Eleni's Missing Years

Chapter 6

Eleni had taken Snape’s advice and gone directly to dinner. Afterwards after a hurried good night to everyone in the Gryffindor common room, she went directly to her room.

Once undressed and ready for bed, she sat on the edge of the bed and took out the pencil thin vial of blue liquid from her pocket. She held it up against the orange candlelight and stared at it.

Several times she went to drink it but hesitated at the last moment. Was it really a dreamless sleeping potion as he told her? Or had Snape spiked it with something else. Surely not she thought. Surely he wouldn’t wish her harm. But then who knew what went through his mind.

Minutes passed and the doubts persisted, almost sending her back to the common room to ask the others for advice. But she knew that they’d tell her to get rid of the potion. No one in Gryffindor liked Snape. Actually if the truth be known, they loathed him, especially Harry and Ron.

And that wasn’t the only thing to consider. If she asked their opinion about the potion, she’d have to explain about everything else, which at the moment she’d rather not do.

Still Snape had been brusque but kind when she had blacked out in his office and eerily aware of her situation. Pity she thought, that her mind was clouded with fatigue because she’d love to replay their entire conversation in her head and get a clearer picture of what was going on. It was disconcerting that Snape seemed to know about the dream and how it was affecting her. He had hung around his office during her detention like he knew that she was going to black out.

And if he knew something, what about the other professors?

Professor Dumbledore had been so sure the night of her arrival that she’d be sorted into Gryffindor. Didn’t he say something that he had wanted to bring her to Hogwarts for a long time?

Eleni shook her head in disdain. No, not now she told herself. Perhaps tomorrow after a good nights sleep. She’d think about it then and if need be, she’d go and see Snape and demand some answers. Today in his office he had almost become approachable. Perhaps he wouldn’t mind a few questions.

Okay she told herself here goes. She took a deep breath. On the count of three. One, two…three.

Eleni swallowed the contents in one swallow. The taste was slightly bitter with an undertone of blackcurrant. But before she could put another thought together, a wonderful soft drowsiness permeated down through her body, like soft feather cushions. She yawned deeply and crawled under the covers and snuggled down under the quilt. Without another thought she fell soundly asleep and not once during the night did the dream come to visit.

The following morning, Eleni slowly drifted back to consciousness, feeling like she was floating over gentle river currents. When she eventually opened her eyes, she realised that she had overslept and missed breakfast. But even with the growling in her stomach, Eleni didn’t mind. Not one bit because she had had the best sleep in months. A beautiful one, one that she hadn’t wanted to wake up from.

She stared at the ceiling and smiled thinking that she’d be willing to have detention with Snape for the rest of the year if it meant getting the potion every night. Throwing back the covers, Eleni got up with a bright, clear head and went to the bathroom to wash.

* * * * *

A thin layer of dew was still spread across the ground, despite the sun having broken free from behind the clouds. Eleni sat with the rest of the Gryffindors waiting for the first Quidditch match of the season to begin.

Ravenclaw against Gryffindor. She was looking forward to watching Harry in action. Everyone had raved about his brilliance as a seeker and the excitement about the upcoming match had by last night reached fever pitch.

‘You’re looking happy and rested,’ said Hermione, as Eleni munched on a chocolate frog, waiting for the match to begin.

‘Why not,’ she said. ‘It’s Saturday, I’ve had a great sleep and I’m going to be watching Harry play for the first time.’

‘I’ve noticed you’ve been looking tired,’ said Hermione, ‘like you’re not sleeping much.’

‘Well not any more,’ grinned Eleni. ‘From now on I intend to have a good night’s sleep every night.’

‘Oh look,’ said Hermione, ‘here’s Ron.’

‘Hi,’ he said to the two of them after collapsing red faced beside them. ‘I had to run the whole way, I thought I was going to miss the beginning.’

‘Where have you been?’ asked Hermione. ‘I was looking for you everywhere after breakfast.’

‘Sending an owl to my parents, confirming that Harry’s coming to spend Christmas with us. Mum’s sent two owls this week to remind me.’

‘I wish I could come too,’ said Hermione, ‘but my parents see so little of me they said I couldn’t go.’

‘Mum’s organising a big Weasley Christmas lunch and she really wanted Harry and Hermione to be there,’ Ron explained to Eleni. ‘It’ll be the first Christmas we’ve had together for years. Even my two older brothers Bill and Charlie are coming and Percy’s invited his girlfriend.’

‘Ohhh,’ cried Hermione, ‘is he still going out with Penelope?’

‘Of course,’ said Ron, ‘although I don’t know what she sees in him.’

‘Eleni what are you doing over Christmas?’ asked Hermione.

‘I’m staying here,’ she said. ‘I don’t fancy spending Christmas at the orphanage, so I put my name down.’

‘Nearly everyone’s going home this Christmas,’ said Hermione. ‘With what happened to Cedric, I think all the mum’s and dad’s want their children home this year.’

‘If you want,’ said Ron to Eleni, ‘I could ask mum if you can come for Christmas too. I’m sure she’ll say yes, after all with my large family, what’s one more.’

Eleni blushed at his unabashed kindness. ‘Thanks,’ she said, ‘I appreciate it but I can’t. Professor McGonagall kind of insisted that I spend Christmas here, so I can catch up with my work. You see I’m pretty behind, I’ve missed a lot of school and she’s organising all these tutorials with her and the other professors.’

Ron looked at her with a mixture of awe and horror. ‘You poor thing,’ he said. ‘Great Christmas you’re going to have, with the teachers breathing down your neck.’

‘Unfortunately, there’s not much I can do about it,’ said Eleni, ‘and I really didn’t want to go back to the orphanage. It would probably be more miserable than spending Christmas at Hogwarts doing lessons from morning till night.’

‘I don’t think having extra tutoring over Christmas is that bad,’ said Hermione. ‘It wouldn’t bother me.’

‘Oh you would say that wouldn’t you,’ said Ron. ‘Teacher’s pet.’

‘I am not,’ cried Hermione. She stopped when she saw the wry grin on his face. ‘Stop teasing or I’ll set those freckles on fire.’

‘Do that,’ he said, ‘and I’ll make every bird in the district come and nest in your hair.’

Eleni smiled as she listened to their banter.

‘Anyway,’ Hermione said to her, ‘Christmas at Hogwarts is pretty good. You can basically do as you please and Christmas day is wonderful.’

‘And you’ll have the Gryffindor common room to yourself,’ said Ron ‘You won’t have to fight for a place to sit.’

‘Look, look,’ cried out Hermione, ‘the teams are coming out. Look there’s Harry.’

Eleni settled back in her seat, the anticipation growing but hoping that Harry didn’t take too long to catch the snitch. She was starving.

* * * * *

After the game, the whole school headed for the Great Hall for lunch. The Gryffindor crowd was blazing and buzzing with excitement.

‘Did you see Harry’s acrobatics? Said Colin Creevey, Harry’s number one fan. ‘What a manoeuvre. He’s the best.’

‘What about the nose dive,’ said someone else. ‘Wouldn’t the muggles like to see that. He was faster than a jet fighter.’

‘Well by my calculations, it puts Gryffindor well in front,’ said Ron, laughing as Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, slunk past with their heads down. ‘How’s it going Malfoy?’ he called out. ‘Bet you can’t wait for the Gryffindor versus Slytherin match.’

‘Up yours Weasley,’ growled Malfoy. ‘Why don’t you go home to Mummy?’

‘Come here and say that,’ said Ron.

‘Come on Ron, leave it alone,’ said Hermione. ‘We have to hurry, we told Harry we’d save him a spot, so let’s not waste time fighting with Malfoy and his cronies.’

‘Suppose you’re right,’ said Ron, holding his wand and just itching for a duel with Malfoy.

‘So Eleni how did you enjoy the match?’ asked Hermione.

‘It was wonderful,’ she said. ‘Not that I’ve seen an abundance of games but that last bit when Harry did that nose dive for the snitch was the most exciting thing I’ve ever seen.’

‘Didn’t Melvin, your last school have Quidditch?’ ask Ron.

‘Yes but the teams are nothing as good as what I saw today.’

They entered the castle, still enthusing about the game, when they ran into the billowing robes of Professor Snape. He looked as pleased as Malfoy at Gryffindor’s victory.

‘Ten points from Gryffindor,’ he snapped, looking over everyone’s head at Eleni who was standing at the back.

Ron opened his mouth ready to give Snape a smart retort but smartly closed it when he saw the sneer on the face.

‘One word Weasley,’ warned Snape, ‘and it will be another ten points and a detention.’

Hermione tugged at Ron’s robes, pulling him away. ‘Sorry Professor Snape,’ she said. ‘Next time we’ll watch where we’re going.’

‘See I was right,’ Ron muttered to her, ‘you’re a teacher’s pet.’

Eleni kept her head down and moved to follow them.

‘A word Miss Devon,’ said Snape, in his deep sonorous voice.

Eleni remained behind and watched the others meander away, talking amongst themselves and turning to see what Snape wanted with her.

‘I see Miss Devon you used the potion,’ he said.

Eleni smiled, despite his uninviting face. ‘The potion was fantastic,’ she said. ‘I really want to thank you. I had the best sleep and the dream stayed away….’

‘Good,’ he said, handing her another vial, ‘this is for tonight.’

‘Thank you,’ she said, taking the potion as if he had just given her half the gold in Gringotts. ‘Umm Professor Snape,’ she began a little nervously, ‘you seem to know… well…I mean… when you gave me the potion yesterday, you…seemed to know about the dream.’

Snape snorted impatiently. ‘Logic Miss Devon. It’s been clear you’re not sleeping, therefore it must be a dream disturbing your sleep.’

‘But…’ she began again.

‘Miss Devon,’ said Snape, eyeing with distaste the crowd of students rushing past to lunch, ‘if you need to say something to me, I suggest we move away from this busy thoroughfare, to a quieter area.’

Eleni nodded and nervously followed him, staying several steps behind, not wanting to walk alongside him.

‘All right,’ he eventually said, when they had reached a quiet, shadowy corridor. ‘I need to let you know that all this is temporary. You will not be receiving the potion on a permanent basis.’

Eleni looked dumbfounded. What was he saying? After the great sleep she had had and now he was threatening to take it all away. ‘What do you mean?’ she demanded.

‘There will come a point,’ he said, ‘when it will simply stop working because your sub conscious will do everything in its power to manifest itself. What happened in my office is an example of that.’

‘But can’t you make it stronger?’

Snape’s lip curled. ‘No Miss Devon, I can’t. It’s almost at its fullest potency now. The repression of your memory, as distasteful as the memories might be, should not be your long term goal.’

‘So then why give me the potion in the first place,’ she cried.

‘Because,’ he said mildly, ‘you’re a hair’s breath away from a complete mental and physical collapse. I am only giving you a break, so to speak.’

‘When are you going to stop giving me the potion?’

‘Christmas break is a week away,’ he said. ‘I think that should suffice. Professor McGonagall advised me that you’ll be spending your Christmas at the school, taking extra tutorials.’

‘But,’ Eleni tried.

‘Currently,’ he continued, ignoring her interjection, ‘I am working on a potion that will lessen the intensity of your dream. You will view everything at a distance, which will lesson the impact but still allow you to gradually recall events.’

Eleni shook her head wanting to pummel him with her fists. He was playing with her like she was a puppet on a string. He went to walk away but she stepped in his way.

‘What is it now?’ he said.

‘Professor Snape,’ she said, almost in tears. ‘What if I don’t want to remember?’

‘Miss Devon as I suggested before, the repression of your memory shouldn’t be your long term goal.’

‘So if you know everything about me,’ she cried angrily, ‘why don’t you tell me? That way I won’t need any potion.’

‘Careful Miss Devon, I don’t tolerate insolence.’

‘But there’s so much I don’t understand and you seem to know more of what’s happening in my head than I do.’

‘I think you overestimate me,’ he said.

But Eleni wasn’t ready to give up. ‘Do you know what it’s like being too afraid to fall asleep because you’re terrified of what you might see in a dream? Well it’s been like that for months and if I’m not allowed to take the dreamless potion for the rest of my life then I’d like to know what you know.’

Snape pursed his lips and glared at her. ‘Each of us Miss Devon have our own demons to wrestle.’

‘So you’re not going to tell me what you know.’

For a moment Eleni thought he appeared to hesitate, as if considering his thoughts but then his mouth moved into his trademark sneer. ‘Miss Devon, I regret that it’s not in my place to speak.’

‘So you do know something about my past,’ she called out.

‘Believe what you want to believe. Now if you excuse me, I must be going.’

Eleni watched him walk away, the anger rising through her head like jets of steam.

‘Oh and Miss Devon,’ he said, stopping and half turning to face her. ‘The rest of your detention will resume on Monday. I hope you haven’t forgotten you have a week of detentions left.’

If it wasn’t that the potion she was holding was precious, Eleni would have thrown the vial to the floor and stamped on it. She turned and stormed back in the direction of the Great Hall. The hunger pangs she had been experiencing throughout the game had all but disappeared.

However neither Eleni or Professor Snape had noticed a figure hiding deep in the shadows while they had been talking. When certain that the coast was clear, Draco Malfoy stepped out and smiled.

Now that was an interesting conversation he thought. Wonder what father will make of it when I tell him.

* * * * *

The Gryffindor table eyed her curiously when she sat down for lunch.

‘What did Snape want?’ Ron asked her, sidling over. ‘I saw him giving you a potion.’

‘Are you sick or something?’ asked Hermione sounding concerned.

‘Not exactly,’ said Eleni, concentrating on filling her plate with chicken and steak, so she wouldn’t have to look at them.

‘You better be careful he’s not trying to poison you,’ said Harry, his face still flushed from the game.

‘He’s not,’ she said.

‘So then tell us what’s in the potion,’ Ron asked again.

‘It’s nothing,’ she said. ‘Just a dreamless sleep potion.’

‘Why do you need a dreamless sleep potion?’ asked Hermione.

‘To keep certain dreams away,’ she said.

‘But why is Snape giving it to you and not Madam Pomfrey?’ asked Ron. ‘She’s the one that always gives out that potion.’

Eleni sighed and looked at them. ‘It’s nothing really,’ she said, ‘his is a stronger brew that’s all.’

‘I get a feeling there’s a lot you’re not telling us,’ said Hermione, eyeing her closely. Ron and Harry nodded in agreement.

And I get a feeling there’s a lot Snape’s not telling me, Eleni thought.

‘Look,’ she said as mildly as she could, ‘it’s nothing really. Just a dreamless sleep potion that for now I need to take.’

‘It’s never that simple when Snape’s involved,’ said Harry.

Eleni looked up and was relieved to see Professor McGonagall approach the Gryffindor table to congratulate him.

The quicker the attention was taken away from her, the better.

Chapter 7
 
Eleni stood at the entrance, waving goodbye, watching Hagrid usher everyone to the train station. It had rained chaos all morning as students packed up the last of their belongings, handed in late assignments and made frantic last goodbyes.
 
Ron had asked her again if she wanted to join he and Harry for Christmas but Eleni sadly declined the offer. Not that she wouldn’t have minded going and being amongst a large, gregarious family would have been fantastic. She imagined a long table, everyone jammed pack around it, eating and laughing and ducking Fred and George’s ongoing pranks.
 
However Professor McGonagall liked to remind her every chance she got, of the hours she had spent drawing up the extensive timetable of tutorials. Eleni didn’t think she had the courage to announce that she had made a sudden change of plans and wasn’t remaining behind over Christmas. Professor McGonagall would probably whip out her wand and cast some terrible spell as punishment.
 
So instead, Eleni watched the last student walk away, the footsteps dying away in the mist and meandered back to the Gryffindor common room. Oh well, she rationalised sadly. At least the Christmas break would give her a further chance to catch up. The dreamless sleep potion had worked wonders, giving her renewed energy and she had been a flurry of activity the last week, almost spending as much time in the library as Hermione.
 
‘Pickled onions,’ she said to the fat lady, who opened the porthole and let her into the common room.

Only a few of the first years and sixth years had remained behind and most of them were crowded around the fire talking and playing chess. She didn’t really know them well enough to butt in and no one asked her to join in, so Eleni went up to her room and sat on the bed.
 
Tutorials weren’t to begin till the following day but after an hour of staring into space, she decided to find Professor Snape and get her daily vial.

It was the last time he was giving her the dreamless sleep potion. He had reminded her the previous day with an almost gleeful look, that the new one was ready and that she had one more night to go.
 
Eleni felt morose and down about changing potions. It wasn’t going to be fun having memories gnawing at her all night like a ravenous dog, even if they were gradual and at a distance. It was silly she thought, going off the dreamless potion when it was working so well. But that was Professor Snape for you. He probably missed seeing her look like a mess.
 
She just couldn’t make him out. He was so enigmatic. In his class that week, he had been especially brutal with her, his eyes on her like an eagle while she worked on her potion, sarcastic if she dared make a mistake, never hesitate to deduct a swagger of points.

Yet when she returned later in the day for the dreamless potion, his eyes were neutral having lost their glare and unpleasantness and he’d briefly inquire how she was sleeping and if she was feeling better. It didn’t make sense she thought. Like he had to go out of his way to cover any kindness with cruelty.
 
The door to his classroom was half open, yet Eleni didn’t dare walk in. She knocked lightly on the door and waited.

‘Yes,’ he began in an annoyed voice. ‘Oh it’s you Miss Devon,’ he said when she slunk in tentatively. ‘Come in.’

‘I hope I’m not disturbing you,’ she said, ‘I’ve just came for my dreamless potion.’

He put down his quill and looked at her. ‘Yes of course. Have you remembered that tomorrow I begin you on the new one.’

‘No, I haven’t forgotten,’ she shrugged.

‘Any changes with your sleep pattern?’

‘Well I suppose,’ she sighed reluctantly. ‘My sleep has been restful but sometimes during the day I get flashes of things but I can’t make it out, it’s all blurred.’ Eleni had to grudgingly admit that he had been right about the memories finding a way to return, despite being blocked during the night. The flashes she had had the last few days, although vague had been disconcerting.
 
‘Mmm,’ he said tapping his finger on the desk, almost as if he had forgotten she was there, ‘it’s as I expected.’

‘Professor Snape,’ began Eleni, ‘what I don’t understand is…’

But with a flick of his hand, he waved the question away before it had even fully formed in her head.

‘Don’t bother asking,’ he said, ‘because I am not going to tell you.’

‘So you do know about my past?’ she asked.
 
Snape didn’t answer immediately. Instead he shifted the pile of books on his desk to one side and then began to clean his quill.

She waited in silence not daring to interrupt.

Eventually he raised his head and looked at her.

‘Miss Devon or I should say Eleni,’ he said, startling her, with his almost gentle tone, ‘you place me in a difficult position. Professor Dumbledore believes that it’s better you remember in your own time. Hence the new potion, which will ease the memories back.’

Eleni strained forward listening, balancing on the balls of her feet. ‘So Professor Dumbledore knows about my past too? I suppose everyone does except me.’

‘No,’ he said, ‘not everyone. Now is that all?’

Her stomach gave a sudden lurch, as a question crystallized in her mind.

‘Was it my fault they died?’ she asked.
 
Snape visibly flinched at the question. The girl he thought, was like a ferret, she didn’t give up.

‘Who are you talking about?’ he asked slowly.

‘My parents,’ she said. ‘In my dream I am calling out to my mother and someone’s laughing and telling me she’s dead. I think that my father is also struck down and killed. But the thing is that when I wake up I know that it’s my fault, that I caused their deaths. Although I don’t even know for certain it’s them, I haven’t seen their faces but I know that I’m calling out for my mother and please Professor Snape, I must know if it’s my fault.’
 
The room sank into a troubled silence. The only sound was the hint of a draught moving through the dungeons, licking at her legs.

Eleni shook herself out of an almost trancelike state. She was horrified at what she had just done. Fancy confiding in Snape and telling him something that she wouldn’t dare tell anyone else. Him of all people, the most unapproachable teacher at Hogwarts.
Although she supposed that with his dark past, he’d be the last one to pass judgement on her. She looked at him, hardly daring to breathe, somewhat surprised that he hadn’t as yet made some sort of disparaging comment.
 
‘What else can you remember?’ he asked quietly, his voice breaking into the silence like a knife.

‘Screams,’ she said. ‘Awful high pitch screaming. People begging for their lives and these reptile faced things, who are yelling “Crucio” and laughing. And then something ripping against my chest and throwing me against the wall but I don’t know what.’
 
Snape leaned forward. ‘Do you recognize them?’

‘No.’

‘What about your surroundings? Do you know where you are?’

‘No sir, I don’t.’

‘I see,’ he said, withdrawing back, becoming as still as a tree in an ancient forest.
 
‘Professor Snape,’ Eleni eventually said, when he showed no sign of moving.

His gaze shifted and moved to her eyes. ‘Whatever you remember,’ he said, ‘whatever you might be told by others, remember that none of it was your fault. And at this time, I can tell you no more, so no more questions.’

‘I suppose,’ she said, ‘I should take the potion and go.’

‘Yes,’ he said, taking out the vial of blue liquid and placing it on the desk in front of him.
 
Eleni moved tentatively to the desk and picked up the vial, letting its coolness permeate through her hand, while becoming aware that a curious tension had risen between them.

‘Then I’ll see you tomorrow for this tutorial that Professor McGonagall has organised,’ he said with what looked like a half sneer and almost a half smile.

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
 
Only when she left did Snape allow himself to take a deep breath. He had been tempted to tell all. She had looked so fragile, so lost and confused, blaming herself about her parents.

Perhaps he thought, another talk with Professor Dumbledore was needed.