To Make Much of Time

Disclaimer in chapter 1, acknowledgements at end.

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Now, if you think that Hermione was angry about the Ministry's new decrees, allow me to introduce Hogwarts Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, who was the primary reason that Umbridge insisted the Minister himself speak to the students about the new Department of Deflorestation.

Indignant fury radiated from the Headmistress as she introduced the Minister to the assembled students. The Minister himself looked unhappy and disheveled, as though his pre-lecture meeting with her had not gone quite as he had wished.

"And so I ask you all to welcome the Minister," she said with nasty emphasis on his title, "with all due respect for his office."

She surrendered her lectern to the Minister with mock-graciousness to sparse applause from the students. The Gryffindor table was deathly silent. Not even the Minister's brother clapped.

The Minister cleared his throat and launched into his speech, never looking up from the parchment upon which it had been written. He nearly choked on his own words lauding the graciousness of the Headmistress and her devotion to the safety of her charges, but quickly returned to his usual monotone.

His speech consisted of the usual nonsense about the necessity of giving up their privacy for their own safety. Every "potential virgin" was to be tested that evening using something euphemistically called the "Honor System." Once the students had been tested, the behavior notification and tracking charms were to be placed on the students to ensure their compliance with the new guidelines. Any attempts to disable or remove the tracking charms would be met with corrective action.

A few minutes into the speech, Ron nudged Hermione with his elbow and slid a piece of parchment over to her.

"What is it?" he wrote. "You've got that look again. The one you had right before leading the old toad to the centaurs."

Hermione snickered. "Have you noticed," she wrote back, "that he hasn't once said 'witch' or 'girl?' Only 'students,' 'young people,' etc."

Ron shot her a slightly panicked look. "What d'you reckon he means?"

"We'll see," she wrote back with a grim look. Ron went back to listening with new determination.

Percy droned on, and Hermione marveled at his ability to make even the most salacious subjects boring. Even his fairly comprehensive list of discouraged behaviors provoked little more than dull stares from her classmates, even those savvy enough to know what "pegging" was. Finally, he reached the end of his prepared remarks, and he opened up the floor to questions.

Hermione raised her hand.

"I'll be happy to field the questions for you, Minister," said McGonagall quickly. "Miss Granger?"

"Thank you, Headmistress," said Hermione politely. "Good evening, Minister. I noticed that you said every potential virgin was to be tested. Does that include the males as well as the females?"

The Minister's ears turned scarlet, and Hermione grinned inwardly. "That hadn't originally been the plan," he admitted, "but the Headmistress has pointed out that the Statute of Magical Equality from 1170 precludes legislation on the basis of gender, so we have no choice but to..."

The end of his sentence was drowned out by a roar of protest from the Hogwarts males. McGonagall beamed at Hermione and unsubtly jerked her head toward the house point hourglasses. A generous measure of rubies fell into the bottom of the Gryffindor glass.
"-so to answer your question," finished the Minister lamely, "yes. Are there any more questions?"

Every hand in the Great Hall shot up.

"Mr. Smith?" prompted the Headmistress with nod of her head at the Hufflepuff hourglass. The yellow gems in the upper half began to buzz around.

Zacharaias caught her eye and nodded. "Minister Weasley, the Prophet's list of Defloristers are all male. Surely you can't expect..." he trailed off and made a demonstrative gesture.

Percy's face turned purple.

Thirty topazes fell into bottom of the Hufflepuff hourglass.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sadly, the last laugh turned out to be on the Hogwarts students, whose questions kept the Minister busy for nearly two hours. When the Minister finally cottoned on to the fact that the Headmistress was awarding points to everyone who asked him difficult questions, he cut off the question-and-answer session and insisted that he begin testing the students' virginities immediately, starting with the first years.

By the time Hermione's turn came around, it was nearing one in the morning. She had seen her fellow students emerge from the Headmistress's office mortified, and none of them seemed able to give her a hint as to what to expect. Even Ginny had emerged red-faced and shaken her head in response to Hermione's inquisitive look.

"What on earth are they doing in there?" mused Ron. "It can't be that bad if McGonagall knows you're a virgin or not."

"Perhaps they're binding them with a Specific Silence Spell," said Harry. "That would explain Ginny, at least."

It was Ron's turn to flush. "What are you saying?"

Harry blanched in response. "I didn't mean anything about her- well, you know- state," he protested. "I only meant that she would have warned us what was coming if she could have."

Ron's fists relaxed. "Oh."

"Well," cut in Hermione, "I'll do my best to tell you, if I possibly can. Both of you are lucky, never being first in alphabetical order."

Ron rubbed her shoulder sympathetically. "It's just bad luck, there only being three of us in the seventh-plus year."

"It could be worse," Harry agreed quietly. "I overheard Melinda Bobbin say she's already got a letter from her parents. She has an appointment at the Department of Deflorestation next week."

Ron stared at him in astonishment. "Don't they know about Melinda and Blaise Zabini?"

"It doesn't matter," said Hermione grimly. "Her parents are concerned for appearance's sake, regardless of whether or not she's really in danger. I can't imagine she'll be the only one."

Harry shook his head. "It's sick."

Ron was scanning the grainy pictures of the Ministry Defloristers. "Especially when Percy starts to look like a good option."

"I don't understand what this 'Honor System' is," complained Hermione. "If there's a magical method to measure virginity, I've never heard of it. It'd be impossible to validate."

Ron whistled. "Well, I suppose there are some things that can't be found in Hogwarts, A History."

Hermione's retort was cut short when the gargoyle in front of the Headmistress's office swung aside, and Peony Zeller emerged, sobbing.

"Hermione Granger?" came the Headmistress's voice.

Hermione squared her shoulders and strode inside with her head held high.

The Headmistress sat at her desk, and Professor Snape stood at her side, looking equally grim. She was furious to see not Percy but Dolores Umbridge standing on the other side of the Headmistress's desk.

"Well, well, if it isn't Hermione Granger. I had completely forgotten you were in school," she said, tone indicating exactly the opposite. "If you will stand here, we'll get on with the examination."

The Undersecretary approached her with a delicate looking silver device, which she held out towards her. It emitted a musical whistle and a small cloud of steam.

Umbridge nodded and turned to Professor Snape. "Not a virgin."

Hermione felt herself turn red. "That's impossible! I-" She clapped her hand over her mouth, horrified.

Umbridge smirked at her. "Well, well. A virgin after all, and subject to the new law. Thank you so much for letting us know." She handed her what appeared to be a silver coin on a chain. "You will wear this amulet at all times-"

"But I'm of age!" Hermione protested.

"Regardless, you are still a student, and according to subparagraph 87, subject to behavior and location tracking. We will know if you meddle with the amulet, and we will know when, where, and with whom you engage in any discouraged activities. I hope that you appreciate the lengths the Ministry has gone for your safety." She flicked her wand at Hermione. "You're dismissed- and be so good as not to mention the test to your friends. Not that you have a choice." She trilled with laughter.

Hermione was livid at the trick. She attempted to meet the eyes of her Professors. McGonagall's lips were pressed tightly together, and she shook her head, warning Hermione against any rash words or actions. Professor Snape was impassive, save for the customary sneer that seemed to be reserved solely for Hermione and her friends.

Sensing that she had lost the first round, Hermione spun on her heel and stalked out of the room.

"Miss Granger," called the Headmistress. Hermione paused to look back at her. "As it is very late, you are excused from all of your classes tomorrow. Please put the time to good use."

Hermione nodded resolutely. She attempted to speak to her friends as she left the room, but Umbridge's spell held firm. All that emerged was a strangled croak. She took her signal Galleon from her pocket and flashed it at Harry and Ron.

They nodded in unison, and Hermione sighed in relief. They would be in the Room of Requirement tomorrow night, at the very least.

The Headmistress's voice came again. "Harry Potter?"

Hermione shot Harry and Ron sympathetic looks and went to her room. She had a lot of work to do for tomorrow evening. Remembering Professor Vector's admonishment, she was determined to catch up on her sleep. She was certain that preparing her plans would be much easier when her mind was at its sharpest.

The next day seemed to pass in a blur. She awoke to Crookshanks purring in her ear at an astonishingly late hour. The rest of the day was spent walking the castle, taking notes at every turn, opening doors she'd never thought to open, and chatting with the paintings. By the time supper rolled around, Hermione's feet and head were aching, but she was far too excited to notice it. She was ready.

At ten minutes to eight o'clock, she quietly entered the Room of Requirement, which greeted her with a number of useful books laid open on the table. At eight sharp, Ginny, Ron, Harry and Luna tumbled through the doorway.

Hermione looked at them in dismay. "Is this all of you?"

"Who else did you invite?" asked Harry.

"It's better if it's just a few of us," said Luna. "I don't want the school at large to know about the missing shipment of kraken tentacles that could have disastrous results if they reached the hands of the Defloristers."

Ron hid a smile. "So, what have you got for us, Hermione?"

The door of the room swung open again, and Melinda Bobbin stepped hesitantly into the room.

"Oh, hello, Melinda," said Luna cheerfully. "How's the infestation of miniature weasels? You told Professor Sprout they ate your essay on Chinese Chomping Cabbage."

Melinda stared at her and began edging for the door.

"Melinda, really, it's all right," said Hermione, ushering the younger girl into the room and seating her by the fire. "We're all here to help."

"I don't see how you possibly can," said Melinda with a tragic air. "My parents have already had their say. I don't know what you expect to do about it."

"Well, if defeating Voldemort isn't a strong enough credential, fine," said Harry, nettled. "Leave us alone and have some Ministry sod have his way with you."

"I didn't come here tonight to have my face rubbed in this," she said indignantly.

"Then why are you here?" asked Ron.

"She told me she had a way out," said Melinda, pointing at Hermione.

"Well, it's not exactly a way out," said Hermione with a sphinx-like smile. "It's rather a way in."

The others looked at her oddly.

Hermione gazed at each of them in turn with a measuring gaze. "Before we begin, I'd like your word that you won't breathe a word of this if you decide not to participate."

"Participate in what?" Melinda wanted to know.

"Will there be a cursed parchment like last time?" asked Luna hopefully.

"No, I'm willing to trust you," said Hermione.

"Even her?" asked Harry, jerking his head toward Melinda.

"We promise," said Ginny shortly. The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, then," said Hermione. "Imagine, if you will, your parents insist that you must submit yourself in the most intimate way to a Ministry bureaucrat."

Ron closed his eyes. "Is the bureaucrat good-looking?"

Hermione swatted him on the arm. "Be serious! Imagine that they will be removing you from Hogwarts for a day in the very near future. You know that the actual state of your virginity is not the issue, only the appearance of it. Now, I ask: what would you do to stop it?"

"Remove the Ministry's tracking amulet and run away," said Harry.

"That would work," said Hermione, "but you'd be breaking the law, your education would be disrupted, and both your status as a virgin and your face would be plastered all over the papers. Any other ideas?"

"If my parents were daft enough to try," said Ginny thoughtfully, "I'd try to make them forget about it somehow, either with a Befuddling Draught or Confundus Charm."

"It's a very good idea," said Hermione, "but I strongly suspect that the Ministry will find out something's up when they follow up with your parents about you missing your appointment. Then you'd still have to deal with a Deflorister as well as a set of angry parents."

"Augurey feathers," said Luna.

The others turned to look at her.

"I'd cover myself with Augurey feathers," said Luna. "Nobody in the Ministry would want to come near me because I'd repel ink, and if there's one thing the Ministry can't do without, it's ink."

"That's quite an idea, Luna," said Hermione tactfully.

"A stupid idea, you mean," said Melinda, flouncing into a chair and crossing her arms petulantly.

"You might try adding something to the conversation other than being snotty," said Harry.

Melinda's eyes narrowed and she pointed at Ginny. "She was the one who implied my parents were daft for trying to protect me! At least mine care enough to provide for me!"

Harry, Ron, and Ginny all flushed scarlet, but Ginny was the fastest.

"If your parents were really concerned about you, they'd bother finding out if you really are a virgin or not before signing you up," snapped Ginny. "They're not protecting you. They're sacrificing you on the altar of appearances."

"That's enough, all of you," said Hermione quietly. "Now, to answer the original question, Melinda is here because we can help, if she wants it." She turned to Melinda, who was unsuccessfully trying to hold back tears. "Do you want to use the Department of Deflorestation's services and make your parents happy?"

Melinda wordlessly shook her head.

"Then we'll help you."

"B-b-but they'll hate me!" Melinda wailed, burying her face in her hands.

Ron, Ginny, and Harry looked at one another, surprised.

"We don't hate you," said Ron, awkwardly patting Melinda's shoulder.

"Not you," said Melinda, irritation cutting through her weeping. "My parents will be furious if I oppose them!"

"If your parents are trying to make you the Ministry's slag, why should you care?" asked Ginny bluntly.

"You can't possibly understand my responsibilities to my family."

"My parents might not own a bunch of overpriced apothecaries," retorted Ginny, "but they raised me to respect myself. If you let them do this to you, you'll resent them for the rest of your life. Is that worth whatever you could possibly inherit?"

Melinda looked to be on the verge of a fresh spate of tears.

"Before you make any decisions," said Hermione quickly, "let me outline my plan. Harry was on to something when he suggested hiding. The difficulty is finding someplace within Hogwarts."

"We can't use the Room of Requirement to hide," said Luna. "Umbridge and her Inquisitorial Squad found us before."

"True," said Hermione. "So I needed to find someplace unplottable, untrackable, and with an entrance and exit that only we know about."

"There's no such place," scoffed Melinda.

"Where?" asked Ron.

Hermione pointed at a portrait of a sleeping wizard on the wall. "There. Inside the paintings."