A Wish for Peace

After she had coaxed her friend (who was laughing uncontrollably at the sounds of Severus' singing wafting down the hall) out of the study, and locked the door, she decided that the only way she'd ever get any peace around here was if she could lock herself in the bathroom. Suddenly, it dawned on her to simply take a bath. So, she gathered up her book, conjured up some sweet-smelling shampoo, and made her way to the bathroom she'd created.

Might as well put it to use, she thought.

Minerva shut the bathroom door behind her and disrobed, making sure to pull the confining pins from her hair and let the ebony locks cascade freely down her back. She bent over and turned on the water (as well as an assortment of colorful bubbles) full force, sighing contentedly at the simple fact that no one, absolutely no one could bother her in here. When the deep bathtub was full, she stepped into it carefully, sinking deeper and deeper into the warm, bubbly water. She closed her eyes and smiled a bit. Peace.

Knowing the trend so far, you will probably realize that Minerva's peace never seems to last for long, and indeed, the pattern continued. Suddenly, there was a bang as someone entered the study at a run, and burst into the bathroom. A moment too late, she realized that she'd forgotten to lock the doors.

"Mr. Potter?" she shouted in disbelief.

The boy in front of her was wearing a look of pure shock, his mouth hanging agape and his green eyes wide with the utter terror of what he was seeing. It was Professor McGonagall, in the bathtub. Harry had never, ever wanted to see what he was seeing at this moment, and was completely incapable of coherent speech. He took a few deep breaths and tried hard not to hyperventilate.

"P-Professor McGonagall. I...er...hi," he said, blushing a shade of scarlet that would have put the Gryffindor Common room to shame.

Minerva sunk lower into the bathtub to be absolutely sure that he couldn't see anything.

"Mr. Potter, do you mind telling my what in blazes you think you're doing here? Now?" she cried indignantly.

"I...er...ermineezagoat," he mumbled.

"If it was important enough to interrupt my personal time for, then for heaven's sake speak up, boy!"

Harry took a deep breath.

"Ron and Hermione were fighting and they got really mad and Ron tried to hex her and now she's a goat and we can't change her back so I was looking for professor Dumbledore who isn't here so I'll go know bye." He said this all in one breath, and made for the door.

"Hold it, Mr. Potter. If Ms. Granger is a goat she obviously needs to be changed back. Kindly wait outside the door for me. I'll only be a moment." Harry gladly obeyed, shutting the door behind him.

When the door was shut and Professor McGonagall was safely locked behind it, Harry walked shakily to a stiff, wooden chair (previously occupied by Snape) and sat down. He took in a deep breath. He took another one. To be absolutely safe he took yet another one. He couldn't clear from his mind what he'd just seen. How was he to know that the door in Professor Dumbledore's study was a bathroom? The fact that this room was, indeed, Professor Dumbledore's study, led to the inevitable question of what was Professor McGonagall doing in his study, and furthermore, the bathroom of his study? But he didn't want to think about that. Not now, not ever. He also didn't think that getting help was worth having to see McGonagall in the nude. He shook his head and shuddered just a little bit.

"I'd have been better off just letting Hermione gnaw on the tables," he muttered.

On the other side of the door, Minerva sighed and stepped out of the tub regretfully; it was wonderfully warm. But she was far too stunned to notice much except for the fact that a student had just seen her naked. Harry Potter, to be exact. She knew that she could trust him not to gossip about it but the utter horror and embarrassment of the whole ordeal had left her rather numb. She quickly dried herself with one of the fluffy, scarlet towels that were hanging on a gilded towel holder. When she conjured something, she did it properly, right down to the perfect little pink bath beads. She wanted nothing more than to cuddle herself up in her thick, fleece robe and try -yet again- to burrow herself in her book. This, however was out of the question, so she dejectedly zapped her hair dry and into place with her wand and looked it over in the mirror. Good, not a hair out of place. She conjured a regular set of emerald green robes and dressed herself as quickly as she could.

Who knew how long they'd have to change Ms. Granger back before she was permanently a goat? She didn't want to think about how she'd ever tell Hermione's parents that their daughter was now a grazing, mountain goat, so she focused on not thinking about how warm and comfortable her bath had been, and put duty ahead of pleasure. She pulled the door open rather more sharply than she had meant to and reluctantly vanished the bathroom with a wave of her wand.

"Well then, Mr. Potter? Kindly lead me to wherever Ms. Granger may be." Harry jumped from his chair as if he'd been electrified, and rushed to the door.

He tried hard not to look at Professor McGonagall as he walked and kept his eyes furiously averted. He knew better than anyone, that making eye contact after a thoroughly embarrassing moment would only be extremely uncomfortable for all parties involved. They reached the Gryffindor Portrait Hole and Harry muttered the password.

"Brave Heart," he said.

It swung open with a nod and they entered swiftly to find that Hermione was wreaking havoc on the Gryffindor Common Room. The chairs were tipped and torn, and many of the portrait's occupants had hid behind their frames. She was rampaging around, tearing at couches, knocking over just about anything that would make a good, loud, bang, and had most of the students clamoring on tables and desks to get away from her. Ron Weasley was huddled up in the corner of the Boy's Dormitory staircase, whimpering.

"Step back! I'll change her back, and will someone please at least attempt to get a hold on her? Thank you Ms. Weasley, Mr. Thomas." Professor McGonagall rolled up her sleeves and pointed her wand at the squirming goat in front of her.

"Reverse Incantatem," she said. A blast of orange light shot form her wand, and where the furious goat had been, sat Hermione, irritably shrugging off Dean's and Ginny's hands.

"Ronald Weasley! When I get my hands on you I swear..." she roared.

Ron squeaked from in his corner that he hadn't meant any of it. She proceeded to chase him around the common room, doing, if possible, more damage than she'd already done. When she finally had him cornered, she advanced on him, wand raised as everyone watched in wide-eyed anticipation.

"Eep," Ron murmured in horror.

They looked eye to eye, and suddenly, Hermione dropped her wand and pressed her lips hard against Ron's. Far from pulling back, he responded immediately. Most of the crowd cheered and whistled. Finally! The sexual tension between those two was almost unbearable! Ginny Weasley however went pale and turned around in disgust, and Fred and George looked as if they were going to be sick. Professor McGonagall turned around and tried to hide a smile.

Harry looked extremely puzzled, and looked at her.

"Er, well...thanks. I think..." he said.

Professor McGonagall hid back under her teacher façade and turned around to face him.

"Yes, well...*ahem* I suppose the problem is solved now. Good evening, Mr Potter."

Harry simply nodded and looked on in sheer disbelief as Ron and Hermione began to snog passionately.

Minerva left through the portrait hole, shaking her head, but not soon enough to miss seeing Fred and George pretending to vomit and shield their 'burning' eyes. She smiled to herself. Mrs. Weasley had forced them to finish school for their last year, and to be quite honest, though their constant pranks were tiresome, she was fond of them in her own way. She reached the entrance to Dumbledore's office, and muttered the password.

"Firewhisky."

The gargoyle leapt aside immediately and she boarded the spiraling staircase with a nod. She had persuaded Albus to change his password from some kind of candy, because it was just too easy to guess. The staircase led her once again to Dumbledore's office, and she stepped through a door on the left into his study. There was no point in even attempting the bath again. Lord knows who would burst through the door if she tried that. No, she was better off just making herself a cup of strong, sweet tea and perhaps trying to read her book again. So, she picked up her book gently and walked over to the desk by the window, conjuring up a silver platter, complete with a fine porcelain sugar dish, teapot, and a creamer full of milk. She sighed contentedly and poured some tea into her cup. She counted out one...two...three scoops of sugar and just as she was about to add some milk, an ear shattering screech filled the air, and a quick succession of equally catastrophic things happened.

She promptly spilled the milk, smashed her teacup and sent the tray flying with her sudden, startled jump. That wasn't even the worst of it; her book fell to the floor with a muffled bang.

"What in blazes?" she shouted, grabbing her wand out of her pocket (not her back one) and rushing out of the doors and down into the corridor below, where the oddest sight met her eyes.

There were two people and one...well she couldn't be sure what it was, but whatever it was, was waddling around and letting off a high pitched shriek every few moments. It had a strange flat head with an elongated beak, and a thin, whippy tail that was thrashing around wildly. It had large talons for feet, with claws that Minerva was sure were capable of impaling someone, and was short, fat and round, waddling around in a very unbalanced way. Its small beady eyes were bulging with anger, and it waddled around furiously, trying to say what it wanted to say.

The two other people (Homo-Sapiens, at least) were in a very bad way as well. One of them -whom Minerva recognized as Xiomara Hooch- was rolling around on the ground, half laughing, half crying and clutching her strange flipper like...well Minerva could only say that it was her hand. The other, she couldn't identify immediately, due to a large amount of thick fog surrounding the person's head. She realized that it was Professor Trelawney, with a cloud of some smoke-like substance obscuring her face.

"What the bloody hell is going on around here?" Minerva shouted.

Trelawney looked at her and spoke in a muffled sort of voice.

"She did it," she said, pointing a long, bony finger at Xiomara, who was rolling around with tears of laughter and pain in her eyes.

"Xiomara! What did you do to Sibyll?" Minerva asked incredulously.

Xiomara stood up, still clutching her flipper, and said as best she could through her frequent grunts of pain and bursts of laughter,

"It's a...funny story, actually.... Tried to curse Trelawney...-her head's always in the clouds anyway- and then Severus thought I was aiming at him...gave me this...." She held up her fin which flopped around uselessly. "And I shouted some kind of spell...-can't remember what- and I guess it hit him...Oww!" she screamed suddenly.

Minerva could see at once what she was shouting about. A large, slippery gray dorsal fin was sprouting out of her back in what looked to be a very painful way. Suddenly, she got an idea.

"Xiomara, if you tell me how to change Severus back, then I can change you back to your original state. With out the fins, I mean."

Xiomara's expression changed for a moment from extreme pain to humor, and she said,

"What's wrong with him? Severus always looks like that!" Minerva rolled her eyes.

She decided just to change them both back and return tidy up the mess in her room. However, this was easier said than done. She had tried a number of spells, none of which had worked at all.

"Er...Xiomara? Just what sort of spell did you use on him?"

Xiomara looked thoughtful as the intense pain in her back and face intensified and she let out a cry.

"I...can't tell you now! Change...me...AH! Back! NOW!" Minerva sighed and quickly reversed the spell. She knew what spell it was, because Severus, as a student, had done the same thing to several people. It was his 'specialty' so to speak.

The pain subsided, and Minerva stared at her friend sternly, trying to get information while ignoring Trelawney's muffled cries, and Severus's strange screeching noise. Truth be told, she knew exactly how to reverse Trelawney's ailment. She just didn't want to at the moment.

"Ok...I'm waiting." Xiomara huffed and glared at her friend, her hawk-like eyes narrowing.

"Fine, fine. He'll have to take a potion. It's complicated, but he'll be able to manage. It's one of those things that a spell can't reverse, it happens from inside the body."

Minerva, sensing another chance to subtly play matchmaker, said,

"Why don't you help him? Because face it, he won't be able to do anything in that form of his."

Xiomara sighed a long suffering sigh.

"All right, all right. I won't enjoy it though," she said irritably.

Minerva smirked and watched Xiomara grab Severus by the webbed hand and lead him off into the dungeons grumbling.

Now, to deal with her.

"Mmph! Mmph!" came Trelawney's muffled shout as she tugged on Minerva's arm urgently. Minerva sighed and re-settled her spectacles on the bridge of her nose. Taking her time, she turned to the foggy woman, flourished her wand unnecessarily and said the incantation.

Trelawney's head was suddenly free of the smoke and she looked extremely ruffled.

It's a pity, Minerva thought. It could have very well helped her visions.

"Thank you, Minerva," Trelawney said stiffly.

"Yes. Do try to keep your head out of the clouds, next time, Sibyll. I do know how hard you try to See the future, but next time look further ahead then your next meal, and maybe you could prevent something like this," Minerva replied, indifferently turning away from her and marching purposefully up to her room.

Unfortunately, someone stepped in front of her, blocking her way. It was a tall, golden-haired someone, who had the look of a very good looking man gone slightly to seed.

"Gilderoy?" Minerva asked incredulously.

Gilderoy grabbed her hand and kissed it, flourishing his other arm about needlessly.

"Yes, my dear! It is indeed I, the astonishingly brave and handsome Gilderoy Lockhart!"

Astonishingly arrogant, more like, Minerva thought.

"I thought that you were.... *ahem* out of commission for a while?" She resisted to say insane, nuts, or off your rocker and replaced all of those possibilities quite professionally, she thought.

"Ah, yes. My little run in with Messrs. Potter and Weasley. Well, I'm sure that you will be glad to know that I have made a full recovery and am able to return to dear old Hogwarts once again, as the assistant Defense Against The Dark Arts professor!" He looked proud, as if his mere presence was a huge treat for her.

"I'm ecstatic," she said dryly. "So, I expect that you should be leaving now? Lot's of work to do, I suppose?" Minerva was trying frantically to get him as far away from her as humanly possible.

"Ah, not at all, my dear! Not at all! Gilderoy Lockheart always has time to spend with a lovely lady! In fact, I would like you to have the privilege of accompanying me to my quarters, to, er, catch up. We could be alone." He looked at her in what he obviously thought was a seductive way. She firmly pushed him away.

"I'm sorry Gilderoy," she said coldly, "but Albus and I have been happily married for many years. If you'll excuse me, I do have work to do. Good day, Professor Lockheart." Minerva walked away briskly, her back turned firmly on Gilderoy, leaving him standing there, thoroughly confused that any woman could resist his charm. He'd been away for too long.

Letting out a deep sigh of relief, Minerva walked faster to get back to the study again. The spilt tea would make the floor and table quite wet and sticky, and she was anxious to get to it before it dried and just left mysterious spots of stickiness that grabbed your socks as you walked over it and were harder to clean up than a puddle. She entered through the few doors and discovered that Fawkes had helped with the little milk and sugar problem. But the sweet tea was all over the floor and table, so Minerva conjured up a damp towel and set to work on the mess. Instead of easily vanishing the mess with her wand, she busied herself with something. She needed something to do with her hands.

As she scrubbed at the sticky puddle she immediately regretted adding so much sugar. Once the mess was cleaned up and she had vanished the damp towel, she decided, once again, to set about the task of reading her book. In fact, she'd tried so many times to begin reading it that she'd forgotten what it was about. But, as she reached for her book, she got a nasty surprise; her book was drenched in sugary tea that was forcing the many pages to stick together stubbornly, and was distorting the words. Praying that it wasn't an important book, she picked it up unceremoniously by the cover and tossed it into the waste basket.

She took her glasses off her nose and tossed them onto the table, freeing her hair as she went. Nothing, nothing, NOTHING was going to stop her from relaxing this time. Not transfigured people, goats, dolphins, Phoenixes, Ministry officials, or even Lord Voldemort himself would stop her from settling into her chair, in front of the dying embers of her fire and enjoying her peace. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath in. Silence. Was. Bliss. Not a moment later, there came a timid rap at the door.