Legacy of the Marauders

Chapter Twenty-Three Books, Shattered Windows, and Some Tap Dancing for Flavour

Remus found that he was glad when the Hogsmeade trip arrived. He knew that girls loved to shop; yet he had never shopped with girls aside from taking Sapphire to a bookstore, and that had not been enjoyable.

Flashback

"Excuse me?" Sapphire asked the aged bloke behind the checkout counter.

Sirius had invariably desired to "check out hot chicks" at the checkout counter, however, if he had been there to witness what happened next Remus was convinced that he would have changed his mind.

The bloke's protruding eyes that had been focused on a magazine glanced up and focused on Sapphire's large breasts before they looked at her face. "Yes, midear?"

Sapphire either did not notice his rudeness or was so accustomed to such behaviour that she did not care, for she simply said, "Would you be so kind as to tell us where the fantasy books are kept?"

"The last bookcase on the right. Now, will you do something for me?"

Remus slipped his arm protectively around Sapphire's waist when she cheerfully replied, "It depends."

"I need to recover something I lost."

Your manners? wondered Remus grimly.

Curiously, she queried, "What's that?"

The man gave a bland smile. "I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?"

Remus' arm tightened unconsciously around Sapphire's hips as he forced himself to remain as calm as he usually was. He had seen the quick tempers of James and Sirius cause too many problems not to b aware of its dangers.

Sensing that Remus was attempting to retain serenity she bit back her typical witty retort and simply stated, "No. Even I wasn't already in a wonderful relationship I would never even consider dating someone as impolite, lascivious, and old as you."

"I'm not old," he claimed as he ran a wrinkled fingertip over his nearly hairless cranium. He sang,
"I'm too sexy for my hair.
That's why it isn't there!"

The shop's windows shattered and the broken pieces of glass scurried away shrieking.

A furious voice shouted from an unknown position, "Gerard, are you singing again?"

The man squeaked, "Sorry!"

A door that blended in flawlessly with the paneled walls opened and a very short chap with a loud, booming voice came out snarling, "I told you no more singing, flirting with young customers, or doing frog imitations! Go in the back and stick price tags on books so you can't do anymore damage. I swear, if you weren't such a great tap dancer I'd fire you."

With a meek nod the elderly man disappeared through the undetectable door carrying a thick dictionary, which he began to flip through muttering, "Lascivious...lascivious...?"

The newly arrived bloke pushed over a small stepladder to use to see over the counter. "Hello there! I'm sorry if Gerard bothered you, but you'd think better of him if you saw him tap dance. He's more amazing than the music a tomato makes, and that is saying something!"

It says that you're completely crazy, thought Sapphire sympathetically.

Remus answered the storeowner, "It could have been worse. Would it be all right if we just looked at books now?"

"Be my guest," was the amiable response.

The werewolf, with his arm still around Sapphire, gaited towards the bookcase that Gerard had indicated earlier. A stout redhead stood near it holding an open book and whispering to someone that was seemingly invisible.

"Are you all right?' Remus asked her pleasantly.

She turned to him and growled inches from his face, "DON'T TALK TO ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO MYSELF!"

Remus was spared the effort of thinking of a response since the girl dropped her book and dashed off.

Sapphire picked up the tome and murmured the title aloud thoughtfully, "Pirates: Marauders of the Sea."

"What?" gasped Remus, peering at the book over her shoulder. "My mates won't be glad that someone used our official name."

"You didn't invent the word marauders," Sapphire pointed out.

"No, but we worked so hard to make it stick. James actually hexed a kid once for accidentally calling us 'Martyrs."

Sapphire winced at the thought of a hex.

Remus continued, "It wasn't as bad as the curse Sirius used on a girl that referred to us as 'Murderers.' Since then everyone has gotten our title right."

"Why did you choose that as your group name?"

"In second year we played a prank, but no one could prove it was us. Filch came up to us and said, 'I know it was you. You're a bunch of toenail-clipping, parchment-eating, shoe-smelling, rectangle-dancing, stapler-throwing, tissue-worshipping, egg-snogging marauders! I'd love to chain you up in the dungeons by your toes, though Dumbledore won't let me.' Then he walked away with Mrs. Norris."

She questioned, "If his cat is Mrs. Norris who is Mr. Norris? Maybe it'll be Crookshanks."

"What's a crookshank? It sounds like a Muggle cleaning solution or a pirates' physician."

Long blonde hair swished as Sapphire shook her head in bemusement. "I have no idea. I think I had an out-of-era experience. Never mind; please finish the story."

"After Filch left Peter asked, 'Isn't it square-dancing, not rectangle dancing?'

Sirius said, shocked, 'That's the only thing he ranted about that you thought was weird?'

Before he could say anything James cried, 'Who cares about that? Did you hear what he called us?'

'Yeah. Tissue-worshippers.' Sirius sounded disturbed, and not much disturbs him. I ought to know.

Impatiently, James told us, 'No, he called us marauders. Doesn't that have a nice sound to it?' We all agreed that it did, so James decided, 'Great! It'll be our special name. We need a slogan. Any ideas?'

Peter suggested, 'Lupin, Pettigrew, Potter, and Black!
With the Marauders you'll have fun and need to watch your back!'

'Cute,' James said. 'We need something that sounds sophisticated and a little dangerous, not cute.'

I gave Peter a comforting pat on the shoulder before I said, 'Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers.' They all liked that, so we kept it, and that night we started writing the Marauding Code of Conduct."

"That's interesting," commented Sapphire truthfully. She ran one of her slender fingers along the spines of the books neatly arranged upon the shelves. A volume entitled Best Fantasies of 1976 captured her attention. She pulled it out and opened to an illustrated page. The picture caused her to scream and instinctively toss the book away from her.

Remus' hand clasped clumsily around it ere it clattered to the floor. A single glance at the moving photograph that had frightened Sapphire made the lycanthrope instantaneously snap the book shut in revulsion. "I guess that's what Gerard thought we meant by the fantasy section." He shuddered, trying to cast away the residual image that the porn picture had left in his brain. Once he succeeded he added, "That was absolutely disgusting. Although, some people think I'm disgusting since I eat pickles and chocolate. People in glass homes shouldn't throw stones."

The redhead looked in through a shattered window and advised, "People in fat houses shouldn't throw breadsticks."

They saw the insane girl dart away, glanced warily at the porn-filled bookcases, stared at the tiny bookshop owner watching the old man tap dance with avid admiration, and exited the store with rapid, syncranised footsteps.

End of Flashback

As Remus\Joanna entered a clothing shop with Alice, Lily, and Sapphire he could not help hoping that this experience would be more pleasant.