Baby Go Home

Mummy and Art had been acting weird for a while. Saying "Baby," but not talking about them. They were the babies. They were always the babies, even when Bill and Carly called Fathead a "big baby." Mummy looked different, too. She couldn't fit them on her lap anymore, even when Fathead pinched Dorge and Fed needed attention, too.

But the last straw of Mummy and Art's weird behavior was being inexplicably abandoned at Nana's with Fathead for three days. Art came to take them home and Fed and Dorge fought the good fight. They flopped on the floor and screamed as loudly and as long as they could. Art waved his "No! Fred! George! No!" stick and they couldn't make noise any longer. Fed and Dprge were lifted off the floor and taken home with Fathead. They wiggled out of Art's grip and ran to Mummy, screaming.

"Fred, George, be quiet!" Mummy shouted. Fed and Dorge stopped running and stared at Mummy. Mummy never sounded mean when she shouted at them before.

Art entered the room with Fathead. "Come here, Fred," Art took Fed's hand.

"No!" Fed ripped his hand away from Art.

Art pushed Dorge's shoulder towards Mummy.

"Don't!" Dorge turned his shoulder away and swatted at Art.

"Well, I want to see the baby, Mummy," Fathead said.

"Very well, Percy," Mummy said.

"Me baby, Fathead," Fed said, pointing at himself.

"Yeah, me baby," Dorge insisted.

"Oh, boys!" Mummy said happily. She then picked up a blue blankie out of a baby bed. "Percy, Fred, George, say hello to your brother Ron," said Mummy. She held the blankie down where Fed and Dorge could see the top of it. It had a face! And a head! And hands! Fed poked it.

"Fred! He's just a baby!" Mummy cuddled the blankie with head and hands and rubbed where Fed poked it. It made a NOISE.

Dorge looked the blankie with head and hands over, then said, "Baby, go home!"

"Boys, the baby's not going 'home'. He's going to live here, forever," Art said.

"NO! Baby go HOME!" Fed shouted. The blankie started screaming, which made Fed and Dorge scream, "Loud!" Art took them into their bedroom while they screamed and kicked Art.

"Bad Art!" Dorge hit Art. They were sat on their beds, toys taken away, and door shut.

Fed looked at Dorge.

"No baby, Dorge," said Fed.

"No, Fed. No baby," echoed Dorge.

"Baby go home."

Dorge nodded. After a little while, Art came back in their room.

"Are you feeling better, boys?"

"Baby go home," Dorge said, folding his arms. Art plucked Fed from his bed, which made him scream and throw a physical fit. Dorge screamed, too, at the separation, but was left behind in the bedroom. Art set Fed in his highchair, which was the ultimate prison at the moment.

"Maybe you'd do better without your brother around to influence you," Art said, as Mummy brought the blue blankie with and head and hands over to him.

"Want Dorge!" Fed screeched. The baby opened his eyes and looked at Fed. It made another noise. "Baby."

"Do you like the baby, Fred?" Mummy asked.

"It okay," Fed said.

"Go get George, will you, dear?" Mummy said to Art who brought a tearful Dorge to his highchair.

"Baby okay, Dorge," Fed said.

"Okay?" Dorge asked. The baby made a noise at Dorge. "Yeah, baby okay."

So Baby didn't go home. Baby stayed. Baby got bigger. Baby started to walk and talk. Fed and Dorge got bigger, too. However, they couldn't help but notice Mummy and Art acting weird again. Her tummy was very big again. Ron noticed it, too. Fed and Dorge decided to educate Ron.

"Baby's coming," Fed said darkly.

"Me baby," Ron said, confused.

"N'udder baby," Dorge said.

"No, me baby," Ron said.

"Nope. You Ron. New baby coming," Fed said.

This made Ron cry. Mummy came in the room and picked up Ron.

"Mummy. Baby's coming?" Dorge asked.

"Yes, George. There's a new baby on the way. Your sister will be here soon," Mummy took Ron in another room.

"Told ya," Fed said.

Dorge thought for a minute. He asked Fed a question.

"I don't know," answered Fred. They ran to Fathead, the smartest person they knew. Fed asked Fathead Dorge's question.

"I don't know. Ask Charlie or Bill," said Fathead. "And my name is Percy!"

"Otay, Fathead," said Dorge. They ran outside to Charlie.

"Charlie!" Dorge asked Charlie his question. Charlie's eyes widened. He ushered them inside, giggling. He sat them down on the sofa, rounded up mummy and Art, and giggled some more.

"Mum, I believe Fred and George have a very important question for you both," Charlie said and left to find Bill.

"Okay, boys, what is it?" Art asked.

In perfect unison, Fed and Dorge asked, "Where do babies come from?"