- Rating:
- G
- House:
- Riddikulus
- Genres:
- Humor
- Era:
- Multiple Eras
- Spoilers:
- Prizoner of Azkaban
- Stats:
-
Published: 09/28/2001Updated: 09/28/2001Words: 427Chapters: 1Hits: 879
Is It Because I'm Red?
METMA Mandy
- Story Summary:
- A poor, mistreated blood pop from Honeydukes ponders the *eternal* question. :) He's been treated badly (lousy no-goodniks!) and he's not afraid to tell it!
- Posted:
- 09/28/2001
- Hits:
- 879
- Author's Note:
- Ah, a lovely METMA fic! This is from the point of view of the blood popsicle
****
"Ugh, no, Harry won't want one of these, they're for vampires, I expect." Whoever that Harry is, he obviously hasn't a smidgen of sense. Who WOULDN'T want me, a luscious red blood pop?
My tale of woe and terrible, awful mistreatment started the moment I arrived at the horrible shop. The crate with me in it was shoved into the corner of the cellar. Yeah, the corner! The place where only rats and mice came to do their "business" and the floor was sticky and smelly. I'm sure you've smelled human body odor at one point or another and thought it was the worst stench ever. You know the expression, "I smell a rat?" Well, I could CERTAINLY smell 'em, and let me tell you! Those guys could USE some deodorant!
One day sunlight was suddenly thrust upon myself and my fellow cellar-mates. We thought our troubles were over, our lives finally worth living! But then, a man picked me up (ROUGHLY) and threw my lovely, fragile body onto a table. "A table?" you ask, "What's so bad about that?" Well, let me just tell you! This table was absolutely in the absolute farthest corner from the front of the shop, and covered in filth. NO one in their right minds would come anywhere near it, because it looked so nasty no one would possibly suspect there was actually something edible on it. And worse yet, a huge fluttering sign proclaimed to all the world that these were "Unusual Tastes."
Unusual? I might have known! My kind is HIGHLY discriminated against by one and all. But why, my friends, why? What did I ever do? If I could, I would ask the manager of this hellhole ... is it because I'm red? Well, I don't know, but at any rate, blood is despised by everyone throughout the food industry. People think of us as "icky" or "vampire chow." Obviously, these are only folks who do not REALIZE that I am 100%, all-natural, distilled zebra blood!
Yeah, that's right! Unlike those shady brands of candy where you wonder if they were baked under a rock, I have RARITY and QUALITY! Type O-, man! But do I get the respect and admiration I so rightly deserve? Am I lusted after by one and all? Does anyo-
"Fred, fancy we could slip this into Snape's breakfast?"
"Easily, old chum! 'Hoy, miss! How much for the blood pop?"
...I-I've changed. I-I'll be good, won't complain, only...p-put me back. Please, PUT ME BAAAACK!
"Snape won't know what hit him!"
AHHHHH!!!!!
****
"Ugh, no, Harry won't want one of these, they're for vampires, I expect." Whoever that Harry is, he obviously hasn't a smidgen of sense. Who WOULDN'T want me, a luscious red blood pop?
My tale of woe and terrible, awful mistreatment started the moment I arrived at the horrible shop. The crate with me in it was shoved into the corner of the cellar. Yeah, the corner! The place where only rats and mice came to do their "business" and the floor was sticky and smelly. I'm sure you've smelled human body odor at one point or another and thought it was the worst stench ever. You know the expression, "I smell a rat?" Well, I could CERTAINLY smell 'em, and let me tell you! Those guys could USE some deodorant!
One day sunlight was suddenly thrust upon myself and my fellow cellar-mates. We thought our troubles were over, our lives finally worth living! But then, a man picked me up (ROUGHLY) and threw my lovely, fragile body onto a table. "A table?" you ask, "What's so bad about that?" Well, let me just tell you! This table was absolutely in the absolute farthest corner from the front of the shop, and covered in filth. NO one in their right minds would come anywhere near it, because it looked so nasty no one would possibly suspect there was actually something edible on it. And worse yet, a huge fluttering sign proclaimed to all the world that these were "Unusual Tastes."
Unusual? I might have known! My kind is HIGHLY discriminated against by one and all. But why, my friends, why? What did I ever do? If I could, I would ask the manager of this hellhole ... is it because I'm red? Well, I don't know, but at any rate, blood is despised by everyone throughout the food industry. People think of us as "icky" or "vampire chow." Obviously, these are only folks who do not REALIZE that I am 100%, all-natural, distilled zebra blood!
Yeah, that's right! Unlike those shady brands of candy where you wonder if they were baked under a rock, I have RARITY and QUALITY! Type O-, man! But do I get the respect and admiration I so rightly deserve? Am I lusted after by one and all? Does anyo-
"Fred, fancy we could slip this into Snape's breakfast?"
"Easily, old chum! 'Hoy, miss! How much for the blood pop?"
...I-I've changed. I-I'll be good, won't complain, only...p-put me back. Please, PUT ME BAAAACK!
"Snape won't know what hit him!"
AHHHHH!!!!!
****
Author notes: *sniff* Poor popsicle! Hee...Anyway, if you want to help poor magical objects
such as the blood pop, join METMA (Muggles for Equal Treatment of Magical Articles)!
For only 2 sickles, you can join this organization *sniff* DEDICATED to buying
the freedom of these neglected objects :) Just e-mail me to be sent a badge,
challenges, and all kinds of good stuff! It's for a good cause! Don't forget
to include your penname!