Quick Quotes Quill Bares All

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I had never in my life had SO much fun! I'd finally found a writer who had the same love of gossip and untruth as I! She shared my love of trash-talking celebrities and destroying people's love lives. We were a perfect team ... the trashy reporter and her trashy Quick Quotes Quill.

She was GREAT! Rita Skeeter ... the only person who'd owned me that didn't throw me away after a couple days. Really, the shoddy treatment I've gotten! One girl used me to write a love note to her crush. He's still laughing at her "love of his taste in socks." Now, did I deserve to be thrown at the wall for that? Come on! You should have seen the look on his face! It was great!

And then the time that a student used me to write a term paper. Professor Binns didn't exactly enjoy his rendition of history. I thought it was much more interesting! Why, mangling Merlin in a wizard duel with a ferret seemed perfectly laughable at the time! Besides, he was dry and boring in real life. He seemed so much better off in the report with shepherd's pie permanently affixed to his head!

But my crowning glory happened the brief time the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, used me. He thought I would cut down on the time he spent answering mail. Well, he was right...sort of. The time went much faster until the infamous "MARRY ME, DUMBLEDORE" announcement. You'd think, though, that he would have had a sense of humor about it! I CERTAINLY didn't deserve being stomped on and nearly broken!

Boy, the terrible abuse wizards and witches have dealt out to me! I deserve better than them! Why, oh WHY, couldn't I have landed in the hands of a Muggle Paparazzi reporter? WHY? Just imagining all the things I might have written--those British Muggles really lap it up ... well, no need to go off imagining things that will never be. I'm destined to be a wizarding tool, and it is what I'll always be.

But Rita, she understood me. She knew that I deserved a place of honor! My trickery and bending of the truth was up her alley--much more so than any of my previous owners. But that girl...that evil girl...Hermione. She took my Rita away and now I'm all alone again.

Oooh! Rita's back! RITA! What? You...don't want to use me anymore? That...that really hurts, Rita. I thought we were meant for each other! Two gossip-loving beings. Rita, WHY?

I DON'T DESERVE IT! I need gossip and mistruth to live! Damn the wizards and witches! DAMN HERMIONE!

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