MWPP The Insane Archives 2004

Secret Diary of James! Or maybe Chronicles...Diary sounds too teenage girlish...and Chronicles is too "The Chronicles of Lucius" So am settling for a nice SECRET ARCHIVES! Insert evil laugh here Muwha!

Day...Well it's a Friday. Better bold that to make it look...nifty!
Day: Friday. Ooo feel the tang of niftyness!
Anyway! Friday, a good place to start really...
So much has like happened...like.
Aha! Brilliant idea! Stand by for brilliant idea! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Outfit!
Today's lovely attire consists of the usual. Rather nifty sort of...cord trousers and the ever popular leather jacket...Which of course is black. Yes it's real. No you can't touch it. Underneath the extremely uber REAL leather jacket is the famous "Nipple top" A smashing Asian patterned number with rather strategically placed buttons.
Thoughts:
Thinking about food. Mmm food...drools with excitement.
Also thinking about a large packet of chocolate frogs that seemed to have gone missing from the pantry. Must not look too far into it, probably ate them myself in a drunken and slurred rage. Stand by for demo of drunken and slurred rage:
Ohhh my! Wat a lubly pakat ob chokolatte frouges! And there should be a loud thud in there somewhere.
Time Passer:
Twiddling thumbs - always a goodie.
Checking window for owl with great hopes of being loved!
Feeling Unloved:
Insert sad depressing face here
Am so unloved, no one ever sends me messages! Have sudden urge to sing extremely bad and out of key Shannon Noll song! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Lets Driiiiiiiiiiiive! Anywhere you wanna go...fluffy! I will take you there you homosexual tree kangaroo!
Aha! Bet you weren't expecting that extremely bad out of key Shannon Noll song! Eh? eH? EH? I think I arsed the lyrics up good and proper at one stage but I think it gives it extra...tang! Ooo feel the tang of niftyness.
New and random occurring thoughts: Gooses.
To do list: Hmm...contemplating sending Loony Lupin many a spam owls calling Elizabeth (his girlfriend) a hobo along with other extremely nasty names that I, am famous for. Stand by for list of obscene nasty names!
List of obscene nasty names:
1. Mrs cranky pants.
2. Hobo
3. Wenchburger
4. And everyone favourite: What an ugly troppo choppo.
I made that last one up, I rather like it...it has...TANG! Ooo feel the tang of niftyness!
An animal I hope never to meet: Homosexual tree kangaroo.
New and random occurring thoughts: Must buy new tea cozy.
Or! Devise a sneaky evil plot which involves stealing Remus' rather odd tea cozy resembling hat and replacing it with a rather ferret-like replica of Lucius Malfoy's hat. Or perhaps I could build in secret (The nearby janitors' closet! Muwha!) A strange object, only slightly resembling a hat, made entirely from apple cores and chicken salt. Hmm stroke imaginary goatee It's brilliant!
Peteranna: Complete and utter hoboit. But would looks surprisingly dashing with Princess Leia hair and a mono-brow.
Self gloating session: Damn I'm such a brilliant dancer.
Brilliant ideas that do NOT involve schemes of world domination by tap-dancing aardvarks: I was thinking I could be like this internet Oprah type All my petty subjects (Yes this includes you Cereal (Sirius)) could send me petty letters that go into detail about their petty problems, and I could answer them! It would be like a talk-show! Completely revolving around me. And my fans! They could all ask me questions and I could answer and put them in my next issue of my SECRET ARCHIVES. Can you say it with me? B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T!
Brilliant ideas that DO involve world domination by tap-dancing aardvarks:
Ok so heres the plan, I take over the world with an army of tap-dancing aardvarks.

Antler-boy