Eleni's Missing Years

Chapter 5

When Eleni arrived for detention, she was surprised to find Snape sitting at his desk, his hands steepled in thought, instead of correcting the pile of parchments beside him.

‘Glad to see that you’ve learnt the art of punctuality Miss Devon,’ he said curtly, when she walked in.

Eleni thought it best not to answer and instead waited for instructions. All day she had been unsteady on her feet, swaying whenever she stood in one place. She suspected that if she dared to stop moving, even for a second, that she’d probably fall asleep standing up and topple over. And that she decided was not the best way of commencing detention with Snape, who would be only too glad to add another week of detentions to her woes.

He stood up abruptly. ‘Follow me,’ he snapped. ‘I’ll show you what I want done in my office.’

His office was even colder than his classroom. Eleni shivered and glanced longingly at the empty fireplace, wondering if she dare ask him to light it. But one look at his sour face changed her mind.

The airless room had a strong acidic odour from the chemicals he used to store his ingredients. But there was another, almost familiar scent in the room. Eleni sniffed and looked around the room. To one corner, she observed that Snape had clumps of herbs and roots, drying and hanging in mid air. She moved closer and allowed the pungent aroma to move through her skin, travel up her nose and to her brain.

It didn’t happen often but every now and again she’d get a strange sensation like the one she was having at that moment. She knew it wasn’t the first time she had smelt the scent the herbs and roots were giving out. But as she reached into her mind to make the memory clearer, it evaded her, moving away every time she got close. Eleni hated these moments. It was like she was being teased, left high and dry and frustrated with no where to go.

‘Well Miss Devon,’ said Snape interrupting her thoughts but looking at her with interest, ‘I never knew my office was so fascinating. May I remind you why you’re here.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she said but still unable to take her eyes away from the herbs and roots, ‘it’s just that…well,’ Eleni shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she said.’

‘I suggest,’ he said, ‘that you turn your eyes to that shelf over there, otherwise you’re going to be here all night.’

‘Yes Professor Snape.’

Eleni sighed and began taking down the bottles and vials, fighting down the bile that was threatening at the base of her stomach. The last thing she wanted was to throw up in Snape’s office but the animal foetuses, hearts, livers and blood vessels floating in clear liquids, made everything he had in his classroom benign. It was difficult not to retch.

And if being exhausted and repulsed by what was in the bottles wasn’t bad enough, not to mention the overpowering aroma of herbs, having a spectre such as Snape watching her, was disconcerting and unnerving to say the least. Eleni could feel his eyes boring into her back.

She would have presumed that he’d leave her and return to the classroom or at least busy himself with some task. But instead he sat on the edge of his desk, probably in the hope of distracting her and having an excuse to snarl at her.

His presence so disturbed her that the quivering that began in her knees had spread to her hands. She tried to be extra careful with her work, not wanting to have a mishap with one of his precious stores.

Snape however wasn’t thinking of the effect he was having on her but of the hours he had spent the previous night watching over her. It had been unpleasant and tiring and this morning he had been forced to use an alert spell to stay focused during his classes.

With the cold season fast approaching, the air had had a biting chill to it. Not that the cold ever bothered him, especially helped by his thick cloak but it was clear that she hadn’t dressed for the cold.

He had sent her a powerful warming charm to keep the cold away. Although by the distraught hunching of her body, Snape doubted that she would have even noticed that her body had mysteriously warmed.

But the charm had been discreet. It had encircled itself round her feet and gathered up slowly through her back, shoulders and face, which he was certain would have been soaked with tears.

As Snape watched her clearing out the shelves, he contemplated whether the girl should just be told everything. Surely in the long run it would be better. He knew better than anyone what it was like having memories creeping back and disturbing any chance of a restful sleep. But Dumbledore believed that it would be too shocking for the truth to be revealed in one go, that it was wiser to let it come back in its own good time.

‘It would like the force of a tidal wave,’ he had said. ‘It would wash her away and perhaps drown her.’

It hadn’t taken Snape long to remember who she was. The first time she had attended his class, the moment he saw her, something had clicked but he hadn’t been certain till he had taken a closer look. The first chance he had gotten he had sought Dumbledore, who as usual had pre-empted him and was waiting with a cheery disposition in his office.

‘Something on your mind Severus?’ he had asked.

‘Is it?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ said Dumbledore, ‘it is. It’s her.’

‘I was unaware that you had invited her here.’

‘I have tried for years to move her here,’ Dumbledore had said. ‘I believe that she has been treated unfairly, being moved from school to school, left alone in orphanages. I wanted her to complete her education under our watchful eyes.’

‘And the ministry allowed it?’

Dumbledore smiled. ‘No they were hostile to the idea, happier to let her wilt in some orphanage. But I insisted. After all she was only a child when it happened. Totally innocent as far as I’m concerned, it is simply not fair to falsely accuse and punish.’

‘Sometimes headmaster, the ministry has peculiar ways of dealing with problems.’

‘Yes I agree,’ said Dumbledore. ‘And as you know Severus, I am not always in agreement with the ministry and their methods.’

* * * * *

Eleni felt worse. Her head was spinning like she was sitting on a merry go round. Every time she breathed the bile in her stomach rose a little higher. She grasped the shelf, trying to hold herself steady but she felt her knees buckle, wanting to sink down into oblivion.

‘Professor Snape,’ she managed to rasp weakly, ‘I think…I don’t.’ The empty vial she was holding slipped out of her hand and crashed to the ground.

And then the world went black.

‘Crucio,’ yelled a male voice.

‘Leave my family alone,’ cried a pleading voice. ‘Take me instead but please leave her alone.’

‘Avada Kedavra,’ yelled a reptilian voice. Eleni heard something heavy fall to the ground. She knew the pleading voice had been silenced.

‘Well what was I supposed to do,’ said the reptilian voice, ‘he said take me, so I did.’

‘Crucio, Crucio, Crucio,’ other voices cried out, as screams filled the room.

Everywhere there was merriment and each time a body fell, raucous laughter.

‘And you all thought you had protection,’ boomed a voice from a doorway. ‘Fools the lot of you. Know that the one day the dark lord will rise again.’

‘Leave them alone,’ Eleni heard herself cry out. ‘Stop hurting them, please. What have you done to my mother?’

One of the reptilians looked at her. ‘Your mother? Look at her over there. She’s dead.’

‘No,’ she yelled, covering her eyes. ‘You killed her.’

Suddenly an arm swept across her chest, flinging her into a corner.

Something was shaking her shoulder. ‘Wake up,’ a voice whispered. ‘Come on Eleni, come out of the dream. Miss Devon try and fight it.’

Eleni’s struggled to open her eyes and find consciousness but the dream kept pulling her back as if it wanted to choke her.

‘Miss Devon, it’s all right. Your safe, it’s only a dream.’

The voice was familiar but without its customary sarcasm.

Then the realisation hit her. Oh my God, Snape.

This time her eyes did open.

She was laying flat on her back in his office. He was crouched down beside her, his eye dark and unreadable.

Eleni began to remember the last moments, the dizziness, the vial slipping out of her grasp and the crumbling to the ground before everything went black. Nothing like this had ever happened. It was like the dream wanted to attack even during daylight hours. The images were becoming clearer, detailed, like a painter adding fresh paint to a canvas.

She blinked rapidly and drew in a sharp breath.

‘Professor Snape…,’ she whispered.

‘Are you all right?’ he asked softly, knowingly.

‘Professor Snape,’ she said again, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened. I’ll clean up the mess and…’

‘Miss Devon,’ he said with a note of impatience, ‘I’ve already cleared the broken glass.’

Eleni went to get up but he stopped her.

‘No,’ he said, ‘give yourself a moment before you try and get up. Fortunately I managed to catch you before you fell and hit your head.’

Snape noticed she was shivering and pointed his wand at the fireplace.

Instantly orange and blue flames appeared, giving the room a warmer countenance.

Eleni stared at the fire, wanting to kick herself hard. Fancy blacking out in Snape’s office. What a baby. He must think she’s an idiot. It would probably mean another week’s detention.  

‘Sometimes,’ he said, as if he could read what she was thinking, ‘we don’t have a choice of how and when certain memories appear. We can only sit back and let it happen.’

A solitary tear rolled down her face. ‘I rather those memories go away,’ she whispered, not quite sure of what she was saying or even if she was talking to him or to herself. ‘I’m not interested in remembering anything.’

Snape pursed his lips in thought and decided it best to change the subject. ‘How are you feeling?’ he asked.

‘Better,’ she said. ‘Give me another minute and I’ll be able to finish clearing out the shelves.’

Snape frowned deeply. ‘No Miss Devon, I don’t think so, certainly not today. Now let me help you up.’

Eleni blushed as he placed his arm under her shoulders and lifted her up.

His reaction to her blackout had somewhat puzzled her. She would have expected him to sneer at her clumsiness but his eyes were neutral and surprisingly with a hint of concern in them.

‘Why don’t you come and sit over here by the fire,’ he said.

‘Thank you,’ she said. Her body ached like she had run a dozen marathons. She sank into the chair gratefully. Eleni noticed that Snape was sitting across her, watching her.

There was a strange tension in the room. And it wasn’t only because of her blackout. It was something she couldn’t quite reach, a memory of some sort. She looked at Snape again, who was still watching her.

It was like he had helped her before. But she thought, shaking her head in exasperation, that was impossible. She had first met him at Hogwarts. Yet she wondered, as her eyes moved to where the herbs and roots were hovering, she knew that scent. Something was tugging at the back of her mind. Something but she didn’t know what or how to reach it. I must be confused Eleni concluded, with blacking out and being here.

‘Are you feeling better?’ Snape asked, breaking into her reverie.

‘Yes,’ she said carefully. ‘I’m sorry Professor Snape, I don’t know how that happened.’

‘I thought that would be obvious,’ he said, dryly. ‘You look paler than what I do. Have you seen the circles under your eyes? When was the last time you had a full nights sleep?’

Eleni stared at her hands. For a crazy moment she wanted to break down and tell him about the dream, how it waited for her every night, how she didn’t understand what was happening, how it was getting worse and how the screams chilled her to the bone.

It’s not like he didn’t know something was wrong. Hadn’t he just intimated it, with what he said about memories?

Eleni wanted to kick herself again. Are you mad, she told herself. Confiding in Snape. Is your brain turning to mush? Yet she thought, the way he looked at her, almost like he wasn’t surprised that she had blacked out, almost like he knew exactly what was happening in her head.

‘Miss Devon,’ he said, when she still hadn’t said a word. ‘I want you to listen to me carefully. I want you to go have your dinner and then go directly to your room.’ He reached into his cloak and pulled out a vial, filled with a light blue liquid. ‘This is called, “dreamless sleep” potion and I want you to take it before you retire tonight. Tomorrow is Saturday and I suggest you stay in bed and rest for as long as you can.’

‘But what about detention?’ she asked. ‘I haven’t finished what I was supposed to.’

‘Forget about detention. Do you think Miss Devon that I want to see my whole office destroyed? Leave it till Monday but do come and see me tomorrow and I’ll give you another vial of the potion for tomorrow night.’

‘Thank you Professor Snape,’ she said, taking the potion and holding it carefully. Now that her head had cleared a little she wanted to ask him question after question but by his demeanour, the way his shoulders had stiffened and the narrowing of his features, she knew his gentle mood was fast disappearing.

‘The potion will give you a good nights sleep. I’ve brewed this potion myself, it is even stronger than Madam Pomfrey’s. I guarantee you won’t have any dreams tonight.’

Eleni stood up and took a tentative step. The strength was beginning to return to her legs.

‘You can go now,’ he said, pointing his wand at the fireplace and extinguishing the flames. ‘I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’

‘Thank you Professor Snape,’ she said again, as she went to the door and opened it.

But he didn’t answer. He only looked at her, like there was much more he wanted to say.