Really Bad Eggs

Really Bad Eggs

"Ah, Severus, there you are." Albus Dumbledore, an old man with an affection for muggle sweets, smiled at me as he greeted me in the cool halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I, Severus Snape, was at the healthy age of twenty-six (twenty-seven that November) though I wasn't exactly at the peak of physical fitness. To be perfectly honest, I was tall, lanky, scrawny, and more than a bit greasy, with skin so pale that it looked sickly. No, I wasn't having a bad week or anything; well, I was, but then I always am. I've always looked like that. I still do, and I suspect that I always will. Then, there's my nose that can poke your eyes out. And ghastly teeth. I suppose it's easy to tell that I don't really think much of my appearance, isn't it? Ah, well. You don't have to be pretty to be smart, but you have to be smart to teach potions. And, since that is the only job currently available to an ex-Death Eater such as myself, being smart is much higher on my list of priorities than being pretty.

In any case, it was on this particular day that Dumbledore (Headmaster of Hogwarts and notorious for being an eccentric old coot) had decided to personally deliver to me a message from the Department of Mysteries. Apparently, this message was so incredibly mysterious that it had to be passed to me through him, rather than sent by owl. I swear, those unspeakables are such imbeciles... "You are needed for a discussion of a particular potion that..." Blah, blah, blah. I'm usually a very particular person, but at the moment I wasn't really in the mood for details that would be recounted to me by some idiot who thinks he has the most important job in the world, anyway. "They want you to be there to meet with an official by three. Well, I must be off, got to get some more lemon sherberts. Have a good day, Severus."

He walked off, leaving me to fume. Three? Good lord, it was already half past two, and the walk to Hogsmeade was at least twenty minutes! Honestly, those bastards at the ministry have no idea how to give a person proper notice. "Dammit!" I usually don't swear out loud, but this was a special occasion. Well... I usually don't swear out loud in front of other people... That is, students... Like I said, not in the mood for details. So, I made my way to Hogsmeade so I could apparate to the Ministry of Magic. Sometimes the apparition wards on the castle are such a pain. And, as I had suspected, despite the fact that I tend to walk rather fast (in my opinion) it still took me about twenty minutes to get to Hogsmeade.

I apparated the first chance I got, barely even breaking stride, and appeared in front of the security desk at the ministry. Fortunately, there was no line. I was in a hurry because if I was late, the appointment would be rescheduled to some time next year (hell, I might be busy then!) and because the sooner I got there, the sooner I could get the painful meeting over with. The security guard, who happened to be slower than a flobberworm, gave me the once-over, pinned a visitor's badge on my robes, and sent me on my way. By this time I had very little time to make my appointment, and very little tolerance for delays. So, when someone was blocking the next lift, I shoved him out of the way and cursed his name, slamming the golden grate of the lift and allowing it to sluggishly lower me into the Department of Mysteries.

I emerged, along with a few memos, into the Department of Mysteries and made my way irritably through a few dank corridors (I felt so at home, what with living in the dungeons) before I heard an all too familiar voice call out my name. I froze upon hearing it- the jovial lilt, the literal bounce in his tone, the slight sing-song sound to it. Merlin's beard, it was as if he was actually crooning my name. "Severus! Ohhhh, Severus!" I could just imagine him waving like a posh debutante, batting his eyes at me with a handkerchief in his hand.

Slowly, I turned around, and there he was. Nathanyel B. Page. He was walking towards me as if he hadn't a care in the world, a wide grin spread across his face. A mop of sandy hair was splayed atop his head, as if it had simply been thrown there and he'd had no objections about the way it had landed, and his hazel eyes sparkled brilliantly with mirth, nostalgia, and dementia. He was of average height, so of course I was a full head taller than him, at least, and I was also a year older. However, my menacing stance and demeanor had never been off-putting to him, so I doubt it made any difference now.

I know Nathanyel Page (a.k.a. Nutty Nathanyel, Nat the Nutter, Tano the Twit) because he was a Slytherin at Hogwarts, a year below me. I was never too popular myself, so it was the natural order of things that we spent time together. I suppose we were friends... best friends, in fact... though after he got married and had a child I lost touch with him. Speaking of which... There was some sort of sprightly creature peeking out at me from behind him as he greeted me. "Severus, light of my life, apple of my eye..." He took my hand and kissed it. The most disturbing part of this display was that Nathanyel is not gay at all. Though, I have been given reason to wonder... But we won't get into that right now. "How are you?"

"As well as can be expected," I answered in my usual stiff tones as I viewed the owlish dark green eyes peeking out at me from behind him. "And you?"

"Wonderful!" he answered, enthusiastically pulling me into a tight, but brief (thank the greater powers) embrace. As I readjusted my robes, he pulled a rolled up piece of parchment from his sleeve. "Let's get to that meeting, shall we?" For a moment, I gaped, but then managed to regain my composure. Or, at least, what little of it I had left. Dignity, on the other hand, was a different area entirely. I said nothing, and merely nodded sharply as Nathanyel took possession of my arm and walked alongside me for a time, talking about augureys... You know, I started believing long ago that he really is descended from Uric the Oddball, and I really think he may prove it some day... Which is a bit disturbing.

After cheerfully relating a tale of an augurey-fwooper crossbreed gone horribly wrong, Nathanyel steered me into a decent-sized room that was, undoubtedly, his office. It was filled with muggle contraptions I'd never seen the likes of before, as well as a healthy amount of magical artifacts, half of which I'm sure are currently illegal. However, the most prominent items in the office... Sweets. There were sweets everywhere. Muggle, wizard, anything and everything. They were piled into bowls on shelves, on his desk, even hanging from the ceiling. They were stacked in boxes on the floor, ordered neatly as if they'd been shipped. They were stuck in the creases of the chairs and forgotten beneath low furniture and in some cases even glued to the walls. Some of them were enchanted to fly around the room, their wrapping forming wings as they fluttered and flapped about. Others, still, scuttled around like insects; one was even attempting to build a web. It was actually rather strange to see an almost overflowing bowl of chocolates sitting next to a most likely illegal dark artifact, but that's Nathanyel for you.

Nathanyel smiled at me as he approached his desk, followed by his little shadow, and swiped a few documents and sweets away, dropping the parchment in his hand in the cleared space. As I watched him, a chocolate bar flew straight into the side of my head, staggered, squawked, and continued on its aimless path about the room. I decided to ignore the incident and instead directed my attention to the third attendee of our meeting. Apparently, it was a little girl. I could tell because Nathanyel was pushing her out from behind him as he perused the parchment we were to discuss, and I was finally able to get a decent look at her.

She was small and spindly, maybe five or six years old. She had dark brown hair that was pulled away from her face by little green hair clips, and her eyes were large and curious, sparkling in a dark, sort of forest green color. Her face was round, open, and ended in a bit of a pointed chin, and though her skin was quite pale, her cheeks were the same healthy pink as her small lips, as the cheeks of little girls often are. She was a pretty little girl; the kind you would expect to see in the park, playing on the swings or having a pretend tea party. It was for this reason that I often found little girls quite boring, and so very easily dismissed them. This case was no exception, and I looked back at Nathanyel, concentrating on the document. "Say hello, love," he muttered to the girl, managing to break her tight grasp on his robes as he nudged her towards me.

"Hi," was the shy little squeak that she produced. Forced by formality to no longer ignore her, I was obligated to respond.

"Hello," I said listlessly, thinking she'd leave me be after the short exchange. I was not so lucky, for it was at this point that Nathanyel straightened, and looked between us, an amused expression on his face.

"This is my daughter," he introduced. "Nadia." Oh. That came as somewhat a surprise. The reason? Apparently, I named her. Nathanyel and I were teenagers, sixteen and seventeen respectively, when the subject of children had entered one of our late night discussions. Nathanyel had said that he was going to have a little girl with such confidence that it seemed ridiculous; it was as if he knew for sure it would happen. He'd said he'd always wanted one; it was the most steadfast goal in his life. He'd asked me what names I liked for girls. So, I'd given him an honest answer. I told him that Nadia was my favorite girl's name, and went on to say that if I found a nice, smart girl named Nadia I'd marry her on the spot. (The relevance of this statement will be revealed later- but I don't want to get ahead of myself.) When he asked me my second choice, I'd told him Josephyne. And yes, I had specified the alternate spelling. He'd said that when (not if) he had a little girl of his own, he promised to name her Nadia for me, and her middle name would be Josephyne. I'd shrugged it off, not taken it seriously, but apparently Nathanyel remembers these things and takes them to heart.

"Oh," I said uncomfortably after only a short delay. "Er... Nice to meet you, Nadia." I inclined my head to the girl and she giggled shyly before grasping her father's hand tightly.

"What's your name?" she asked tentatively in that tiny voice of hers. I glanced at Nathanyel, who gave me an encouraging smile and nod, before answering the inquiry.

"Severus." I tried not to sound too out of sorts. I was never very good with children, which is why most people think that teaching isn't exactly the best job for me.

"Sev'rus?" Argh, she makes it sound so... cutesie. "That's a pretty name." She smiled at me; she had her father's smile. It was that same bright, intuitive smile, though she looked a bit more alert than Nathanyel usually seemed.

"Thank you," I replied formally, causing her to giggle again.

"You're welcome." Well, at least she'd been taught some manners.

"Nadia?" Nathanyel knelt down next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Severus and I need to take care of some business. You can play with the ducks, but no eavesdropping, alright?" She nodded her head, and I was slightly surprised that she hadn't needed him to use simpler wording in order to understand him. She scampered across the room, grabbed a brightly wrapped toffee that had been climbing up a book shelf, then grabbed a wooden duck on wheels and started playing loudly. Nathanyel watched her with an adoring smile, then turned to me and offered me a seat, which I took after brushing out a few candies from the creases. He pulled the chair from behind his desk around and sat down next to me, holding out the parchment.

"So... We're discussing this..." I tried to remember what I was supposed to be there for, and it came to me only after a few moments of prodding my memory. "What is it, again? A potion to cure... lycanthropy?" Nathanyel nodded.

"Do you think it's possible?" he asked, raising his eyebrows, as if expecting my answer to be negative.

"Well... One can't be too sure..." He seemed to be expecting me to say something else, so I spoke my mind. "But... Why would it be needed?" Maybe I'm letting old grudges get to me... Oh well.

"It would be needed, Severus," he snatched an acid pop from the sky and unwrapped it as he spoke, "because werewolves, in their transformed states, are extremely dangerous. Not to mention the physical and psychological trauma the people go through... And the families, as well. And, of course, there's the discrimination against them and all. It's just not good to be going on with." He clamped his mouth around the acid pop, and didn't seem to notice at all when a faint hissing sound started coming from inside it. After a few moments he pulled the acid pop out, looking pensive, while steam issued from his mouth. "Would you like one?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"Er... No." I have never understood Nathanyel's affinity for acid pops, and I doubt that I ever will. I suppose it's probably because he's completely barmy. "So whose idea was this, anyway?" Nathanyel looked proud of himself.

"Mine." I should have known. "What do you think?" He was lisping because the acid pop had burned a hole in his tongue, which made it even harder to take him seriously.

"I think that only you would be mad enough to try to cure lycanthropy," I replied. And guilty enough, I left unsaid. Nathanyel shook his head, using his wand to heal the hole in his tongue.

"But think about it! Werewolves deserve-"

"Scott!" Nathanyel paused and blinked, then turned to Nadia, who ran up to us, looking excited. "Scott's a werewolf, and he doesn't mind!" she exclaimed. "I like him better like a werewolf than not like a werewolf, because he's cool and he jumps real high and-"

"Nadia." She stopped speaking at Nathanyel's interruption. "I thought I told you not to eavesdrop?" She blushed, looking sheepishly down at her feet as she clasped her hands behind her back.

"Sorry." She stuck out her lower lip in a pout.

"Hold on," I cut in, glancing at Nathanyel. "You know a werewolf?"

"He plays basketball!" Nadia replied, smiling.

"...Basketball?" What in the name of Merlin's beard is basketball?

"It's from an American movie," Nathanyel informed me. "What was it? 'Teen Wolf' or some such?" He shook his head. "Nadia, real werewolves aren't actually like that." It really surprised me to see him giving a lecture on reality versus fantasy.

"They don't play basketball?" Oh no, it looked like she was going to start in with the waterworks... Her eyes were shining ominously, and I hoped dearly that Nathanyel knew how to handle such a crisis.

"I'm sure some of them do, but not as werewolves."

"...Oh..." It didn't seem to be working.

"I knew a werewolf who played Quidditch." That did the trick. She perked up immediately, looking hopefully up at Nathanyel.

"He played Quidditch? Wow! And you knowed him?"

"Yes." Nathanyel chuckled a bit as I winced at her bad grammar. "I knew him."

"I wanna meet him!" Nadia jumped up and down, a pleading expression on her face. "Please, please, Daddy?"

"I'm afraid that's not entirely possible." Nathanyel reached out and ruffled her hair a bit, possibly to soften the blow, but she still looked very disappointed.

"Oh..."

"But tell you what: you can play with Severus, okay?" OH, GOD, NO.

"Okay!" She looked so happy.

"Just let us talk about the werewolves first, alright?"

"Awright!" She happily bounced across the room and plopped down on the floor to continue playing with her duck.

"I'm going to kill you," I muttered angrily to Nathanyel. He only shrugged, apparently unconcerned, and steered the topic of conversation back to lycanthropy.

"I think that a potion to at least control lycanthropy could be developed, using wolfsbane as a main ingredient-"

"So this potion you're talking about hasn't actually been developed yet?" I raised an eyebrow; I knew exactly what was coming, and I dreaded it.

"Well, no. That's why I contacted you." I knew it. "We have done minimal research, but the project was dropped by the ministry- apparently, the Minister of Magic has deemed it as 'useless.'" He wrinkled his nose a bit; anyone who knew Nathanyel well also knew that he was an intelligent man, despite his eccentricity, and anyone with any amount of intelligence disliked Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic. "However, a few of us unspeakables are rather curious on how this whole thing would turn out, so we thought, 'why not go on and do this on our own?' And, since it was my idea, I'm heading this whole project, so that puts me in charge of finding someone with half a brain to do the experiments. We have a tight budget, but it's fairly manageable, considering." He paused to look over at Nadia, who was making loud growling sounds and waving her duck in the air. Then, he grabbed the parchment from the desk and handed it to me. "These documents are the official reports of previous research, and the contract you would sign upon agreeing to cooperate. We require that you send in a report of your progress every six months, any observations, you know... Things like that. Though, it will probably take years before anything significant is developed, judging by the difficulty of working with- Wingardium leviosa! -wolfsbane, especially under controlled conditions."

Curious, I turned towards where Nathanyel's wand was pointing, to see that the wooden duck was levitating just over Nadia's head. With a flick of his wand, he steered it around her and set it on the floor, while she looked apologetic. "He wanted to fly," she explained.

"I know," Nathanyel answered. "But he doesn't seem very good at it. Just be more careful." He turned back to me. "So? What do you think?" I blinked, surprised. It seemed as though in the years I had lost touch with him, Nathanyel had become more... normal. True, he'd always been good at persuading others to do what he wanted and closing a deal, but he'd never been so... Responsible? Adult? Well, he certainly hadn't gotten any more sane than before, though he acted it; I could tell, because he still had that mad glint in his eyes. It was like a little spark, waiting to burst into flames and consume all in its path.

"Well..." What did I think? Well, it would certainly be a breath of fresh air, after doing nothing but teaching all those little brats for so long... And I always liked a challenge. "I can't yet be sure," I answered. It was best to be difficult about it; that's the way Slytherins are- shrewd and ambitious. I just wanted to get as much as possible out of this.

"Alright," Nathanyel replied, checking his watch. "I've got plenty of time to wait for your decision, but in the meantime I believe I have something to do involving... Brains... Fascinating, really, too bad you can't join in the fun." He stood up, grinning at me. "You can play with Nadia while you're thinking, and I'll be back in a bit." I gaped at him; the man couldn't be serious. However... He was. Must be torture tactics. He walked towards the door, giving Nadia a quick kiss goodbye. "Just stay in this sector," he ordered, slipping out the door. I stared after him for a few moments, in utter disbelief, then turned to Nadia, who was sitting across the room, staring back at me. She tilted her head to the side, just... Staring. What a strange little girl... But I suppose I should expect as much from Nathanyel's offspring.

After a while, I blinked slowly, trying not to make any sudden movements, when she suddenly jumped up and screeched, "A-HA!" I nearly fell out of my chair, and had to hide the fact that I was nearing cardiac arrest because of the outburst. She settled down, giggling, and smiled widely. "I win." It was at that moment that I wished very dearly that murder was legal. Or at least assault of a minor.

"You win?" I growled. "What do you win?"

"The staring contest." Good lord, that innocent look... It was too much. I gave up my aggression and folded to pressure.

"Fine." I threw my hands in the air. "Fine."

"You wanna play, Sev'rus?"

"Alright." This is so humiliating. Going to the Ministry of Magic... To play with a little girl. She'll probably make me sip imaginary tea and talk to dolls.

"Let's play sword fight!" ...Or not. I was surprised at her unusual choice of play, especially when she pulled out a little green umbrella and waved it at me. "I'm the pirate! Have at thee, ye swab! Arrr, matey!" She squinted one eye shut and attempted to sneer at me, though it came out looking more like she'd taken a long whiff of a pile of dragon dung. I couldn't help but stare at the display. "Well, what are you being?" she asked, after waiting a bit.

"Er... A potions professor." Alright, so I wasn't at my most imaginative at the moment, but I could hardly be blamed.

"Potions professors don't sword fight!" she exclaimed, dropping her umbrella in frustration.

"Yes they do," I argued. "I should know, I am one." She sighed and shook her head.

"Fine. I captured you on my pirate ship, and you're fighting to escape."

"...Alright." I was really starting to get puzzled by the girl. I stood up, but then she let out another exasperated sigh.

"You need a sword!" she insisted, indicating her green umbrella.

"I can use a wand," I replied. I really wasn't in the mood to start waving an umbrella around in the air.

"Nuh-uh! This is a sword fight, so you gotta use a sword." She crossed her arms, the umbrella still hanging from one hand. I surmised that there was no use in fighting with her, so I resignedly summoned Nathanyel's umbrella (also green, but darker) to me and apathetically held it up, waiting. There was a short pause, and then she ran at me. "Avast!!"

"Whoa!" Yes, I said, "whoa." But when an umbrella comes swishing at your... sensitive area... "Whoa" tends to be the general reaction. Fortunately, I was able to block with my... umbrella. Or shall I call it my sword? In any case, getting bruises beaten into my shins and thighs (and one nut shot, damn that hurt) wasn't exactly my idea of fun, so after twenty or so minutes of torture I collapsed in a chair and threw my umbrella/sword down. "I give up," I admonished, hoping that would be acceptable.

"Arr! Then yeh'll have ter walk the plank! Arr!" I wonder why children often have no idea that they look and sound absolutely ridiculous most of the time... And why her bad eye had switched from right to left.

"Oh no. Eek." Alright, so I wasn't trying very hard.

"Arr, matey!" She then made me climb up onto Nathanyel's desk (I didn't want that umbrella landing anywhere near my groin again, so I did as she said) and stood behind me, then poked me in the bum with the end of the umbrella. "Yo ho ho! Off the plank, ter be eated by the fleshlumpeating sharks! Arr!" So I jumped off the desk. And landed on my feet. And raised an eyebrow at her when she started singing about dead men's chests and bottles of rum. And then another song. "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me! We're rascals, scoundrels, villains and knaves, drink up me 'earties, yo ho! We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs, drink up me 'earties, yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!" When she was done with her song she opened her eye and dropped the umbrella, grinning at me. "Tell me a story!" That was just about the last thing I wanted to do.

"No," I answered flatly, sitting down in the most comfortable chair available.

"Yes! Pleeeeaase, Sev'rus?" She tugged at my robes and gave me the largest, most watery puppy dog eyes I have ever seen on a child.

"No." I wasn't going to give in; story telling just isn't one of my strong suits. And I hardly find telling tales about... dragons and... whatever... entertaining. She climbed up into my lap and sat there stubbornly, crossing her arms.

"It'll just take a minute! A little story. That's all." She was pouting again. So... Alright, I gave in. It wasn't as if I had much of a choice, after all.

"Fine," I replied. She brightened up and settled herself in, obviously ready for a daring tale of swashbuckling and... Whatever else children liked to hear about. "Once upon a time," I began, "there was a little boy named Nathanyel."

"That's my daddy!" she squealed.

"Don't interrupt," I ordered. She clamped her mouth shut and I continued. "He was friends with another little boy, named Severus." She grinned very widely at this. "One day, Nathanyel pushed Severus beyond the thin border between sane consciousness and complete madness." I paused as her eyes widened. "And Severus killed Nathanyel. Brutally. The end." I think it was a rather lovely tale, but apparently she didn't agree.

"That's an awful story!" she wailed. I suppose she didn't find the idea of me killing her father too appealing. "What about the character development and plot progression? And you've completely ignored setting and the rising action. And then there's no falling action after the climax. And it was too short." Or there was that... Good lord, what did Nathanyel do to this child, feed her experimental potions? "And you killed my daddy!" Ah, now that, I expected. I couldn't hold back the nasty little chuckle that was brewing in my throat.

"Yes, I did."

"You're mean!" She frowned up at me, which was such an exaggerated gesture that I simply had to laugh again. "Why're you laughing?"

"Didn't you know?" I replied casually. "It's one of the warning signs given off before I start strangling little girls." With a gasp and a yip she jumped out of my lap and scampered across the room, looking frightened. I only laughed again; one good thing about small children is that they're so gullible.

"Meanie!" she yelled at me, sticking her tongue out. "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" That would be painful. "You tricked me!" Ah, so I did. "You're a- a scoundrel! And a really bad egg!" She blew a raspberry at me, trying to look nasty, but only succeeding in looking like a sweet little girl. Honestly, she should work on that if she wants to have any effect on people. "You're like a pirate!" She suddenly brought her hands up to her face and giggled. I was, to say the least, confused. "Okay, I'll tell the story, and it'll be better than yours." She had a tone of finality that told me that she was determined to outdo me. She ran up to me and climbed back into my lap, clearing her throat dramatically and casting me a sideways glance. Oh my... What a pisser. Heh.

"Go on," I coaxed. "I'm waiting to hear this magnificent tale you're about to weave." I suppose taunting little girls is a little underhanded... But, hey, I'm a Slytherin. Besides, I deserved the chance, since I was probably about to hear something about princesses in high towers being rescued by Prince Charming on his gleaming white horse.

"Alright. Once upon a time, there was a great pirate captain." Fine, so I was wrong again. "He was the scourge of the seven seas, with yellow eyes like a cat and long black hair in a braid! He had lots of scars from raids and sea battles, and he was fearsome with his sword. All the world feared his name, but his men were loyal to him and he was good to them." Hm, what a creative little girl. "His name was..." She paused for a minute. "Captain Stuart Booker!"

"That's not a very fierce name." She sniffed a bit at me.

"His mummy didn't name him to be a pirate," she answered matter-of-factly. "She wanted him to be a farmer."

"Oh," I replied, amused. "Sorry, then."

"Too right." She cast me another sideways glance before continuing. "Captain Booker's bestest friend in the world was his first mate, Dumas Daley. He was the only person he trusted. Every time there was something 'portant to do, he'd call out, 'Daley!' and Daley'd come, fast as lightning."

"What did Daley look like?" I asked, deciding to play along.

"He was a swarthy fellow, with dark eyes and dark hair, and scruff on his face. He was shorter than Booker, with a peg leg, because he used to live in the east and a tiger bit it off!" She looked to me expectantly, so I let out a fake gasp, just to satisfy her. She smiled smugly and continued. "Anyways, they were constantly having run-ins with their arch enemy, Lieutenant Franklin Cordell of the Royal British Navy. Whenever they met on the sea, they'd pull out their canons and shoot at each other and swing over to the other ships and have great sword fights! Cordell would always think he was gonna win, but then Booker and Daley would beat him and escape to horde their treasure." She looked at me again.

"I'll bet that made Cordell angry," I commented lightly.

"Uhuh!" She nodded vigorously. "He was really furious! He'd shout at his men and get all red in the face! The big dummy!" She laughed wickedly. "No one can outsmart Booker and Daley!" She smiled widely. "They started to get really rich, and whenever they docked they'd buy hats and talking parrots, and have big parties with rum. The whole crew of Booker's ship was as happy as a scalawag could be. They didn't even run into Cordell for a really long time. But, they didn't know that Cordell was planning to capture Booker, when he least expected it. Cordell got one of Booker's least loyal men, and promised him lots of treasure and power if he was a traitor. So, one night, when they were docked and Booker walked off to go to the bathroom, the traitor jumped him from behind and kidnaped him!" She paused to look at me again, so I provided her with another gasp. "Luckily, Daley had gone after Booker and saw him get kidnaped, but he couldn't save him. So, he went and warned the crew, and they started to form a rescue mission." She paused again, and I took the hint.

"And what happened to Booker?"

"The traitor took him straight to Cordell on his ship, and they tied Booker up in the galley. Then, Cordell came down and started to question him about where he hid his treasure. 'Arr, I'll never tell ye!' Booker said. 'Ye scurvy dog!' Then, Cordell locked him up in a dark, moldy cell with no food or water. He threatened to torture Booker if he didn't tell where the treasure was when he came back, then he left. Booker was worried, but he knew that his crew would save him." She stopped and waited for comment.

"Did they?" I asked.

"Of course! The next morning, they stormed the ship, and battled with Cordell's men! Daley went down to the galley and found Booker there, locked up and thirsty. Daley was about to rescue Booker from his prison, when Cordell came down and found him!" Another pause.

"Oh no."

"Daley challenged Cordell to a sword fight, and Cordell accepted. They drew their swords and fought fiercely, thrusting and parrying, jumping on and off things throughout the room. It seemed as if they were evenly matched, but Cordell had forgotten one thing." It was my cue again.

"What?" I was actually a little curious.

"Daley was a pirate, and pirates don't fight fair. Cordell was ready to make a mighty thrust that would surely finish Daley off, when Daley pulled his pistol out and shot Cordell, right through the heart. Cordell gasped and dropped his sword, then fell to the floor dead."

"That wasn't fair at all," I pointed out.

"But Cordell didn't deserve a fair fight," she argued. "He was a poopyhead. Anyways, Daley let Booker out of his cell, and they sank Cordell's ship, then sailed off. Back on their pirate ship, Booker thanked Daley for the rescue. 'No thanks in order,' Daley replied. 'Just doin' what had teh be done. Dunno I could make it without yeh, Cap'n.' Booker smiled at Daley and patted him on the back.

"'Dunno I could make it without yeh, either, Dumas.' Then they looked at each other, and they knew they'd be together forever. Then they leaned in..." Oh gods, don't tell me she's going to say what I think she's going to say. "...And kissed." She did. "After that, they got married on their ship and had a long honeymoon in the Bahamas, and lived happily ever after. The end." She smiled up at me, while I was... Well, a bit shocked.

"But aren't Booker and Daley both... Men?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Yeah. So?" I decided not to press the issue. I doubted it would make any difference, anyway. After all, Nadia was definitely her father's daughter. Merlin's beard, why couldn't I have gotten stuck watching a normal little girl? They may be boring, but at least they don't beat people with umbrellas and tell stories about gay pirates. "Well, wasn't my story better than yours?" she asked.

"Yes," I answered, massaging my temples. "It was." I dreaded what she'd want to do next. Hopefully nothing that involved fwoopers (one of Nathanyel's greatest passions in life.)

"Told ya so." She hopped off my lap and ran around to Nathanyel's desk, grabbing a box of muggle things called "crayons." "I'm gonna draw a picture for you!" she declared, grabbing a blank piece of parchment and hopping into Nathanyel's chair, leaning on the desk as she picked a black one and started to draw. I raised my eyebrows as I watched her, but then she glanced up at me and frowned, covering the paper. "No peeking!" I turned around and waited as I listened to her crayon pressing against the parchment. After a few minutes I heard her slam the crayon down. "There! Done. Now you can look." So, I looked. I sort of regretted it afterward. It was a picture of a kind of... Stick figure looking thing... With an angry expression, and black hair and robes; it was me. And I was... Well...

"Er... What am I doing in that picture?" She grinned and giggling.

"Pooping and peeing!" She giggled some more.

"...At the same time?"

"Uhuh!" Oh... Heaven above, give me strength.

"Can't you draw something... More appropriate?" I tried not to sound too disturbed.

"'Kay, I'll draw a different one!" I was worried. "Still no peeking!" she reminded me. So, I turned back around and waited again as she drew another picture. When she finished, she showed it to me. It was me again, except with a three point hat, a sword, and an eyepatch, with some sort of red lump on my shoulder... Or maybe that was supposed to be a parrot. "There, now you're a pirate!" she exclaimed happily, handing the picture to me. "Better?"

"I suppose."

"Sev'rus, you make such a handsome pirate!" She giggled and grabbed another piece of parchment, drawing on it. I outright stared at her. Handsome? Does this little girl have eyes? Well, she was just a little girl, so I supposed that meant her vision of the world around her was oddly distorted. I looked back down at the picture of my pirate alter-ego. There was a crooked smile on that crudely drawn face. Hmph. And there I was, used to little girls either screaming, running, or doing both in reaction to me. Well, there was also the fact that she was such a strange little girl... It was still difficult to get over the fact that she seemed to take after Nathanyel so well. "Look, Sev'rus!" she exclaimed, interrupting my thoughts. "It's Booker and Daley!" She held up a parchment to show two poorly drawn pirates, one with a coat, long hair in a poor imitation of a braid and a triangular hat, while the other had a red bandana, a striped shirt, and a peg leg. They were holding hands with stickly little palm trees and floating hearts in the background. I reiterate: she was a very strange little girl.

"That's... nice," I offered. She seemed to have taken the comment to heart. She folded it up reverently and placed it in her pocket.

"I'm keeping them with me," she said in a hushed sort of happy voice. Then, she looked to me expectantly. "Aren't you gonna draw something?" It was most likely the only option available (I wasn't about to witness a tantrum) so I reluctantly picked up a crayon and drew... a stick figure.

"There." I slid the parchment towards her. "Done."

"What is it?" She tilted her head, staring at it.

"A person. Made from sticks. There you go."

"Don't you like to draw?" She crossed her arms, giving me a scrutinizing look.

"Not particularly," I answered. It felt sort of strange to be conversing with a six-year-old, but that's life for you, isn't it?

"Do you have fun with me, Sev'rus?" she asked, grabbing my sleeve and tugging it.

"Er... Of course." That huge smile was almost getting to be endearing.

"You'll be my friend, right?"

"Sure." She seemed ecstatic, which was actually less disturbing than I had anticipated. It was really kind of cute... And I'm sure if anyone found out I thought that, I would die instantly. So we'll just keep that on the hush-hush, as Nathanyel used to say. Argh, I was starting to think like him. Again. Nadia, still smiling, grabbed her crayons and more parchment.

"What's your favorite color, Sev'rus?"

"Black." I leaned back in my seat and watched as she made a pained face.

"That's boring. My favorite color's green."

"That's a very good color." Slytherin pride.

"Sometimes when I pick stuff that's green and silver, Daddy talks about Slyv'rin... And Hogwarts. And then he says, 'I remember when Professor blah, blah, blah,' and he goes on and on. I keep forgetting, what is Slyv'rin?"

"It's a house in Hogwarts," I replied. "You know what Hogwarts is, right?"

"It's a school for magic," Nadia replied proudly. "Daddy says I'm gonna go to Hogwarts, but then Mummy gets mad and says I should go to real school." At this statement I felt anger starting to bubble in my stomach... Honestly, that muggle Nathanyel married is a real bitch. And I mean that in the worst possible way.

"Hogwarts is a real school," I growled.

"That's what Daddy says, and I agree," she replied. "But Mummy wants me to go to muggle school." She wrinkled her nose. "Magic is so much better!" What a smart girl. "Did you go to school in Slyv'rin with Daddy, Sev'rus?"

"Yes," I answered. "I was a year above him."

"Was it fun?" I'll admit, I had never thought about that.

"Well... I've never really considered it by how much fun it was," I answered. "I always concentrated more on studying." And revenge.

"But was it fun?" she persisted. I thought for a moment. My life had never been a good example of fun, but... I suppose parts of it had been fun.

"I suppose... It was fun... When Nathanyel was around," I admitted. "He may be a nutter, but he's a fun nutter." She giggled a bit.

"Why does everyone say that Daddy's weird or a nutter? Is he really crazy?"

"Not necessarily. It's just that he acts differently than other people." It was difficult to be trying to explain this to a little girl. Couldn't she have had these kinds of talks with Nathanyel or her mother? (Muggle bitch.)

"That's not fair. Someone shouldn't be called weird because they're different. People are supposed to be different." She seemed a bit upset by this.

"Well," I said carefully, "it's not always a bad thing to be called weird. After all, people think I'm weird sometimes."

"Why?" She stopped coloring for a moment to look at me.

"Because I live in a dark, scary dungeon all alone and brew nasty potions," I answered, giving her a wicked grin.

"Cool! But you don't really strangle little kids, right?"

"No. I just bake them in an oven and eat them for dinner." Her eyes widened for a second, but then she just grinned at me.

"With gravy?" What a delightful child.

"Of course. And onions, too." Her grin widened.

"With a big apple stuck in the mouth, and stuffing up the butt, all basted and golden brown!" She giggled. "With mashed potatoes on the side." At this point, she was actually starting to grow on me. I couldn't believe that Nathanyel had actually done such a good job with her.

"Sounds delicious, but now I'm getting hungry."

"Did I make your tummy rumble?"

"Yes, it's growling like a werewolf." She giggled again, then held up the picture she'd drawn, shoving it into my hands.

"I drew you a snake, 'cause Daddy says that's Slyv'rin's animal. And see, I made it black, and it has green eyes. See?"

"Yes, I see." I almost laughed at her enthusiasm.

"D'you like it?"

"Yes, I like it very much." I'd never thought I'd get along so well with a small child. Hell, I'd never thought a small child would ever take such a liking to me. She smiled and giggled, then climbed into my lap, perching on my knee. "Done drawing already?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Yu-huh." She nodded to emphasize.

"So what shall we do, now?" I asked. "Are you going to be my pirate princess?" She giggled again.

"Who's ever heard of a pirate princess?" she asked, thumping me in the chest.

"Obviously, you just have," was my simple reply. She screwed up her eyebrows in intense concentration, as if thinking for a long time.

"How about you be the pirate princess?" My opinion of the matter must have shown on my face, because she took one look at me and burst into giggles again. Goodness, what a giggly, bubbly little girl. I allowed myself a small, and I think rather crooked, grin.

"With a skull and crossbones tiara, then?" I bounced her a bit, and she laughed heartily, clapping her hands and getting the dirt from under her shoes on my trousers as she kicked her legs out to keep her balance. "And what's a girl like you doing, wearing these patent leather Mary-Janes?" I grabbed one foot by the toe of her shoe and wiggled it back and forth. "These aren't proper for pirating, you know." (By the way, I acquired my knowledge of Mary-Janes from Albus... Which is another story I'd rather not get into at the moment. And don't you say a word about my behavior. It was fumes.)

"Mummy said that I shouldn't wear them, because boys would see my underwear reflected in them. And you know what Daddy said to her?" I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" She giggled behind her hands and grinned impishly.

"He said all the more reason to buy them for me!" She laughed again, clamping her hands to her mouth. I could only shake my head in wonderment; first, at the fact that her mother said anything like that in the first place, and second, that Nathanyel had made such a statement. "He said to Mummy that he only married her for her frilly underwear!" She laughed again. "Isn't he funny, Sev'rus?" I tilted my head to the side, trying hard not to smirk.

"What else does Nathanyel say around you?"

"Once I was watching Sesame Street, and he said he doesn't trust the Cookie Monster." What on God's green earth is a cookie monster? "Said he didn't like the look in his eyes. Daddy's real silly, isn't he?"

"Yes, I suppose that's one way to put it." Nathanyel must be taking some kind of drug... There's no other explanation for it. He's too brilliant to be so odd without any sort of chemical aid... Where was that damn twit, anyway?

"Bounce me again, m'kay Sev?" Sev? Goodness, she really is a pisser, isn't she?

"If you insist." I bounced her again and she laughed in delight and clung to my trousers to keep herself from falling to the floor.

"Well, I'll be a hippogriff's accountant!" Nathanyel had returned, looking considerably worse for wear, but still as firmly cheerful as ever.

"Daddy!" Nadia jumped to the ground and raced towards her father, grabbing him by the hand and dragging him to the desk. "Come see what I drew!" He smiled kindly at her and ruffled her hair, leaning down to give her a brief hug.

"In a moment, darling." He then turned to me, his lips curling in a trademark Slytherin smirk as he raised one eyebrow and placed his hands on his hips. He tossed his hair and thrust his chin out jauntily, and I thought that it was a very good impression of a young Lucius Malfoy. However, there was also the fact that his robes were torn, and he had marks from what looked like the suckers of a squid all over his arms and neck. "You two seem to be getting on quite well," he commented jovially, giving me the most infuriatingly smug look I've seen on his face in nearly a decade.

"Shall we get to business?" I replied stiffly, crossing my arms and watching him pull out his wand and mend his robes.

"Of course." Still grinning, Nathanyel grabbed the contract from his desk and looked it over, then paused, blinking. Slowly, he turned it over and looked at the back for a very long time. After the long silence, he looked up at me, his face between puzzlement and amusement. "Severus, why are you going to the bathroom on our contract?" Nadia sniggered, hiding her smile behind her hands as her face turned pink. "You drew this, Nadia?" He turned it over to reveal the picture she had drawn of me relieving myself. She nodded vigorously, still laughing. He looked from her to the picture, raising his eyebrows. "It's quite good," he finally commented.

"Thank you, Daddy." He then flipped the paper back over and handed it to me, along with a quill, already dipped in ink.

"What do you say, Severus?" I hesitated only momentarily, staring up at those determined hazel eyes, then sighed and signed the contract. A smug grin spread across his face as he took the contract, scanning over it one more time before rolling it up. He then turned to me, smirking as he held the rolled up contract between two fingers like a fag. "A pleasure doing business with you, Sev." With a quick display of teeth and a flick of his wrist, the contract was tucked safely away, and he got to work trying to confine the mess Nadia had made on his desk. I don't know why, but for some reason, closing a deal with Nathanyel feels distinctly like selling your soul to the Devil... Perhaps it's just me. I stood with a groan and brushed the dirt from my trousers. "You know, Severus, it's nearly time for dinner, and my wife's away on a holiday in Portugal, so Nadia and I were planning to go out. Would you like to come with us?" Somehow, Nathanyel had made the smooth transition from satanic businessman to cheerful father.

"Please, Sev'rus?" Nadia clasped her hands together and begged silently with watery eyes. I heard Nathanyel chuckle softly, but I ignored it.

"...Alright." I doubted I would have been able to avoid it, anyway. I was just in a resigned mood, I suppose.

"Yippee!" At least Nadia was happy. Oh, wait... That was Nathanyel. Rather... Disturbing.

"Huzzah!" Nadia chimed in.

"It's Unkee Sev!!!" Nathanyel draped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close and ruffling my hair.

"Nathanyel?"

"Yes, Unkee Sev?"

"If you don't let me go, and if you continue to refer to me as 'Unkee Sev,' I will pull my wand on you, and you will be on the receiving end of something very painful." He let me go, though he didn't look too threatened. Nadia sniggered.

"Sev'rus is so funny." Nathanyel chuckled as he turned to his desk and started putting Nadia's crayons back in their box. As he tidied up the area, he related to us a story of an otter, a duck, and a snake, which turned out to be very, very strange. When he was finished, he headed straight for the door.

"Aren't you forgetting your things?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, we're coming back after dinner," Nathanyel replied pleasantly. "Still have some reports to file and such. Come along, Nadia." We walked to the lift and emerged in the large lobby of the Ministry, and being there alongside Nathanyel and his daughter brought to me the memory of how, exactly, we had lost touch. I also wondered, vaguely, what on Earth I could have done to earn Nathanyel's forgiveness... After our falling out, which was entirely my fault, I would have expected him to become embittered towards me. However, here he was, acting as if it had never happened... As if I were still a close friend he saw often. I remember it, quite clearly.

After I had become a Death Eater, and then a spy, I had limited my public contact with Nathanyel, though we still wrote to each other. After I became a spy, I became more paranoid, more concerned that my connection to Nathanyel would reveal me or cause him harm. When he showed up on my doorstep, telling me he was involved with a muggle woman, I nearly bit his head off. After all, he was already disowned from his family for being such a nutter, so now he would get a reputation as a muggle lover as well. It especially wasn't a good thing that his cousin was Lucius Malfoy. Lucius bloody Malfoy! And, to top it all off, he decided to marry her, and he asked me to be the best man in his wedding! I, knowing that if I was even seen with Nathanyel I'd be skinned alive, had flat out refused to even attend the wedding. Nathanyel was disappointed, but he said he understood my position and continued to write.

As time wore on, my responses became less frequent, and I refused to see him more and more often. I became utterly focused on my work, severing all ties that were not totally necessary. The very end of our strange, dysfunctional friendship came when Nadia was born.

That day, I was sitting in my study, thumbing through a thick potions volume, when Nathanyel's head appeared in my fireplace. I looked up, and was suddenly intrigued; it was a strange sight, at first. He looked as if he hadn't slept at all the past night, his eyes bloodshot, with faint circles beneath them. He had a few soot smudges, as if he'd tripped trying to get his head into the fireplace, and... There were tear stains on his face. What struck me most, though, was that he looked happier than I'd ever seen him, in all the time I'd known him. He was practically glowing. "Severus!" he gasped, his smile nearly reaching his ears. He'd written some time ago that his wife was pregnant, so I could only come to the conclusion that she'd given birth. I set the book down in my lap and raised my eyebrows.

"Nathanyel?" He opened his mouth as if to speak, then inhaled deeply in a shuddering gasp and started laughing hysterically, as tears sprung to his eyes. "Are you alright?" I asked, feeling concerned. Perhaps he'd finally gone off the deep end, though he wasn't quite far from it to begin with. When the laughter finally calmed down, he answered me in a shaky voice, as if it may give way at any moment, from sheer happiness.

"It's a girl," he said quietly. "It's a girl, Severus, a beautiful, wonderful girl and I've never loved anything more in my entire life!"

"That's wonderful, Nathanyel." I was surprised to find that I actually meant it.

"I've never been happier." He laughed again, producing more tears. Then, with a gasp, he continued speaking. "You need to be here. You've got to see her, Severus! You've got to come here, to St. Mungo's- my God, she's beautiful, Severus, you-"

"Stop rambling," I interrupted, leaning my elbows on my knees as I rubbed my eyes. "I'm not coming." There was no way I could risk it. It would be better if I just separated myself from him, especially since he had a daughter, now. Nathanyel looked a bit crestfallen, but quickly recovered.

"Oh, alright," he answered brightly. "It's short notice, anyway... Perhaps tomorrow, then?" I shook my head.

"I'm not coming to the hospital," I replied, opening my book to its previous place.

"Oh..." I glanced at him to see him frowning a bit, but then he cheered up. "Well, it's understandable... What with the Order and all... But, Severus, there's something else. I- I want you to be the godfather." I could feel a tightness in my chest, and my stomach suddenly plummeted. I'd have to turn him down. I couldn't take risks.

"No." I said it as shortly and crisply as I could, as if I had neither the time nor the patience for such a thing.

"O-Oh." He was starting to look upset. "You're sure?"

"I am." There was a long silence, punctuated only by the sound of me turning a page in my book. I glanced over to see Nathanyel still there. "Goodbye, Nathanyel," I said irritably. There was a pause, then he spoke.

"Goodbye, Severus." His voice was very quiet and he sounded so... sad. I didn't see him again for a fortnight, and every letter I received from him I sent straight back, unopened.

Those two weeks later, I was visiting the Ministry of Magic, and in the lobby when I heard a familiar voice calling my name. Nathanyel came sprinting up to me, looking slightly worried, though he still managed a lopsided grin. A few people glanced our way, but paid us no further regard... Except for Lucius Malfoy. I spotted him, and felt my heart rate double. "What?" I growled, frowning.

"Severus, I got wind you'd be here, and I wanted to say hello. Oh, and I've got a picture of my daughter here- thought you might like it." He handed a picture of a tiny baby wrapped in a green blanket to me. She had a small tuft of brown hair on her head and her eyes were shut as she yawned lazily. "She's beautiful, isn't she?" he asked reverently. She was a beautiful baby. I glanced up to see Lucius Malfoy eyeing us curiously, right within earshot. There was only one thing for it. "Her name is... is..." Nathanyel trailed off as I ripped the picture in half and dropped it on the floor, briskly walking away without a word.

After that, we lost touch. I didn't see him or talk to him again... Until now.

"Knut for your thoughts, Severus?" Funnily enough, it wasn't Nathanyel addressing me... It was Arthur Weasley. He was with his son, Bill, who had finished his education at Hogwarts just the past school year.

"Thor!" Nadia suddenly roared, flexing her arms like some sort of body-builder. "God of thunder!!" She let out a little roar as she flexed her muscles again, then dissolved into giggles.

"Good to see you, Nadia," Arthur greeted, chuckling heartily as he reached out and ruffled her hair, though not quite as well as Nathanyel does it.

"Whossat?" she asked, pointing to Bill, her eyes wide in awe. It must have been the ragged clothing, ponytail and the... uh-oh... Skull and crossbones earring.

"Oh, this is my son, Bill," Arthur introduced, as Bill stepped forward with a grin. Nadia gasped and jumped a bit, then spoke in a hushed voice.

"Billy Bones!" I could see Nathanyel smiling, amusement written all over his face. Nadia reached out and tugged at my sleeve. "Sev'rus, it's Billy Bones!" Nathanyel looked on the verge of uproarious laughter. For a moment, I thought she might be afraid of Bill, who was looking thoroughly confused by this time, but then that thought disappeared at her next statements. "Oh, wow!" she exclaimed. "A real live pirate!" Oh, good lord. Nathanyel was now covering his mouth to suppress his laughter, but not at Nadia's reaction to Bill; more like Bill's reaction to Nadia. "Cool!"

"...Huh?" Bill blinked a few times, looking completely bewildered. To tell the truth, I didn't blame him in the least.

"D'you have a sword?" she asked excitedly. "How about a pistol? Or a hook for a hand!" The edge of Bill's mouth quirked up and he chuckled a bit.

"I'm afraid not," he answered. Nadia definitely looked disappointed. "However, I do have..." He reached into his pocket and produced a large, outdated gold galleon. "...A gold doubloon!" Nadia gasped with delight. "Just for you." He handed it to her and she stared down at it as if it were an immeasurable treasure.

"Wow," she breathed. Then, slipping it into her pocket, she beamed up at him. "Thanks!" She gave him a brief hug before skittering back and standing behind Nathanyel, grabbing his hand and giggling.

"So," Arthur said to Nathanyel, "where are you headed?"

"Oh, we're just going out for a bit," Nathanyel replied. "And let me guess- you brought your son up for a job?" Arthur nodded, and Nathanyel stuck his hand out towards Bill. He took it, expecting a handshake, but Nathanyel instead brought his hand up and kissed it. "Nice to meet you!" Bill, looking very put off, returned his hand to his side.

"Er... You, too." I couldn't hold back a small snort that had been struggling to escape. "Ah, Professor Snape, er... Hello." What an articulate young man. I straightened myself a bit and put on my best professor voice.

"Good day, Mr. Weasley." Nathanyel looked ready to burst into laughter. I still managed to keep my dignity, though; that is, until Nadia... attached herself to me. She grabbed my hand and hung from it, and I nearly fell over sideways as I suddenly had to support her weight. Nathanyel could no longer hold back his laughter, but Arthur and Bill were polite enough to merely look distinctly amused.

"Sev'rus is a pirate, too," Nadia informed them.

"Oh?" Bill enquired, raising his eyebrows. I silently begged her not to elaborate.

"Uhuh." She nodded. "He's a handsome pirate, right Sev'rus?" I could feel my face burning with embarrassment, so I merely grunted. There was more laughter from Nathanyel, and some good-natured chuckling from the Weasleys.

"He sure is," Nathanyel replied, patting me on the back.

"Well, we'd best be off," Arthur said after a bit more chuckling. He and Bill bid us farewell and went on their merry Weasley way (finally) so we were free to go.

"I think you'll like where we're going," Nathanyel commented lightly as we exited the Ministry and walked along in muggle London. "Nadia picked it."

"I wonder... What will they think of our attire?" I indicated our wizards' robes. Nathanyel only shrugged.

"There's plenty of strange people in the city," he replied nonchalantly. "Besides, the hostess knows us." Well, I suppose that would be enough to keep them from calling muggle law enforcement on us.

Just as Nathanyel had said, the hostess beamed at us when we stepped through the door, acting as if we were normal muggles. "How many?" she asked cheerfully, adjusting some sort of glittering accessory in her hair. Nathanyel smiled at her, leaning his elbow on the podium and resting his chin on his hand.

"Three. I wonder how long the wait is?" He glanced around the crowded room at all the families waiting to be seated, many with screaming children.

"Oh, no wait at all, Mr. Page." The hostess batted her eyelashes coquettishly and grabbed some menus, leading us into the restaurant and seating us at a booth that had just been cleaned up. "Will you start off with any drinks?" She smiled at Nathanyel and leaned over, obviously flirting.

"I think we'll wait a bit," Nathanyel replied casually.

"Alright." And she left to get back to work, though I swear I saw her send a wink over her shoulder. I turned to Nathanyel, incredulous.

"Did you just flirt with the hostess?" Nathanyel chuckled beneath his breath, his eyes glittering with mirth. Nadia tugged on his sleeve, looking puzzled.

"Daddy, what's flirting?" Nathanyel sighed.

"It means to be very friendly to a person," he replied. He ruffled her hair a bit, then picked up his menu, reading it upside down.

"I can't believe you," I muttered, looking down at my own menu and shaking my head.

"What? She flirts with me. I just use it to my advantage. There's nothing wrong with that." I just shook my head again.

It turned out to be a rather interesting meal. The menu was full of sugary drinks and greasy food, all of which could provide one with a month's worth of fat and calories, while still being devoid of any nutritional value. Nathanyel insisted on ordering an appetizer, and, as it arrived, Nadia suddenly slid underneath the table, emerging in the empty space beside me. "I'm switching my seat," she announced, quite unnecessarily. The rest of the evening, she insisted on picking at my meal as she methodically made her way through the puzzles and games on her place mat. At one point, she showed me a picture of what looked like a toilet surround by... Saturn's rings. Below it were printed instructions to draw a space station. "It's a space station!" she proclaimed proudly, confirming my suspicions.

"And an excellent one at that," Nathanyel offered, sucking a chip into his mouth like a noodle. That was pretty much how things were throughout dinner. As we walked out, I stopped off at the bathroom (yes, I know, very exciting) but the really strange part was when I returned from my pit stop.

My ears pricked up as I watched Nadia tug on Nathanyel's sleeve, motioning for him to lean in to hear a secret. Nathanyel complied, kneeling down and leaning towards her. Nadia looked around, then cupped her hands over her mouth and whispered in his ear rather loudly; loud enough, in fact, that I could hear it. "Daddy... Can I keep him?" Nathanyel smiled kindly.

"Of course, dearest." He let out a small chuckle. "He's all yours." It was at that moment that I felt an ominous shiver run through my body. I had the distinct feeling that something very bad was going to happen very, very soon. I couldn't shake the feeling as we made our way back to the Ministry, even though nothing terrible seemed to be happening. My suspicions were confirmed, however, upon arriving at the office.

Nathanyel walked up to his desk to clear off some last few papers, then, as he picked some up, he paused, looking surprised. "Well, that's strange," he muttered, narrowing his eyes as he looked through the papers.

"What's strange?" I asked apprehensively. Nathanyel only bit his lip to suppress a smile, then turned his eyes to the open doorway. I followed his gaze to see a woman with short brown hair walking by. Nathanyel immediately turned to Nadia.

"Nadia, why don't you go play with Miss Koelln? She can tell you all about why the Cookie Monster is evil."

"Okay!" Nadia piped, racing out the door in the direction the brown haired woman had been walking. Nathanyel watched her go, then crossed the room and closed the door before turning back to me.

"This-" he indicated the parchments in his hand- "is the contract for the potion development." I blinked.

"...Your point?" I really had no idea where he was going with this. He turned the parchment, and showed me a dotted line on the bottom.

"There's no signature." I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"Then what did I sign?" I asked, feeling very apprehensive. With a swift flick, the rolled up contract from before was in Nathanyel's hand, and he immediately unrolled it.

"This, here," he told me, "is Nadia's marriage contract." I felt my insides turn to lead.

"WHAT?!?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"Oops," he said unconcernedly. "I suppose I made a mistake." He didn't look or sound at all as if he had made a mistake; in fact, I got the sneaking suspicion that he had planned it. No wonder I'd had that foreboding feeling.

"I can't marry a six-year-old!" I bellowed, throwing my hands up.

"Of course not," Nathanyel conceded. "This contract is for an arranged marriage. You are legally engaged, what with the signature and all, but the marriage won't take place until Nadia is of age. And even then, she'll have to give her consent. If she doesn't want to marry you, she won't have to, you know." I felt rage bubbling in my stomach.

"You planned this!" I accused. "You set me up!" Nathanyel shrugged again.

"So?" I was stunned. I was numb all over. I was ready to kill him.

"But... Why?" I managed to force out with reasonable control. I tried to credit this whole thing to Nathanyel being completely mad, but it wasn't helping.

"Because, Severus..." He seemed to be searching for words. "You're the first person I've ever really trusted." I was... well... Speechless. "I hold you in very high esteem... And... Personally, I know you've never been the marriage type. You need a little push, so to say. All I want is for you and Nadia to be happy, and when she gets older, she may not always be interested in the best men for her, if you know my meaning... I just... I have this gut feeling. This is... Well, it's the perfect match, I think. No, I know. I know. And you seem to like her well enough." I felt like my eyes were practically popping out of my head.

"For God's sake, Nathanyel, what are you talking about? She's six!"

"Turning seven in November," he informed me. "I believe you have a November birthday, as well?"

"Don't change the subject!" It was taking all my effort not to start screaming and shouting... Though what I was doing at the moment was pretty close. "An arranged marriage, Nathanyel? Isn't that... Archaic?" Nathanyel only chuckled.

"It's family tradition," he admonished. I was, again, stunned. I'd had no idea that Nathanyel wanted to keep any sort of ties with his family. "I skipped out on it, of course, since I was disowned... But Nadia won't get away so easily." He waggled his finger. "Besides, I want to make sure she ends up with you."

"You really are a nutter!" I found the nearest seat and plopped down, rubbing my forehead.

"Listen, Severus... If you really don't want to do this, we could nullify the contract." I looked at Nathanyel hopefully, but his expression was so... Pleading. And that glittering in his eyes... No, perhaps he was just being manipulative, but... It didn't seem so. "And don't worry, I won't hold wizard's debt over your head for this," he said wistfully, looking up at the ceiling as if reading something written on it. Damn him. He'd brought that up because he knew that whether he hung it over my head or not, it would still be there, tormenting me. Well, if he wanted his wizards' debt repaid... But... Marriage?

"Well..." I paused for a long moment. "Wizards' debt..." Perhaps he wasn't being sincere? Well... Nathanyel was never really a true member of what we like to call the real world, so perhaps I shouldn't take him too seriously.

"Severus, at least give it a chance. When she grows up, you might find yourself falling for her." He raised his eyebrows and I held back a snort; I sincerely doubted that would happen. "By the way, how do you think she'll turn out?"

"I'm sure she'll grow to be quite a catch," I answered listlessly. Well, the more I thought about the situation, the less likely it was that Nathanyel would actually do anything about it. The contract could always be nullified later on, and this would give me the opportunity to repay my wizards' debt to him... Thinking of this, I managed to calm myself down... So, like the fool I was, I agreed.

"You're sure about this, Sev?" Nathanyel asked, looking slightly amused.

"Yes," I sighed, not really expecting to hear any more about the matter for the rest of my life.

"Well, I'll meet you tomorrow, then, and we can go pick out an engagement ring!" he exclaimed jovially. I was only half-listening.

"Alright," I replied, taking the opportunity to roll my eyes. As if I would see any trace of him the next day...

"Well, I'll just get these documents in order, run this contract up to the proper department, and then we'll be all done here... Oh, and sign the potion contract, will you?" I accepted the... crayon... he handed me and signed with a flourish, then sighed and leaned back in my seat. There were a few more moments of silence before he spoke up again. "By the way, Severus..." Nathanyel raised an eyebrow, catching a licorice wand that had just hurled itself at him and twirling it between his fingers. "How much money do you make, teaching?" I wasn't sure what he was on about, but it seemed like an innocent enough question.

"Not nearly enough," I sighed. For some strange reason, this seemed to please him.

"Oh?" He leaned back against his desk, smirking as he gave me a calculating look that told me another business proposition was on its way. "And how would you like to make enough? Perhaps more than enough?" He sucked on the end of the licorice wand, daring me to answer.

"Well..." What could the harm be? Perhaps I'd like whatever eccentric idea he had. "I would like that very much. But what are we talking about, Nathanyel?"

"Embezzlement," he answered confidently, as if he were talking about a recent accomplishment. I was completely astonished to hear it, and it showed on my face. "What is it?" He crossed his arms, his eyebrows lifting a bit. "That doesn't interest you?"

"Well- extremely risky- too much time-" I spluttered out half-heartedly, already knowing that he'd attempt to persuade me, and my answer would be yes.

"Not to worry," Nathanyel replied offhandedly. "It's all taken care of, already. Six years running, now. Thought you might like to enter the tightknit little circle I've constructed... Er... Free of charge." Now was the time for me to be skeptical.

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Call it an engagement gift." Aha. So he was making sure I'd get something out of the deal, after all.

"Where is the money coming from? What's my cut? How long are we talking about?" Nathanyel chuckled, looking extremely satisfied.

"I thought you'd be inquisitive." He ran a hand thoughtfully through his hair before continuing. "First of all, we're talking for as long as I can keep this going. Permanent membership, you might say." I nodded. "Second, I'll be setting up a joint account at Gringotts, where I'll be depositing a bimonthly salary, probably small denominations, though the amount will depend on our current success, so to say. You'll be able to withdraw small allowances, but larger withdrawals will require my approval and signature. I hope that's alright with you." Nathanyel certainly had a handle on what he was doing.

"It's perfectly fine." He grinned.

"Right. Thirdly, this is all coming from the generous pocket of the Minister of Magic." I was a bit surprised at first, but then I smirked appreciatively. Only fitting that Nathanyel would be stealing from that damn fool, Fudge. "Perhaps a few other officials, some budgets in general... I'm not a very picky person. So, are you in?" I pondered it for a few moments.

"Yes." Nathanyel let out a small laugh, taking my hand and shaking it exuberantly.

"Excellent," he breathed. "Marvelous." So I sold my soul again. He already had it, anyway. I was still wondering why he'd so suddenly increase my pocket money, though, despite his claims that it was an "engagement gift."

"I still fail to see how this directly benefits you," I remarked, carefully watching his expression. It was difficult to read, but I detected warmth in his eyes.

"The return of an old friend," he murmured, "is all the payment I'll need."

"...You're a weirdo, you know that?"

"Hm, I've been told before."

"Daddy, Daddy! HELP! Cookie Monster!" Nadia burst into the office and attached herself to Nathanyel, her eyes wide and frightened.

"Don't worry, Nadia. Miss Koelln with kill him and chop him into bits for us." She looked up at him hopefully.

"Really?" He nodded.

"I promise." This seemed to calm her down quite a bit, and she was soon back to her... not-so-normal self. It wasn't long before Nathanyel had his things packed up and was ready to take Nadia home.

"So. I suppose we're finished here?" I asked. He nodded as we approached the exit, pausing briefly to wait for, as I had expected, the girl's memory to be erased. "I'll... See you later."

"Right. See you later, then." Nathanyel smiled warmly at me, while Nadia started to look slightly distressed.

"Can't Sev'rus stay with us?" she asked hopefully, tightly gripping Nathanyel's hand. He looked at her kindly and gently squeezed her hand.

"I'm afraid not, Nadia." Her face fell, and it sort of made me feel a bit sorry for her. "Go on, say goodbye." She slid her hand from his and shuffled up to me, holding out her arms expectantly. I glanced at Nathanyel, who gave me a small nod, then leaned down and let Nadia wrap her small arms around my neck. After a few moments, I hesitantly returned the hug, patting her on the back.

"Bye-bye, Sev'rus," she sniffed, squeezing tightly before she let go.

"Er... Goodbye, Nadia." Pulling away from me, she wiped her nose on her sleeve, then took hold of Nathanyel's hand.

"So long, Severus," Nathanyel murmured, flashing a small grin before he led her toward a waiting unspeakable. The man looked her over for a moment, then held out his wand.

"Obliviate." Nadia's eyes went wide for a moment, then she blinked and looked around. I decided that it was about time I left, so I walked past them out the exit. As I went by, Nathanyel caught my eye and I nodded to him. As I walked away, I heard Nadia speaking to Nathanyel.

"Daddy, who was that man?"

"That was Severus," he replied.

"Sev'rus? That's a pretty name..."

And so I made my way back to the castle. At which point that batty old coot, Dumbledore, accosted me and interrogated me about the meeting. In a friendly manner, no less. And, of course, when he said, "I thought you might need some help, so I slipped you a little something to cheer you up behind your back," I stared at him until I was able to process the words.

"You mean... You cast a cheering charm on me?"

"Yes, I did." That certainly explained my behavior. It was at that point that I decided to make the proper excuses and get my sorry self to bed. It was a great relief to finally get to sleep, thankfully without any dreams.

I awoke slowly the next day, letting out a loud yawn as I stretched and blinked my eyes open... To see a pair of bright hazel eyes staring back down at me. I jumped up with a yelp, stupidly covering myself with my sheets. Nathanyel chuckled from his seat beside me on the bed. "Good morning," he murmured, giving me a rather creepy look. "I've missed you."

"What, since yesterday?" I grumbled, throwing the sheets aside.

"No. Since... What was it? Almost seven years ago?"

"Oh. Right." I felt very uncomfortable.

"Is it too much to hope that you might have missed me?"

"No! I mean- yes- I missed you." He smiled sweetly.

"I'm so happy." We sat in silence for a long time. The way he was looking at me was all too familiar, and making me even more uncomfortable, so I decided it would be best to go get some clothes on. Well, clothes aside from my boxers, at least.

"What are you here for, anyway?" I grumbled as I struggled into my robes.

"To help you pick out an engagement ring."

"Nathanyel... You're a crazy psycho! CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!"

"I know." He sighed. "Isn't it wonderful?"

"No." I hit him with my shoe. It was fun. He laughed a bit, but mostly remained silent until I was ready to leave. He is... Still... Creepy. And so we set off to find... (shudder) an engagement ring.

"I know this place over in Hogsmeade that might be good. Shall we look?"

"...Fine. Just make sure no one I know sees us." He grinned (creepy) then took my hand (creepy) and led me off, whistling a David Bowie song. (CREEPY!) Well, not so much. But still. "Stop that."

"Lalala... I know you like it."

"You are a creep." And I do like David Bowie. But that information will never be released to the public.

"I know you like it," he said again, laughing this time. I grunted and managed to pry my hand from his (unexpectedly) vice-like grip. Of course, after remaining in silence for up to ten minutes, things started to get a little awkward. So... I thought that some proper conversation would be in order.

"So... How are things with the wife?" Muggle whore.

"...They're not going so well." I know it's rather nasty, but I was glad to hear it. Anyway, he deserves better than her.

"And?"

"Nosy tit." He nudged me with his elbow. "Anyway... She doesn't love me anymore." Oh. Well. That was... interesting.

"Nathanyel, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I don't love her, either. Sometimes I wonder if I ever did."

"So... Divorcing then?" Merlin, I did hope so.

"No. We've decided to stick together for Nadia. However, we have... An understanding. She's seeing the postman right now."

"Ah. I see." So they were seeing other people. "Are you...?"

"No."

"Oh." Then more silence ensued. Though I suddenly seemed to have a lot on my mind, for some strange reason.

Picking out the ring provided a healthy distraction, and it wasn't very difficult, anyway. It was a given that there would be no yellow or red, and that the design wouldn't be... Well... Ugly. As a matter of fact, Nathanyel found one right away that I thought would be perfect. That is, if I had even liked the situation.

It was a simple design: a thin, white gold band with a circle cut diamond. That's about it. I don't like terribly fancy jewelry, anyway.

...Not that I actually wear it. Nathanyel seemed happy with the choice, as well. He was so happy, in fact, that he payed for it. I thought it would be appropriate, since he tricked me and guilted me into the whole affair.

Walking back to the castle was rather awkward. I was a bit paranoid about the looks he kept giving me, and when we finally made it down to the dungeons... I bolted. Practically. I basically said, "Bye," and slammed the door in his face.

Of course, that method apparently hadn't worked so well. I'd thought I'd gotten rid of him, but then he showed up around nine at night. I just wanted to relax, but no, Nathanyel decided to stroll on up and return the engagement ring to me. Since I'd left it with him, and all.

"You're a pest," I grumbled, swiping it from him. I really didn't want to deal with anymore awkward moments.

"I know," he replied. He gave me that look again. And I finally remembered it. That look. Oh. "Are you alright?"

"Of course. It's always been my life long dream to be engaged to a six-year-old. Maybe we should move in together, get to know each other. Wouldn't that be a blast?"

"...Yes." I snorted. "You like her, don't you?"

"She's six. She is a child."

"She'll grow up nice, though." He was still giving me that look. I couldn't stand it.

"What do you want from me, anyway?" I snapped.

"I just want you to be happy, Severus." He bit his lip, looking away. "I... I could never make you happy. I know that. But... Sometimes... I wish everything could just be the same as it was before," he whispered, leaning into me. Oh my.

"...Maybe it could." Perhaps the effects of that cheering charm were still lingering.

"You know that's not true." He was right.

"Well, you've always liked to use your imagination." He chuckled.

"Right."

"...Come in for some drinks. We'll catch up." God knows what I was thinking at the time, but it had to be something utterly insane.

"Thanks. I'd like that." So, he... Came in for drinks. And we caught up. A lot. It was a long night, to say the least. A very long night.

~ * ~

And now, it's five in the morning, and she's outside on the grounds, making a snowman... A pirate snowman. I can see from the steps leading up to the entrance of the castle that she's already enchanted it to have a peg leg. She's smiling and humming as she works on it... I hadn't known she was such a morning person. Dammit. Damn me for being right, even if I was insincere. She grew to be "quite a catch," as it were. As a matter of fact, she's been caught by that Creevey boy... It's too bad he's not much for potions, so I simply must take all those points from him... Well, I can't blame him. She's a Ravenclaw, with long dark brown hair, forest green eyes, pretty nice skin, considering some of the pock-marked monsters that she's related to... Just my type. I think Nathanyel arranged it, somehow, I really do.

Which reminds me of why I'm outside at five in the morning; I need to see Hagrid about some flesh-eating slug repellant. So, off to Hagrid's house... Passing her, I thought she'd say something to me, or make some ridiculous request, but she didn't even look up. Thank goodness... She really does take after Nathanyel.

I thought I was safe, but then I felt it; with a thud, something firm and cold hit me square in the back of the head and broke apart. I saw some snow scatter about me, and felt it melting in my hair and dripping down my neck even as I turned around with a sneer firmly planted on my face. She hid a smile behind her hand and looked up at me with large eyes, glittering with mirth as she tried to brush some hair out of her face. "Good morning, Professor. Nice to see you." Funny, it almost sounded like she meant it.

"Twenty points from Ravenclaw," I snapped. Too bad she was a prefect, or else I could give her detention for being out on the school grounds so early in the morning. She simply shrugged and turned back to her snowman. I was exasperated by her attitude, but then, over the years I'd come to realize that the only real point in the house cup was to encourage students to keep out of trouble.

I turned back and headed once more toward Hagrid's cabin. As I went, I heard her start humming again. I arrived at Hagrid's, asked him for the repellant, gave my excuses, and got out of there as quickly as possible. I think I may have managed to cut it under five minutes, even. No small talk or tea or (heaven forbid) rock cakes. Heading back for the school, I noticed that she still wasn't finished with her creation, though it was starting to look a bit familiar. Can't figure out for the life of me why... As I passed, she granted me a smile, the kind of smile Nathanyel gives me (hell, she's always had his smile, anyway.) It was just a certain kind of smile... As if there was no one else she'd rather see. As if she was truly glad to be in my presence. I wonder if you can fake that kind of thing? If it's possible, then Nathanyel's family must have a knack for it. "Have a good day, Professor," she commented. I grunted back. As I retreated, I could have sworn I heard her mumbling to the snowman. "Dumas Daley, what a sight you are..." Well, that explains why it looked so familiar.

As I approached the castle, something tugged at me, forced me to stop and look back at her. She was still happily at work, forming the head of the pirate snowman, again humming that little tune of hers. Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho... Oh, damn, I can't even get it out of my head! I reached to the back of my neck and wiped away a bit of moisture, reminded of the snowball she'd tossed at me earlier. My eyes were suddenly drawn to the clean white powder on the ground beside me... I've always had a bit of a taste for revenge...

But, no. It wouldn't be proper. Got to stay true to form, and all... Still, it was sorely tempting. Oh, what the hell. If a man can't pelt his unsuspecting betrothed with snowballs, then what kind of world are we living in? Besides, just one couldn't hurt... Much.

I leaned down and picked up some snow, shaping it into a ball. I wondered if I still had the aim and strength to chuck it far enough. If not, there was always magic... Well, if I missed, it would be rather embarrassing, wouldn't it? I'd never really depended much on my own physical abilities, anyway. I drew my wand from my robes and with a quick banishing charm sent it hurtling towards her. Before it had even gotten halfway there, though, I had turned around and resumed my trek back into the castle. As I was entering, however, my ears were graced with the dull thud of a snowball hitting its target. "Ow!" The irritated exclamation brought a smirk to my lips, and I crossed the entrance hall, descending to the dungeons feeling a bit better than before. Perhaps, after all these years, I'm finally learning to cope. Or perhaps I'm just a really bad egg.

~ * ~

We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot.

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot.

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack.

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

Maraud and embezzle and even hijack.

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

We kindle and char, inflame and ignite.

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

We burn up the city, we're really a fright.

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villains and knaves.

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs!

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

We're beggars and blighters and ne'er-do-well cads.

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

Aye! But we're loved by our mommies and dads!

Drink up me 'earties, Yo Ho!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A pirate's life for me.

~Xavier Atencio (Pirates of the Caribbean)