The Death of All Reason

THE DEATH OF ALL REASON

It was a fine October day. The skies were a dark, depressing gray and the trees in the Forbidden Forest had long lost their leaves. The lake had frozen over and the snow that had been white and crisp and sparkly only a few weeks before was now brown and muddy and utterly disgusting.

The mentioning that it was a fine day was not sarcastic, due to the miserable weather Hogwarts had seen that year. Term started off on a blisteringly hot day. It quickly turned cold, and then snowy, and then hot again, and then everything re-froze. For about three weeks the land had been covered in a dense, pea-green fog. It was like that book, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, except without the food. Which is to say, really bad weather.

So now the dark depressing gray skies were a welcome sight, and many students could be found frolicking on the grounds bundled in several layers of cloaks and coats and jumpers and the likes so that they looked like great black snowballs.

Not among these students was a group of Sixth-Year and Fifth-Year Gryffindors, and one Fifth-Year Ravenclaw. These children were assembled in the Gryffindor Common Room, where they were having a poetry slam. They found that through their poems they could vent about things. Currently, Luna Lovegood was reciting a poem she had composed about her boyfriend of about two months, Harry Potter.

"My boyfriend's name is Harry,

He looks so much like his dad it's scary

He's smart

But he bottles his emotions

Let it go, man, let it go.

We always go for long walks

And sometimes we have some very long talks

We talk

But we should talk some more

Let me know, man, let me know.

My stuff keeps on disappearing

Yesterday someone took one of my earrings

I'm mad

But Harry makes me feel better

I love you, man, I love you."

Harry stared at her with rapt attention. When he realized that she was done speaking, about three or four minutes after she had returned to her place beside him, he gave her a long, wet kiss on the mouth. Hermione, who had written and was currently reciting a touching poem about the plight of the Thestrals, found this quite endearing so she started making up a poem in their honor.

"Harry and Luna,

Luna and Harry,

Go together well.

She is weird

He had a beard

Doesn't he look swell?

They kiss a lot now.

I sometimes say 'Not now.'

Then they turn and smile.

Tonight they'll snog

Work like a dog

They'll marry after a while.

Oh, yes, I wager, they'll marry after a while."

Harry and Luna were too busy kissing to notice she had changed poems. This caused Hermione to become quite annoyed and so she sat down while planning a prank to play on the two lovebirds for their inattention. The rest of the audience, tired of the poetry, cast around for suggestions on what to do next. Neville's suggestion that they should dance the Hava Nagila in honor of Harry's engagement to Luna, which hadn't happened yet but they all knew was inevitable.

That year had been much better in some ways than the last. For one thing, Fudge had "stepped down," (read: Fudge had been forced to resign because of alleged connections to the Death Eaters and the Albanian Mafia) and Arthur Weasley was now Minister of Magic. Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle had all been transferred to Durmstrang Correctional Facility for Young Criminally-Inclined Wizards. Professor Umbridge had been "sacrificed to the Heavens" by the Centaurs and various other Woodland creatures. Harry had been given intensive grief counseling during the summer to help him cope with the loss of his godfather, and he and Luna had a strong, healthy relationship. He had been named Special Protector of the School, which he had been unofficially since he arrived at Hogwarts, but Dumbledore felt that he could use the ego boost and made it official. Dumbledore also named Harry the Security Coordination Prefect, because he wasn't sure if Harry would feel quite special enough with the first title only. Also, because all the rest of the original Gryffindor Quidditch team had left in the previous year, and Umbridge was gone, Harry was back on the team as Captain and Seeker.

Dumbledore was in full control of Hogwarts. The board of Governors now consisted of Remus Lupin, Larry Lovegood (Luna's father), "Gran" Longbottom, Harold Abbot (Hannah Abbot's father), Beatrice Zabini (Blaise's mother), Molly, Bill, and Charlie Weasley, and the only incorrupt four of the twelve original governors. Nymphadora Tonks was the Defense teacher, and the DA was now an official elective, with Harry as the head, of course. Snape had undergone in-depth therapy for his emotional problems, and he was now less of an arse-hole or bastard than he had ever been. He had also been forced by the entire faculty of Hogwarts to go to a salon and have his hair done. It was still black, but no longer limp or greasy. He looked great, and smelled nice too. It made Hermione fall in love with him, which no one really paid much attention to.

But despite all these improvements, the Dark Lord was still out there and he'd occasionally attack a small Muggle village. Wizards took notice of how bad this was and created such campaign slogans such as:

Just Say

NO

To

THE DARK LORD

And

Muggle Baiting

Just DON'T do it!

Well, they were pretty pathetic, but they seemed to have a great affect on small children.

Back to our story.

Hermione then announced the next meeting of her latest group: The Inter-House Knitting Circle. She named it that because it was short, to the point, and did not have an acronym that spelled some unfortunate word. And, unlike her first club, it was a wild success.

Later that night, Harry and Luna were snogging in the hallway. Dean and Seamus came up to them wearing matching red, yellow, and green tie-dyed shirts with black "maple leaves" on the front. Seamus was carrying a smoking bong and they were Dean was singing "I Can See Clearly Now" at the top of his lungs and way out of tune.

"Hey, man, you wanna hit the bong?" Seamus asked Harry.

"Why not?" and so Harry did. Luna followed suit.

Soon enough, Dean and Seamus got everyone in the entire school to take a deep breath out of the bong and everyone was high. And they all lived in a magical rainbow world for days and days.

Of course, Voldemort noticed and attacked Hogwarts. He was so confident that he could knock all of them of the face of the earth that he attacked solo. After he had killed several nameless students, the remainder snapped to attention and implemented the method Harry had taught them at the first DA for torturing Dark Wizards: dancing in a circle around them while chanting, "THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND..........." For it is well known that all Dark Wizards get exceedingly motion sick quite easily and they are driven insane by nursery rhymes.

Their method worked, and so the Dark Lord collapsed and they went away, leaving the Thestrals to pick Voldie's unconscious body apart. But his flesh was not to their liking, and so they left him. He crawled away through the Forbidden Forest and out to the place where he could Apparate, and so he did. And everyone cursed themselves for letting him away.

That day at Hogwarts, the great lament of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" went up for all the victims that had perished during the attack. And it was noted that Voldemort had escaped, and all were disappointed. But Harry, feeling compelled to do something because of his leadership position, decided to make a speech.

"I know you're all very saddened by our loss. I am too. I feel as if I should have done more to protect those innocent victims. But we can't let it get to us. If it does, we'll get nowhere fast. We must build up our defense. Let's all unite against the Dark Lord! Let's train faster, work harder, develop new weapons against this horrible shadow of a Dark Lord! Let's show him who kicks more arse!"

Somehow, this pathetic excuse for a pep talk worked on the school, and so they trained faster, worked harder, and developed new weapons for use in the fight against Voldemort.

By the start of the Christmas holidays, the student body of Hogwarts was the strongest army of child soldiers the world had ever seen. Their newest weapon: knitting. No one was really quite sure how this would work against Voldemort, but everyone was very sure of one thing: The Dark Lord was deathly afraid of everything related to sheep.

Everyone had a lovely Christmas holiday, and came back refreshed and renewed. Harry and his friends designed a combat uniform for the students: various colored sheep suits. They looked downright weird in them, and that was sure to throw off Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

The rest of the year passed quickly, and nothing major happened to anyone besides the death of Cho Chang, who committed suicide because her grief for Cedric just wouldn't go away of its own accord. Crookshanks had a litter of kittens, which was remarkable because he was male. But those two things were the only events that stood out over a vast purple sea of goings-on at Hogwarts that year.

At the leaving feast, however, something truly remarkable happened: Professor Snape proposed to Professor Trelawney in front of the whole school. And she accepted his offer. It came as a major shock to most of the students, because the mental images that went along with a wedding (i.e. the wedding night) were quite disturbing when the "happy couple" was Snape and Trelawney. It was old news to Harry that Snape wanted to marry Trelawney. They had mended their differences over tea one afternoon after an Occlumency lesson, and were each others' greatest confidants. Harry decided to wait to propose to Luna until the next Christmas holiday, which they both planned to be at Hogwarts. After all, Harry still had one year left at Hogwarts, and Luna had two.

And so they all went to the Burrow for the summer holiday, where good times were had by all. And they were all blissfully, blissfully happy until the start of the next school year.

~The End~