished to do no more than lock the door carefully and then set the entire thing on fire.

Sadly enough, Lily wouldn't let him.

He heard rustling outside. Two weeks ago, the whole house would've been in uproar, but now the married couple was staring at each other with smiles on their faces. Lily casually wiped a tear from her eye and James hugged Harry. They both took a deep breath.

'This is it,' Lily said, her voice filled with anticipation.

'This is it.' James sighed. 'Isn't it, Harry? Isn't this it?'

Harry on his arm giggled and clapped his hands.

This would be the moment they'd see Sirius again. And Remus. And Peter. They'd all be together again.

Lily took the doorknob in her hand, gave a nervous laugh and opened the door.

At the end of the narrow, short path Remus and Dumbledore stood, right next to the letterbox. Upon seeing his friends, Remus' face lit up and he shifted -a little clumsily- his weight to his other foot, as if he didn't know what to do.

'What's going on, you daft prick?' James yelled. 'You've forgotten to say a proper hello?'

Remus threw his head back and laughed. He quickly walked down the path and hugged James as hard as he could. Before he'd even let go of him, Remus had grabbed Lily's head and planted a kiss on her forehead. Harry, squashed in between James and Remus, earned both a hug and a kiss.

Remus recomposed quickly, though. He took Harry in his arms and looked at him as if he'd never seen a baby before.

'My, James, he's grown,' he said finally. 'He's almost too big to be carried around.'

'Yeah,' answered James proudly. 'He's turning into a nice young lad.'

Harry stared at Remus with his mouth wide open.

'D'you know who that is, then, darling?' Lily asked while rubbing his cheek softly.

'I hardly expect him to remember me, Lily.' Remus smiled. 'He hasn't seen me in half a year.'

'Five months,' Lily said. 'And he does remember, don't you, Harry?'

'We've been showing him pictures of you and Sirius and Pet-' James stopped talking abruptly and grinned. 'Talking of Sirius and Peter, where the heck are they?'

'That- that's something I need to tell you.' Remus' face fell. 'Both of you. You see-'

Remus was cut off, suddenly, by Harry almost jamming his finger in Remus' nose and yelling 'Weemus!'

'See.' James laughed, while slapping Remus on the back. 'He does remember.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to live with being Weemus for a while.' Lily grinned as she took her son. 'He seems to like it better.'

'He's got the right idea.' Remus smiled. 'Remus's a rotten name.'

'At least it's better than Sirius,' James said with a chuckle. 'By the way, you still haven't told us why he's not here.'

Remus looked horribly sad, turned around and motioned for the headmaster to join them.

'If you'd be so kind, Albus.' Remus sighed. 'You know more about it than I do.'

'Remus?' James asked. 'About what, Remus?'

'I'm afraid we have some bad news for you,' Dumbledore said sadly.

James, who was looking kind of worried now, was still turned to his friend. 'Remus, what's going on?'

'It's about Sirius,' Remus started, his voice failing him slightly. 'About why he's not here.'

'Oh dear God,' Lily gasped. 'Don't tell me he's-'

'No,' Remus said quickly. 'No, he's not dead.'

'Thank Merlin.' James sighed, while resting against the wall.

'But he is in St Mungo's' Remus continued, still talking rapidly.

Lily came closer. Harry on her arm was wriggling and her eyes stayed on Remus as she set him down. 'How bad is it?'

Remus and Dumbledore looked unsettlingly grave.

'Bad.' Remus sighed. 'He's in a coma. He has been for almost two months. Healers say that if he doesn't wake up soon, there's very little chance he ever will.'

James and Lily looked utterly speechless and worried.

'And even if he wakes up, there's still the question of the state he's in,' Remus went on. 'He might have amnesia, he might be paralysed, he might be nothing more than a vegetable.'

'How did this happen?' James asked.

Remus shrugged and looked at the ground, looking totally lost for words.

'Wait a minute,' James said again. 'Where is Peter? Is he-'

'Not dead,' Remus said silently.

'Sirius mentioned something in his last letter,' Lily said worriedly, while looking at James and putting a hand on his shoulder. 'Something about-'

'Peter being it,' James finished. His eyes widened as realisation set in. 'You can't be serious! Little Peter? The traitor?'

'I'm afraid he was,' Dumbledore said solemnly.

'How?' James asked, shocked.

'We don't know yet when or how he came in contact with Voldemort. Or when he decided to work against us,' Dumbledore told them. 'Voldemort knew how valuable Peter could eventually be and he kept him well protected. Peter had nothing to fear; you see, as long as the four of you were around, you would keep him safe. Once he'd gained Voldemort's trust, he had double protection.'

'How did you find out it was Peter?' Lily asked.

'The Ministry was attacked three times over the last months,' Remus said. 'One half of the employees is dead, the other half is in St.Mungo's.'

'Yet Peter managed to escape even the tiniest flesh wound,' Dumbledore stated. 'That had got me interested. I ordered a few of the Order members to look out for him.'

'We had quite a good guess then that it might be him. When he tried to attack Sirius at the beginning of January, we were sure,' Remus finished.

'You mean, Peter got Sirius in St.Mungo's?' James asked incredulously.

'Indirectly, he did,' said Remus. 'Peter attacked Sirius at Grimmauld Place, thinking that he still was Secret Keeper. Of course, Sirius had nothing to tell him. By the time Peter had finally figured out Sirius wasn't lying, half the Order had been alarmed. If he'd stayed one more minute, we'd've had him.'

'So what do you mean, indirectly?' Lily asked.

'Well, Peter had hurt Sirius, obviously, but not that much,' Remus continued. 'He's fought tougher wizards during the war. But you know how Sirius is. The moment he was all better, he went after Peter as fast as he could.'

'Unfortunately,' Dumbledore cut in, 'Mr Pettigrew seemed to have realised as well. Sirius ran right into a Death Eater ambush. We were very lucky to get him out alive.'

'Sirius killed a fair number of Death Eaters himself, and we think he hurt Peter enough to make it impossible to fight right next to Voldemort,' finished Remus.

'What do you mean, you think?' James yelled. 'Haven't you got him yet?'

'No. Not yet,' answered Dumbledore serenely. 'But we got very useful information this morning, and we are hopeful to have captured him by tonight.'

'You had better capture him by tonight or-' James started, but Lily cut across him.

'When can we see Sirius?'

*

Seeing Sirius in St. Mungo's was even worse than James and Lily had imagined. It wasn't so much the fact that he was in a coma, that he was sick, but the fact that he didn't look it. His wounds had healed almost perfectly over those two months, only a tiny pink scar near his hairline showed signs of the war. James had a sudden urge to go over to his bed and slap him. Firstly, to make him stop playing this silly game and wake up and secondly, to punish him for being so stupid.

In the end, he settled for a soft poke and a whispered 'Sirius?'. Nothing happened. It was unsettling, horrifying. It simply looked as if he didn't want-

'-to wake up, isn't it?' Remus said, his voice breaking.

Lily and James nodded.

'I know,' Remus continued. 'I've seen him every day these last two months and I still have that feeling. That he's angry with me for leaving and that this is his way to punish me. It's like he's trying to say that it's my fault.'

'You know that's not true, Remus,' Lily said. 'You know that, right?'

Remus said nothing; he only stared at Sirius with teary eyes.

'I didn't have a choice,' he said, desperation clear in his voice. 'You believe me, right? I didn't go away because I was mad at Sirius. I went away to protect him. If Voldemort were going to come after me, then Sirius -and the three of you- would've been easy targets. You realise that, right?'

'Of course, we do,' Lily said with a smile. 'It was so very sweet of you. Not many people would've done it.'

'I never wanted to leave,' Remus answered. 'But now I keep on thinking, what if I hadn't?'

'Then we would've been easy targets,' James said, as he sat down by Sirius' side. 'Like you said. And Sirius will understand as well, when he wakes up.'

'If he wakes up,' Remus whispered. 'What if he doesn't? Then the last words he's had from me were 'be sure to dust underneath the closets as well as around them'. That's the last thing.'

'He'll wake up,' James said. 'Trust me.'

'How can you be so sure of that?' Remus said again. 'The Healers aren't even sure.'

'Because,' answered James. 'Because it's Sirius. He wouldn't leave us.'

'You aren't giving up on him, Remus?' Lily asked.

'No,' Remus said sadly. 'I don't know.'

Lily and James sighed.

'I'm a little lost here,' said their friend. 'You are the first people I've seen in three months that actually answer me when I ask them something.'

'And the Healers, they-'

'You know what I mean, James.' Remus rubbed his eyes and sat down on the windowsill. 'It's just been me and my thoughts for too long, I guess.'

'We're here now, though,' Lily tried.

'Yes. Yes, I know.' Remus sighed again. He stared outside for a few minutes. 'They- the Healers. They asked if I wanted to... say my goodbyes. Let him go.'

'What?' James yelped. 'When?'

'Last Friday,' Remus answered.

'Isn't that... rather rude?' Lily asked. 'I mean, Sirius has a chance of recovery, right?'

'They weren't being completely insensible, Lily,' Remus said, tears in his eyes again. His voice, though, remained remarkably calm. 'He has a chance of recovery, but a very small one. They're in desperate need of rooms, what with the war and Sirius has been in here for two months without showing any sign of life.'

'Are you going to?' asked James, sounding rather angry.

'The Healers have been very kind about it, James, they're doing their job. They've been taking very good care of him.'

'You are, aren't you.' It wasn't a question.

'When they first asked me, I was outraged too. But I don't know anymore. I don't know what his life will be like if he were to wake up,' Remus said. 'If he wakes up tomorrow as a plant, if he won't be able to eat himself or talk or move... he won't be happy. And I'll always hate myself for letting him live like that.'

'D'you know what you're talking about here?' James yelled. 'You're talking about ending a life here. About letting him die.'

'He won't be alive as a vegetable either.' One of the Healers had just walked in. She had long light brown hair pulled together and she was wearing lime green and white striped robes. She was holding sheets and towels.

'This is a private conversation,' James snapped.

'It's okay, Sarah,' Remus said gently. 'I'll wash him and refresh the sheets.'

'All right.' She smiled as she put the sheets and towels on Sirius' foot end. 'Don't tell anyone I let you do it. Again.'

'Haven't done it before, have I?'

'You're a good man, Remus,' she said warmly. 'Take care.'

'And you.'

Sarah gave James an angry look, but smiled again as she left the room.

'You were flirting!' James accused Remus.

'James!' Lily hissed.

'He was! He was flirting with a girl,' James said angrily. 'D'you want Sirius to die?'

Remus sat with his hands over his face for a while, then took a deep breath and looked at James. His face was wet and his eyes were red, he looked tired and sick.

'James, I know you've been locked up for five months and that this is quite a shock. I've missed you and I love you, but if you don't leave this room right now, I swear to God I'm going to do something horrible.'

'Remus, I'm sure Jam-'

'You're welcome to stay, Lily, but I don't want to talk about it anymore. As long as these conversations aren't civilised, I refuse to have them.'

'Well then,' James retorted, 'we, uncivilised people, will leave then. Come on, Lily.'

Lily sighed, but she didn't move as James held the door open for her.

'Lily?'

She sighed again, looked at Remus and left.

*

'You can be such an ass sometimes, James Potter!'

'He was flirting!'

'Have you been away for so long that you can't even remember what your friends are like?' Lily asked, while levitating her clothes into the closet. Dumbledore had kindly got them a spacious apartment, not too far from St. Mungo's, for the time being. 'Remus is nice and polite. And gay.'

'But-'

'She might've been flirting, James,' Lily said, still angry. 'But Remus was not and you owe him one huge apology.'

'Why?' James shrugged, while lying down on the bed. 'He's thinking about letting Sirius... die.'

'He's been alone with a coma patient for two months. That's two transformations he's had to go through. Alone.' Lily sighed as she sat down next to her husband. 'How would you feel?'

'I know I wouldn't let you die,' he said, he sounded pained. 'I love you. And I wouldn't let Sirius die either.'

'Remus loves Sirius, you know that,' Lily said, stroking his hair. 'He's scared. He doesn't want Sirius to die. They've asked him whether he would consider it. It's a huge responsibility.'

'And he is considering it.' James took off his glasses and wiped his eyes.

'James, we don't know what happened in these two months. Or the last five months even,' Lily said gently. 'And I'm sure those nurses have been putting all kinds of ideas in his head. When you're alone, it's hard to make decisions and to know what to believe. That's why he's counting on us. We need to be there for him.'

'Yeah.' James sighed. 'I guess.'

'So are you going to apologise?'

James nodded and pulled his wife down to lay next to him. Lily could see he was crying.

'It's just... I can't have him die, Lily. He's my best friend.'

'I know.'

'I never expected any of this. I never thought one of us would get hurt. We thought we had it bad, but we missed the war,' he said sadly, as he wiped away a few tears. 'I want it to be the four of us again.'

'It'll never be the four of you again, honey,' Lily whispered. 'Peter's-'

'I meant Remus and Sirius and you and me.'

Lily smiled and she held James close as both of them tried to stop crying, until they both fell asleep.