Not In Kansas Anymore

Chapter Six: Heartbroken Impulses

It was just a little after mid-night and Hermione Potter was in the kitchen eating mint chocolate chip ice cream and cornflakes. Indulgently she spooned an overgrown mouthful into her awaiting mouth, and a few moments later she dropped the bowl into the sink and joined Harry back in bed where he was completely ignorant that she had ever left him.

The next morning Hermione was throwing up in the toilet bowl while Harry tried to take a shower. Mind it was a very unstable shower as Hermione kept flushing the toilet at inopportune times.

Harry climbed out and looked at her oddly as he shook water out of his ear. "Are you okay honey?"

Hermione glowered at him over the toilet bowl, but her stare altered a bit at the sight of him wrapped in a very loose towel, and being his wife of two years nothing was left to imagination. "Fine, I didn't ask," he said, holding his hands up in a sign of international defeat.

Hermione was about to give a ready retort when her stomach got the best of her and forced her back over the toilet.

Twenty minutes later Harry had moved the WWN to the sink where Hermione could here it and kissed her on top of her head before leaving. "Good bye to you too," grumbled Hermione into bathroom fixture.

*

It was not actually in her greatest interest to be having a conversation with a ghost, but nevertheless Hermione was perched on the broken sink talking to Myrtle. Myrtle was a terrible listener; she kept diving back into the stalls to have a good cry in the plumbing.

"A pair of socks--" Hermione ranted, waving the socks in question through the air.

"I had socks once!" wailed Myrtle.

"Could he be any more insensitive?" shouted Hermione, perhaps she was berating the deity of podiatry, or perhaps, and this was the far more likely option, she was simply asking a rhetorical question just to see how many plaguing memories would work Myrtle up to flooding the bathroom.

"He?" sobbed Myrtle. "I miss intimate contact!"

"Ron!" supplied Hermione, swinging her legs angrily. "He gave me socks for Christmas!"

"I never get Christmas gifts!"

"I'm his girlfriend and he gets me the same thing he got Dobby!"

Myrtle rose up out of her stall and put her teary face an inch from Hermione's before saying, "I can't even have a boyfriend!"

Insensitively Hermione hopped off the sink and right through Myrtle, mumbling under her breath, "Fat lot of help you are, all you want to discuss is yourself."

*

The door slammed behind Harry. Hermione looked at the cataclysmic door in cynical awe, and pain.

That wasn't supposed to happen.

He was supposed to be happy and then offer to get her more ice cream.

He was not supposed to say that he needed a walk and fresh air.

He was not supposed to look lost.

He was supposed to kiss her passionately.

He was not allowed to just back away from her like she was contagious and give no explanation.

Hermione looked at her rice belly tummy and a dry sob escaped her lips, that flat and desirable bit would soon be gone, and she would be left with a rounded and most definitely pregnant mid-drift. Helplessly she crumbled to the ground and just ran her hands over the flesh protecting her child, then the tears came, unbidden they crawled down her cheeks. This hadn't been planned, but she had to just live with it, and she hoped Harry would be living it next to her.

She knew Harry had gone to see Ron, gone to get drunk, and odds were he would not be back with her ice cream. A tentative knock shook the door and the latch popped without the proper key. Parvati pranced in, looking far too happy to be allowed the liberty to live. That was Hermione's somewhat skewed opinion.

Parvati stopped shot as she saw Hermione, leaning against the sofa, crying, shivering, and looking at her stomach. "Goddess," gasped Parvati, dropping heavily next to Hermione and pulling her head to her chest.

They sat like that for a long while, Hermione crying into what she suspected was a very pricey silk shirt, and Parvati rocking her and smoothing her frazzled hair that had escaped its neat tendrils. When the sobs had abandoned her Hermione could hear the gentle drum of Parvati's heart. Sitting up Hermione wiped her tears with the hem of her shirt. "What is it honey?" asked Parvati; holding Hermione's shaking hands in her own.

"Ha-Harr-Harry," Hermione said quietly through a period of shuttering breaths drawn from deep in her gut.

Parvati searched her friend's face before gingerly asking, "What did he do?"

"He went for a walk." Parvati decided to be tactfully silent since she had no idea what was wrong with a stroll through Hyde Park.

"After I told him I was pregnant!" said Hermione, starting to cry all over again.

Parvati pulled the heavy blanket off the sofa and wrapped it around Hermione's quivering shoulders. "Oh baby, I'm happy for you. Harry should be too."

Hermione rocked against Parvati's embrace. "He doesn't want it."

"Well...maybe he just needed time to think about it," suggested Parvati diplomatically, not really trusting those falsehoods.

Hermione shook her head furiously. "I don't think so...he looked so...so...repulsed by me that he just backed into the breakfast bar before...fleeing."

Parvati held Hermione's heart shaped face in her hands and looked her in the eyes before proceeding strongly. "Hermione. You want to keep it, I can see it. It's growing in your belly and you are going to be a mother, smile and be happy. Harry's just going to have to get used to the idea and get over it."

*

"Get over yourself Hermione!" shouted Fred, his nose not an inch from hers.

"Wha--?" gasped Hermione in shock, drawing away from him she looked distraught. She looked as though Fred had just told her that Harry and Ron were dead too and the apocalypse was her Christmas present.

"Hermione," yelled George. "You've lost your parents, they are dead, and you have yet to attempt to move on!"

"They've been gone a day," she said, appalled at the apparent indifference and coolness in George's tone.

"And we're at war!" bellowed the twins in unison. "There will be time to mourn when we survive!"

"HOW DARE YOU!" shouted Hermione, her voice laced with loath and tangible pain. She stood up and suddenly her tiny five-foot figure was imposing despite the red-hot tears flying from her eyes.

What might have been a flash of success flitted over George's face and he retorted unfeelingly, "They are nothing more than casualties of war."

Fred added blatantly, "And you put them in this danger..."

Together Fred and George voiced the guilt Hermione had been feeling since the downpour. "Its all your fault."

That broke Hermione and the tears came in tidal waves, she was whimpering and crying, trying to kill the twins...but it didn't matter because she was feeling again.

*

The letter Parvati left Harry was scathing, not that she particularly cared; right now she was ashamed to know she had once considered the man a friend. Parvati hefted the overnight bag with Hermione's things in it on to her shoulder and shut off all the lights before following Hermione out the door. The doctor had advised her not to use and magical forms of transportation until her second trimester and then not again until after the third trimester was over, so Parvati hailed a cab and piled in behind Hermione.

The buzzing lights outside the window reminded Hermione of the fashion with which her mornings for the past week had past and she laid her head back so she couldn't see the swirling color. Parvati reached over and gave her knee a comforting squeeze when Hermione saw it through the slit of her eyes. "It took Dean long enough," Hermione said sarcastically. "Seamus only waited six months to ask Lavender."

Parvati looked at her engagement ring fondly; it was nothing nearly as generous as Hermione's but it was so special, garnet and tiny newborn pearls. A bit unorthodox, but then again so was Dean. "It was what I was coming to tell you because Lavender can't make it through a conversation without six trips to the loo and Ginny is at work, and Padma's abroad."

"I am so happy for you," whispered Hermione as she hugged Parvati tightly.

The driver stopped in front of a music store and looked at Parvati and Hermione oddly because the store was closed, but he didn't question or complain as Parvati told him to keep the change. The girls watched the cab as it bled into the shadows and walked into the Leaky Cauldron.

From behind a platter of shot glasses Ginny said, "Hi ladies, wait a moment and I'll bring over the usual."

Parvati shook her head and said, "Not tonight."

Ginny sensed almost instantly that something was afoot or aloof and putting the tray down she wiped her hands on her apron before coming over to them. "Is everything okay?" her intuition spoke for her. Parvati gave Hermione a glance and Hermione interrogated her shoes so Ginny gave them both a hug and said, "I'll be over at eleven just after my shift, I'll owl Lavender too."

*

Sympathetically Hermione rubbed Ginny's back as her friend cried into her pillow. "I can't believe he just left me!" she howled.

Hermione didn't quite know what to say...she had Ron, then she promptly banished the thought, Ron was not a subject she wanted to dwell on. She'd have the rest of her life with him to dwell on him. "It'll get better, I promise," she whispered, cringing at her little white lie.

"Promise?" croaked Ginny, raising her angled head to reveal blood shot eyes and pasty pale skin.

"He didn't deserve you," Hermione reassured her, wishing she believed all of that too.

"We've got dark chocolate, hot chocolate, and Wily Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!" hollered Parvati from the front of Hermione's flat.

"The comfort food of champions," murmured Hermione.

Ginny's eyes popped open. "Did you have to tell everybody that I lost Neville Longbottom to Smutty Cho Chang?"

"You're owl was pretty desperate, I thought I might need an army," smiled Hermione apologetically.

Lavender pulled Hermione's television cart into the room and stared at it blankly for a while before Hermione took pity on her and pressed the button labeled 'Power'.

Lavender thus followed this action with a brilliant gesture of awe, because "Ooh. Ah," is not a gesture of understanding.

*

Lavender got to Parvati's flat before Ginny did and took one look at Hermione, whom was sitting on Parvati's couch in her pajamas stirring the coffee grounds in her mug. She was carrying a dripping umbrella and her own pajamas were slick with water, as she had apparently been told not to Apparate in her delicate state too. It took one look at the desolate form of Hermione before she asked carefully, "What did he do?" She embraced Hermione, having never quite seen her in such a state since they were thirteen.

Hermione sat a bit stiff in Lavender's arms before returning the hug and wrapping her arms tightly around the other girl. Ginny's dry frame bumped into Hermione's shoulder and joined the huddle of arms, pressing her cheek to Hermione's from over her shoulder. This lasted for several very peaceful moments until Lavender said abruptly, "I have to pee."

Lavender waddled into Parvati's bathroom while Ginny and Parvati got the chocolate and protein shakes. Parvati had decreed Hermione would also drink a protein shake as opposed to the hot chocolate she and Ginny were having. Ginny was a bit puzzled by this announcement, but she looked at Hermione and the older girl just nodded cryptically.

Next Parvati gathered a mountain of pillows and blankets and toppled them on to the sofa. Hermione and Ginny had the mandatory argument over who got the heated blanket until it was determined (by Lavender) that Lavender got the heater blanket.

Ginny settled for a big fluffy stack of pillows, once the wiggling and unfolding of blankets was complete Parvati looked at Hermione and said, "Get it all out."

"Wait," said Lavender, "I have to go pee." She got up again and Ginny stole the heater blanket only to have it snatched away by Lavender a minute later. Again Lavender settled in and for a moment she looked up thoughtfully as though daring the fates to make her bladder scream again, before she said, "Now, lay it on us."

The proclamation that followed took four protein shakes, a large block of low-fat chocolate, twelve trips to the bathroom, and it was followed by several oaths from Ginny. The oaths caused Lavender to smack Ginny with a pillow, covering her belly and Hermione's with one hand each she said, "Little ears."

Ginny replied by waving her cup of hot chocolate under Lavender's nose and then asking tartly, "Need another protein shake dear?"

"I have to pee," said Hermione and Lavender at the same time.

*

Hermione hardly read the tabloids, and she didn't think Harry did either, so it startled her one morning when her breakfast was interrupted by the Sunday Prophet and a copy of Sunday Scandals, the infamous witching tabloid that Parvati and Ginny denied reading religiously.

Hermione looked over her shoulder to make sure Harry was still snoring in their bedroom before unfurling the tabloid. She knew instantly why she had received a copy--her picture was all over the cover A One Night Stand Leads to the Alter--Granger is Having Potter's Child? All Your Questions Answered Inside.

Furiously Hermione read the article and saw photos of moments, some dating back to school, that she didn't clearly recall, let alone remember photographing.

The article was demoralizing trash to say the least. It told of every torrid affair she had ever had, starting with Viktor and then exploiting that she and Ron were no longer on speaking terms, and then detailing how she was only married to Harry because she was pregnant.

The rubbish infuriated her, she was eighteen, and on her honeymoon with a man she genuinely loved and this paper was not helping her to enjoy the Virgin Islands.

She scanned over the next few pages, scowling at the speculations; the wrong accusations and then her eyes darted to the name of the author. She almost wished it had been Rita so she could get her revenge. Stuffing the tabloid into the trash she wondered how long it would take her to find enough evidence to blackmail Dona le Vooulg.

*

Hedwig woke Hermione rudely by biting down on her knuckle. Hermione read the letter carefully, but there wasn't much to interpret, actually Harry was being very straight forward by writing Please come home? Hermione resentfully sent the owl away without a reply, not that Hedwig didn't try to peck one out of her, but Hermione suspected that Harry had told the bird to be careful with her.

"Are you going to go?" asked Parvati whom had been reading over her shoulder.

Hermione smiled and then asked teasingly, "Don't you have work or something?"

Parvati shrugged and brought her a breakfast of what looked like nothing but soy products. "I thought you might still need a shoulder so I took the day, Lav says she wants to go to shopping today for baby booties. She's got baby mania."

Hermione laughed, but then her face lengthened and said thoughtfully, "I'm going to."

Parvati looked skeptical but kept her opinions to herself, for which Hermione was grateful to her, and she said tactfully, "If that's what you want, you can leave your stuff if you want, and I'll be here if you need me."

Hermione stood up and went to change clothes, she came back several minutes later in her sweatpants and overgrown shirt that she usually only wore if she had the cramps. "I'll be back to get my stuff," she said confident that everything would be all right.

Parvati hugged her briefly with one arm because the other was soapy from washing coffee mugs from the night previous. "Good luck sweet."

"I won't need it," Hermione said, trying to reassure herself too.

The cab ride was too short, too tidy; it didn't give her adequate time to prepare herself for seeing her estranged husband. When she paid the fare she was thoroughly unhinged and ready to pay the fare for the trip back despite the fact that she had just arrived on the sidewalk.

The cab was gone before she could get back in.

Looking at her options Hermione decided to go up to the flat before it either A.) Started to rain or B.) She had to use the toilet. Sensing that one of the two inevitable was going to happen, probably both, she took the elevator up to their floor and knocked on the door before inserting her key and walking in.

Harry was pacing, it was one of his nasty habits that Hermione had hated from the moment she had met him, she supposed it was a habit all tragic heroes sported but she wished it had gone away with the Dark Lord. Unfortunately it hadn't gone away. Harry saw her come in and rushed to her side, enveloping her in a crushing hug that she hoped wouldn't hurt the baby. "Hermione," he said as though he couldn't believe his luck.

"Harry," she said stepping out of his motion range, having no desire to be squeezed to death. She tipped on to the stool at the window and looked down on to the street below.

"Where's your stuff?" asked Harry curiously. Patiently Hermione waited for him to scan the entire room and then scratch his head.

"At Parvati's, you just told me to come home, you never asked me to stay," she said, meeting his eyes head on without a trace of tears.

"You still call it home," he said hopefully.

Hermione stood up and crossed her arms defiantly. "We need to talk Harry," her point pressing but she sensed that Harry really didn't want to. Then she decided that she didn't give a damn what Harry wanted. Then she contributed the previous statement to hormones.

"Do we really Hermione? Can't we just get rid of it?"

That was the wrong thing to say and Harry soon realized that as Hermione slapped him with all her might and a red hand print lit up the side if his face where their flesh had connected.

In the aftermath the only sounds were the ringing of skin on skin and Hermione's heavy panting. Harry wallowed in shock, partially because he didn't think Hermione would hit him and partially because he had always thought Draco Malfoy was a drama queen.

"You want to kill them? Do you want to throw away your own children?"

Harry staggered a bit, he had never seen Hermione like this, she looked so radical...fierce. Her eyes were glowing with a vengeance, her voice was dripping poison, and her hand was raised to attack him again. Then he caught on to one very large detail. "Children-plural?"

For a moment Hermione considered putting her hand down, but she didn't need much convincing to keep it raised, "Twins," she confirmed.

"How do you know that...its so soon, you're not even showing yet."

Hermione rolled her eyes and then did put her hand down, knowing that Harry was so scared of her that he would give her a berth the length of the Titanic if the flat was only big enough. "The marvels of modern magic," she said with a sigh as though he should have known. He should have known too, it was called the Medical Magic section of the Prophet.

"Oh," stated Harry.

"Is that all you can say Harry? I've just slapped you, told you you're the father of twins, and all you can do is stare at me like I'm ill, what does it take to get your attention?"

Harry backed into the breakfast bar as he had done the night before. "Believe me, you've got my attention."

"Don't you even want to give being a parent a try?" asked Hermione, looking at him wondrously, curious to know how cold his heart really was.

"Hermione, dear, I just turned twenty-one, I'm not ready for diapers and babies. In fact I wasn't going to be ready for about another ten years," argued Harry.

Hermione looked at him accusingly, "Do you think its my fault this happened, you had an equal contribution to this," she pointed to her stomach.

"I know," said Harry, trying to look guilty. He didn't do it very well.

Hermione softened a bit and she lowered her voice half an octave, "Will you give it a try?"

Harry nodded.

"Good," said Hermione, relief gushing from her voice as she went to Harry and kissed him forcefully.

He returned the kiss and muttered to her, "I love you."

"I love you too."