It's Not Easy Being Green

Year Four

What is lost cannot be found;

What we thought we've always had was never ours to begin with.

-------Severus--------

Severus had spent the entire summer at home. He'd finished his homework in the first week of holidays, and after that had simply... Hung around. Sometimes he took Edward out for a fly (though why he even called the broom Edward was beyond him) or wrote a letter to Nathanyel. He knew Nathanyel was with Laszlo, but where that was, he had no idea. So, he wrote Nathanyel's name on the envelope, sent an owl out, and hoped it reached him. He wasn't sure if the letters were getting to him, but the owls must have been doing something with them.

He got letters from Nathanyel, of course. Most of them were brief and obviously written in a rush. It seemed as though Nathanyel was very busy, all the time. Severus didn't mind, of course, except that he wished he could find something to keep him busy.

Eventually, he started sending servants and house elves out for potions ingredients, and started experimenting. It was an enjoyable way to pass the time, and it kept his mind off the next school year and O.W.L.s, both of which were looming ever closer.

"Don't worry about it," Nathanyel would write occasionally. "You're smart. You'll get top marks, I'm sure of it." Severus wished he were that confident.

On the last day of summer holidays, he went to Diagon Alley for his school things. He needed new robes, of course, since he was growing so quickly. And then new books, no big deal. Then there was a new store that was playing Japanese music with badly pronounced English words stuck in every once in a while on the wireless, and he stayed there for over an hour, listening, because it reminded him of Nathanyel.

---------------

His trunk was heavier than ever this year, since the teachers had assigned so many new books for the O.W.L.s. Trying to haul it onto the train was going to be a bitch.

"Severus!" He knew that voice; Nathanyel. Severus turned around, and promptly dropped his trunk. "What's wrong?" Nathanyel didn't look much different. His hair was a bit longer now, so his fringe hung in his eyes, and he was a little taller, but... He looked somehow... Meaner. Sharper. There were circles under his eyes, he wasn't smiling, and the way he held himself... He looked tense. Like he expected to be attacked.

"What the fuck happened to you?" he asked, astonished.

"Oi, do you kiss my cousin with that mouth?" He snapped his head around to see Olivia, already dressed in the indistinct Hogwarts uniform that first years wore before being sorted. He scowled.

"I don't kiss him." She rolled her eyes.

"Sure."

"You should get on the train before all the compartments are taken up." Blinking, Severus looked up to see Laszlo standing over them, except that his hair was pulled into a tight ponytail at the back of his head, he was dressed in some sort of Asian looking robes, and he had the same sharp look that Nathanyel had adopted.

"This is Shinji," Nathanyel introduced.

"...Hello," Severus greeted feebly. Shinji was rather intimidating.

"Good day." He inclined his head, then turned to Olivia and Nathanyel. "Have a good year at school."

"Bye Shinji!" Olivia exclaimed, heading for the train. "Tell Mum and Dad bye for me, too, okay?" Shinji nodded.

"Bye, then," Nathanyel muttered, grabbing Severus by the wrist and leading him away.

"You look different," Severus grunted as Nathanyel helped him drag his trunk onto the train. He raised his eyebrows, grabbing Severus' wrist again.

"I'm not." His grip was very tight.

"Let's just sit down." Severus wrenched his arm away and entered the first empty compartment he saw. "I don't want to start fighting when this is the first time we've seen each other in two months."

"I wasn't going to fight with you." Nathanyel sat down across from him and leaned back in the seat. "Why would you think that?" He still didn't smile.

"Stop that. It's creepy."

"I'm not being creepy." They stared at each other for a while.

"You're different." There was a long pause, and then... Nathanyel took a deep breath and puffed his cheeks out, then dove across the compartment. "Ack!" He landed face first into Severus' foot. "Creep! Get away from me!"

"I just want a huuuuuuug!!!" Nathanyel wailed, his nose bleeding all over the place and drool flying everywhere. "HUG ME!!!!"

"ARRRGH!!! I TAKE IT BACK!!! YOU'RE THE SAME!!!!"

"HUG MEEEEEEE!!!!!"

---------------

After Severus had gotten his breath back (and hit Nathanyel a few more times) he found himself sucking on some sort of pock-marked candy or whatever it was called, while Nathanyel sat happily enjoying five sticks of it at once with bits of tissue in his nose. "Mmmm, banana pocky!"

"Whatever." Severus had always hated banana flavor.

"Severus?"

"Hm?" He plucked the stick from his mouth when Nathanyel wasn't looking and dropped it out the window.

"I missed you."

"...I guess I might have missed you, too."

"I love you."

"...No. I'm not saying it."

"B-but..." There was an ominous sniff.

"No."

"But Severus... Please? Just this once?" His eyes were wide and watery, and he was pouting. "Don't you want to express your feelings?"

"That's for girls."

"But I missed you." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "I was lonely." His eyes...

"Alright, alright." Severus checked to make sure no one was standing outside the compartment, then lowered his voice, just to make sure. "I... I... Love... You... I suppose." There was silence. "What? That wasn't good enough?"

"...WAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Nathanyel suddenly wailed. "NOBODY'S EVER SAID THAT TO ME BEFORE!!!!"

"Hey! Shut up!"

"I LOVE YOUUUUUUU!!!!" Severus found himself once again being crushed as Nathanyel pounced on him.

"I HATE YOU!!!"

---------------

Severus was warm, tired, and full from the welcoming feast, and just about ready to drop off. Apparently, though, he couldn't even have peace in his own bed. The curtains twitched aside, and Nathanyel stuck his head through. "What is it?" Severus grumbled.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Nathanyel whispered back.

"Wha- no!"

"Then can you sleep with me?"

"No!" Nathanyel pouted.

"But... Please?"

"Why the hell do you want to sleep with me?"

"Because I'm lonely." Severus just glared at him. "Please? If you come to my dorm, no one will mind. Mundungus and Regulus sleep together all the time."

"...That was something I could have lived happily without knowing." Nathanyel shrugged.

"Please, Severus? I... I..." He bit his lip. "...I'm scared." Severus snorted.

"What are you so afraid of? Go back to bed, and leave me alone." Nathanyel reached out and grabbed him by the sleeve, squeezing his hands into fists.

"I need someone with me. I can't be alone with-" he abruptly stopped and pressed his lips together.

"With... What?"

"...Myself."

"That makes no sense." Nathanyel seemed on the edge of tears, though. "Fine. Fine. I'll sleep with you, alright?" He smiled sweetly, and Severus wanted to punch him. "None of that weird shit you always pull, though."

"I promise, no shit." Groaning, Severus climbed out of bed and followed him down to his dormitory, then made himself comfortable.

"There. Are you better?"

"Mhmm." Nathanyel shuffled a bit closer to him and slid an arm around his waist. "Pet me?" With a long-suffering sigh, Severus reached up and buried his hand in Nathanyel's hair. "Hmm... Night, Severus."

"Just go to sleep, already."

After a few minutes, Severus started to wonder whether Nathanyel ever slept through the night without getting an erection. But then he decided that it was a disgusting subject, which he didn't care to dwell on.

---------------

Severus sighed, frustrated. Ever since Nathanyel had come back from holiday, he'd been... Active. It was irritating. Severus always had to venture out onto the grounds to find him, and it was a very bothersome chore. This time, he managed to corner Olivia and force her to tell him where Nathanyel was.

He found Nathanyel on the opposite side of the lake, where he was concealed by some thick bushes, and nearly passed out. "Oi, are you alright?" He was on all fours, panting.

"I'm... Fine." With what looked like a great amount of difficulty, he pushed himself to his feet. "Punch me."

"...What?"

"I said punch me!"

"I know what you said! Why the fuck do I have to punch you?"

"Because..." Nathanyel wheezed. "Because I need... To train."

"...Why?"

"Don't ask me stupid questions! Just do it!" Severus didn't see what was fair in punching someone who seemed near collapse, but he also didn't like being called stupid.

"Fine!" He swung his fist, and ended up with a bloody nose.

"Again!"

"You fucking broke my nose!"

"It isn't broken."

"You're... You're fucking out of line, that's what the fuck you fucking are, I'll fucking tell you." Nathanyel made an irritated noise in his throat as he struggled to stand.

"Stop swearing. You sound like a streetwalker."

"I never swear!" Severus protested. "And I don't streetwalk, either." Though it wasn't really necessary to add that.

"Alright, we'll go to Madam Pomfrey, then."

"Good!"

---------------

"I can't fucking believe you broke my sodding nose," Severus grumbled nasally as he held a tissue to his nose while Madam Pomfrey went in search of the necessary potion.

"I'm sorry!" Nathanyel groaned, in the adjacent bed because Madam Pomfrey thought they'd been in a fist fight. "I didn't realize you were so weak!"

"...I am going to kill you!"

"Now, boys!" Madam Pomfrey tutted as she bustled back into the room. "I don't want to see any more fighting."

"We weren't fighting," Nathanyel grumbled. "I was training."

"Of course you were, dear. Here, take this." She shoved a potion into his hands. "And this is for you." She gave Severus another potion and ran off.

"This is all your fault," Severus growled as he downed his potion.

"No it isn't," Nathanyel replied lightly, calmly drinking his own potion.

"What!? In what possible fucking way is this not your fault!?"

"You're the one who's weak."

"I- you- me- FUCK YOU!"

"Calm down. I'm only fucking with you." Nathanyel grinned. "But I am sorry. Do you forgive me?"

"...No."

"Alright, then."

---------------

Nathanyel was in the common room, waving his wand at himself and muttering under his breath. Severus frowned. "What are you doing?"

"Self-transfiguration," he replied. "I'm practicing. I want to learn to transfigure myself."

"That's stupid. Why would you do a thing like that?" Nathanyel shrugged.

"I guess so I know myself better."

"You don't make any sense at all." Nathanyel rocked back on his heels, sighed, and continued waving and flicking his wand. "I hope you grow horns from your arse."

---------------

Severus scowled to himself; Nathanyel wouldn't take his hat off, and it was irritating. It wasn't that Severus had a problem with the school uniform hats, it was just that... It was just bothersome. When Severus finally got him alone, he asked about it, scowling. "Why have you got your hat on? Take it off."

"I don't want to." Severus just crossed his arms, glaring. Nathanyel sighed and pulled his hat off. Severus stared.

"Cat ears?" Cat ears. On Nathanyel's head.

"I was practicing. Transfiguration. I was transfiguring myself."

"What?"

"It's not like I don't like them." Nathanyel reached up and touched them, turning a bit pink. "It's just that I didn't think you would. And anyway, I don't want anyone to have another reason to hex me. You know?" Severus sighed.

"So get rid of them."

"I can't. I haven't learned how, yet." Rolling his eyes, Severus stepped forward.

"Here, let me-"

"No!" Nathanyel jumped back, covering his ears. Severus stood watching him, shocked. "I- I don't want you to help me. I did this on my own. I want to fix it on my own." He lowered his voice. "I want to do it by myself." Severus raised his eyebrows.

"You do?" Nathanyel nodded.

"...Alright." So he sat down and watched Nathanyel try to fix it; he was asleep within an hour.

--------Nathanyel-------

"Mr. Page." Professor McGonagall folded her hands on her desk and gave him a serious look. For some reason, she had asked him to stay after class.

"Yes, Minnie?" She cleared her throat a bit, but for the most part ignored him.

"It has come to my attention that your grades have been steadily dropping. You used to be at the head of the class, and your theoretical assignments are still extremely well written, but... Your wand work leaves something to be desired. To put it mildly."

"...I know." He should know. He used to get teased for his shoddy wand work all the time, before... Well. "And what do you suggest I do about it?"

"I suggest you get some extracurricular help, or you'll end up failing your O.W.L.s next year."

"Of course," he muttered. "I'll just find someone who's good at transfiguration, walk up to them, and ask them for help. And then they'll run away screaming."

"I believe you're taking this a bit hard, Mr. Page. Regulus Black-"

"Is just as afraid of me as anyone else! Everyone is! No one will come near me, let alone speak to me long enough for me to ask about tutoring. But I suppose that's none of your concern, seeing as how I'm Slytherin and all. So, if you'll excuse me, I've got a very full schedule-"

"Excuse me, Mr. Page, but I believe you owe me a bit more respect, as a professor!"

"Hmph." He decided it was best to just leave.

He didn't need any help, anyway.

---------------

"Don't you love Hogsmeade?" Nathanyel sighed, grinning slightly. Severus shrugged.

"It's alright." He paused then, raising his eyebrows as he turned his head toward a narrow alley between two buildings. Nathanyel followed his gaze to see Remus, crouching down by some garbage and rummaging through the pockets of a very old and dirty pair of trousers. He looked rather desperate.

"What's he doing?" Nathanyel muttered, narrowing his eyes a bit; it was a rather strange sight. Severus narrowed his eyes.

"Probably looking for galleons." Nathanyel raised his eyebrows. "Everyone already knows that Lupin's poor. And I heard the situation's worsened considerably. Everyone's talking about how his father left, and his mother didn't work, so... Well, I'm sure you can imagine." Severus didn't seem worried at all. "Serves him right, fucking Gryffindor." Nathanyel chose not to comment.

"So, what's it been like, being a big bad prefect?"

"It's alright." He eyed Remus. "Aside from the Gryffindors."

"Hm." Nathanyel looked over at Remus, too, just as he turned to look at them. He got a weird feeling from the look in Remus' eyes.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

"...If you insist."

---------------

Nathanyel had separated from Severus, since they'd been going to a lot of crowded places where people were giving him weird looks, and he thought he could use some time alone. He was walking along the top of the long fence that separated the Shrieking Shack from the rest of Hogsmeade when he just happened to run into Remus. Not literally, of course, since Remus was on the ground. "Hullo," he greeted. Remus, who happened to be staring at the ground as he walked, jumped a bit and blinked.

"Oh! Hello." He stared at Nathanyel for a moment. "You're... Standing on the fence."

"Yeah, I know."

"...Er... Isn't that difficult?"

"No."

"Ah."

"So what are you up to?" Nathanyel thought it best to keep the conversation on a safe path.

"Nothing, really. I just thought I'd take a walk." Nathanyel gave a slight nod, then squatted so he could look Remus in the eye.

"You seem slightly put off."

"Well... You're on the fence." With a sigh, Nathanyel sat down.

"Better?"

"Yeah." Remus hoisted himself up to sit next to him. "So... I- I guess you really did learn a lot over the summer." Nathanyel nodded. "Did you... Um... Meet anyone nice?"

"Didn't really have a chance." Nathanyel bit his lip, suppressing a grin. "But Lucius wanked me off." Remus turned bright red and made a weird choking noise. "I didn't tell Severus because I knew he'd get angry."

"Y-you- you- you-"

"Me."

"Wow." It took Remus a bit longer to calm down. "...Wow." Nathanyel just smiled; he liked it when Remus got flustered. It was funny. "...Was it... Good?"

"Yes." Remus was still blushing. "Very good." Nathanyel thought he might be blushing a little, too. "Did you... Er..."

"Nah." Remus sighed. "But... Wow." He was rather flattered that Remus was so impressed. "Um... So I guess you know a bit about that kind of stuff, now, right?"

"Not much." Remus bit his lip.

"D'you think... You could... could..." He trailed off, turning even redder than before.

"What?"

"Showme," Remus muttered quickly, wringing his hands.

"...Okay..." Nathanyel was surprised, and not quite sure where to begin. "Erm... So... How? Like..." He shuffled a bit closer to Remus and put a hand on the inside of his thigh; Remus seemed to be holding his breath. "...Like this?" Nathanyel slid his hand upwards, and Remus nodded quickly. He slipped his hand up to rest between Remus' legs, carefully watching his face; he looked as if he was being strangled. "Are you alright?" He only nodded. "Alright." Nathanyel pulled his shirt up and nudged his fingers beneath the hem of his pants. Remus' stomach was hot and trembling.

"Mmf," he murmured, gripping the fence so tightly his knuckles turned white. Nathanyel moved his hand a bit lower, discovering... Hair.

"Oh!" he exclaimed in delight. He pushed his other hand up underneath Remus' shirt, extremely pleased to find more hair. "You've got so much hair," he sighed, running his fingers through it, humming happily.

"I- I'm going to fall of the fence," Remus gasped.

"Alright, hold on-"

"OI!" Remus fell backwards off the fence. "OI!" Lily Evans, the other Gryffindor prefect, came trotting up to them, looking quite put off. "What were you doing, Remus?" Remus just groaned.

"We were playing a game," Nathanyel replied, holding back a snigger.

"What game?"

"Capture the ssssnake." He stuck out his tongue and wriggled it at her; she just rolled her eyes.

"Slytherins," she muttered. Remus had finally gotten to his feet, and began to have a coughing fit. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing." He was so red that it was difficult to tell the difference between him and his scarlet sweater.

"You look-"

"It's nothing." Nathanyel leaned over and, smirking, stuck his tongue in Remus' ear and wriggled it like before. Remus completely froze, his mouth falling open.

"He'ssss jusssst embarrasssssed," Nathanyel hissed. "We've fallen madly in love."

"No wonder everyone says you're a nutter," she snapped, pushing him off the fence.

"Sssssssss," Nathanyel replied after he'd landed.

"He's just messing around," Remus said a bit defensively, helping him up. "You should work on your sense of humor."

"Whatever. Anyway, we're supposed to make our rounds in half an hour, remember?"

"Oh... Right." He gave Nathanyel an apologetic look. "I guess I'd better go."

"Don't worry about it." Nathanyel leaned on the fence, grinning. "See you later, then."

"Bye." Lily grabbed his arm and dragged him off while he grinned back at Nathanyel.

"Ah, fuck," he muttered after they were gone. He'd really been looking forward to finally getting some real cock.

---------------

Nathanyel was looking out the window during transfiguration (what other class would he be completely ignoring?) when he saw Remus walk out through the front doors of the castle and sit down on the steps. He got the feeling that there was something seriously wrong. "Professor?" She wouldn't answer if he called her "Minnie."

"What is it, Mr. Page?"

"I hope you don't mind, but... I'm going to completely undermine your authority."

"What?" He then stood up and walked out of the classroom. She could have stopped him, but he supposed she was too shocked. He didn't really care; he just wanted to talk to Remus. After all, he had seemed rather off lately. Maybe what everyone was saying about his father leaving really was true.

"Remus?" He looked rather sad.

"What?" Nathanyel sat down next to him, trying to think of a tactful way of bringing up the subject. To his chagrin, there seemed to be none.

"What everyone keeps saying... About your dad... Is it true?" Remus turned pink and looked away, biting his lip. Hard.

"He's just- just away, that's all." Nathanyel watched him carefully. He was a bad liar, sometimes.

"You can tell me the truth. I won't laugh at you or anything." Remus squared his shoulders, but said nothing. "How long has he been gone?"

"Since July," he bit out. Nathanyel didn't think the man was about to come back, but he thought it best not to mention the fact. "I don't want you feeling sorry for me."

"Good, because I don't feel sorry for you," Nathanyel replied truthfully. Remus started, then turned to look at him with an unreadable expression. "It isn't that I don't care," Nathanyel went on. "It's just that I can't really imagine feeling sad about my father leaving. I feel something, but it isn't pity. I just don't like to see you feel bad, that's all." Remus looked grateful, and tearful, too.

"It's my fault," he whispered.

"No it isn't," Nathanyel insisted. He didn't see why anyone would want to leave because of Remus. "He would have left, either way." Remus slowly shook his head, looking ready to cry.

"You don't understand," he replied hoarsely. "I... I... I'm just horrible, alright? I'm terrible, and that's all there is to it."

"Don't say that."

"It's true!" And then Remus did cry, and hugged Nathanyel close and got his shirt very wet. "He left without saying anything! He was just gone!" But Nathanyel didn't mind. "He didn't even say goodbye..." He held Remus tightly and stroked his hair, humming a lullaby that Louis had taught him; it seemed to work. He was glad, because he didn't like to see Remus cry.

---------------

Nathanyel lay on his side in bed, feeling groggy. He was lonely, and a little on the full side. Severus was nowhere to be found... But He was there. Nathanyel was afraid, but he felt too heavy to move. "Look at you," He muttered. "Fucking pathetic."

"I know," Nathanyel whimpered. He wished Severus was there. Severus could help him. "I'm just lonely."

"I'm here."

"I don't want you here," Nathanyel murmured.

"Why not?" He shuffled a little closer.

"I hate you."

"What a joke," He grumbled, reaching out to stroke Nathanyel's neck. "You couldn't live without me, could you?"

"I could." Nathanyel turned his head away as He pulled him closer. "I want to."

"You're lonely, right?" When Nathanyel didn't answer, He reached down and started rubbing. "Is this what you want?" Nathanyel whimpered. "You really are pathetic." Nathanyel shut his eyes tightly and bit his lip as He put a hand inside his pants. "You're so desperate, you'd take it from anyone who offered, wouldn't you?"

"N-no." Nathanyel tried to pull away, but He held on tight.

"I thought you hated me?"

"I do."

"Obviously not that much. Am I changing your mind?" Nathanyel shook his head, shaking as he came.

When he opened his eyes again, He was gone. Nathanyel let out a sigh of relief, but stopped short.

His hand was covered in the aftermath of what had just happened.

---------------

"Souda daiji na mono wa itsumo... Itsumo... Damn." Nathanyel was walking through the deserted hallway, trying to remember the new phrase Olivia had taught him, when he spotted Remus heading in the opposite direction. "Hullo!" he called. Remus grinned at him and stopped to talk.

"Hey," he muttered. "What are you doing?"

"Skiving off transfiguration. You?"

"I'm... Just going back to History of Magic. I was using the bathroom."

"History of Magic?" Remus nodded. "Come ditch with me, then. Binns won't notice." Remus blinked a bit, then looked around as if he expected a teacher to come flying out at them.

"But... I can't."

"Why not? It's just History of Magic, all you have to do is copy someone's notes. And your friends will get your bag for you. So what's the big deal?"

"I'm a prefect." Nathanyel rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't matter if no one finds out, right?"

"Er..."

"Come on, then!" He grabbed Remus' hand and led him away; he had an idea of where to go, and he was sure that no one would find them there.

The shortest west tower was always completely deserted, since its entrance was a secret passage, and no one used the corridor it was in, anyway, not even for snogging. It was a nice day, and the top of the tower had a good view of the grounds and the lake, so they sat outside. "Hey, Nathanyel..." Remus shuffled a bit closer to him. "Can I... That is... Could I... Ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why... Why did you skive off transfiguration?"

"I just didn't want to deal with it," Nathanyel sighed. "We were changing porcupines to pin cushions and I didn't want to embarrass myself. My wandwork is awful."

"It is?" Remus looked a bit surprised.

"Yeah. And Professor McGonagall says that I need to get someone to tutor me, but no one who can help me will actually come near me. And she's not about to step up to the plate because of... Well, you know. Ever since then, everyone just thinks I'm a walking menace. Like I'm a wild animal about to tear them apart or something." He hated it. He wished they would all just go back to teasing them.

"That's how people always act around me, back home," Remus muttered. "When I came here, no one knew me, and I found friends, but... I'm still afraid I'll make them hate me." He frowned a bit. "That's why I never say anything when they act like... Like..."

"Sadistic arseholes?" Nathanyel suggested.

"Yeah."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that with me. I'd never hate you."

"Thanks." Remus gave him a weak smile. "You know, this will probably sound a little weird, but... I think you understand how... How I feel. A lot of the time."

"That doesn't sound weird." Nathanyel shrugged. "Not to me, at least."

"I'm... I'm glad." They sat in silence until they saw people walking out of the castle, and realized that classes were over.

--------Severus-------

"Severus?"

"What?" Then Severus paused. He was in the showers (alone) and Nathanyel was standing at the entrance, apparently ready for one himself. "What are you doing here? This is the fifth year showers!"

"I know. But I need a shower and... The fourth year showers are... Occupied."

"It's a communal shower," Severus replied flatly, trying feebly to cover his privates.

"I know. But Regulus and Mundungus are doing private things in there." Severus grimaced.

"Fine. Take your shower, then." He turned around and went back to washing his hair as Nathanyel joined him.

They showered together in silence. It wasn't long, though, before Severus began to realize he was being watched. He tried to ignore it, but Nathanyel was just... Staring. Albeit discreetly, but still staring. "Stop it."

"Hmm?" Nathanyel blinked at him.

"I told you to stop staring at me! What the fuck is so intriguing, anyway?"

"Er..." Nathanyel blushed, turning his eyes to the floor. "You have hair. But I don't." Severus looked down, and turned red.

"Oh."

"It's weird. I get made fun of. I mean, no one has a lot... But... They all have at least some." He frowned a bit. "You've got plenty of hair. I like it." Severus took a step backward.

"You're not going to start in with any of that weird shit, are you?"

"No. I just... I'm a freak, aren't I?" Severus pursed his lips.

"You're just different, that's all."

"You don't know everything about me." Severus didn't answer. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying things like this."

"It's alright." Nathanyel shrugged and hummed a song while he finished washing up.

Severus thought it best to give him some time alone.

---------------

Severus couldn't stop thinking about the shower with Nathanyel. Not that it had turned him on, or anything. He wasn't surprised that Nathanyel had been looking, but he'd been looking back. Again, it wasn't as if he'd been getting off on it. But... There had been scars. Ones he hadn't seen before because he hadn't had that kind of view. He was worried.

He decided to take a walk. Mostly because Nathanyel was outside.

Severus found him on the far side of the lake, skipping rocks. "Hey."

"Hi," Nathanyel murmured.

"So... You're good at that."

"Hmm." Nathanyel threw one that skipped more times than Severus was willing to count.

"Listen... I noticed... In the shower... Scars. I've never noticed them before."

"Yeah. They're hard to see. You have to look closely."

"I know." Severus watched him skip another rock. "Where did you get them?"

"I don't." He paused and took a deep breath. "I don't know."

"You don't?"

"I can't remember."

"Not even... The one on your back?" Nathanyel shook his head and tossed a stone that skipped once and sank. "It looks like you had needles down your spine."

"Connect the dots." Nathanyel frowned. "Or a constellation. I know there was something there... I think it's what I dream about." Severus picked up a rock. "Does that sound weird?"

"No. I... Er... Understand." He threw the rock, and it landed in the water with a loud plopping noise. "...Or not." He sighed. "So you don't remember where they came from at all?"

"No... But..." Nathanyel narrowed his eyes. "I'll bet it was my dad. It's always him." Severus didn't say anything. "I hate him," he spat out. "What I want, more than anything, is to see him dead." He threw a rock down into the water. "I hate him so much it hurts." His hands were balled into fists, shaking.

"Nathanyel..." Severus didn't quite know what to say. "You really are different from before." Nathanyel nodded.

"I'm better now." Severus didn't necessarily agree.

---------------

Olivia and Nathanyel were sitting together in the library, talking about something. Severus couldn't really hear from where he was, but when he joined them, he wished he was deaf. "Souda daiji na mono wa itsumo..." Nathanyel muttered. "Fuck, I always get stuck on that part."

"Katachi no nai mono dake," Olivia sighed, sounding rather exasperated. "We've gone over it a hundred times! Anyway, if you'd just forget it and focus more on actually learning the language-"

"Kakashi no... Modo sake?" She grimaced.

"You completely butchered it! And sake is rice liquor! The most important thing is always alcohol? You idiot!"

"Idiot is baka, right?"

"Right, baka!"

"What the fuck are you doing?" Severus interrupted, eyebrows raised.

"I'm trying to teach him Japanese!" Olivia growled. "Katachi no nai mono dake! Katachi no nai mono dake! It's not that difficult!"

"Katachi no nai mono... take?" Nathanyel guessed.

"DAKE!!!! ARRRRGH!!!" Madam Pince made shushing noises at them, scowling.

"The most important thing is always alcohol," Nathanyel muttered.

"Drunk," Severus whispered back.

"ARRRGH!" Olivia seemed a little irritated.

---------------

"Alright, Nathanyel, what is it?" Nathanyel waved his hand around at Severus for a bit, then he held up four fingers. "Ack, you know I hate charades!" Nathanyel just grinned. "Fine, four words." Nathanyel tapped his fist and held up four fingers again. "Four syllables." He nodded, then held up one finger. "First word." He pointed to himself. "I. Alright, do the next one." He grabbed something. "Got. Next one." He did something that made absolutely no sense. "An?" That was right, surprisingly. "Okay, go on." He raised his hands over his head and connected them at the fingertips. "O."

"Yes! You're so good at this, Severus."

"I hate you."

"But at least I got an O on my transfiguration test, right?"

"Shut up. Baka."

"Hey, did Olivia teach you that?"

"Go bury yourself."

Half an hour later, when Severus was walking out to Herbology, he caught sight of Nathanyel buried in the ground. He decided to just ignore it.

--------Remus-------

Nathanyel was out on the grounds, doing some sort of exercise that was indiscernible from the distance. Remus was watching him from the top row of the Quidditch stands while James and Sirius practiced. He wasn't sure why he found Nathanyel so fascinating, but he did. Maybe it was because of what had happened back in spring, or maybe something else. But he just couldn't stop watching. Besides, he thought Nathanyel was sort of... Cute. And nice. And- "Hey!" He jumped, nearly falling off the bench.

"Who- who are you?" An Asian girl in Ravenclaw colors was standing over him with her hands on her hips, a suspicious look on her face.

"I'm Olivia." He just stared at her. "Nathanyel Page's cousin." He blushed, feeling a bit guilty, even though he hadn't done anything. "Why are you staring at him?"

"I... Er..."

"I've seen you around. He told me about you." She raised an eyebrow. "You're not going to cause any trouble, are you?"

"No!" She frowned.

"Then why are you looking over at him? Do you fancy him or something?"

"N-no!" She looked skeptical. "I- I just think..." He knew he was going to say something he'd regret. "I just think he's cute, is all." And he was right.

"Oh?" He grimaced. "How cute?"

"Never mind. Just forget it."

"So what are you going to do, serenade him?"

"No! It's nothing, forget it!"

"Well, I suppose I can't do anything about denial."

"I'm not in denial!"

"Whatever. Seeya later, gay boy." She waved a bit as she walked away, and Remus stared at her with his mouth open.

--------Nathanyel-------

The best thing about being home for Christmas was seeing Lucius. Nathanyel had missed him a lot, especially after what had happened. He'd been hoping for another episode like it, but Lucius hadn't laid a single hand on him all week. So, while he sat in the parlor with Lucius, he decided to take matters into his own hands. "Lucius?" Nathanyel shuffled a little closer to him, watching him read in his favorite armchair.

"What?"

"Er..." He wasn't sure how to put it. So, he slid up to Lucius' side and leaned against his leg. "Do you remember when you told me I was ready for a real cock? And when you touched me?" Lucius lowered his book a bit and looked down his nose at Nathanyel, but said nothing. "Why... Why haven't you... Touched me again?"

"...You liked that, did you?" Nathanyel nodded.

"It felt good."

"...Come here." Lucius patted his thigh. Smiling slightly, Nathanyel climbed into his lap, anxiously awaiting the real cock Lucius had been talking about. Lucius looked him over, apparently thinking.

Then Lucius backhanded him. Shocked, Nathanyel recoiled; Lucius had never hit him before. "L-Lucius..."

"Don't give me that look," he snapped. "I know what you're up to."

"What?" Lucius pushed him to the ground and he went sprawling.

"Go on, get to bed," he drawled disdainfully.

"But-"

"Don't go acting like a child just to get what you want. You've got some nerve, trying to manipulate me." Nathanyel pushed himself to his feet, feeling rather disappointed.

"I thought-"

"You thought wrong." Lucius snapped. "Now get out of my sight!" Frowning, Nathanyel hurried out of the room, pausing only once at the door to look back; Lucius was smiling to himself while he read his book.

Nathanyel was glad that he wasn't really angry at him. Maybe Lucius might have even been proud. Even so, he'd need a lot more practice with that manipulation stuff.

---------------

Nathanyel sat in his room, staring at the clock. It was only eight. Severus was doing his homework, with Uncle Laszlo's help. There was nothing to do.

Nothing except...

Nathanyel got up and rummaged around his trunk a bit before he found the cloth-wrapped object he's been looking for; Lucius' dildo. He'd never used it before.

Real cock, eh? If he was ready for that, then he was ready for a dildo. He'd just have to use his fingers first. And he still had the lubricant Lucius had given him for his birthday the year before... Right. It would work.

He just had to think of that real cock.

---------------

He winced as he sat down next to Severus in the study. He hoped it wasn't a bad sign. "Nathanyel."

"Hm?" Severus raised an eyebrow at him before speaking his mind.

"Why are you limping?" Nathanyel blushed.

"I am?"

"OH. MY. GOD."

"What?"

"What did you put up your arse!?" Nathanyel hadn't known that Severus was that observant.

"Nothing!" Severus glared at him. "...Except a dildo."

"You're disgusting."

"You're the one who masturbated in public."

"That was once!"

"Well this was once, too!"

"You are so gross." Severus shivered. "Didn't it hurt?"

"Yeah. But I liked it, anyway."

"Ew. Just... Ew."

"Don't knock it until you've tried it." Nathanyel bumped his hips against Severus', just to gross him out a bit more.

"You're a slut."

"And you're a prude."

"Am not!"

"Are too." Nathanyel stuck out his tongue. "Prude old prune."

"At least I'm not a dildo sucking fag like you."

"I didn't suck it, I put it up my bum."

"I can't believe you."

"Wanna go out for lunch?"

"Sure."

---------------

Nathanyel frowned as he ducked into an empty classroom and drank some more polyjuice potion from his hip flask. He also checked himself in a mirror, just to make sure that he hadn't changed back yet. Alright, so it was a bit extreme to knock Severus out and pretend to be him for the day... But Nathanyel was sick of his whining. If he wanted to be with someone, then he was going to be with someone, dammit. Even if he didn't like it at first. Besides, Remus was really nice.

He'd worked with Remus all through potions, and he was certain that he chance would come soon. He'd also gotten a chance to drop some fireworks down James Potter's pants, and was certain he wouldn't be able to sit for a while. And he'd just finished building a snowman that looked like the Headmaster, which was really just because he was bored. It was turning out to be a good day.

Straightening himself up, he took out the box of sweets he'd been keeping in his bag and set off. It wasn't difficult to find Remus, but actually getting his message across... That would be a little tough. Well, he'd just have to wing it. So, he strolled right up to Remus, kissed him on the cheek, and handed him the box of sweets.

"...Hello?" Remus looked absolutely flabbergasted.

"Be my Valentine?" Nathanyel asked. Remus mouthed wordlessly for a few minutes, slowly turning red.

"...A-alright."

"Great!"

"But... It's January."

"So?"

"Just... Making sure you knew."

"Okay, then. I'll see you tomorrow? We can, you know, go on a date or something."

"Uhhhhhmmm... Sure." Remus blushed even more.

"See you then!"

"B-bye, Severus."

---------------

"YOU ARE SUCH AN ARSEHOLE!!!!" Nathanyel ducked as Severus threw his transfiguration book at him.

"You need to get out more! I was just-"

"RUINING MY LIFE!!!!" Nathanyel dodged another text book.

"But Remus is a really nice-"

"FAGGOT!!! HE'S A FAGGOT!!! I AM NOT GAY!!!!" This time it was a hex that was sent his way.

"I think you're overreacting!"

"I AM NOT OVERREACTING!!!!!! NOW GET OVER HERE SO I CAN GUT YOU!!!!!!"

"Eek!" Nathanyel ran out of the dorm room, heading for someplace where there would at least be witnesses to his horrifying death.

---------------

"Go on. Tell him."

"I don't want to!" They were in the library, where Remus was studying by himself.

"Tell him!" Severus hissed. "I'm not going on a date with Lupin!" Nathanyel let out a long sigh, then slunk over to where Remus was sitting and took the seat next to him.

"Hello," he muttered.

"Oh, hullo," Remus replied, smiling. "I have some good news. Severus asked me out." He blushed. "I just... Well, what do you think?"

"...That was me." Remus blinked, looking rather confused.

"W-what?"

"I used polyjuice potion to look like Severus. I got the potion from Lucius and added Severus' hair to it. Then I pretended to be him and asked you to be my Valentine."

"...Why?"

"Because he needs to get out more. You know, loosen up. Besides, you two would looking darling together as a green and yellow fwooper in mid-March."

"You do realize that makes very little sense." Nathanyel nodded. "So... You don't... Fancy me?"

"Naw." Nathanyel grinned. "That would be kind of weird, wouldn't it?"

"Erm... Y-yeah, I guess... Really... Weird." Remus blushed a bit.

"Well, I should go before Severus pops a blood vessel. I'll see you later."

"S-see you."

--------Severus-------

"Alright, get up." Severus glared down at Nathanyel, who happened to be doing one-armed push ups.

"Why?"

"Because you're an idiot, that's why!" Blinking, Nathanyel stood up.

"What is it?"

"I want to talk to you about Lupin." There was a long pause.

"What about him?" Severus wasn't sure how to phrase it. He'd seen the way Lupin had been looking at Nathanyel lately, and the way he colored every time they were near each other. It was sickening.

"I think he fancies you." The little bastard.

"What?" Nathanyel looked taken aback. "That's ridiculous!"

"Lupin fancies you! I wouldn't be surprised if he started sending you little love notes or flowers or something! It's disgusting!"

"You're imagining things."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are. I'm going to go take a shower, now, so... Bye." Severus rubbed his temples; it was never easy.

---------------

Severus was getting suspicious; he'd been paying closer attention to Lupin ever since he'd gotten wind of the Gryffindor's feelings for Nathanyel, and he didn't like what he was seeing. Lupin would disappear once a month, and claim he was sick or something stupid. It didn't feel right, and he certainly wasn't going to let the pervert get away with whatever he was doing. And he didn't want Lupin doing any weird shit to Nathanyel, either.

"Hey, Snape." He blinked, surprised at having been pulled from his thoughts by someone other than Nathanyel. Especially when he discovered that the someone was Sirius Black.

"What the fuck do you want?" he snarled, immediately going on the defensive.

"I've noticed that you've been spying on Remus a lot." There was a sort of calm nonchalance about Black that was incredibly irritating.

"I haven't been spying." He sneered. "Just observing."

"Well, if you want to observe where he goes on the full moon... I'll tell you."

"...Why?" Black smirked.

"It's a trade-off. You tell me how to get into the prefects' bathroom, and I tell you how to get into the secret passage under the Whomping Willow." He acted surprised for a minute. "Oops. Did I just give something away?"

"Fine!" So, Severus told Black where the prefects' bathroom was, and in turn learned where and when to go to learn about Lupin's extracurricular activities.

He didn't realize that it was on the night of the full moon.

---------------

"Fucker." Severus had prodded the knot on the Whomping Willow with a fallen branch and climbed into the secret passage underneath, which was where he was at the moment. And he'd just hit his head on a piece of rock. "I fucking hate nature," he muttered, stalking on. He'd been walking for some time, so he was absolutely sure that he was close. If nothing else gave it away, it was the weird smell that was floating down the tunnel.

Finally, he saw what looked like a faint light, and sped up. He was almost there... Then he heard footsteps behind him; probably another Gryffindor, trying to stop him.

He broke into a run, though when he heard a snarl he grew a little hesitant. Still, he needed to know what was on the end of the tunnel. So, he kept going.

Finally, he came to the opening at the end of the tunnel. And nearly pissed his pants; there was a huge... Monster. Wolf. Werewolf. Right fucking there. "Fuck."

"Snape!" He felt a hand on his arm, and then he was being dragged away. By the time he'd regained control of his limbs, they were halfway down the secret passage.

Someone had saved him. No, worse. Potter had saved him.

"Fuck you!" He yanked his arm away, rubbing it where Potter had probably left a bruise.

"Are you insane? Come on!" Potter yanked at him again.

"Let go of me!" He pushed Potter away and went around him, prowling as quickly as he could without looking like he was a little pussy running for his life.

"The least you could do is thank me!"

"Fuck you!" Severus pushed him again, but this time he pushed back.

Fucking rocks.

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel knew something was wrong when he woke up from that dream about wolves, and He was smiling. So, just to be safe, Nathanyel got up to check on Severus. Just in case.

But Severus wasn't in bed. Or in the common room. In fact, he was... Gone. Nathanyel was scared; he didn't want anything bad to happen, but he knew that something had happened. So... He decided to check the hospital wing.

He ran all the way there, and burst in just as Madam Pomfrey was filling out a medical chart. "What happened? Did something happen? Where is he? Is he alright? What happened?" She stared at him as if he was insane. He took a deep breath to calm himself down (really, he was getting worked up over nothing) and started over. "Is Severus here?"

"Mr. Snape is not receiving any visitors at the moment," she replied stiffly.

"What!? What happened!?"

"Nothing, Mr. Page. Now, I suggest you get down to breakfast."

"Wait! I'm sick!" He faked a cough. "I need to lie down!"

"Go to breakfast." She shoved him out of the infirmary and slammed the door behind him. So, he sat down on the floor next to it and waited.

---------------

"Mr. Page!" Nathanyel woke with a start, whimpering slightly, to see Madam Pomfrey frowning down at him. "How long have you been here?"

"Since you told me to go away," he replied. She glared at him.

"Honestly," she muttered, "sometimes I think you should have been in Hufflepuff..." But she turned around to go back into the infirmary, and left the door open.

"I can visit, now?"

"Yes. But be quiet!" Nathanyel jumped up and hurried into the room. "It's the last bed." With that, she huffed something about self-transfiguration and bustled out of sight. Swallowing hard, Nathanyel slowly made his way to the end of the ward, his nerve suddenly failing him. What if Severus was disfigured or had limbs missing or something?

But Severus looked alright, aside from some bandages wrapped around his head. When he saw Nathanyel he sat bolt upright, then grabbed his head and slowly lay down again. Nathanyel gave a sigh of relief as he sat down in the empty chair that had been place beside the bed. Apparently, Madam Pomfrey had known he wouldn't leave. "How are you?" Nathanyel asked.

"I- I- Shit, Nathanyel!"

"...You shit yourself?"

"No! Listen, I don't want you hanging around Lupin anymore, got it?" Nathanyel raised his eyebrows, wondering what the sudden outburst was all about.

"Why not?"

"He's... He's a monster." There was silence.

"Don't say that." Nathanyel didn't want to hear something like that from Severus, of all people.

"But it's true!" Severus looked around, then lowered his voice to a whisper. "He's a... A werewolf." It took a few minutes for the information to sink in.

Remus.

A werewolf.

Werewolf.

And suddenly he couldn't think of anything but the conversation he'd had with Uncle Laszlo.

"Are you... Having dreams? About water?"

"...Yes. Blue water. And wolves."

"And... Anything that... Happens?"

Wolves. Premonitions. Things that happen. "Nathanyel? Are you alright?"

"I'm... I'm..." He could lie to Severus. But... He didn't. "I knew."

"...What?"

"I knew this would happen." He looked down at Severus, trying not to wince at his furious expression. "You saw him, right? As a werewolf?"

"Yes! They were all trying to kill me, so don't you go trying to defend Lupin or anything! Black told me where to go, and Lupin- Lupin-" He paused and took a deep breath. "Then Potter got cold feet and pulled me back." He sounded... Ashamed. "'I saved your life. You owe me.' That's what he said." Severus covered his face with his hands and stayed like that for a long time.

Nathanyel really wanted to beat the shit out of Sirius Black and James Potter. Really. "Remus wouldn't have done it," Nathanyel muttered. "I'm sure he didn't know."

"I knew you'd say something like that!"

"But-"

"Just don't." Severus rolled over. "Leave me alone." Nathanyel frowned; he always fucked up.

With a heavy sigh, he stood up to leave, when he heard his name. After looking around a bit, he caught sight of the privacy curtain a few beds down being twitched aside. Cautiously, he approached; it could always be a trick. He was relieved to find that it was Remus. "Hi." He entered the privacy curtain and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"...I... I wanted to a-apologize," Remus rasped. "Just- just say I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You- you don't have to talk to me anymore. I just- I don't blame you if you hate me, now. That's all I wanted to say." Nathanyel chewed on his lip for a bit.

"You know... I already said I'd never hate you. And I meant it." He offered an encouraging smile. Remus looked a bit surprised, but then he slowly smiled back.

"S-so you don't care that I'm- I'm-"

"No." He reached down and placed a hand on Remus' cheek. "You're my friend, right?" Remus blushed and nodded.

"Thank you." Nathanyel leaned over and hugged him tightly.

"Don't mention it."

---------------

Nathanyel felt the blood draining from his face as he watched Severus, across the sweeping lawn, being stripped of his pants by James Potter, in front of a crowd of laughing onlookers. His veins practically turned to ice when he caught sight of Bellatrix Black in the crowd, laughing louder than most of them. The loudest of all, though, was her cousin. Sirius. Nathanyel clenched his fists, gritting his teeth as he prowled forward. He practically went blind with anger when he caught sight of Remus, prefect's badge glinting in the sun, completely ignoring the situation.

He tried to keep his head, think of something to say. The last thing he wanted, after all, was a fight. But, it was hard, especially when he drew closer and caught sight of the humiliated tears welling up in Severus' eyes. "Put him down," he whispered, stopping just in front of Severus, so he could see him.

"I don't see why we should," James replied lightly, flicking his wand and causing Severus to twitch unpleasantly. Nathanyel had to try hard to stop himself from shaking.

"Because this is a horrible thing to do." The crowd only laughed louder, and he spared a glance for them. Lily Evans, the other Gryffindor prefect, was among them. He was utterly outraged. "Fine. Fine."

"Nathanyel, stop," Severus hissed, but Nathanyel ignored him, drawing his wand.

"Hold still." He rose it to help Severus down, but before he could even speak the incantation he was knocked off his feet by a disarming spell. Dazedly, he sat up, blinking, to see Sirius with his wand raised.

Very well. If it had come to fighting, then he would just have to fight. Slowly standing, he turned to see where his wand had gone. It was several meters away, too far for him to reach without being hexed. Gulping, he tried to ignore the flutter of nerves through his stomach. He hadn't been in a real fight since the summer, and certainly not up against magic.

"Well, Page?" Sirius called out. "Aren't you going to get your wand?" Nathanyel turned back to him, glowering. All he had to do was remember what he'd learned. It was simple, really. Except... Not. He didn't want to fight. He was afraid.

Keeping his eyes on Sirius, he backed up toward his wand. Perhaps, if he didn't turn his back... But no. The next moment he was on the ground, dodging a spell.

Alright, then. Fuck wands.

James was occupied, Remus refused to get involved, and Pettigrew was useless. So really, he just had to get to Sirius and get in one good hit. In the meantime, though, he's need to move. Fast.

He got up and ran blindly just as another curse hit the spot he'd landed on. Immediately, he found himself heading towards the onlookers, and, wondering whether or not Sirius would curse them just to get at him, decided to keep his course. "Sorry Lily!" he panted quickly as he pulled Lily Evans around in front of him. She gave out a shriek as a curse hit her, and her legs locked together.

"Page!" Sirius and James bellowed together.

"You rotten, dirty snake!" Sirius went on.

"Slytherin!" Nathanyel reminded him, still using Lily as a human shield, biding himself some time to think.

"Come out here and fight fair!"

"You first!" Think, think, think.

"That's it! Accio Evans!" Seeing his opportunity, Nathanyel let go of Lily, allowing her to fly towards Sirius, then followed her as quickly as he could.

"Sirius, you dimwit!" James bellowed just before Lily crashed headlong into Sirius. "Evans, are you all right?" He jerked his wand out of the air and rushed towards the heap of limbs and robes, causing Severus to drop to the ground with a sickening thud. Nathanyel, blessing Sirius' lack of foresight, launched himself into the air and planted both feet firmly in James' chest.

He managed to get back on his feet just as Sirius had extracted himself from Lily and charged. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do until he was actually doing it. One foot on the chest, a kick to the face, a flip, and on the ground again. Sirius dropped like a sack of bricks. "Fuck," he muttered, steadying himself. "I can't believe that worked."

"Nathanyel, you utter prat!" Severus bellowed, and he winced. He left the three Gryffindors to come to their senses on their own and trotted over to Severus.

"Are you alright? You're not hurt, are you? Do you think you need to go to the hospital wing?"

"NO!" Nathanyel winced again. "I do NOT need your help, do you hear me!?" He backed up a little, giving Severus some room to hiss and spit. "I never need your help, ever! I don't need anyone's help! So just stay out of my business, alright!?" With that, Severus turned on his heel and stormed away, leaving his discarded underwear behind.

Sighing, Nathanyel collected the garment along with his wand, and made his way back to the castle, ignoring whatever was going on behind him. It wasn't really important anymore, anyway.

--------Severus-------

Severus sat in his bed with the curtains drawn, fuming. The nerve! First, the Gryffindors- they exposed him- with Bellatrix Black right there! And then Nathanyel had to come and act like some sort of big shot! He didn't need any help. He could have handled it himself. He would have hexed them all straight to hell. "Severus?" It was Nathanyel.

"Go away!" he growled. He wasn't done fuming.

"Severus, please stop sulking."

"I'm not sulking!" He was fuming! There was a difference!

"Let me in? Please?"

"No."

"I have your pants." Severus paused; knowing Nathanyel, he'd have them right in plain sight. Maybe even on his head.

"Fine." He didn't want to be embarrassed even more.

"Hi," Nathanyel muttered, sitting across from him. He held out his hand for the pants. "Oh, right." Nathanyel handed them over. "Anyway... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Well you did!"

"If it had been me up there, you would have done the same thing!" Severus snapped his mouth closed; Nathanyel was right.

"...But you didn't have to."

"Your my best friend. I want to protect you." Severus looked him straight in the eye, meaning to say that he didn't need to be protected, and he could very well take care of himself.

"...Alright." Obviously, that didn't work out too well.

"I love you." Nathanyel lunged forward and hugged him.

"Yeah, well... Whatever." Honestly, Nathanyel acted like such a girl, sometimes. "So I guess now you know the truth about Lupin, huh?" Nathanyel leaned back, frowning.

"He's not a bad person, just..."

"Just a coward, then?" Nathanyel looked away.

"I'm angry at him." Severus certainly hoped so.

"Well... Good." There was silence for a long time.

"...Are you going to visit over holidays?"

"I can't. We're going away again."

"I'll miss you."

"...Whatever." He'd miss Nathanyel, too, though.

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel was on the train home, waiting for Severus to come back from his prefect rounds, when the compartment door slid open. He looked up to see Remus standing there. "Can I... Er... Come in?" Nathanyel didn't answer. After a long pause, he stepped inside and closed the door. "Are you angry at me?" Nathanyel stood up, trying not to let his temper get the best of him.

"What do you think?" He wasn't doing a very good job of it.

"...I couldn't have stopped them," Remus muttered.

"You're so full of shit, I can smell it from across the train!" Nathanyel burst out; he was overcome with the urge to shout and hit things, and... He kicked the door to the compartment, causing it to rattle ominously.

"Nathanyel, I'm sorry! I mean, if Lily couldn't stop them, then obviously I had no chance, either!"

"You could have tried!" Remus fell silent, staring at the ground. "You didn't even try."

"I'm sorry, Nathanyel. It's just... It's just..."

"You're afraid?" Remus nodded. "I thought you were a Gryffindor." Perhaps that had been a little harsh.

"Well... I- I'm not, alright!? I'm not brave, or noble, or- or anywhere near it! What was I supposed to do? Fight my friends?"

"If your friends are doing something wrong, then perhaps that would be the best course of action." Nathanyel raised his eyebrows. "I've done it for you." He tilted his head to the side, taking on an innocent tone. "Or aren't your friends as understanding as us Dark wizards in training?" Remus was flushing.

"I- I've never called you that!"

"You've never bothered defending us, either. I thought you fancied Severus?"

"I don't anymore!"

"It's no reason to just let them do that to him! How would you feel!?"

"I would feel awful! And I do! I- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"You wouldn't have to apologize so much," Nathanyel bit out tersely, "if you were actually brave enough to do the right thing, for once." He didn't leave, though. He waited. There was something burning inside him, something that wanted to see Remus break.

"I- I-" He paused, biting his lip. He was close.

"No wonder your father left." That did it.

"I- I didn't know- didn't want- I didn't-" White and trembling, he sat down, on the verge of tears. Nathanyel felt terrible; He wanted to see Remus cry. He leaned over to whisper in Remus' ear.

"Howl for me, wolfboy." Remus cried. Smiling, He left. Nathanyel went with him.

Remus howled.

---------------

"Bye, Severus."

"Have a good summer." Nathanyel watched Severus leave the platform, and stood, waiting, as the crowd thinned. After a bit, he spotted Remus. He didn't want to move; he felt cold, like he was frozen. But before he knew it, he was standing in front of Remus, with nothing to say. Just staring. And he stared back.

"I'm sorry." Nathanyel threw his arms around his shoulders, because he didn't know what else to do. "I didn't mean it." He kissed Remus' forehead over and over. "I didn't mean any of it." He kissed anywhere he could reach, and buried his nose in Remus' hair. Remus was blushing. "You're wonderful, and I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"I... I don't know..."

"Come stay with me over the summer. Please."

"Maybe..."

"Write me?"

"I'll try..."

I love you.

---------------

Remus was coming to stay with him. He'd gotten the letter two weeks ago, and Remus was arriving that day. Nathanyel spent the entire morning in the entrance hall, staring at the door. Eventually, Lucius joined him. "What the hell are you staring at?"

"The door."

"Why?"

"Because my friend's coming." There was a knock. "That's him!" Lucius rolled his eyes as Nathanyel jumped up to answer the door. "Hi, Remus!"

"Hullo." Remus smiled shyly.

"Come in." Nathanyel took his trunk for him and led him inside. "Lucius, this is Remus." Lucius looked Remus up and down, eyeing him like... Well.

"Not bad," he conceded.

"Um, nice to meet you," Remus muttered.

"You too..." Lucius seemed rather impressed. "He's yours?" he asked Nathanyel.

"We're just friends," Nathanyel replied, grinning. Remus blushed deeply.

"Well... I've got things to do." Lucius then left them to their own devices.

"I think he likes you," Nathanyel informed Remus.

"He's- he's very handsome."

"Yup. And he likes boys just like you do, too. Anyway, I'll show you your room."

"Al-alright."

--------Severus-------

Severus glared at his textbook; another boring summer on holiday with his parents. Augh. "Here, take my luggage," his mother ordered. "And don't expect any tips." Scowling, he grabbed her trunk, then, when she was out of sight, he put it in someone else's cart and left it.

He wasn't going to take any shit this summer. He was going to go off on his own and have himself a good time, whether they liked it or not. "Out of the way!" His father pushed him aside, directing the servants in how to carry the luggage properly.

It wasn't like they'd notice he was gone, anyway. So, he stood on the platform, his trunk at his side, and watched the train that was bringing his parents to Wales depart. Then, he walked over to the next platform and got on the London bound train.

He'd always wanted to spend a holiday in the city.

--------Nathanyel-------

"Hey, Lucius." Lucius scowled, but didn't look up. Nathanyel scowled back, but Lucius didn't see it. "Are you going to fuck Remus?" When he said that, Lucius looked up.

"Excuse me?" Nathanyel kept his gaze steady. "Since when do you talk like that?"

"Is that a yes or a no?" Lucius reached out and flicked his forehead.

"Don't you give me attitude. I'm the only one here who's halfway decent to you, remember?" Nathanyel sighed and nodded. "And anyway... Yes. Yes, I do believe I will fuck your friend. Why?"

"I... I just wanted to know if he'd be staying with you."

"For one night, yes. Maybe less, if he's not to my liking." Lucius stretched and yawned. "Do you want him for yourself, or something?"

"No. I just think... Well, he'd be safer staying with you." Lucius let out a long groan.

"What, so now I have to keep him? I don't like pets, you know."

"I just thought he'd be better off sleeping in your room. I... I can't protect him." Nathanyel frowned at the thought, but it was true.

"You never asked me to take care of your Snape friend."

"Because he's different. I know I can take care of him. Remus... He's... Just different." Nathanyel bit his lip. "So will you let him stay with you while he's here?"

"I don't know... I suppose if the sex is good..."

"Thanks, Lucius."

"Tch."

--------Severus-------

London really wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Severus had only been there a week and he'd already gotten robbed, trampled, hit by a bus, and nearly raped by a hag. On the bright side, he was staying at the Leaky Cauldron, so he had free access to Diagon Alley and Nocturn Alley. He was having the time of his life, except for those few things that had gone wrong. Really.

He wasn't lonely at all.

And he hated that store with the Japanese music. He hated it every time he visited. In fact, he went every day, just to remind himself of his hatred for it.

Right.

--------Remus-------

Remus sighed as he headed toward Nathanyel's room; he'd been up for a glass of water, even though he wasn't supposed to be wandering around by himself (especially at night) and now he wasn't even sure which floor he was on. "Looking for something?" He jumped a bit, turning to see Lucius Malfoy leaning against the frame of the door he'd just passed.

"Just... Trying to get back to bed," he muttered, keeping his eyes on the floor.

"Why don't you come in for a bit? I've got something to talk to you about." Remus stiffened a bit; had Nathanyel told...? He wouldn't. He couldn't. "Well? What are you waiting for?" With a gulp, Remus stepped forward and followed Lucius into his room. "Sit down." He looked up to see Lucius already sitting on the bed.

"Er..."

"You're too shy." Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Or maybe it's just me. Do you always act like you're about to be scolded?"

"Er- no." Remus hurried forward and sat next to Lucius, folding his hands in his lap and staring at them; it was better than staring at Lucius, after all. He didn't want to give the wrong impression. Or the right one, for that matter.

"Nathanyel tells me that you're..." Oh, no. "...Gay." Remus blinked, relaxing quite a bit. He was quite surprised that this was all they'd be talking about. He'd thought it would be a lot worse. Well, the current subject would normally be pretty bad, but Lucius was the same way, so... "Is that true?" He nodded, blushing a little. "Do you have a boyfriend, then?"

"N-no." He wasn't sure why Lucius was being so nice to him.

"No? Hm, isn't that a surprise?"

"W-well they're hard to come by," Remus muttered in a rush.

"Really? I'd never noticed." He blushed even more when Lucius started playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "So you don't have anyone... Special?"

"No. I- er- I've never..." He trailed off, embarrassed.

"Never what?" Lucius leaned in closer. "Never been with someone?" Remus shook his head, trying to ignore the fact that he was getting... Excited. "Not even kissed?" He shook his head again. "My, my..." Remus gulped as he felt teeth tugging on his ear. "It must be so burdensome, being a virgin. Wouldn't you like to lose that irritating little label?" He started to shake, not quite sure how to answer.

"I- I-" He winced as his voice squeaked. "I sort of-" He stopped himself there. If he was going to be realistic, then this was a golden opportunity, wasn't it? Nathanyel wasn't about to chase after him, and there weren't many men around who were... Interested. And out of the few that were, even less were attractive. Lucius wasn't just attractive; he was beautiful. And he wanted to... Remus gulped again. "Well, I- I'd like to..."

"But?"

"...Will it hurt?" Lucius chuckled.

"I've found that the pleasure is worth bearing the pain."

"...Alright." Remus gasped as Lucius pulled him into a soft kiss. His first kiss.

"Don't worry... I'll be gentle."

---------------

Remus tried not to shake, but it was a difficult task. He had tears in his eyes, too. It had felt good, yes, but it had hurt, too. And he was tired and sore and felt... Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, after all. "Something wrong?" Lucius was back from the bathroom.

"I- I- I..." He should say something. "...It hurts." That had sounded very babyish, though.

"Hn." Lucius scowled. "Maybe I was too rough with you, then."

"No, I- I'm fine. Just... Just a little sore. That's all. It's- It's nothing, really." Lucius climbed into bed and gave him a scrutinizing look.

"Listen, if it hurts, I've got-"

"No, I'm fine." Remus winced a bit when Lucius scowled at him.

"Well, I know I didn't tear you." Remus shivered at the thought. "But it's probably pretty sore. I'll get something." He really hadn't imagined that Lucius would be so nice to him. Still... Maybe he'd been a bit too hasty... "Here." Lucius had returned rather quickly, with a vial of some sort of purple potion. "Drink it." Remus gulped it down, and although it tasted horrible, it made the soreness go away.

"Th- thank you." Lucius raised an eyebrow.

"That stutter is awfully..." Irritating. "...Cute. Sort of annoying. But I'm sure it'll be gone soon enough." Remus made room for him as he lay down. "You'd best get back to sleep. You'll need it, if you're going to try to keep up with that little tit." Remus could tell that there was at least a little affection behind the insult toward Nathanyel. "Good night." Lucius put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him a little closer.

"G'night, Lucius." He really didn't know why he'd had any doubts in the first place.

-------Nathanyel--------

"Good morning!" Lucius and Remus were already at the table. "What's for breakfast?"

"It doesn't matter," Lucius dismissed. "You'd eat it, anyway." Nathanyel shrugged and sat across from them, grinning a bit when he noticed that Lucius had his arm around Remus.

"So you had a good night?" Remus turned red.

"Er... I- I-"

"Stop right there," Lucius sighed. "Yes, we did. And you need to speak more slowly, you'll stutter less."

"I- I don't stutter that much... Anymore." Remus blushed.

"Just when you're nervous, right?" Lucius started playing with his ear, and he went even redder. "Which is, what? All the time? You need to calm down."

"Sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" He leaned over and bit Remus' ear. "Just sit there and look pretty, alright?" Remus looked ready to explode, he was so red.

"O-okay."

"I don't believe it."

"Stop being mean," Nathanyel scolded.

"What? So there's something wrong with teasing, now?" Lucius pinched Remus' cheek and put on a falsely apologetic expression. "It just means I care." Then he stood up. "But I've got better things to do than hang around kids, anyway." After he was gone, Nathanyel gave Remus an encouraging smile.

"You must be pretty good. I could tell Lucius was happy." Remus blushed again and smiled back.

"Thanks."

--------Severus-------

Severus stared down at the dead pigeon on the street as he ate his lunch, wondering if anyone was going to clean it up or at least move it out of the way. But the people walking by didn't even seem to notice it. Not unless the stepped on it, that is. And when they stepped on it, they made a pretty funny scene.

"Hey." He looked up, blinking. "Fancy seeing you here." Olivia was standing with her hands on her hips, wearing some weird muggle kit.

"What the fuck?"

"Precisely my thoughts. Weren't you supposed to be on holiday?"

"I am." He turned back to his pigeon.

"Right. And suddenly watching a dead pigeon being stepped on is a holiday?"

"Mind your own business!"

"Why aren't you staying with Nathanyel?" She sat down in the chair across from him, glancing at the pigeon.

"Because, I didn't feel like it. Besides, he's probably having the time of his life without me."

"Well, he did invite Remus to stay." Severus nearly dropped his sandwich.

"He what?"

"Oh. I guess you didn't know. Well, I've got to get going. Nice seeing you!"

"Fuck!" Someone had just kicked the pigeon away, and it landed right in his lap.

--------Remus-------

Remus stared at the ground as he walked. He didn't want to attract any attention; he'd already been warned about that.

"Oof!" He paused, his mouth dropping open as Nathanyel came rolling down the main staircase, to his right. He had a bloody nose and a split lip when he pushed himself up.

"Nathanyel?" He turned towards Remus and suddenly looked very frightened. "Are you-"

"Get out of here!"

"What?" He got his answer when Nathanyel's father came practically flying down the stairs, grabbed him by the hair, and slammed his face into the floor.

"You little fucker," the man growled. "If you think you're so tough, why don't you fight back?" He ground his knee into Nathanyel's back as he spoke. "Don't you ever fucking talk to me like that again, hear me?"

Remus knew he wasn't brave. He never had been. He'd never had a short temper, either. But his temper snapped and for some reason he was a lot braver than usual, because he found himself jumping onto the back of a man he barely knew.

When he hit the floor he realized it had been a very stupid thing to do. When he was being kicked in the stomach he realized that bravery was really just a temporary lapse in intelligence. And when he tried to get up and a foot was stamping down on his face he realized that Nathanyel's father was very strong.

--------Nathanyel-------

"Remus? Remus, wake up." Nathanyel shook him a little.

"Hmm?" Remus finally opened his eyes, then let out a long moan.

"I've got to clean up your cuts. Sit up." Grunting, Remus slowly sat up.

"I didn't think I could feel this sore unless it was the full moon."

"Hmm." Nathanyel began to wipe away the dried blood from the cuts on his forehead and lip. "You're alright, then? Just sore?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad."

"You look awful." Nathanyel shrugged.

"I'm fine," he lied. "I just... I'm sore, too." He wanted his father dead.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" Lucius stuck his head through the doorway, looking suspicious.

"Just getting cleaned up."

"Tch!" Lucius left and shut the door behind him.

"...He didn't really seem to care," Remus muttered. He seemed upset.

"Lucius is just used to it, that's all." Remus still didn't look too happy. "I care," he grumbled, getting a bit angry at Remus, for some reason.

"I know." Remus swallowed heavily while Nathanyel rubbed at his lower lip with his thumb. "I-I care, too."

"Thanks. Do you bite your lip a lot?"

"Sometimes."

"Oh." Remus looked rather flushed. "Do you feel dizzy or anything? You look red."

"Er... N-no."

"Good, then." They were silent for a bit.

"I... I guess now I know why you couldn't understand why I was so upset about my dad leaving." Remus let out a nervous little laugh.

"Yeah." Nathanyel wasn't quite sure how to respond. 'I want to kill my father' seemed a bit harsh.

"Alright, you two; I've got just what you need." Lucius was back, holding two goblets full of potion. "Drink it." They did so without hesitation. Nathanyel sighed quietly as a soothing warm sensation spread through his body. "Nathanyel, I want to see you in the hall for a moment."

Nathanyel smiled briefly at Remus before following Lucius out into the hall. "What is it?" Lucius closed the bedroom door and ushered him a bit further away.

"I want you to listen closely to me. Alright?" Nathanyel nodded. "I mean it."

"I'm listening." Lucius scowled almost as well as Severus.

"You can't go around doing and saying things that'll get your arse kicked. This time you got your friend involved, and next time will be worse. You're going to end up getting yourself killed." Nathanyel frowned and glared at the wall; he really wasn't that stupid. "Look at me." Lucius took him by the chin and pulled him closer. "You need to learn how to be discreet." He ran his thumb up and down Nathanyel's jaw. "And while you're doing that, you should also learn to read people better. Now, go take care of your friend." He turned to go.

"I thought you had something going with him." Lucius just laughed and walked away. But then, Nathanyel should have known better. He just hoped that Remus did.

--------Severus-------

Severus marked off another notch on his count down to the start of the new school year. The city had most certainly not been kind to him, and Diagon Alley was getting boring. Besides that, he was tired of Arthur Weasley saying hello to him on his daily walk every afternoon. Just because he happened to pass the place the man ate lunch at didn't mean they were suddenly acquaintances. He'd met Weasley once and that was it.

And Florean Fortescue's constant cheerfulness always put a damper on his dessert. He wanted to eat his ice cream in peace, not have a chat about the geezer's exploits in whatever country it was during whatever war he'd been fighting.

All in all, he was ready to go back to Hogwarts. At least Nathanyel was interesting. And he knew how to sit quietly, even if it was only for a short amount of time. Severus frowned to himself. Lupin, of all people, was over there. If any had happened...

"Why the long face?" the mirror croaked. "Maybe a shower would cheer you up, dear." Severus took a sheet off the bed and covered the mirror with it.

He most certainly was not in the mood.

--------Remus--------

"Remus! Hey, Remus!"

"Hmm?" Nathanyel took him by the wrist and pulled him to his feet.

"Guess what."

"What?"

"There's a carnival in town, with spinning cups and upside down rides and a huge Ferris wheel. You wanna go tonight?"

"Sure." Remus grinned.

"Great! It'll be loads of fun, promise. Anyway, I gotta go get a few things done, so stick around with Uncle Laszlo or Lucius, alright?"

"Sure."

"Okay."

---------------

Remus found Nathanyel in the entrance hall at dusk, holding a brown paper bag and bouncing on the balls of his feet. "We're going?"

"Yup." Nathanyel grinned.

"I... Don't have any money." Remus flushed, embarrassed.

"It's alright. We'll sneak in where we can and otherwise I'll pay for you." He nodded his head toward the door. "Let's go." So they did.

---------------

The carnival was wonderful. There were games, rides, food stands... Everything. Remus had never been anywhere so lovely.

And he'd never had lovelier company. "What do you want to do now?" Nathanyel asked, tearing a chunk of what was apparently cotton candy off a stick and shoving it in his mouth.

"What's in the bag?" Nathanyel still hadn't shown him the contents of the brown paper bag.

"It's for the Ferris wheel."

"Well... Let's go on the Ferris wheel, then." Nathanyel smiled and he smiled back.

Remus wasn't sure what to expect, but Nathanyel had told him that the Ferris wheel was nice and slow. And the stars were out, extra bright because of the new moon, so it would be a nice view.

When they were about to get on, Nathanyel whispered something to the operator and slipped him a few paper notes of muggle money. Then, they got into one of the compartments and waited. "This isn't so bad," Remus stated once the ride had started.

"Yeah." They went around a few times, but then it just... Stopped.

"...What's happening? Is this normal?"

"I asked him to stop it when we were at the top."

"Oh." Grinning, Nathanyel held up the brown paper bag and pulled a bottle out of it.

"Ta-da!"

"What is it?" Nathanyel opened the bottle and took a swig.

"Just some red wine. We're celebrating tonight, you know."

"Why?"

"Well, lots of things. New moon... You and Lucius... Your O.W.L.s... You staying here. You know."

"What about you?"

"Eh." He shrugged. "I just haven't got anything to celebrate."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing but you." He winked, and Remus blushed. "You want some?"

"From the bottle?"

"Sure. It's no worse than kissing, and you've done that plenty of times with Lucius, right?"

"Right." Remus looked down at his feet and frowned; he really didn't want to think about that at the moment.

"So you want some?"

"Sure." Remus took the bottle and chugged. It burned his throat, but it made him think of kissing Nathanyel, and that was a good thing. "How long is it going to stay stopped?" Nathanyel shrugged as he took the bottle and drank from it.

"Dunno. How long with it take to finish the bottle?" Remus couldn't help but grin. "Hey, what's that?" He looked down to see a crowd gathering around the base of the Ferris wheel.

"We must be stuck," Remus muttered, watching the people mill around.

"Wonderful." Nathanyel leaned over the edge of the compartment and squinted down into the masses of people. "I want my money back!" he shouted. The Ferris wheel operator made a rude gesture and walked away. "I guess we're here for the night," he sighed, slumping back in his seat. "Oh well." Remus took another swig from the wine bottle. "It's a good thing I brought two."

Remus wasn't sure exactly when he'd gotten drunk, but he knew that he had and that Nathanyel had gotten even more drunk. They were pissed. That was a fact. And when Remus got pissed, as he soon found out, he was very loose-tongued. "Nathanyel."

"What?"

"We're on a furris wheel."

"Fffffffffffffffffff." They were most definitely pissed. "Fffffuck."

"Heh."

"Have you ever fucked? Like on top?"

"Nope." Remus shook his head, but stopped quickly because it made him dizzy. "You?"

"Nuh-uh. Not even kissed." Nathanyel yawned.

"What about Sev'rus?"

"He doesn't like boysss."

"Oh. D'you like boys?"

"Prob'ly. Why?" Remus hesitated, trying to grasp the words. Meanwhile, Nathanyel yawned again.

"Can... Can I kiss you?"

"Huh?" Nathanyel turned his head to look at Remus. "Kiss?" Remus nodded. "I... Dunno."

"It'll be okay." Remus leaned toward him and put an arm around his waist. "Promise."

"I dunno..." Remus pressed against him and nuzzled his hair.

"Please?"

"Okay." Nathanyel turned towards him. It took him a few tries to find Nathanyel's mouth, but he did, and it was wonderful; he held Nathanyel's head in one hand and sucked on his tongue. He tasted like wine and cotton candy. "Mmf," Nathanyel muttered when they were done.

"Mmm," Remus agreed as Nathanyel leaned against him. It took him a while to get his thoughts together. There was something he wanted to say... He let his eyelids droop as he breathed in Nathanyel's scent. "...I love you," he whispered.

Nathanyel snored softly.

---------------

Remus cracked his eyes open the next morning to see a hairy, disgruntled carnival worker standing over him. "Ride's over," he growled. Ignoring his pounding headache, Remus manage to wake up Nathanyel and drag him off the Ferris wheel.

"Fuck," Nathanyel muttered, leaning heavily against him.

"Hn," Remus concurred.

They leaned on each other all the way back to Nathanyel's house, and once they'd arrived Remus helped him to his bedroom. Then he crawled into bed with Nathanyel because, quite frankly, he felt too much like he'd had another encounter with Mr. Page to go all the way back to his own room.

---------------

Remus woke up for the second time that morning feeling a little better, but not much. He was in Nathanyel's bed, which was something he realized only after laying awake for about ten minutes. After his epiphany, his pushed himself up, rubbing at his eyes and wondering why the sunlight from the window was so bright. "Good morning." He looked up to see Nathanyel, fresh from the shower, drying himself off. At that moment, Remus knew that he was the luckiest bastard in the entirety of the United Kingdom.

"Good morning," he replied, trying (and failing) to keep his eyes from wandering much lower than what was appropriate. "Er... What time is it?"

"About half past eleven. You really slept late."

"Don't you feel at all sick?"

"I got a hangover remedy from Lucius." He grabbed a bottle from atop the wardrobe and tossed it to Remus. "Trust me, it works." Remus didn't hesitate to down it. And it really did work.

"Wow," he muttered. "I feel better."

"Yeah, it's great, right?" Remus found himself staring again.

"Yeah... Really... Um, what?" Nathanyel gave him a puzzled look, then grabbed a pair of pants from his underwear drawer. Remus cursed the person who first thought up clothes, then concentrated on composing himself. "So... About... Last night." The subject needed to be breached.

"That carnival was so much fun! We should go again, sometime." Nathanyel started looking for clothes to wear.

"Well, yes, but... The Ferris wheel, after we got, you know, pissed... Well..."

"...Huh?" Remus immediately stopped, his heart sinking when he caught sight of Nathanyel's confused expression. "...What happened?"

"...N-nothing. Never mind." He didn't want to bring it up if Nathanyel couldn't even remember.

"What did I do?" He already had a shirt on.

"It was nothing. Just forget it."

"But-"

"I-I should get cleaned up. I'll... I'll see you later." He hurried out of the room before he had another chance to embarrass himself. Besides, he needed some time to himself to sulk.

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel was worried. Ever since they'd gone to the carnival, Remus had been acting strange. He hardly ever spoke to Nathanyel or even looked him in the eye. It was like... He was upset over something.

Nathanyel knew he'd done something he shouldn't have at the carnival, but he couldn't remember what it was. All he remembered was sitting on the Ferris wheel with Remus and getting completely pissed. But when he tried to remember more... It was just a blank.

He had to apologize. There was no way he couldn't. If only... If only he was good at that kind of thing. If only he could remember what he'd done!

After gathering up the proper amount of resolve, he made his way up to Remus' room and knocked on the door. "...Come in." He went in.

Remus was sitting on the bed, reading. When Nathanyel walked in, he set down the book and looked up like a deer in the face of a predator. "Er... Hi."

"Hey," Remus replied.

"I... Wanted to talk to you about... About the other night."

"Don't worry about it," Remus said quickly. "It's fine. Really. Just forget it."

"I already have. That' why I wanted to talk to you." They simply stared at each other for a bit.

"Sit down." Nathanyel sat down on the bed next to Remus.

"I don't remember what I did, but... I'm sorry. I don't like you acting like this."

"Like what?"

"Like you're angry at me."

"I'm not angry at you." Nathanyel bit his lip.

"Then why are you avoiding me? What did I do?"

"It was nothing!"

"Whatever it was, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be upset anymore."

"I'm alright." Nathanyel wasn't sure if he was telling the truth. "Honestly, I am."

"...Okay. I just... I don't want you to avoid me anymore." It was too reminiscent of how everyone acted after he'd...

"I won't. I was just... Embarrassed, that's all. I was really drunk, and I made a fool of myself." He grinned.

"So we're good?"

"Yes." Nathanyel smiled back.

"I'm glad," he sighed, leaning against Remus. "I was worried, you know. I was afraid you hated me." He nuzzled Remus' neck.

"I-I could never hate you."

"I'm glad." He hugged Remus.

"Er... I... I... I have diarrhea!" Remus jumped up, pulling his shirt down over his crotch and running out of the room. Nathanyel just assumed he'd eaten something bad.

--------Remus-------

Remus was lying awake in bed, Lucius sound asleep beside him. He actually looked rather innocent when he was asleep. Though why he insisted on staying together every night, Remus was unsure of.

He was also unsure of the nature of their relationship. Were they... Lovers? Boyfriends, maybe? Or was it just casual sex? It had been about a month, after all. Well, judging by Lucius' behavior, probably casual sex. But then again, Lucius never really behaved normally, so it was difficult to judge. "What are you doing?" Lucius cracked one eye open to glare at him.

"Nothing."

"You woke me up." He really didn't see how that was possible.

"You woke up on your own." Lucius snorted. "Hey... Lucius?"

"What now?"

"How- how do you feel about me?"

"You're a good fuck," Lucius muttered, burying his face in his pillow. "And you're pretty cute. So, yeah, I guess I don't hate you." Remus grinned. "So go to sleep."

"Alright, alright." He really needed to stop over thinking things.

--------Nathanyel-------

"Hey, Remus. What's that picture?" Remus jumped a bit as Nathanyel entered the room, pressing the photograph against his chest.

"Nothing. I'm just... I'm okay." He looked like he'd been crying.

"Is it... Your dad?" Remus hesitated before nodding. "...Can I see?" Very slowly, he held out the picture. Nathanyel stepped forward and took it, looking down. Remus looked a lot like his father. Except that he had bright blue eyes, with amber spots. "He's got nice eyes," Nathanyel commented, not quite sure what to say.

"Yeah."

"What was his name?"

"...Randolf." They were silent for a bit.

"You're lucky," Nathanyel finally sighed.

"...Lucky?" Remus looked puzzled.

"You're lucky he left. If he'd stayed, he'd have probably just ended up being trouble for you. So stop worrying about it, okay?" Nathanyel really hadn't expected Remus to hit him. After all, Remus never hit anyone. But that's what he did. And he shouted, too.

"Don't talk like you know everything!! You don't!! You don't know him, you don't know anything, so just shut up!!" He was panting.

"...Sorry." Nathanyel got up and left; Remus obviously needed some time alone.

---------------

"Nathanyel?" Remus knocked lightly on the door, even though it was open.

"You can come in," Nathanyel replied, trying to remember the properties of asphodel. Remus walked in and stood in the middle of the room, his hands behind his back.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just got... Angry. I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Nathanyel set down his quill and looked up, trying to be mature. "I shouldn't have said what I did... It's like you told me, I don't know your dad. So... I don't blame you." Remus bit his lip, still looking upset.

"But I still shouldn't have hit you. I didn't want to hurt you. I don't like to see you hurt."

"..." Nathanyel watched the ink dry on his parchment. "...Your stutter's going away."

"Yeah." The silence that followed was oppressive.

"It's okay, really. I don't mind being hit." Nathanyel shook out his parchment and set it aside. "I'm used to it."

"I know." He felt the bed sink a bit, but he didn't look up. "I'm so sorry. I really am."

"...I know you are."

"Do you forgive me?"

"I already said it's okay." He felt warmth against his body as an arm slid around his waist.

"But do you forgive me?"

"Of course I do." And it was the truth.

"Do you think..." Remus rested his other hand on Nathanyel's thigh. "Do you think... I could make it up to you?" Nathanyel blushed.

"It's alright. You don't have to." He was starting to get randy.

"But I want to..." Remus was pressing up against him, sucking on his ear lobe and rubbing his thigh. "Mmm, you're so..." He trailed off, pushing Nathanyel onto his back. "I want to fuck you," he rasped.

"R-Remus?" His voice was low and hoarse... And sexy.

"Spread you legs."

"But-"

"Now." Trembling, Nathanyel did as he was told.

"A-are you alright?"

"I'm going to fuck you so hard, you won't be able to stand for a week."

"Oh..." Although he was a bit concerned for Remus... Well, he couldn't argue with that. "If you insist." He gasped when Remus pushed his shirt up and suddenly bit his nipple, hard. He liked it; it made him feel like every hair on his head was standing on end... Among other things. He hardly realized that Remus was pulling down his trousers, he felt so good. "Yes, fuck me," he whimpered, spreading his legs even wider.

"Touch yourself." Nathanyel obediently followed the order, reaching down. "That's perfect." He pushed himself up on his free elbow and watched as Remus pushed his own trousers down to his knees.

"Mmph," he gasped, biting his lip; it was such a beautiful cock. It wasn't much longer than his, but it was very... Wide. It stuck out, red and wet and surrounded by hair, like an animal in heat. "Please, I can't..." Remus growled as he leaned down and bit his neck, pressing and rubbing against him. Nathanyel mewled softly, gripping his back and panting.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" Nathanyel let out a squeak of surprise and tried to sit up, but Remus didn't seem quite ready to stop yet.

"L-Lucius?" He was standing seething in the doorway.

"It's the full moon!"

"Now?"

"Yes, now!"

"Eeek!" The erection was gone in an instant. "Get him off me!"

"Don't be a girl!" Lucius hauled Remus up by the back of the collar and tossed him on the floor, then grabbed Nathanyel and ran. After he'd locked and warded the room, he turned to glare at Nathanyel. "You'd let anyone with half a boner into your pants, wouldn't you?"

"No!" he protested, trying to pull up his trousers.

"Face it, Nathanyel. You're a slut."

"I'm not. It's just... Well, he was so forceful." He had really liked that.

"Just face the facts, you were begging for it."

"I wasn't!"

"Oh?" Lucius raised an eyebrow as a wicked grin spread over his face. "Why don't you prove it?" Nathanyel had barely processed the comment before Lucius pinned him against the wall and pressed a thigh between his legs.

"Eep!" Nathanyel hadn't meant to make that particular sound, but at the moment it was all he could muster.

"Are you going to let me do this right in the hallway?" Lucius asked quietly, moving his leg in a very intoxicating way.

"No, I- ah!" Nathanyel blushed, biting his fist.

"And you're a quick shot, to boost."

"That's not fair! It was left over from Remus!"

"Tch." Lucius reached out to rest a hand on top of his head. "Never mind. You're alright anyway, for a slut."

"You're a slut, too," Nathanyel muttered, pouting.

"I know." Lucius pulled him a bit closer. "So I guess tonight's the slut's night out?"

"Yeah." They fell silent at the sound of Remus howling.

"You know... He's a slut, too."

--------Remus-------

Remus woke up naked, cold, and aching all over. As per usual on the morning after the full moon. What was unusual was the fact that he woke up to Nathanyel and Lucius both crouching over him with identical expressions on their faces. He'd never noticed before, but they kind of looked alike. "He's done for," Nathanyel muttered.

"I'll give him another minute," Lucius replied.

"The blood loss is too great."

"It was bound to happen, sooner or later."

"It'll be a nice funeral service." Remus glanced back and forth between them.

"...You're arseholes," he grumbled.

"It was his idea," Lucius groused, pointing at Nathanyel. "That's why it was so stupid." Nathanyel took a deep breath and puffed out his cheeks. So he reached out and slapped them. Nathanyel crossed his eyes as all the air squelched out of his mouth, then dissolved into rather offensive sounding guffaws.

...Why on earth do I love you?

"What... Happened?"

"You're a slut," Lucius clarified. "And so is the moron."

"...Oh." He remembered.

"Nathanyel, stop fucking around and get him into bed. I'll go see if Laszlo's still here."

"Fine." Nathanyel stopped making weird faces and carefully gathered Remus into his arms. "But don't take too long."

"Hn." Lucius was gone by the time he'd gotten Remus into bed. It was rather awkward, actually. Remus was extremely embarrassed about his behavior.

"Er..." He cleared his throat. "About last night... Well... That was kind of... The full moon. I get a little... Uncontrollable. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize," Nathanyel reassured him.

"It's just... I normally wouldn't... Well, you know." He blushed and turned away.

"If you want to finish later, it's fine with me." Remus started, then hesitantly looked up at Nathanyel; he looked back with a friendly smile on his face.

"W-what do you mean? You fancy me?"

"Hmm, nope. Just thought you'd like to finish." He shrugged. Remus bit his lip and looked away.

"No. That's alright." He was pretty disappointed. But he wasn't going to be a slut. Even if he was naked under the sheets and longing for Nathanyel to join him.

"...Heehee. I can see your peenie sticking up." With a childish grin on his face, Nathanyel reached out and poked it through the covers.

"Ack! Stop it!"

"Gahahaha! Peenie!" Love really was blind. "Peeeeeenie!" And stupid, too.

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel was reading with Lucius in his room when Remus walked in, looking a bit worried. "Where were you?" Nathanyel asked, the same time as Lucius. The question was followed by tense silence. He knew right then that there was something wrong.

"I just woke up," Remus murmured, rubbing his arms and grimacing. "And look." He rolled up his sleeves to show them needle punctures in the crook of each elbow. Nathanyel was getting very frightened.

"L-Lucius?" Lucius would know what to do.

"He'll be fine," Lucius informed him tensely. "Your Snape friend is here all the time and he's fine. Besides, it looks like he only had blood drawn." Blood drawn.

Fuck.

"You don't understand, Lucius," Nathanyel muttered shakily, trying to stay calm. "Remus is... He's... He's..." He trailed off, glancing at Remus. "He's different." Lucius raised an eyebrow, also turning his attention to Remus.

"How different?" Remus turned red and looked down at the floor, muttering something. "Hmm?" Lucius inquired.

"I'm a werewolf, alright!?" Remus burst out. There was silence.

"And they drew blood," Nathanyel reminded him. Lucius pursed his lips.

"This is bad," was all he said before sweeping out of the room.

"...What should we do?" Remus asked nervously.

"Just... Stay here." They stood staring at each other for a while.

"I'm scared," Remus finally whispered.

"So am I," Nathanyel replied. He hesitated slightly, then stepped forward and pulled Remus into a hug. "I won't let anything happen, I promise." Remus trembled a bit and nuzzled his neck.

"Thanks." He wrapped his arms around Nathanyel's waist and pressed up against him.

"Are we interrupting something?" Lucius was standing in the doorway, Uncle Laszlo next to him. Remus jumped back, blushing.

"May I see your arms?" Uncle Laszlo asked him kindly. Remus hesitated before slowly rolling up his sleeves and holding his arms out. Uncle Laszlo adjusted his glasses and bent down to inspect them. "Hmm... Lucius was right, you've only had blood drawn." He stared down at the puncture wounds a bit more before straightening up. "You've got about two weeks until they find out for sure that you're... What they're looking for." Remus bit his lip and grabbed Nathanyel's hand, squeezing. "You'll have to leave soon... And never come back." Uncle Laszlo took off his glasses and polished them with his handkerchief. "I'm sorry." Then he left.

"Well... I guess that's it, then," Lucius sighed. "Now... Get out of my room."

After they'd left the house for a walk, Remus grabbed Nathanyel's hand again and stopped him. "Listen... When I hit you... You didn't do anything wrong. It was me." He took a tentative step forward. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I hate you or anything."

"I know you don't." He smiled, and Remus smiled back. "You wanna go to the diner and get some of those hamburger things?"

"Sure." If Remus had to leave soon, then Nathanyel thought they might as well have a good time while he was still there.

---------------

"Mmmmm, ice cream." They were at Florean Fortescue's, their school books and potions ingredients beside them. They'd decided that the best course of action was to just go school shopping in Diagon Alley and have Remus' mother take him home from there.

"You didn't have to buy me any," Remus muttered, licking his cone.

"Shut it," Nathanyel replied happily. "I wanted to. Besides, who complains about free ice cream, anyway?"

"But you didn't have to."

"I told you already- I wanted to." Remus sighed, then gave him a hesitant smile. "I knew you'd cave." They ate their ice cream in comfortable silence for a while, then... "You know, I heard this stuff goes straight to your badunkadunk."

"...Your what!?"

"Badunkadunk. You know, bum."

"That's... The most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." Nathanyel grinned.

"I know. I eat ice cream all the time and I, for one, think I have a magnificent backside." Remus snorted into his ice cream, nearly choking as it went up his nose.

"Well, it does run in the family." Lucius approached them, smirking slightly. "Anyway, we've got to get going. It's late, and I have things to do." He then pointed over his shoulder to a wispy looking woman who was shuffling her feet nervously. "And your mother looks to be in a hurry, too," he informed Remus. "So, come on, Nathanyel. Remus... It was nice fucking you." He turned to go, but then paused when Nathanyel hesitated.

"Lucius seems really torn up over our parting," Remus muttered.

"He'll miss you," Nathanyel assured him. "He's just emotionally repressed. Anyway... You'll be alright?" Remus nodded. "Okay... So, um... I wanted to say something, but... I forget, so... Well, Olivia taught me to say this thing in Japanese... What was it? Souda daiji na mono wa itsumo katachi no nai mono dake. Soooo... You know." Remus stared at him.

"I have no idea what that means."

"Heh, I guess not." Lucius scowled at him, pointing at his watch. "Anyway, I gotta go, so I'll see you on September first, okay?"

"Alright..."

"I'll explain it later. Bye!"

"Bye." Nathanyel hoped that Remus remembered it better than he did.

In the meantime, he'd have to ask Olivia what it meant, again.