The Diary of Blaise Zabini (Girl Wonder)

Day: September 1, 1993, Page number: 1

Dear Diary,

Mum wanted me to write in this stupid piece of trash so I could have somewhere to 'Express myself." Without hurting other people. Damn her and her smartness, hurting people is fun. I guess this effing diary is supposed to be like the anger management classes she took me to back home. But come on, do these people honestly think that I am going to strangle my roommates in the night? For god's sake, that's just way too much paperwork to deal with. And sometimes they can be vaguely amusing, in a distant, sort of pathetic way. Life's full of little amusements, and Pansy's snoring happens to be one of them thank you very much.

Yours forever,

Blaise Zabini decidedly bored.

Day: September 2, 1993, Page number: 2

Dear Diary,

My handwriting is entirely too sloppy, according to Professor Mcgongal, that bitch. She made me write, "I must improve my penmanship." One hundred times! Of course I just cast the repetition spell when her back was turned. Like Hell I'm going to do stuff the muggle way! Muggles are good for a few things like toaster ovens and porno movies but that's about it. Or at least that's what my cousins say. I've always wondered what a toaster oven was.....Stupid muggles. All they do is get in my way and act innocent. Damn their innocence.

Yours Forever,

Blaise Zabini, researching toaster ovens.

Day: September 3, 1993, Page number, 3

Dear Diary,

It's only the second day of school. I've already decided that Professor Mcgonagal hates me. She said that if I insisted on using the spell that I'd have to make my writing smaller because I was wasting parchment. Personally I think she's just as bigoted as Professor Snape, if not more so.

Thank god I'm a Slytherin. Horrors of Horrors imagine what would have happened if I had been placed in Hufflepuff or with...ergh I can't even write it....the Gryffindors...? Well Severus would have been most decidedly displeased. He is my Uncle and all.

On a happier note, I've discovered what a toaster oven is. I'd like to try a bagel that's been put through a toaster oven one day. Maybe I could get one from the kitchens. If only I knew where the kitchens were! God damn it! I'll have to speak to the Weasley twins about that. Those lovable gits. They're the only Gryffindors I can stand and I've been in school..what..three days?

Yours Forever,

Blaise Zabini, rather frustrated

Day: September 5^th, 1993, Page Number, 4

Dear Diary,

I spoke to the Weasley Twins yesterday. It took a lot of bargaining, but I've promised to do their potions homework until Christmas if they show me the location of the kitchens and a secret passage that will take me to Hogwarts.

In the end, we were all satisfied that it was a fair trade and they hope to do business again with me soon. I simply said, "We'll see boys." Before flouncing off to the kitchens to see if I could get a bagel from a toaster oven.

Right now I'm not too happy. As it turns out they don't have any toaster ovens, so I'll have to wait for Christmas break. Oh joy thy name is Blaise! Like my father will ever let me use a toaster oven! And I highly doubt Uncle Severus would be pleased by my little craving as well. At least it's Saturday and there's no classes until Monday.

Yours Forever,

Blaise Zabini, off to make offerings to the toaster oven god

Day: September 7, 1993 Page number: 5

Dear Diary,

Draco Malfoy, is the most arrogant bastard on the planet. I've spent most of my Sunday afternoon plotting various deaths, each one more brutal than the next for the ass. Honestly, just because his father is rich doesn't mean he rules the planet. He's just an inbred curd with as much class as a moose in heat. Wait....do mooses go into heat? Must remember to look that up.

Who says that know it all Granger girl is the only one researching. That'll be the day! Another thing, how come when you want to say there were many gooses you see geese? That makes absolutely no sense if you ask me. The damned English language has made up rules for no reason just to annoy the formally dyslexic girl. Because when I want to say how many mooses I have, I don't say meese. Oh but I'm getting off topic, might as well go now before I get like my father when he rants at "Death eater meetings." What an idiot.

Yours Forever,

Blaise Zabini, plotting murder for Malfoy

Day: September 8, 1993 Page number: 6

Dear Diary,

It's the middle of history of magic classes right now. I couldn't sleep like the rest pf the idiots and I've already read the whole text book so I know what Binns is talking about. So rather than draw pictures of murdering Malfoy, (as tempting as it is) on my parchment I've decided to write in here to make this idiotic class go by faster. I'm afraid there's not much chance of that.

You know what's annoying? This school. Only those that want knowledge should have to go to school. It would get rid of so many idiots. People say that children are our future. I dread to think what state the wizardering world will be in ten years from now. Let's just hope somebody kills Malfoy. And Pansy for that matter. Even if Pansy's deep snoring is amusing, if those two are to procreate someday, the anti-Christ will be born. I shudder to think of how many glamour charms that child will need to catch a member of the opposite sex.

Or the same sex when I think about it. Despite the fact that Slytherin is full of bigoted idiots, or so the stereo types say, there's the most amount of bisexuals and feminists in this house. Probably because nobody gives a damn about the other, as long as they have more money and are better looking. It would be no surprise to me if Crabbe and Goyle's door swung both ways. I've seen them give each other moon eyes before. Let's just hope they have older brothers to continue the family line.

Oh! There's the bell.

Yours Forever,

Blaise Zabini, examing the sexuality of her friends.