- Rating:
- G
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Genres:
- Humor
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Spoilers:
- Prizoner of Azkaban
- Stats:
-
Published: 09/28/2001Updated: 09/28/2001Words: 278Chapters: 1Hits: 786
The Fat Lady Goes on a Diet
METMA Mandy
- Story Summary:
- This is from the point of view of the Fat Lady -er, painting. Wouldn't you get offended if comments about your weight were made all day?
- Chapter Summary:
- This is from the point of view of the Fat Lady -er, painting. _Wouldn't you get offended if comments about your weight were made all day?
- Posted:
- 09/28/2001
- Hits:
- 786
- Author's Note:
- Yes, this is short. But read it anyway... this is from the poor Fat Lady's point of view.
***
I'm NOT fat. I'm NOT! I'm only about ten pounds, I mean, how much can a painting weigh? But no, it's "G'day, Fat Lady" and "Sorry for bothering you, Fat Lady." I have feelings TOO you know! *sniff* Just because I'm water-based paint instead of oil shouldn't mean anything!
Oh, and why am I constantly being disturbed at all hours of the night? Certain residents of Gryffindor Tower *glares in the general direction of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the Weasley twins, who all look sheepish* seem to think its fun to wake the ol' painting up at 2 AM, making trouble. 'Yes, let's all go wake up the Fat Lady, she won't mind, she's only a painting.' Well, dears, I DO mind, and I'm not made of common pine, you know! I deserve some RESPECT!
The things I have to go through! Why, that terrible ruffian Black tore a hole in me the size of a paintbrush! And all the headmaster was worried about was Black! He said, 'Oh, yeah, the painting...well, restore her...' as if I was only minor in HIS mind. You'd think he'd realize the trauma I'd been through! I still don't feel safe without a group of trolls to protect me...
The only good part about being a guarding painting is little Neville. When the poor dear wasn't allowed to know the password, I talked to him quite a lot. He's such a darling little boy ... but even he doesn't come to see me much anymore. Maybe I AM fat ... maybe that's why he won't visit me. Well, I'm sick of hiding in this frame! It's time to try Slimfast!
***
I'm NOT fat. I'm NOT! I'm only about ten pounds, I mean, how much can a painting weigh? But no, it's "G'day, Fat Lady" and "Sorry for bothering you, Fat Lady." I have feelings TOO you know! *sniff* Just because I'm water-based paint instead of oil shouldn't mean anything!
Oh, and why am I constantly being disturbed at all hours of the night? Certain residents of Gryffindor Tower *glares in the general direction of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the Weasley twins, who all look sheepish* seem to think its fun to wake the ol' painting up at 2 AM, making trouble. 'Yes, let's all go wake up the Fat Lady, she won't mind, she's only a painting.' Well, dears, I DO mind, and I'm not made of common pine, you know! I deserve some RESPECT!
The things I have to go through! Why, that terrible ruffian Black tore a hole in me the size of a paintbrush! And all the headmaster was worried about was Black! He said, 'Oh, yeah, the painting...well, restore her...' as if I was only minor in HIS mind. You'd think he'd realize the trauma I'd been through! I still don't feel safe without a group of trolls to protect me...
The only good part about being a guarding painting is little Neville. When the poor dear wasn't allowed to know the password, I talked to him quite a lot. He's such a darling little boy ... but even he doesn't come to see me much anymore. Maybe I AM fat ... maybe that's why he won't visit me. Well, I'm sick of hiding in this frame! It's time to try Slimfast!
***
Author notes: Really, how terribly she's been treated! When you donate 2 sickles to METMA (Muggles for Equal Treatment of Magical Articles) you are helping good magical dears like the Fat Lady get the respect she deserves! JOIN METMA!