Harry Potter and the Play-Wizard Magazine

Harry Potter and the Play-Wizard Magazine

By: Medusa683

Harry Potter was bored, and was amusing himself by stabbing the scrambled eggs on his plate, much to the dismay of a certain Hermione Granger.

"Harry, if you aren't going to eat your eggs, don't play with them. That's immature and childish, and you are not a toddler."

He dropped his fork onto his plate and grumbled, "I just want the post to come."

"Why?" asked Ron, his mouth full. "After all the piles..." He paused to swallow the enormous amount of toast in his mouth, getting a dirty look from Hermione. "Piles of hero-worship mail you've been getting, you should be cursing those bloody owls."

"Ron's right. What are you expecting?" asked Hermione. Just then, there was the sound of owls whooshing into the Great Hall, dropping letters in their owners' bowls of oatmeal. Hedwig soared gracefully to the Gryffindor table, easing a package down in front of Harry.

"What's that, Harry?" Ron asked, leaning over as Harry jumped up from the table, muttered his goodbyes, and began to walk quickly out of the Great Hall. .

Bounding up the stairs to Gryffindor tower, Harry clutched the package tightly. He had been waiting for this package for nearly a month, and he needed it. As soon as he opened the door to the boys dormitory, he jumped into bed, drew the curtains, and placed a silencing charm on the space around him. Harry broke the seal and picked out a letter inside.

Dear Mr. James Ransford,

Welcome! I am pleased at your decision to subscribe to our magazine. We have developed a new addition to make your experience even more delightful and exciting than before. Written at the bottom of this page is a rather handy little spell. Recite the spell continuously 3 times and from that point on, every time you see the magazine logo located in the top right hand corner of the magazine pages, tap it with your wand, and a realistic hologram will appear right before your eyes. The hologram is about 20 inches high, and while the hologram will not disintegrate if you touch it, not much else will happen. We hope this will enhance your reading pleasure, and would appreciate it you would send any comments you have in the envelope enclosed in the package. Thanks again,

H. I.Onery

PW Manger

Revelaris Porno!

Harry laughed aloud. How stupid, he thought - but he shrugged, and pulled out the glossy magazine from the package. A giggling brunette was sitting, half naked, in a bubbling cauldron. He stared, watching her swim around and wave at him. I am so glad pictures move in the Wizarding World. Harry picked up the letter containing the spell again, and was just about to recite it when someone ripped open the curtains surrounding his bed. It was Neville.

"I wanted to ask...oh, sorry." The blond boy turned red and looked away from Harry. "I didn't mean to interrupt anything..." Harry shoved the letter and magazine back into the package and got out of bed.

"It's fine, Neville. If not you, someone else would have barged in. I'll see you at lunch." He headed to the door, congratulating himself on handling a messy situation so well.

"And Harry?"

"Yes, Neville?"

"May I...have a look at it after you?" Harry was caught off guard by that question, giving the blushing Neville a startled glance.

"Sure, Nev...bye."

"Goodbye Harry!" Neville called as Harry shut the door.

I have to find somewhere to go, he thought, walking slowly down the corridor. Harry glanced below him, and saw Zacharias Smith snogging a Ravenclaw girl with tight black curls. He hadn't seen Zacharias since the end of last year, at one of the last DA meetings...

"Of course! Why didn't I think of that before?" he whispered, and sprinted down the nearest unmoving staircase in the direction of the Room of Requirement.

When he got to the door, he breathed in a cold breath of anticipation and opened the door. The room was dimly lit and had a king sized bed in the center of the room covered in red silk bedding. Harry smiled to himself and closed the door behind him. The bed was soft and inviting - Harry leaned back against the pillows and sighed contentedly. Finally, some peace. He said the required spell 3 times, and opened to the middle of the magazine. The same brunette that was swimming in the cauldron on the cover was on this page covered only by a thin towel. He tapped the PWM logo at the top of the page, and sure enough, a 20 by 20 inch hologram of the strip-teasing girl was in front of him. Harry watched her slowly remove the towel...and heard the door open. Ginny Weasley stumbled in, attached to Draco Malfoy by the mouth. Harry slammed the magazine shut and jumped up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Malfoy?!" Harry growled.

"Harry?!" Ginny gasped.

Draco smirked, pulling Ginny closer. "Nothing," he replied, "what are you doing here, Potter?"

"Get off of her now!" Harry yelled.

"Harry! I'm here at my own free will! You and Ron aren't the boss of me!" Ginny cried, hands on her hips.

Harry wasn't expecting that. "You know what? I don't want to know what you two are doing. But I am telling Ron!" He pushed past the couple and flew down the stairs.

Harry's head was spinning. Draco and Ginny? Ginny and Draco? It didn't make sense. How could this have happened? Malfoy's and Weasley's have hated each other since the dawn of time and now...Draco is dating Ginny.

He shook his head in confusion as he broke through the huge oak front doors to the school grounds. He needed to calm himself. This is why I bought this bloody magazine in the first place - to calm down and forget everything... But it wasn't doing him any good. Harry saw the Quidditch field, and went towards it. He always felt better when he thought about Quidditch. He approached the stands and slid under them, hoping that, finally, he could be in peace. Sitting on the cold, semi-wet grass, he sighed.

"Hello?" a voice said from a few feet away from him, further in the darkness. Harry shot up, smacking his head on a beam and swore loudly.

"Who's there?" the voice repeated.

Harry crawled out on his hands and knees, shining a light on the person disturbing his 'me' time.

"Colin! What the hell are you doing?!"

"I was developing film. It turns ordinary pictures into wizarding pictures, except with better quality and... hey, where are you going? Harry?"

Who develops pictures under the Quidditch stands! Why can't everyone just go away and leave me alone? Harry thundered back into the castle like a wild man. He vowed that if the next place he went was occupied, or someone came in when he settled down, he'd give the magazine to Neville and chuck himself into the lake. The only place he could think of was the worst place possible for guaranteed peace: the Astronomy Tower. The Tower was infamous for being a place where make-out sessions weren't unheard of, and where boys became men. Harry opened the door and glanced inside. No couples lurking in the corner, and no used magical condom wrappers lying anywhere. He slammed the door shut, wishing it had a lock, and sat by the window where light shone in.

He opened the magazine, tapped the logo, and 2 witches appeared as the hologram. One was a petite girl with long, caramel colored hair, and the other looked remarkably like Fleur Delacour. Both were wearing mock schoolgirl uniforms, and were sitting very close to each other. The Fleur look-alike leaned in to kiss the other girl and Harry sighed, watching happily. Just as he was about to unhook the button of his pants, the door flew open.

"Oh, hello Harry," Luna Lovegood said to him, not the least bit embarrassed to see him in this state.

"Luna! I'm so sorry! I-"she put her hand in the air and silenced him and smiled in the dreamy way she often did, holding up something. Harry gasped - it was the newest edition of PlayWitch Magazine. Suddenly, Harry wasn't so upset about being interrupted after all.

~Fin~