Dramatis Personae

Great Hall, six a.m., sharp:

"What are we going to tell Dumbledore?"

"We say that Potter's still in the hospital wing ... not feeling well enough to serve detention today, and ... that he'll make it up tomorrow. Easy."

"So I have to do detention twice?"

"Could be worse."

"But he's going to check with Madam Pomfrey for sure."

"And what am I to do about it? I can't know bloody everything, can I? Just don't panic, okay?"

"We have to tell Dumbledore the truth. That's the only way we can show some dignity after all."

"Forget that, Potter. I'm not going to lose one more lousy point from my house because of your cheesy Gryffindor pride."

"Snape? What are you doing here - as me?"

"I bet he's hiding from Malfoy. Coward."

"Sod off, Black! How do you ... "

"Uh - such ugly words from such an ugly boy. Sorry James. I just took an educated guess. And behold - I was right, obviously."

"Obviously - you and Potter don't have the nerves to deal with Dumbledore."

"Oh, but you have, Greaseball. You didn't act so damn cool last night either."

"What do you - "

"Good morning, gentlemen. You are looking much better today. With the exception of your nose, James. Didn't you let Poppy fix it?"

"Err ... of course I did, but I ... broke it again."

"Hah - that's the stupidest excuse I've ever - "

"Shut up ... Malfoy!"

"Silence, gentlemen. Before we begin - is there anything either of you wants to tell me? No? Very well then. I think we're going to start with a little lecture about the misuse of a certain transformation potion. Not that you have anything to do with that, of course."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You should never underestimate the acting abilities of an old man. And for your information, Master Malfoy - it's 112."

Slytherin common room, 10 a.m., very sharp:

"Did you do it?"

"..."

"I'm talking to you, Goyle!"

"Yes ... and no."

"What's that supposed to mean, idiot?"

"I've got the book alright. It wasn't even in his trunk, it lay on his bed. But it couldn't be destroyed. I tried to burn it several times."

"Ah well, Severus' blasted spells. If I see one more sweater folding itself - I'm going to rip his throat out."

"What do we do now?"

"Give it to me. I'll take care of it."

"Ahem ... can I ask a question?"

"Make it short."

"If you want to teach him a lesson, why only take this one book? We could do much more damage by beating him up or - you know, bloodshed?"

"It won't hurt enough."

"..."

"I want him to suffer much longer than it takes to do away with the physical pain of a broken arm."

"By stealing a book?"

"You aren't so good with psychology, are you, Goyle?"

"Sorry."

"Do you have something that is really - really - precious to you?"

"..."

"Thought so. Well, Severus has this book you just snatched. 'Potions and their Masters'. It was a present from Professor Keele. She gave it to him because he sure would have such a bright future as one of them Potions weirdos blablabla. Losing it will break his little treacherous heart."

"What did he do anyway?

"That's none of your business, Goyle! He ... no-one plays me for a fool like that. Especially not one of my friends."

"Will you tell him?"

"Of course not. I'll do something he expects me to do - "

"Like beating him up?"

"You really are one-track minded. But please yourself. And after that I'm going to enjoy Severus' crying on my shoulder about his bloody book, thinking that Black and Potter must have done it - some pleasing side effect."

"That's bloody brilliant."

"Ah well, what are friends for?"

Gryffindor common room, seven p.m.:

"James, I have to ... tell you something."

"Me too."

"Really?"

"Ahm ... I'm sorry about this whole mess. I ... missed you yesterday, Lily."

"I missed you too."

"I was wondering if you want to - "

"Yes!"

"..."

"I mean ... I was wondering if you wanted to. "

"Yes."

... ...

"Did you like it?"

"Yes. I liked it a lot. Can you do it again?"

Gryffindor common room, ten p.m.:

"You really thought Lucius was me?"

"Why not?"

"Oh, come on, Remus. What made you think that?"

"He ... err ... kissed me."

"..."

"Only on the cheeks really. Come on, I mean, he looked like you. That was a damn good giveaway."

"You know ... I probably could have done that."

"..."

"So. Ahem. You think Malfoy's in love with you?"

"Yerss. Precisely."

"And now we have to see how we get him out of the quidditch team. Any Polyjuice left?"

***

Slytherin common room, ten p.m.:

"They didn't do it."

"Says who?"

"Professor Keele."

"Oh, come on, Severus. You believe her?"

"Of course I do!"

"She's a teacher!"

"I know."

"You really think teachers tell the truth all the time?"

"She's Head of House!"

"Of Slytherin House."

"..."

"Are you sure you looked everywhere?"

"Yes! Even under the mess that passes for Chief Havoc-Bringer Malfoy's bloody bed."

"Well ... clearly, self-folding sweaters aren't everything, are they? You really should watch out for your things."

"They broke my bird."

"Look - I'll buy you a proper watch dog. Okay - another book. Okay ... what else?"

"..."

the end