Cheap Trick Lullaby

section one ::. of house elves and sex

A smooth, solitary stone cut through the fresh, spring air like a blade, closer and closer to its final destination until it at last met water with a satisfying splash. The young red-haired man who had thrown the stone barely paused to see the first one hit before tossing another in a similar fashion. Near him sat Hermione, his wife of roughly three months, poring over her latest muggle novel, and lounging side-by-side against a giant, old yew tree were his sister, Ginny, and his best mate, Harry. They were all spending a leisurely day catching up and generally loafing about on the grounds behind his family's home. The sort of day that was steadily becoming more unheard of as each of their schedules fast approached unmanageable levels of fullness. Despite that, however, they had each cleared a Sunday on their calendars to spend with one another at The Burrow.

"Has this pond always been here?" Harry asked, referring to the relatively shallow body of water in front of them that was roughly three metres wide and four metres long.

Ron sent an especially large rock sailing into the water. "It's not really a pond." His upper lip curled ever so slightly. "Bloody great puddle, if you ask me."

"He didn't," Ginny supplied promptly. "And yes, Harry, it's been here longer than we Weasleys have."

"Odd," he replied, turning his head to meet her eyes. "I never noticed it before."

She stared into his eyes almost challengingly. "Probably because you never bothered to look."

"True," he replied, shrugging.

"Bill and Charlie always used to tell us that hundreds of years ago it was enchanted to never dry up by the wizard who owned the land so that this tree would always have water near it," Ginny continued, with a backward gesture at the tree she and Harry were leaning upon.

"Why would he do that?" Hermione raised her calculating gaze to the younger woman.

Before Ginny could say anything, Ron cut in. "The typical reason. He shagged a fair maiden for the first time under the tree, she died, and he reacted accordingly." All this was said in the unimpressed tone of someone who had heard the story more times than was strictly forgivable.

"I'm so glad I married such a romantic."

"Who'd you marry before me?" Ron quipped, jokingly.

"What makes you think I didn't marry someone after you?" Hermione grumbled, sotto voce. The comment made Harry and Ginny snicker, but Ron simply chose to pretend he hadn't heard it.

Finally tiring of his stone tossing, Ron plopped himself down beside his wife. He stretched out on the blanket she had laid out, crossing his arms behind his head. A comfortable silence settled over the group for a time. The only sounds were of the birds in the trees and some vague, far-off noises that originated in the direction of the house. For several minutes, they sat in this way until Ron spoke again. "D'you reckon house elves have sex?"

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed in a scandalized tone, looking up from her book a second time.

"Well, think about it. They probably never have bathes and they're quite ugly. I mean, if I were a house elf, I'd never have sex. And yet there are just so damn many of them. You'd think they were shagging like Dean and Seamus by the sheer number of them alone!"

"This gives 'the beast with two backs' a whole new meaning for me," Harry muttered so that only Ginny could hear. She made an admirable effort to stifle a mighty snort, and only marginally succeeded.

"And have you lot ever seen a house elf baby? I mean, they must exist!"

"Here I was thinking they just popped up out of the ground like potatoes," Harry responded sarcastically as Ginny doubled over.

"I cannot believe you're actually having this conversation," Hermione said to no one in particular.

Ron carried on as though neither of them had spoken. "We should owl Dobby and ask him."

"What would THAT owl read? 'Dear Dobby, have you fornicated with a fellow house elf lately?'" Harry could barely finish his sentence before cracking up. Even Hermione gave a little begrudging chuckle at that as she shook her head, and turned back to her novel.

"I 'spose not then," Ron conceded. "But you've got to admit that Winky's a bit of a boozehound."

Hermione shot him a confused glance. "What's that got to do with it?"

"You know... The booze might make her more loose. Uninhibited, if you will," he explained in a way that said he thought it was the most logical conclusion to which one might come. At this point, Harry and Ginny each collapsed into separate fits of teary laughter.

"That's it, Ronald Weasley. You need nourishment," Hermione diagnosed astutely. She dog-eared the page she was on, and stood up, brushing at the wrinkles in her garments. "It's that time of day when your brain starts slowly seeping out of your ears if you haven't had a proper lunch."

Ron, perhaps agreeing too much to be offended, stood obediently, and started to clumsily fold the blanket. "You coming?" he asked when he noticed that neither Harry nor his sister had moved to follow their lead. They were both still sprawled beneath the tree where they'd been quietly resting after their throes of laughter. Harry was the first to stir, albeit reluctantly. He looked as though he'd rather lie where he was for the remainder of the day. He had barely had the chance to sit up straight when Ginny suddenly stopped him by lightly placing her hand on his arm.

"In a minute, Ron," she said.

"Okay, but don't stay too long. I'm liable to consume all of the food in the house at this point. There may not be any left for the two of you if you come back too late." With that, Ron and Hermione began to walk up the path toward the house, hand-in-hand and speaking softly to each other.

"What is it, Gin?" Harry, who had really only been half-alert before, now had his full attention trained on the redhead sitting beside him.

Ginny imperceptibly shrank away from his steady gaze and got to her feet. Harry followed suit, becoming more and more worried as her silence persisted. She busied herself collecting the large blanket they'd been resting upon, and generally ignoring his question.

"Will you meet me at the Tea Den tomorrow for lunch?" she hastily inquired at last.

"Of course." He heaved a sigh of relief. It wasn't anything serious after all. "That was it? You had me worried for a moment there. I thought it was something serious." The pair began to follow the same path up to The Burrow that Hermione and Ron had taken. The air was warm, and the sunlight filtered through the trees in most places. Sometimes, they would walk across a wide patch of bright light, and Harry would silently observe the way Ginny's hair gleamed brilliantly in the illumination.

"It is something serious, actually. Something I have to ask you."

Her hair really is almost translucent in this light, he thought. "Why can't you ask me now?"

It might have been his imagination, but Harry could have sworn he saw her cheeks darken a bit. "I'm not exactly... ready. Tomorrow, okay?"

As the house finally came into view, he nodded in resignation. "Alright then, tomorrow."