Waltz For The Moon

Waltz for the Moon

Part III: Full Moon

***

"Time out! Black, get over here!"

It took Sirius nearly a minute to locate the impatiently waving James. Scowling, he followed as the other boy urged his broom into a steep descent. James hopped off his broomstick six feet from the ground, landing like a cat. Sirius dismounted more slowly, clutching his bat defensively.

"What the hell is the matter with you, Sirius?" James demanded, blue eyes clouded with frustration. "You were a complete ass last week with all of your bitching about Snape, but at least you managed to pay _some_ attention to the game. This week, you've been giving everyone the silent treatment- especially Remus, and don't think I haven't noticed that you haven't said more than two words to him all week- and your playing, frankly, sucks basilisk eggs. Have you forgotten that we're playing Slytherin next week? We need this game for the Cup!"

"You're right," Sirius said, his voice strained. "If Remus chooses to spend all of his free time consorting with Slytherins- no doubt being quizzed on our Quidditch strategies, along with our passwords and the way to our common room- that's just another hazard of inter-House play, right? No reason for that to affect my game. Damn it, James, am I the only one who sees what's really going on here?"

"All I see is Remus helping Snape- who, despite his over-large nose, counts as only one Slytherin- with a research project. All Lily sees is Remus helping Snape- still a singular entity- with a research project. All Peter sees-"

Sirius flung his bat at the ground. "All _I_ see is Snape trying to get under Moony's robes. You've seen the way he stares at Remus!"

"I have," James admitted.

"Then why-"

"Because it's none of our business, Sirius. None of our business. I'm no fonder of Snape than you are, but if Remus wants to help him with a project, that's his affair. Why are you getting so worked up about it?"

Sirius actually sputtered. "How can you say that? The whole idea is disgusting!"

"What is? The whole male-male thing? That can't be it unless you've turned hypocrite on me. Maybe it's the idea of someone finding Remus attractive? It's about time, I say- he's never gotten half the attention he deserves."

"No, not that- of course he's attractive. I mean Snape! It's practically bestiality or something. Necrophilia, maybe."

"I suppose, but if Snape doesn't mind..."

"James!"

James grinned. "All right, all right. Don't tell Moony I said that. So if it were someone else- Leonora Bones, maybe, or Tad Astelin- you wouldn't mind?"

"Are you insane? Leonora Bones has been with more boys than, well, _me_, and Tad Astelin is the dullest person to have made into Ravenclaw in years. Remus can do so much better than that!"

"I see," James said, trying to suppress another grin and failing miserably. "Not that you've been with anyone lately, though..."

"I've been preoccupied. Why, are you volunteering?" Sirius batted his eyes coyly, striking a pose. "I can always make time for the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team."

"Not unless you want to challenge Lily for me- she seems pretty attached."

"Ugh- no thanks. Lily fights dirty."

"She does, doesn't she," James said fondly. Sirius rolled his eyes. "Look, Sirius, who are you mad at?"

Sirius blinked. "Huh?"

"You've been snapping at people all week, stamping around like a troll, hitting tables, flinging your bat around, and, in general, acting like a prat. You have to be mad at _someone_. Who is it? Moony or Snape?"

"Well, Snape, of course."

"Then why are you taking it out on Remus? Aside from ignoring him all week, you just accused him of passing information to Slytherin. That's pretty low, Sirius."

Sirius opened his mouth, and then closed it again. After a few minutes: "You're right, I guess."

"I know," James said smugly. "That's why I'm the Quidditch captain."

Sirius didn't return the other boy's grin. "Do you think that Moony has a thing for Snape?"

It was James's turn to hesitate. "Why do you ask?" he temporized, toying with his glasses.

"He's been acting... strangely." An image of two fingers nearly touching over a book hovered before his eyes, and he shook his head to rid himself of the picture. "Spending so much time with Snape... has to know how Snape feels. This is Moony we're talking about here. He can smell what people are thinking."

"I think it has more to do with reading body language, actually," said Lily, circling five feet above their heads. "And sweat. He can smell that."

Sirius glared up at her, distracted. "Who appointed you the local expert on Remus?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Remus, actually. No need to get snippy just because I bothered to ask him how he did it instead of making up ridiculous theories. Look, gentlemen, I hate to interrupt such a fascinating conversation, but it's starting to get dark."

James frowned up at the sky. "It is getting late," he said. "We're not even half done, either."

"It's not my fault that you decided that you needed to lecture me on the bird and the bees," Sirius said.

"Well, it's not my fault that you're letting your feelings for Remus get in the way of Quidditch practice!"

Sirius's mouth dropped open. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I should think that it's obvious, really," Lily murmured.

Sirius squawked.

"That _is_ why you've been getting so worked up about Snape, right?" she continued. "Not to mention why you're so worried about Remus possibly returning Snape's feelings."

"And no one else being good enough for him," James added. "Pretty damning evidence, if you ask me. Oh- and the backrubs, too."

Sirius, still sputtering, finally found something to latch onto. "I give _everyone_ backrubs!"

"Not like you give Remus," James said. "If you gave me the same kind of massage that you give him on a regular basis, Lily really would have to beat you up." He ducked as Lily swooped low enough to tug at his hair.

"You're barking mad, the both of you," Sirius said. "He's my _friend_."

"Nothing wrong with that," James said, blowing Lily an exaggerated kiss. She pretended to swoon as she caught it, dangling expertly from the broomstick by one knee. "Some of the best relationships start out that way."

"Just because I'm looking out for Moony's best interests- unlike some other people I could name- doesn't mean that I'm _attracted_ to him or anything!"

"So he's not attractive?" James asked.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"And the idea of him falling for Snape doesn't bother you at all?"

"Snape doesn't even know who he is!" he snapped, wishing that he had kept his bat. He wanted to throw it again. At James. Or Snape. Or at bloody Remus for helping Snape when he knew better. "Remus can do better. He _deserves_ better."

James and Lily exchanged a Significant Glance. Sirius took the opportunity to retrieve his bat. Just in case.

"All right," James said finally. "You are not attracted to Remus. You are certainly not jealous of Snape. You are simply acting as any concerned person would when a friend was in imminent danger of finally getting some. With that in mind, I suggest that we get back to practice before it's too dark to see the Snitch, and one of the Bludgers breaks someone's jaw. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Sirius said before he could think too much about what James had said.

"Good," James said, swinging back onto his broom. "We need this game for the Cup, Sirius. You're the best Beater we've got... we can't afford to have you distracted."

"I know, I know," he said, kicking off a breath behind James.

It was nearly dark, but between the glowballs that Lily conjured and the nearly full moon, there was enough light to see by. Sirius applied himself to the practice with a new ferocity, but two images kept flashing before his eyes: two hands almost touching over a book, and a slim, wiry body in the moonlight.

//Later. I'll figure it all out later.//

***

Sirius settled himself on a couch in the common room, and stared industriously at his Transfiguration homework. He tried not to notice the room slowly emptying as the other students grew tired and sought their beds. He had a lot of work to catch up on, after all- Quidditch practice every day tended to cut into one's study time. Not that James's grades were suffering. Or Lily's.

Besides, Remus wasn't back.

He was working with Snape, Peter had reported. Finishing up the project. Said that he shouldn't be too late.

It was late.

It was late, and he was tired. He was tired, and he couldn't sleep. Not until he had seen Remus. Just to prove to himself that James was wrong.

//James is never wrong. That's what makes him so bloody annoying to be around.//

Sirius stared at his homework. After a while, he stared out the window. Outside, the Whomping Willow thrashed its branches in the moonlight. He imagined tying Snape to the tree. It was a pleasant thought.

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?" He looked around. "Oh, Peter," he said, not bothering to hide his disappointment. "What is it?"

"It's late, Sirius. Aren't you coming up to bed?"

"Soon. I'm just waiting for Moony."

Peter shrugged. "All right. He did say that he wouldn't be too late."

Sirius made a great show of looking at his watch. Peter shrugged again, looking uncomfortable.

"What's that?" he asked to change the subject, peering at the scroll in Sirius's lap.

"My Transfiguration homework," he said, trying to hide it. Peter, however, had the leverage, and he managed to pull it away from Sirius. "Give it back, Pete!"

Peter grinned as he glanced over the rough but enthusiastic rendering of Snape's execution by tree. "I can't say much for your technique, but you charmed it really well- you can actually tell what Snape's screaming if you look hard enough."

"What's he saying now?"

"Looks like 'Arrrarragh' to me."

"Oh."

"Sirius, are you all right? You haven't been acting like yourself lately."

Sirius dropped his head into his hands. "Not you, too, Pete!"

Peter snorted. "Fine. Work it out on your own, then. I'm going to bed."

"Sure. I'll be up soon."

Peter left, and Sirius returned to his Transfiguration scroll, adding a few more details to his drawing. He was particularly proud of the bit with the vultures. He considering adding in a pack of wolves, but finally decided that it might be in poor taste.

After nearly an hour of industrious illustration, Sirius yawned and gazed out the window to rest his burning eyes. The moon had set, but Mars was particularly bright. Venus, too, he thought, but he wasn't entirely sure. Astronomy had always been Moony's subject, never his. He was almost certain it was Venus...

"Sirius?"

He jumped, the scroll sliding from his lap as Remus tapped him on the shoulder. The sky outside the window was now grey, and Remus's eyes- hazel?- almost seemed to glow in the half-light. Sirius meant to say something like "I was worried," but instead, what came out was "Where the hell were you?"

Remus frowned and drew back. Sirius discreetly kicked his Transfiguration scroll under the couch. "I was in the hospital wing. We had to do some last minute research in the Monster Book of Monsters, and I got careless. Severus insisted on taking me to Madame Pomfrey, and she then insisted on keeping me through the night. Why on earth did you feel the need to wait up for me in the common room?"

Sirius ignored the question, staring instead at the long scar running nearly the full length of the other boy's forearm. It was white and puckered, looking as if it had been there for years. It would be gone before lunch, he knew; Remus healed quickly. Still, the original wound must have been terrible to have persisted so long- and Remus was never careless. "How could that monster book get you? You're the one who taught me how to use it! What the hell was _Severus_ doing to distract you so much?"

"_Severus_ was explaining a fascinating theory of his on vampire/human predator/prey cycles," Remus said, his eyes flashing but his voice steady. "I'd relate it to you, but I don't think that you'd appreciate it... it's a little on the technical side."

Sirius was on his feet before he realized it, planting himself directly in front of Remus. "Are you calling me stupid?"

Remus stood his ground, boring into Sirius's eyes at point blank range. "No. You are the most hot-headed, bloody-minded, thoughtless, tactless, _oblivious_ prick, I've ever met, but you're not stupid. At least, I never thought that you were."

Taken aback by the intense fierceness in the other boy's eyes, Sirius floundered briefly for words. This was Remus? Gentle, mild Remus with his eyes always downcast? "You never used to be spiteful. I suppose that's something else you learned from Snape... how to go for the throat."

For just a moment, Remus was perfectly still. "No, Sirius," he whispered finally, and Sirius learned that the only thing more unnerving than unexpected heat was watching it fade to ice and ashes before his eyes. "That's something I learned on my own."

"Re?" he whispered, hating the sudden tremor in his voice.

"Good night, Sirius."

Remus left, heading for the boys' dormitory. Finally released from Remus's gaze, Sirius collapsed back onto his couch.

//Oh, Re.//

***

"You did it again, didn't you."

"Shut up, James."

"You didn't think, and you acted like an ass. Again."

"Shut up, James."

"You pushed him, and he almost snapped."

Sirius slammed his fist down on the table, making his plate jump. "'Almost' snapped? There was nothing 'almost' about it!"

"Oh, yes, there was. If he had snapped, we'd still be picking pieces of you out of the floorboards." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Damn it, Sirius! You don't aggravate a werewolf just before the full moon!"

Sirius clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white. "Where is he?"

James looked at him, eyes widening. "No, Sirius. Not now. You don't even know what you're feeling right now- you need to cool off."

"What I need, James, are friends who don't analyze me, don't condescend to me, and, most of all, don't blow me off in favor of Snape!"

James's gaze flickered, just for a second, but Sirius caught it. "I see," he said. "The library, then." He stood.

James also rose, catching at his arm. "Sirius, don't. You're not thinking straight. At least finish lunch-"

Sirius brushed the hand off none too gently. "Sod off, Potter." He left.

James stared after him, frowning.

***

He entered the library in a fury. Remus and Snape were not immediately visible, and Sirius was forced to stop and think for a second. The paper was for Defense against the Dark Arts, but he had already searched that section. There was a small study room by the restricted section- maybe there? He hadn't taken more than three steps in that direction when he heard familiar voices. Reacting instinctively, he ducked behind a convenient bookcase.

"Here it is." Remus's low voice carried perfectly to Sirius's impromptu hideaway. "Last one, right?"

"Yes," said Snape. "I just need the author- there. You can put it back."

"It's done, then. All except for the final editing."

"I plan to do that tonight. Would you mind looking it over for me?"

"Of course not," Remus said, chuckling, and something deep inside of Sirius twisted painfully. //He sounds so bloody _normal_.// "After all that research we did, I'd be rather put out if I didn't get to see the final version."

"I suppose," Snape said, only a hint of his normal brusqueness flavoring his voice. "I really don't know how to thank you- you've done so much. It couldn't have been easy, not with your own work to do."

"It's an interesting field," Remus said depreciatingly. Sirius didn't need his eyes to see the familiar, lopsided shrug that he knew accompanied his friend's words. "I should really be thanking you- I've unearthed enough material for at least three papers of my own. Perhaps I'll use your paper as one of my sources."

Sirius risked pushing a few books aside, and was rewarded by a glimpse of Snape's head. //Damned greasy bastard. Move so I can see Remus.//

Snape, characteristically, remained firmly in place. "I am sorry for the trouble I've caused you," he continued rather formally. "I know that working with me has caused some friction between you and your friends."

Shockingly, Remus laughed- the rich, irresistible, _real_ laugh that Sirius hadn't heard in weeks. "You're a lousy liar, Sev- I know that you've enjoyed every dirty look that Sirius has thrown your way."

Snape also laughed, and Sirius barely felt the pain as his nails dug into his palms. //How _dare_ they discuss me?//

"Personally, I wouldn't care if Black painted himself blue and danced the hornpipe on Dumbledore's desk. But you are close to him, so..."

"Yes," Remus said noncommittally. "Sirius and I are- we have always been- friends."

"I see."

There was a sudden flurry of movement as several students hurried past, and Sirius pressed himself further back into the stacks.

"It must be nearly time for class," Remus murmured. "We should go-"

"Wait," Snape said, his voice a little too loud. "Remus, could I see you tonight? I- we need to talk."

Remus's voice grew distant. "Not tonight, Severus. I have another engagement."

"Could you break it?"

"I really can't. Maybe tomorrow?"

"But, Re, I-"

"I'm sorry, Severus. Tomorrow."

Sirius hardly heard Snape's response over the rushing in his ears. //That's _my_ name for him. Mine. Always, only, forever mine.//

They left, and Sirius finally caught a glimpse of Remus. It was the same face, the same eyes that he had known for the past five years. Nothing had changed. Everything had changed. //Never noticed... oh, Re.//

He shouldn't feel this cold, he knew. As if he had suddenly been turned to ice, each thought gliding through his mind like a glacier. Anger had always been heat and fire for him, quick words and motions that burnt themselves out in a blaze of fury. This was different. He could move, and act, and think, but nothing mattered. Everything was quiet, and oh so cold.

//Will you still lust after him when you know what he is? Will you still want him then?//

***

Afternoon passed slowly into evening. Remus, even quieter than usual, disappeared after dinner. Sirius watched him leave without a word. James attempted to draw him into a conversation, but Sirius left the other boy in mid-sentence.

After a few minutes of aimless wandering, Sirius found himself at the foot of the Astronomy Tower. Having nothing better to do, he climbed to the top. The moon had not yet risen, and he could barely pick out the dim shapes that he knew were Remus and Madame Pomfrey on their way to the Shrieking Shack. Madame Pomfrey poked at the Whomping Willow with a long stick, and the tree's thrashing branches froze. Sirius lost interest. He already knew the tree's secret.

He headed back toward Gryffindor Tower, and was preoccupied enough that he only noticed Snape after he nearly tripped over him.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" he snarled. Snape had no right to be in Gryffindor territory, hovering right in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Wasting my time, apparently," Snape said coolly.

Sirius bared his teeth. "Waiting for someone?"

"I most certainly am not."

"Then what are you doing here, if not looking for your little study buddy?"

Snape whirled on him like a giant bird of prey, his eyes flat and menacing. "Don't you _dare_ speak of Remus in that tone. You don't deserve him. You never have, and you never will. He is a scholar and a gentleman, and all you will ever be is a buffoon with a bat."

Sirius took a deep breath, and smiled all the way down to his soul. Oh, but he was cold inside. "Quidditch and clowning may be all I have, but they love me for it," he whispered. "All you are is a minor league potion-brewer with pretensions of Darkness. Nobody really likes you, Snape- not the professors, not your own House, and not Remus. Remus was only interested in your work, never you."

The Slytherin flinched. "You're lying," he rasped. "You don't know him as well as you think you do."

"And you don't know him at all. He's mine, Snape. Mine. You'll keep away if you know what's good for you."

"Tell me where he is."

"The Shrieking Shack."

Snape hesitated. "What do you mean?"

Sirius smiled. "There's a large knot on the northern side of the Whomping Willow. Press it with a stick, and the branches will freeze. If you move quickly, you'll have time to find a tunnel under the tree. Follow it into the Shack. If you want Moony, you'll find him there."

"We'll see," Snape hissed, and stalked off.

Sirius watched him go without blinking. When Snape was out of sight, he turned back to the Fat Lady. "_Semper fidelis_," he said.

"Are you sure that was a good idea, dear?" the Fat Lady asked as she swung open.

Sirius climbed through the portrait hole without a word.

The common room was crowded and noisy, and Sirius was ready to leave when Peter caught his arm and began talking to him. Sirius only half listened, his mind still caught in that odd detachment. The moon was now up, he noticed. Bright and full, and it meant something. Something important. He didn't care. He turned away, but not before Peter had been distracted.

"That's funny," he said, standing on his tiptoes to peer out the window. Moonlight bathed the grounds to a near-day brightness. "That looks like Snape heading toward the Whomping Willow."

"Probably," Sirius said.

Peter looked at him strangely. "Sirius," he said slowly. "Why is Snape voluntarily heading toward the most dangerous tree on the Hogwarts grounds?"

"Because I told him how to get past the tree and into the Shack."

Eyes widening in horror, Peter began to shake. "Sirius..."

"He wanted to talk to Remus."

But Peter was already gone, screaming for James. Seconds later, James came barreling out of the dormitory, his hair mussed and his glasses askew.

"Damn you, Sirius," he hissed as he sprinted for the door. "What have you done?"

Lily, green eyes enormous and cheeks bright red, stumbled out of the boys' dormitory, trying to straighten her robes. At any other time at all, Sirius would have snickered. Instead, he turned and left before she could speak.

***

The Astronomy Tower was cold in the moonlight, but Sirius didn't notice the chill. He settled himself on a bench and watched the stars turn. Far below, a werewolf howled in frustration and two boys staggered out of a tunnel to safety, but Sirius didn't look down. He watched the stars turn and the moon set, and as he waited, Remus's face and voice filled his mind.

//Oh, Re.//

Professor McGonagall came for him at dawn.

***