The Remains of the Nimbus2000 Talk Back

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So here I am, sitting in a coffin under six feet of soil and a tombstone, and its all because of Harry. Stupid, stuck-up, Harry Potter. He used to ride me at all hours...that is, when I was intact. Can't a guy get a day off? No, not when Potter's your master. Christmas morning, he rode me! Wouldn't even let me have a couple hours off to go visit my wife in the broom closet on the third floor!

I guess it wouldn't be so bad, flying all the time, day or night, if Harry didn't have a certain...how shall I put it? Problem with his plumbing? I know chili and kielbassas taste great at the time, but they are hell on ol' Nimbus2000...if you know what I mean. Coming from experience, though, I'd say baked beans were the worst. I sure could have used a gas mask -- especially during those after feast games...

And then--one windy, rainy night, Harry suddenly went nuts (that stupid git!). For some reason, he was afraid of men in cloaks. He even wet himself, all over me! As if I wasn't wet enough already, the warm, disgusting stuff covered me! But the trouble was just starting. Soon, I went flying head over heels into a tree! Now, this was no ordinary tree...oh, no. This tree must be the only one in the entire world that hits back. Ouch, man! Ever broken a bone? Well, multiply that by a million. Every precision bent twig, every last particle of me, was scattered.

They brought me back to Harry in a box. Me, a racing broom, reduced to a pile of rubbish. And all because of Potter. Who cared more about playing a silly match than the possibility of his beloved racing broom being broken to bits. Who, just after I met my untimely end, got a new racing broom and forgot ALL about me! (Really! I'm not mentioned in the books even ONCE after that!)

I can't believe that inconsiderate wizard. As soon as I finish tunneling out, I'm going to whack that boy upside the head! *starts digging....*

Narrator-type person: Needless to say, after the fourth year, the Nimbus is still digging. Our sensors show he may have gotten off course and headed toward China. Perhaps he wished to consort with some chopsticks, we don't know. Or perhaps *Dr. Evil music plays* he wished to take over the world....

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