Typical and Bizarre Day

One Saturday morning, Harry Potter woke up very late, very sleepy, and a bit cranky. Ron was just waking up as well.

"C'mon," yawned Ron. "We'd better go to breakfast before it's over."

"Good morning to you too," snapped Harry. They got out of bed and dressed. As they walked through the empty halls and downstairs to the Great Hall, they heard a curious sound which greatly resembled a whole lot of people wailing.

"What--"began Ron, but he didn't finish his sentence. Harry had pushed open the doors and a very strange scene met his eyes. The entire school, it looked like, was crying. Even the teachers were crying. Harry and Ron turned so they wouldn't have to see Snape sobbing.

"What is going on?" asked Harry, openmouthed.

"Dunno," Ron shrugged. "Maybe someone died--hope it's Malfoy."

They spotted Hermione, who may have been the only person in there besides themselves who wasn't crying, sitting at the Gryffindor table with a very disapproving look on her face. They hurried over to her.

"Who died?" demanded Ron. Hermione frowned.

"No one--apparently, it's Cry-Your-Eyes-Out day," she shrugged.

"Ha, ha," said Harry sarcastically. "Does that mean you don't know why everyone is crying, or are you just being sarcastic?"

"No, I'm serious," Hermione began.

"Ha ha, you're Sirius," crowed Ron.

"What--oh, shut up," snapped Hermione sourly. "I wasn't kidding. It's Cry-Your-Eyes-Out day, Dumbledore just announced it. Although why he wants a Cry-Your-Eyes-Out day is beyond me."

"He's whacked, that's why," said Ron incredulously. "Cry-Your-Eyes-Out day? What could be the possible purpose of a C--"

"Stop reading, Hermione," interrupted Harry.

"I'm not reading," retorted Hermione irritably. Professor McGonagall strode over to them.

"Why aren't you three crying?" she hissed, her square spectacles dripping with tears, her nose red. "Haven't you heard that it's Cry-Your-Eyes-Out day? Or do you not care? Start crying, this instant, or I'll take fifty points from Slytherin!"

"But--our house is Gryffindor," said Hermione, puzzled. McGonagall looked about to spit fire.

"So now I have to always take points from Gryffindor, huh, Miss Granger? I can't take points from Slytherin now, eh? Well, screw you! Fifty points from Slytherin!" McGonagall ran away, sobbing heavily.

"Well, that was an overreaction," said Hermione blankly. Harry and Ron stared openmouthed after McGonagall. Everyone was glaring at them with tearstained, blotchy faces, which greatly annoyed them, as they were trying to eat breakfast.

"Stop staring at us!" shouted Ron, and everyone went back to eating and crying.

Hermione fumed as she buttered and spread jam on a piece of toast. Suddenly she threw it down on her plate, stood up, and screamed, "I will not eat codfish one more time!"

Everyone raised their heads and stared at Hermione.

"Well, I won't!" she shrieked.

Everyone went back to eating and crying.

"Stop reading, Miss Granger," bellowed Dumbledore across the Hall.

"I'm not reading!" yelled back Hermione. Snape got up and walked over to them, tears flowing down his hooked nose.

"You three aren't crying," he sobbed angrily. "Start, now, or I'll take fifty points from Slytherin!"

"OUR HOUSE IS GRYFFINDOR!" screamed Hermione, almost blue in the face.

"Don't tell me what house to take points from, you know-it-all! Fifty points from Slytherin!" shouted Snape.

"At this rate, by the time breakfast's over, Slytherin'll be out of points," remarked Ron gleefully as Snape hurried away, still crying.

"This is just too weird for me, I'm leaving," remarked Harry in disgust. They all got up and walked out. Everywhere they went, however, there were more people crying. Finally, they retreated to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, where Myrtle was crying too, but they were used to that.

"Good thing Percy doesn't come to Hogwarts anymore," said Ron gloomily. "I don't think I could stand the sight of him crying just because Dumbledore happens to be barking mad."

"You just gave me the most horrible mental image," shuddered Hermione. Suddenly Percy wrenched open the bathroom door.

"HA!" he shouted. " You still have to see me crying!"

"What are you doing here?" hissed Ron, clapping his hands over his eyes. "You don't come here anymore!"

"Oh yeah, huh," said Percy thoughtfully, disappearing. Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged horrified glances.

"I am officially pissed off now," declared Harry.

"No, you're supposed to say you're officially freaked out, Harry," said Hermione sniffily.

"Oh, like you know," snapped Ron.

"Will you just quit reading, Hermione!" shouted Myrtle from her toilet.

"I AM NOT READING!" shrieked Hermione, throwing a shoe at Ron's face. Suddenly Dumbledore ran in.

"If any one of you three ever tells anyone about this, I'll kill you!" he shouted, and ran out.

"OH-kay," said Harry. "This does it--I'm getting out of this stupid trailer park!"

"Harry, this is a castle," protested Myrtle.

"Whatever!" yelled Harry. "Castle, trailer park, it's all the same!"

He ran out of the castle and down to the Whomping Willow. He grabbed Mrs. Norris, who was prowling around his feet, and crashed her head against the knot on the tree trunk. The branches stopped thrashing and he slid down the passage with Ron and Hermione behind him.

"Harry, you could have really hurt Mrs. Norris," called Hermione, shocked. "What'll Filch say?"

"He'll just cry some more, so what does it matter?" Harry yelled back. "Just hope there isn't anyone in the Shrieking Shack, because if I see ONE more person crying without a good reason, I'm going to kill that person."

They crashed into the Shack and froze. Sirius Black was standing there, crying.

"Sirius Black!" screamed Hermione, backing away.

"Hermione, what is your problem?" inquired Harry icily.

"Well--he's a murderer, isn't he?" said Hermione.

"Ummm, nooo, remember, we proved him innocent?"

"Oh yeah, huh," said Hermione.

"Umm, are you going to kill him or not?" snapped Ron at Harry. "You said if you saw one more person crying without a good reason, you'd kill that person. "

"I beg your pardon?" sobbed Sirius. "Him? Kill me? I don't think so."

"Sirius, why are you crying?" asked Harry cautiously.

"B-b-because James is dead," howled Sirius.

"What?!!"shouted Harry. "James is dead?!!! Why didn't anyone tell me before now?!! OH WAIT---JAMES HAS BEEN DEAD FOR, OH, HOW MANY YEARS AGAIN?"

"Yes, but it still hurts to think about it," sobbed Sirius, dropping his head into his hands.

"Ugh--put your head back on, Sirius," snapped Hermione irritably.

"I AM LEAVING!" bellowed Harry. "God, can't a guy get some tear-free, sob-free, peace around here?!"

Suddenly James Potter stuck his head through the door.

"Alright, just go ahead and talk about me like I'm not here," he wailed. "I have feelings, you know!" And he disappeared. Harry growled and left the Shrieking Shack, with Ron and Hermione still following. When they emerged from the Whomping Willow, they found Filch in tears over the squish-headed Mrs. Norris.

"Oh, get her stuffed already," snapped Hermione. Harry walked quickly over to Hagrid's cabin.

"No, please, Harry, let's not go in there," pleaded Ron. "If Hagrid's crying---I don't wanna be deaf, nor do I want a shower right now, especially a salt water one. Please let's not go in there," pleaded Ron almost hysterically.

"OH-kay, Ron, if you're that terrified of Hagrid, you can go inside and cry with everyone else! Besides, don't you think Hagrid has more sense than to cry for no reason?"

"Well, I haven't, t'ever you may think," said Hagrid, peering around the corner of his cabin, tears soaking his beard. "Dumbledore wan's us to cry, and I think we should. Great man, Dumbledore. Stop readin', 'Ermione, it ain't good fer yer eyes."

"I am not reading! Why does everyone keep telling me to stop reading when I'm not reading?!" shrieked Hermione, a trifle hysterically. The giant squid squelched past suddenly, tears running out of it's enormous eyes.

"Look at this! Even the giant squid is crying! What is wrong with Hogwarts today?!" wondered Harry. "For that matter, why is the giant squid even out of the lake?"

"Well, Dumbledore wan's everyone and everythin' to cry today. Great man, Dumbledore. So he's makin' 'em all come out'n cry where he can see 'em," explained Hagrid, between sobs. "Great man, Dumbledore. Speakin' of which, why aren't yeh three cryin'? Great man, Dumbledore. Yeh're all supposed to cry today, yeh know. Great man, Dumbledore. Go on, have a good cry while yeh still can. Great man, Dumbledore."

"You're beginning to repeat yourself, Hagrid," snapped Ron, standing on his head and belching a few slugs out of his mouth.

"OH, really," said Hermione irritably. "I am going to my common room, for some peace and quiet. And if this day gets any weirder, which it can't, I'll eat codfish!" And Hermione turned to go.

Just then Fred and George danced across the grounds in their boxers, crying.

"Ok, I guess I have to eat codfish now," grated Hermione, while Ron screamed in horror and covered his eyes.

"Here we go round the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush, the mulberry bush," sobbed George, hop-skipping in a circle around Hagrid's cabin.

"Fred, George, go away," snapped Ron. "And put some clothes on. "

"Clothes?" cried Fred. "This is new word. Must find meaning of new word."

"Oh, for cryin' out loud," burst out Harry. "Is Dumbledore crazy, or is it everyone else who's crazy? Cuz' after all I've seen so far today, I'm inclined to think that it's everyone else."

"You can't ignore the fact that he started this whole thing, though," retorted Hermione, turning to go. Harry and Ron followed her.

"But is that really a reason for everyone to behave the way they're behaving? I mean, I wouldn't mind if they would just cry like Dumbledore said. But dancing around in boxers--n-no, that's just----not," said Harry thoughtfully. Suddenly an Acromantula appeared in front of them.

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH, not one of you," screamed Ron.

"Go away!" yelled Harry.

"Fine!" sobbed the giant spider. "I just came to tell you, Harry, that today was all a dream. You can wake up now."

"What?!" shouted Harry.

"Harry--wake up, you bloody idiot, and quit shouting!"

Harry opened his eyes.

"I just had the most freaked up dream," he gasped.

"Yeah, it sounded like it," said Ron, eyebrows raised. "Hey--guess what, Dumbledore just announced something. It's Laugh-Your-Lungs-Out day today. Strange, huh?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Harry.

THE END