The Diary of Blaise Zabini (Girl Wonder)

Day: September 8^th, 1993, Page number: 7

Dear Diary,

I've decided to skive off classes; they bore me, what's the point of learning things you're not interested in? There isn't one, which is exactly my point. So why should I go and spend hours in hell. I'd rather watch Pansy put on a strip show for a punch of goblins. Now that would be entertaining, and not necessarily in a good way.

McGonagall is such a bitch. I don't know what the hell I ever did to her, but it was probably pretty bad. The same goes for Potter and Uncle Sev. Potter didn't do anything to Uncle Sev, yet somehow, Uncle Sev is about ready to kill him. If looks could kill, Potter would be tossing in his grave.

Otter and Weasel aren't exactly my two favorite people in the world, but Uncle Sev really seems to hate him. I've heard rumors that Snape used to run around with Potter's mother....damn it! What was her name? Oh well that's not the point. Apparently Severus hates Potter because Potter is, "the son he never had." You know what I say to that? Bull shit.

I've added Potter to my "People it would be really nice to shag"-list. Just because I know it would really annoy Uncle Sev. And I live to annoy my Uncle. Rather laughable really.

Last night, I came to bed very, very very late. I had been down in Kitchens eating bon bons (the next greatest muggle invention besides the toaster oven.) and reading a Harlequin novel.

Hey! Even Slytherin girls like a good sappy romance novel filled with poorly written sex scenes and some chocolate. Just because we are ambitious, prejudice witches (take out that w and replace it wit a b), doesn't mean we are any different from the next girl.

But anyways, back to my story. I went to the kitchens and I came back around one in the morning. The first year dorm was silent. Odd....somebody should be snoring. So I made sure my footsteps were extra loud just to see if Pansy was really asleep or not. Immediately I could hear her faking sleep by breathing deeply. I slipped into my bed and peaked from behind the curtain. Sure enough she was awake! And she was reading, my first thought was, 'I didn't know Pansy could read." But the shock wore off quickly as I saw what she was reading, "Sex, Sex and More sex, all you need to know about sex, from positions to protection."

That slut! In Slytherin most people aren't virgins by third year, or so I've heard but for Christ sake! She just turned 11 on the third! She's barely begun to develop...and she resembles a pug.... too much for anybody to think of her that way...Unless they were really desperate...like Malfoy? Now that's something to dwell upon.

Mind you, if I think about it too much, I might become reacquainted with those bon-bons.

Yours Forever,

Blaise Zabini, disgusted by roommate's sexual habits

Day: September 10^th, 1993, Page Number: 10

Dear Diary,

I hate Malfoy, I HATE MALFOY! His life goal is to become the next Dark Lord! Or to become extremely powerful and rich, not that he isn't already. All he talks about is the old days, ever. And every Slytherin knows that the old days are when Death Eaters were practically running the community. Communism at it's large.

Wait, hold on...isn't communism where like, no one is rich and no one is poor or something? Another darn thing to look up. Communism...that's a funny kind of word.

Okay, so maybe the old days were more like, I don't know Nazi Germany. Now there was hell in a hand basket.

God, the Slytherins what a bunch of effing nazis! They don't even realize what they are talking about when they say they want the old days back do they? I don't think so. All Malf knows is that in the old days, a muggle born would never dare speak back to him. What an ass. He probably has never even brushed his own hair.

That's something I'll have to ask Theo about. He is the stalker of the house you know. Theodore Nott, he knows everything, about everybody.

Everything about Malfoy annoys me. He's such a whiny bastard. I bet he could change, if I really tried to help him. But Hello0o0o0o this is the girl with anger management problems here. I'd probably end up murdering him. And enjoying it too.

I could always change Pansy and then have Pansy change him. But I'd probably have to perform sexual services for Pansy even to listen to what I'm saying...and I'm only into guys, thank you very much. And I know, Pansy likes girls. She definitely checked out Millicent's ass. And yes Millicent does have a good ass. If her face were as good as her ass, she would have lost her virginity at seven...

I'm going to bed now; I've just given myself bad mental pictures.

Yours Forever,

Blaise Zabini, desperately wishing she had some dreamless sleep potion right about now.

Day:_______ Page Number:__

Dear Diary,

Who gives a hoot what effing day this is?

Conscience: Language!

Me: Shut up.

Conscience: Hell no woman

Me: **murders conscience**

I've developed the good angels and the bad angels except I think both my angels are bad! What the heck is up with that? Is there a half good-natured sweet bone in my body?

Conscience: **gasping for air** No.

Why is it always me?

My cousin Ralph...Ralphadeous sent me a magically powered television. It's about the size of my hand, but all the same, it's better than nothing ...He claimed in his letter that the muggles' call it a "Telly" for short.

What's up with that? Muggles are so odd. They give inanimate objects nicknames. I've heard some people call a toilet, "The can," or 'The Crapper." Yes, that's extremely eloquent.

Anyways, my "Telly." Seems to prefer being called "Bob." Bob has some rather interesting programs. One of them has to be Looney Tunes.

Now all I've done is watch Elmer Fudd chase that effing Bugs Bunny around everywhere... It's actually rather comical when you think of it in this perception. Elmer Fudd is Voldemort, and Bugs Bunny is Potter. Now matter how hard Elmer Fudd ... (Voldemort) trys, he's never going to catch Bugs Bunny (Potter). It's inevitable. And no matter how many anvils you drop on poor Elmer's head...he's never going to die. Evil doesn't die. It just goes on century long vacations.

Wish I could have a century long vacation. one century away from Malfoy and his haughtiness, Vincent and his stupidity, Greg and his body odor, Pansy and her horribly placed glamour charms and Millicent and her nice butt.

That would be THE LIFE!

Yours forever,

Blaise Zabini, bored