It's Not Easy Being Green

Year Three

-------Nathanyel--------

"Uncle Laszlo gave this to me on the platform." Nathanyel held out the long package.

"Nathanyel..." Severus was staring at it. "That's got to be a broomstick." Nathanyel groaned.

"I'm so bad with brooms, though!"

"It's alright, I can help you. Why'd he give you one, anyway?"

"Guess he felt guilty about knowing what my dad was up to all summer."

"Open it!" Sighing, Nathanyel tore the packaging open. Severus gaped at the silver broom that had been revealed with unadultered awe.

"Shit, Nathanyel! That's a Silver Arrow!"

"Really? It looks more like a silver broom, to me."

"Stop fucking around! This is a really high-quality broom! I mean... It's the best!"

"You want to see something really spectacular?" With that, Nathanyel jumped up and started rummaging around in his trunk. He then presented a large, flat square thing.

"Is that..."

"Yes! One of those muggle things, a record! Isn't it beautiful?" He held it reverently to his chest, glowing.

"No."

"David Bowie," he hummed happily. "And that's not all." He went back to the trunk and a few minutes later... "It's a record player!"

"Does that thing use that electiticaca or whatever? Because that stuff doesn't work in Hogwarts."

"Electricity. And it's mechanical. See? There's a crank on the side."

"Oh, Merlin, you'll get pummeled."

"Plus, I'm taking Muggle Studies!"

"You're dead."

"I'm also taking Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, and Care of Magical Creatures."

"How many classes are you taking this year, anyway?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

"As many as I could fit into my schedule." Nathanyel beamed.

"Overachiever."

"Old biddy."

"You mean nothing to me."

"You've shamed this family."

"I'm never speaking to you again."

"YOU BROKE MY HEART!" Then they jumped up to get some candies from the snack trolley.

---------------

Severus was staring at Bellatrix Black again. Of course, she didn't pay him any attention. But he was staring, all the same. Nathanyel didn't like it. "Do you fancy her?" He asked, sounding a bit more snappish than he'd meant to.

"Huh?" Severus blinked and looked over. "What was that?"

"I asked if you fancied Bellatrix Black," he grumbled.

"Oh..." Severus blushed deeply. "I... Well- she's quite pretty, don't you think?"

"If that's all you like about her, then you might as well give up on it now," Nathanyel snapped, and stood up.

"What's got you all pissed off?"

"Nothing." His stomach felt like it was being twisted, and his muscles were tight, as if he wanted to hit something. Or someone. Particularly Bellatrix.

"Oh, come on. Alright- so I fancy her- it's no big deal. She wouldn't look twice at me, so what does it matter? It's not like I'm going to ditch you or anything." He was still angry.

"Well... I just... I don't like it. She's off, I know it."

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus dismissed.

"I'd rather be ridiculous than lusting after Bellatrix Black," he muttered sullenly, leaving the common room to find something more calming to do.

---------------

Nathanyel gulped, staring warily down at the Silver Arrow. He wasn't sure about this, he just wasn't sure. "It's giving me strange looks," he whispered unsteadily.

"Stop being stupid," Severus scolded. "Brooms can't give you strange looks."

"Oh, yes, they can." Nathanyel was reminded unpleasantly of his first flying lesson.

"Listen, you just need to feel confident. Treat it right. Watch me." With a single command, Severus had his broom firmly in his grip, and soon was soaring over head. "It really isn't that hard!" he called down. Nathanyel looked back down at the Silver Arrow.

"What do you reckon?" It was sizing him up. "My name's Nathanyel. You?" It seemed to be alright with him.

"What are you doing?" Severus shouted irritably.

"His name is Edward!" Nathanyel replied.

"Just get up here!"

"You think we could manage, Edward?" Edward agreed that it was worth a try. Cautiously, Nathanyel called him; he jumped into his hand. Then, with a deep breath, Nathanyel mounted him and kicked off. It was actually rather nice, being in the air. And it was very comforting to ride a broom he could trust.

"Alright, land now!" Severus ordered, soaring back to the ground. Nathanyel followed, grinning a bit as he waited for further instruction. "Well, next thing we've got to do is... Is..." He trailed off, going slightly red. Nathanyel glanced over his shoulder to see Bellatrix Black approaching.

"Ignore her," he muttered.

"Right. Right." Nathanyel thought he heard sniggering from nearby. "Well... First we'll... Er... We'll mount..." He trailed off, grabbing his broom. Nathanyel could practically feel Bellatrix getting closer, and tried to shut out her presence completely as he watched Severus. Then, there was muttering from somewhere close by, though Severus was too distracted to hear it.

And the broom went berserk. It started jerking and bucking wildly, but Severus, turning ever redder, persisted in trying to mount it. Just when Nathanyel thought it couldn't have gotten any worse for him, it did. Bellatrix started laughing. Loudly.

Clenching his jaw, Nathanyel slipped his hand into his pocket and tightly gripped his wand. "Stop it," he growled stiffly, not quite ready to turn around. Bellatrix only laughed louder. With a deep breath, Nathanyel whirled around. "You shut up!" he shouted at her. She probably would have been surprised that he was even speaking to her, but he didn't get a chance to see it, since he found himself being hit by a curse from behind.

He recognized that laughter. James Potter and Sirius Black.

With a long-suffering sigh, he pushed himself to his feet and turned to face them. In the process, he was happy to see that Severus had given up on mounting the bucking broom. "Get the fuck out of here," Severus growled.

"Wow, Page," James muttered, grinning and completely ignoring Severus. "You don't even know how to ride a broom? How pathetic."

"Brooms don't agree with me," Nathanyel replied simply. Peter Pettigrew, standing next to James, laughed nervously. Remus, standing a ways off to the side, grimaced a bit and looked away. He obviously expected a fight to break out.

"We don't much agree with you, either." Nathanyel rolled his eyes.

"Just go away. I'm sure you've got much better things to do than torture us."

"Actually, no. We don't." Letting out a long-suffering sigh, Nathanyel dropped onto his stomach as curses started flying. Pulling out his wand, he started casting bat-bogey curses and a neat shocking hex that Lucius had taught him.

"BREAK IT UP!! I SAID BREAK IT UP, NOW!!!" Madam Hooch came seemingly out of nowhere, ceasing fire and hauling Nathanyel to his feet, along with James, who had been hit with one of his shocking hexes. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR IS UNACCEPTABLE!! TWENTY POINTS EACH FROM THE LOT OF YOU!!"

"If you please," Nathanyel interjected calmly, "I'd like to plead self-defense." Madam Hooch opened her mouth, presumably to scold him, when a soft choking sound came from Severus' general direction. Nathanyel look around to see him kneeling on the ground, holding his broom, which was split into three pieces.

"It's... It's..." He trailed off, staring at it in disbelief. Edward was very unhappy about the recent turn of events, as well. Nathanyel felt his stomach wrench.

"They murdered her," Nathanyel muttered.

"Another twenty points from Gryffindor!" Madam Hooch shrilled. "Destruction of property! Disrespect towards enchanted objects! Detention! Go!" The three of them fled immediately, but Remus lingered.

"Sorry," he mouthed silently, looking like he truly meant it.

"Mr. Lupin!" Madam Hooch warned, and he was gone.

"Can it be fixed?" Nathanyel asked.

"No," she replied, sounding slightly sympathetic. She must have been a Slytherin. "Mr. Snape. Your broom pieces..." Severus hugged them a bit closer to his chest.

"But... But..."

"Very well. You may keep them." With that, she stalked off across the Quidditch pitch.

-------Severus--------

Severus stared sadly down at what was left of his broom. He'd had the broom for four years. Four wonderful years. And it was gone. Had been, for over a week. He still couldn't get over it, though. There was no replacing his broom. There was no use even trying. "Severus?" He quickly hid the pieces in his trunk and wiped his eyes a bit as Nathanyel entered the dorm, holding his Silver Arrow. "Edward and I have come to a decision." Severus still thought it was sort of creepy that Nathanyel had named his broom. And treated it like an actual person.

"You have?" he asked warily. Approaching slowly, Nathanyel nodded. Then, with a deep breath, he held out his broom.

"You should have Edward." Severus could tell that his mouth was hanging open, but he couldn't seem to shut it. "You like flying better than I do, anyway. You'd make Edward happier than I could." It was still really creepy.

"I... I... Nathanyel... I can't take your broom..."

"Yes you can." He forced it into Severus' hands. "Keep him. I know you're miserable about not having a broom, so... So you can have Edward. If I really wanted to fly, I could always use one of the school brooms."

"No, I can't." He couldn't believe it.

"You can and you will. And make sure you use Silverman's High-Shine Silver-toned broom polish. Edward likes that the best." On that note, Nathanyel scurried from the room, leaving Severus holding Edward. The broom.

"Well... I guess it's just you and me, then, Edward." The broom vibrated, just a bit.

---------------

Nathanyel was out on the Quidditch field, swinging a beater's bat over and over at nothing. Severus watched for a bit, listening to the grumbles of the Slytherin Quidditch team as they tramped into the locker rooms to change. "Honestly, letting that psychopath handle the equipment..."

"He'll probably break it all..."

"Yeah, and lose the snitch..." Severus ignored them, and shuffled over to the stands, where he sat in the front row and watched. Nathanyel just kept swinging. And he was humming something.

"Hmmm hmmm hmmm... Kokorono koede sandanjyuno youni... Utai tsuzuketa..." And he swung with one arm, spun around, and fell on his back. Severus rolled his eyes; grace was definitely not a trait that Nathanyel possessed.

"What are you doing?" Severus called. Nathanyel remained motionless, laying spread-eagle on the ground. Sighing, Severus hoisted himself to his feet and joined Nathanyel out on the pitch, though he refused to lay on his back. "What are you doing?" he repeated.

"The sky's blue today." Severus, irritated, let out a snort.

"I noticed."

"Sometimes it's orange."

"I'm aware of that."

"Or purple." A slow smile spread across his face. "Sometimes green and silver, very early in the morning."

"What's your problem?" Severus snapped, annoyed by the pointless statements.

"Do you know why the sky is colored like this?" Nathanyel asked quietly.

"No." He almost added, "And I don't want to," but held his tongue.

"The atmosphere. It blocks out certain types of light on the electromagnetic spectrum." Severus wasn't sure what the hell an electromagnetic spectrum was supposed to be, but he had a feeling it had something to do with muggles. "It's filtered." Nathanyel stretched his hand toward the sky, spreading his fingers. "Like we're in a big fish tank."

"But we aren't," Severus replied, glowering. "So get up, already."

"If you close your eyes just right and roll your eyes up in your head it feels like the ground is falling."

"Have you been hit by a bludger or something?" Nathanyel's sleeve slipped down, just a bit, as he shook his hand. His arm still looked awful, bruised with veins looking ready to burst.

"Father sent me my vitamins. I have to take them every day. It's important." Nathanyel's voice was so mild and bland, though, that he sounded as if he didn't much care.

"You shouldn't drink that stuff. I think it's probably poisoned or something."

"I don't care anymore." He paused, lifting his other arm, which looked just as bad as the first. "I don't care about anything, today." He seemed to be thinking as he traced the outlines of the clouds with his fingers. "Except you."

"Thanks. I'm flattered." He watched for a bit. "What about tomorrow?"

"Maybe I'll care about something new tomorrow. I don't know."

"..." Severus looked up at the sky. Electromagnetic spectrum, huh? "...Let me see your neck." With a sigh, Nathanyel rolled over onto his stomach, and Severus knelt down to inspect the back of his neck. It was red, with a small raised bruise like a pinpoint in the middle. There were a few veins there, too. It didn't look so bad, if he squinted. "You definitely shouldn't be drinking that stuff."

"Like I said," Nathanyel murmured, rolling back over, "I don't care."

"You should."

"You can care for me," he offered. Severus considered for a few moments.

"Alright, fine." He sat down next to Nathanyel, leaned back on his hands, and looked up at the sky. "So what else do you know about this electromagnetic stuff?"

---------------

Severus was alone, for once, since Nathanyel still had double Muggle Studies and his classes were all over for the day. He was just thinking about how much he wanted his birthday to come... November 18th seemed such a long way off, though... Why wouldn't it just get there? Nathanyel acted like he had some big fancy present all planned out, and Severus was getting suspicious. However, if it was indeed something good... Well, then he'd better give Nathanyel some time alone at Hogsmeade. Which was the next day, actually.

Nathanyel would probably be overexcited about his first Hogsmeade trip. Really, they'd been there over the summer. Severus lived there, after all. And it wasn't so great. Not really.

Except for the apothecary. And Honeydukes. And Dervish and Banges.

Alright, so maybe it was alright. But still... Nothing worth getting excited over. Unless you were getting a birthday present.

---------------

"I'm so excited!" Nathanyel bounced a bit on his heels, grinning from ear to ear as they waited in the entrance hall. Severus rolled his eyes; he knew Nathanyel would be far too worked up.

"It's not big deal, really." He shrugged. "So... What are you getting me?"

"Not telling!" Nathanyel winked at him. "It'll be a big surprise." Severus glanced around before leaning in and lowering his voice.

"It had better not be a dildo."

"Don't worry. It's much better than that." They were at the doors now, and Filch was checking them off on his list. It wasn't long before they were walking across the grounds, heading for Hogsmeade. "This will be fun," Nathanyel sighed. "Much better than sitting around in the common room all day."

"So... Where do you want to go first?"

"Honeydukes!"

"I'm not in the mood for sweets. You can go alone." Nathanyel need some time alone to get his present, after all...

"If you insist."

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel entered Honeydukes sweets shop, grinning to himself. Severus hadn't wanted to come, so Nathanyel had promised to get him some Fizzing Whizbees. He sucked in the sweet air, ready to fulfill his sugar addiction. That was when he spotted Remus Lupin, looking at chocolates. Alone. He didn't even need to think about it before he'd approached the boy, but for some reason he was still nervous. "Er... Hullo." Remus looked up and smiled.

"Hello."

"Where're your friends?" He didn't want to get into a fight at the moment.

"Off at Zonko's."

"Why didn't you go with them?"

"I was more in the mood for treats than tricks."

"Ah. Me, too." Silence. "You like chocolate the best or is that for someone else?"

"Honeydukes' chocolate is my favorite," he replied happily, picking out a bar as large as his head. "The fudge is good, too."

"My favorite's acid pops."

"Oh... Isn't that painful?"

"Yes." Nathanyel shrugged as he took a bulk bag and started filling it with the candy in question. He added some blood pops and cockroach clusters, then some Fizzing Whizbees, which were Severus' favorites.

"I've never tried cockroach clusters," Remus said over the chattering students. "Are they good?"

"To die for," Nathanyel hummed, grabbing a bar of chocolate even larger than the one Remus had chosen, and a good amount of fudge to go with it. "I think that's about all I'll need for today. Do you want to take a walk with me?" Remus blinked a bit, then grinned.

"Sure." They paid for their candy and exited the small shop.

"So how's it been over in Gryffindor?"

"Alright. Er... How did Severus manage with his broken broom?"

"I gave him mine." Remus looked thunderstruck, but Nathanyel just shrugged. "I'm not very good at flying. I could just use a school broom, anyway." He was pensive for a moment. "Or a flying umbrella. I snuck into a muggle film once and saw that."

"Muggles think up the strangest things."

"So I missed you. Over the summer." Nathanyel smiled. "I like it better when you're around." Remus looked a bit put off.

"But we hardly ever talk."

"That's no reason not to like you." Nathanyel gave a little sniff. "And it isn't as if I was pining." Remus grinned at him.

"Oh." He was still grinning.

"It's Sev's birthday soon, you know."

"Really?" Nathanyel nodded.

"I told him I was getting him something spectacular." Remus tilted his head a bit.

"What are you getting him?"

"No idea." Nathanyel smiled. "But that's the thing of it; I know I'll find something." He skipped a bit. "Do you want to go anywhere?"

"I'm fine just walking." They were heading toward the Shrieking Shack, which was supposed to be terribly haunted, but Nathanyel was sure that if it was, the ghosts would prefer to stay inside the house.

"Do you think the Shrieking Shack's really haunted?" It was within sight now, looming like some sort of... Menacing thing... That looms...

"No," Remus replied rather flippantly. "It's just a bunch of stories." They stopped in front of the Shrieking Shack and silently looked out at it. For someone who didn't believe it was haunted, Remus was getting quite put off. "So... So yeah. This is nice." He turned away and, almost as an afterthought, jumped up on the fence and sat there. Nathanyel joined him, kicking his feet up and studying his dirty shoes.

"Remus?"

"Hm?" Remus swung his legs a bit, intently studying the ground.

"Do you still fancy Severus?" Remus stopped swinging his legs and snapped his head up, looking slightly alarmed. "I don't mind if you do. I was just wondering."

"Oh... Well... Yes. I do." Nathanyel sighed quietly.

"I imagine it would be hard to stop fancying someone, once you started." Remus nodded.

"Have you ever fancied someone?"

"No. I don't think I would enjoy it much, though, so it doesn't bother me."

"You're right. It's not very enjoyable." Remus bit his lip, and looked down again. "Have you ever kissed anyone? On the lips, I mean."

"Nope." Nathanyel leaned back, looking up at a passing cloud. "I don't think kissing is all that fun. People make it out to be better than it really is. That's what Lucius told me, at least." He looked back down at Remus, who was a little closer now.

"Never even held hands?"

"Nuh-uh. Not like that, anyway." Remus sighed.

"Neither have I." There was a long time then, when they didn't talk. Nathanyel didn't mind at all; he liked just sitting, and it was nice to do it with someone else. "Has Severus ever kissed?" Remus finally asked.

"Nope. Nothing." Nathanyel frowned. "He fancies Bellatrix Black."

"Oh."

"I don't like her. I can tell there's something off about her."

"Yes," Remus agreed.

"If you're really curious about kissing, though, Lucius told me a lot about what he does. He says he kisses with lots of tongue all the time, and it makes you really horny. But I only get like that when I wake up at night, sometimes, or when I touch myself." Remus was blushing.

"A lot of times I get like that in the shower. With other boys. It's embarrassing."

"I wouldn't mind, if I was in the shower with you. It happens to everyone." He kicked his feet up a bit. "Even girls, but it doesn't show so much with them."

"How do you know?" Remus seemed surprised.

"My cousin, Olivia, she told me. She said she has dreams about the boy near her house who sells fish. Some of them are really weird, though." Remus laughed weakly.

"Oh. Hah."

"Sometimes I have weird dreams like that, too. Do you? Because I'm not even sure if it's normal." Remus looked rather pink.

"Er... Yeah. It's normal." And then Remus grabbed his hand. "Happens to me all the time." It was awfully warm, Remus' hand.

"About Sev?"

"Sometimes." Remus really was awfully nice.

"Sometimes I have strange dreams that make me feel like that, but they aren't... Well, I not sure they're supposed to." He hadn't even told Severus that. "I keep dreaming about wolves." Remus looked uncomfortable.

"Wolves?"

"Yes. Running, and it's cold but hot at the same time, and everything's like the volume's been turned up on it... Then I'm under water, but that's a different part altogether. I don't much like the water part, come to think of it."

"You don't like swimming?"

"No, it's not that." Nathanyel narrowed his eyes a bit. "I like your skin." He wanted more than anything to simply change the subject. "It's warm and soft. A lot softer than Sev's." Remus blushed again.

"Thank you." They fell into an awkward silence.

"... ... ...Cock." Remus' mouth fell open as he turned to stare at Nathanyel.

"Pardon?"

"Cock." Remus still seemed a bit put off, though he shuffled a little closer.

"Cock, you said?" Nathanyel nodded. "Er... Why?"

"I like the word. Cock. Isn't that fun?"

"I... I don't know."

"Go on, say it. COCK!"

"Er... Cock."

"Cock!" Nathanyel giggled a bit. "COCK!!!"

"COCK!!" Remus laughed, too.

"COOOOOCK!!" Nathanyel bellowed.

"COOOOOCK!!" Remus repeated, with a long howl. A long, very realistic howl. Blushing, he clamped a hand over his mouth and turned his eyes to the ground. "Sorry. I got a bit carried away."

"That's alright," Nathanyel replied. "I liked it." It was... What was that word Lucius was always using? Sexy. "Er... The howling was... Umm... Sexy." He colored when he said it. Just another lovely word to add to his vocabulary.

"...You think so?" Remus asked quietly, and placed his free hand on Nathanyel's thigh, leaning forward.

"Yes."

"Thank you..." Remus leaned forward even more, licking his lips. Nathanyel wondered what he was trying to do.

"OI!!" Then he fell off the fence with a thud. Nathanyel sighed, hopping down to help him up.

"Hello, Severus," he greeted as Remus nervously brushed off his cloak.

"I saw what you were trying to do," Severus hissed coldly, narrowing his eyes at Remus.

"I- I'm sorry." He was looking very pink by then.

"Get out of here before I hex you!"

"Severus, stop it!" Nathanyel insisted, grabbing his arm. Severus sneered.

"He was trying to kiss you." Surprised, Nathanyel took a step back, blinking.

"No he wasn't." He turned to Remus. "Isn't that right?" Remus nodded quickly.

"Oh, yes, that's right. I- I wasn't trying anything, honest." Severus continued to sneer. "Well... I need to go, anyway. Er... Bye." Nathanyel watched him go.

"That wasn't nice," he bit out, more harshly than he'd meant to.

"I don't care!" Severus growled. "I don't... I don't care. He was trying to kiss you!"

"No he wasn't." Remus wouldn't do a thing like that. He still fancied Severus, after all. "He still fancies you." Severus turned beet red.

"I-I- Don't say that!" Breathing rather heavily he turned away, balling his hands into fists. "I don't like it." He shivered. "I don't like the way he looks at me." There was silence, and Nathanyel supposed that maybe the way Severus acted around Remus wasn't just because he liked other boys.

"...Well... Alright. Do you want to go get some butterbeer or something?"

"In a little while. I... I need to do something. Private." Severus left without saying goodbye.

-------Severus--------

Hogsmeade had been a disaster. Severus was sorry for shouting at Nathanyel, of course, but... He didn't want to apologize. Nathanyel knew, anyway.

"Hi." He walked into the third year dorms rather warily; he didn't want to encounter anyone else. Luckily, Nathanyel was alone, apparently doing homework. "What's that for?"

"Astronomy," Nathanyel murmured. "I like that class. You know, Barty Crouch Jr. is my partner, because no one else likes to work with him. He's not so bad, though." Severus sat down on the bed, and Nathanyel set his star chart aside. They were quiet for a long time. "I know you didn't mean to yell at me," Nathanyel finally sighed. "And I didn't mean to snap at you." Severus nodded.

"So I guess that makes us even."

"I guess." Wordlessly, they agreed that it was settled. "Severus..." Nathanyel was giving him a funny look.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Severus frowned, feeling apprehensive as Nathanyel leaned forward, eyes focused on a spot near the bottom of his face.

"I was just wondering what it's like to kiss someone." Severus barely had time to register the statement when Nathanyel fell forward, eyes drooping closed. Yelping, he jumped back, and Nathanyel missed, kissing his neck. With a snarl, Severus pushed him away.

"Don't you ever do that again!! Do you hear me!? NEVER!!" Nathanyel cringed and backed up against the headboard, his star chart floating to the ground.

"I didn't mean to! Sorry! I'm sorry, okay?" Disgusted, Severus jumped to his feet, wiping his neck off.

"Why do you do things like that?" he insisted.

"I don't know." Nathanyel hugged his pillow close to his chest, looking frightened.

"Don't pretend to be scared! I know you're not! I know you're just acting!" Nathanyel was shaking, but Severus knew he was just pretending. Nathanyel would never be afraid of him. "Why do you have to act like this!?" He didn't answer, just shook his head. "Answer me!"

"I- I'm bleeding!" he finally gasped, tossing his pillow to the ground. It had red stains on it. "I'm bleeding!" Severus gaped at the red spots blossoming over his shirt sleeves.

"Nathanyel! I- I'm sorry, just calm down-"

"Where are my vitamins? I need my vitamins, I need to take them-" he lunged for the bedside table.

"No!" Severus caught him and dragged him to the floor. "I'm taking you to the infirmary!"

---------------

"I didn't mean to upset you," Severus muttered. Nathanyel lay in bed in the infirmary, staring at the ceiling.

"I know."

"I'll make it up to you."

"Alright."

"I'll help you practice flying. We can go out to the Quidditch pitch as soon as you're better." Blinking, Nathanyel turned toward him.

"You mean it?"

"Yes, I mean it. I didn't mean to make you- have fits. Or whatever it was."

"...It was the vitamins, wasn't it?" Severus nodded.

"..." They both stared at the ceiling.

---------------

"Aren't you going to get a broom from the broom shed?" Severus asked, eyeing Nathanyel as he stepped out onto the Quidditch pitch. He still had bandages around his arms.

"Nope." Nathanyel grinned. "I got a little something from Hogsmeade to help with that problem." Still smiling, he presented an umbrella from behind his back. "Ta-da!"

"...An umbrella." Nathanyel nodded.

"And it's green!"

"What the hell are you going to use that for!?"

"Flying." Severus gaped. "I got it at Oswald Osgood's Outstanding Oddities!" With that, he opened the umbrella, held it up, and hopped. But he didn't come down. Instead, he began to float away.

"Hey! Hey, come back here!"

"Wheeeee!"

"Nathanyel!"

"I feel just like Mary Poppins!" He flew away across the Quidditch pitch, spinning slightly as he went. Severus, despite the fact that he had no idea who Mary Poppins was, followed closely on foot, until he finally got fed up and mounted... Edward.

"Get down on the ground!" Severus insisted.

"No!" Nathanyel replied, glowing. "This is so much fun! I'm so happy!" He laughed a bit and looked up, the umbrella carrying him further away.

"You'll hurt yourself! That thing's not meant to be used!"

"Oh, calm down!" Severus tried to pull him away from the umbrella and onto the broom, but every time he got close enough Nathanyel would spin or jerk away, staying just out of reach. "You should try this!"

"It's dangerous!" Nathanyel floated over the stands, his feet just barely skimming the seats, then turned back toward the Quidditch pitch and began to gently descend. Soon enough, he was back on solid ground; a wave of warm relief washed over Severus as he joined Nathanyel on the pitch. "You could have gotten hurt!"

"So?"

"So I was worried!" Nathanyel smiled warmly.

"There was no need to worry. Promise."

"I didn't want you getting hurt, is all."

"Don't be such a mother."

"I am not a mother!" Nathanyel laughed.

"Could've fooled me!" Severus rolled his eyes.

"Just get a fucking broom." But he was glad that Nathanyel was alright.

---------------

"Happy birthday!" Severus opened his eyes to see Nathanyel standing over him with something very large and lumpy, wrapped in luridly pink paper.

"Get out of here..." he groaned. "I'm trying to sleep."

"But it's your birthday! Come on, we do this every year!" With a bit more groaning and grumbling, Severus sat up in bed. "Here." Nathanyel shoved the lumpy pink thing into his arms and looked at him expectantly.

"Oh... Alright. I'll open it." He tore off the wrapping paper, crumpled it, and threw it aside. It really was horrible. "Oh... My... Fuck!"

"You like it?"

"Of course I like it!" It was a distiller, the professional kind that potions masters used. "How... Where?"

"It's my secret." Nathanyel winked knowingly and pressed a finger to his nose.

"Oh, wow." Severus stared at it.

"I know, isn't great?" Nathanyel puffed up with barely contained pride.

"You weren't kidding when you said it was spectacular. Um... Thanks."

"You're welcome." Nathanyel jumped on the bed and hugged him. "What are friends for?"

"For getting good gifts, apparently." Together, they snorted with laughter.

---------------

Christmas at Nathanyel's house was better than usual. Laszlo and his family came, of course, and there was Aunt Gertrude and her gingerbread cookies, and of course Lucius, but Nathanyel's grandfather was absent from the festivities. The atmosphere in the house seemed a lot less tense without him, actually.

They were in the parlor with Lucius, who was reading one of his sex books (gross) and Olivia, who was folding paper with Nathanyel. "Why are you making paper dolls?" Severus scoffed, scanning a bookshelf for something interesting.

"It's called origami," Olivia informed him, rather testily.

"It's fun!" Nathanyel insisted, folding some sort of bird and charming it to flap up to Severus and peck at him.

"No it isn't," Severus grumbled, swatting the paper bird away.

"You've never even tried it," Olivia pointed out.

"I don't like to fold paper. It's for babies." Olivia tossed a paper box at him.

"Lucius likes origami," Nathanyel proclaimed. "Don't you, Lucius?"

"Sure," Lucius agreed mildly. Nathanyel then edged up to his chair and held out a piece of red paper. Lucius eyed it warily for a moment, then took it with a long sigh. A few minutes later, he tossed a red paper penis onto the floor in front of Nathanyel, wordlessly turning back to his book.

---------------

Yawning, Severus entered the common room early, noting that it was the first of February; he always payed attention to the first of every month. He wasn't sure why, though. "...What the...?" The common room was filled with moving paper animals, two of every kind. Some of them were even making noises, though not all the animals were making the right sounds. There was a chirping cow and a hiccoughing giraffe, and two aardvarks that crowed incessantly. In the middle of it all sat Nathanyel, folding a pair of butterflies.

"Good morning, Severus." He gaped.

"What are you doing?"

"I say we call it Slytherin's ark."

"We? We?"

"Yes, we."

"You are not getting me involved in this." Severus flopped down into a squashy armchair in front of the greenish fire, crushing one of the pigs. "Professor Auric is going to go insane when he sees this."

"Naw," Nathanyel dismissed lightly.

He got detention for two weeks.

----------------

"First day of spring!" Severus batted Nathanyel away, concentrating on his Arithmancy homework.

"Get out of here," he muttered, going through his numbers.

"Ooh, that looks exciting," Nathanyel intoned, staring down at his charts. "I can't wait to do that next year."

"You can do it now, if you like." Nathanyel laughed.

"No thanks." Then he grabbed the chart, blew on the ink, and rolled it up. "Come sit with me."

"Fine, but I'm bringing my Transfiguration paper." He crawled up to the fire and sat on the floor. Grunting, Severus joined him.

"What's that?"

"My Ancient Runes assignment." Nathanyel sighed, pointing to a character. "Sev, do you know what this rune means?" Severus glanced briefly at it, then muttered a reply in his usual reserved way, eyes not leaving his Transfiguration essay.

"Yeah. It says, 'Fuck your mama.'" Nathanyel giggled and leaned against him, laughing at the suddenly hilarious symbols upon his parchment. The other students ignored them; they all knew better by then, not to bother the weirdos.

"Or maybe," Nathanyel suggested, "It says 'fuck you.'" Severus felt an inexplicable jolt at the suggestion, not in the least unpleasant.

"Maybe." And his fingers went to Nathanyel's feathery hair, completely of their own accord. Still, everyone else ignored them.

-------Nathanyel--------

With a contented sigh, Nathanyel sat down in the courtyard. It was May, his birthday month. His birthday would be in two weeks. He was looking forward to it; Lucius had promised to get him something grown up, because when he turned fourteen he'd be old enough for a real cock. It was very exciting business. "Hey, what are you doing?" Severus sat down next to him, sucking on a sugar quill.

"I'm just thinking," Nathanyel replied. Severus nodded. "...About my birthday," he then added slyly.

"Oh. Well, don't worry. My gift is going to be a lot better than the one you got me." Nathanyel snorted.

"I doubt it." Severus smirked.

"Trust me, I'll outdo you." Laughing softly, Nathanyel stood and stretched.

"I'd like to see you try." Without waiting for an answer, he skipped off; Muggle Studies was next, and that was always fascinating.

---------------

Nathanyel really hadn't meant to make any trouble. Really. But he'd been tired, and he'd just had one of those weird dreams; he'd wandered off and gotten lost. He'd never bothered to explore the dungeons, but he was starting to think that it would be a good idea.

Then he'd heard voices, though he couldn't quite make out what they were saying. Something about rape, which Lucius had said was when you made someone have sex with you. Nathanyel didn't think he'd appreciate it very much if someone did that to him. In any case, he supposed that he should ask for directions.

That was when everything went wrong. Nathanyel could tell right away that they were three seventh years, two in his house and one in Ravenclaw, and they were angry. But, he needed directions. "Er... Do you-"

"He heard us," the smallest one said to the biggest one. "Didn't you?" That was directed at Nathanyel, and it didn't much sound like a question.

"Well, I just-"

"I knew it!"

"It's very rude to interrupt, you know." There was silence. Apparently, the older boys didn't like being reminded of their manners.

"Shut up." That was the middle one. "You're that barmy kid, Page, aren't you?" Nathanyel nodded. "Let's get rid of him." He'd barely had time to register that that sounded very bad before he was suddenly in an awful lot of pain. A punch to the stomach will do that to a person.

"Ouch," he managed to work out. Then he was hit in the face and slammed against a wall.

He was getting very frightened. They wanted to get rid of him. That meant they wanted to kill him, didn't it? He didn't want to die. That was a bad thing. Very bad. He was most definitely terrified. And in a lot of pain. He was starting to panic, in fact. His skin was prickling, his eyes stung, his neck and arms were sore... There was a strange rushing sound filling his ears, and everything was going black.

If this was what it was like to die, he thought, he didn't much like it.

Then came the scariest part. It was dark, he was having trouble breathing, and he was sure he was just imagining the boggart.

It smiled, reached out, and grabbed his shoulder. No, no, not a boggart, no. It wasn't it, it was Him. And He laughed, just a bit, like a child given a gift.

Nathanyel tried to be brave, but it was awfully difficult to do so while in the middle of passing out.

---------------

Nathanyel woke up very gradually and sorely. It felt like waking from a nightmare. Into one.

His head was pounding, he was more sore than ever, and his eyes felt bleary. Besides that, he was standing in the middle of a disaster area. Everything was broken- even the boys who'd attacked him. "Oh, no," Nathanyel muttered.

"We were bad," He whispered gleefully.

Nathanyel winced and turned around, but there was no one there. There was no one. He was alone, the only disturbance in the stagnant air the steady sound of water dripping from some far off place.

Some water was red.

It was very cold.

Shivering, he sat down to wait.

He was bleeding.

--------------

"Mr. Page." Professor McGonagall was standing over him, and he was in a bed. The hospital wing. There were bandages around his wrists and forearms, like when Severus had yelled at him and he'd started bleeding. Except that now there were bandages around his neck, too. He shivered.

"It was me," he confessed. There was silence.

"I don't think you quite understand the situation," she pushed on delicately. "Your classmates are... Are..."

"Dead," he offered.

"Yes."

"I did it." She gave him a stern look.

"What happened?"

"I don't remember," he muttered. "Everything went dark and when I woke up... I knew. I know I've done something horrible." She looked lost for words. "You can send me away if you like. Or kill me. I deserve it."

"Mr. Page," she finally intoned, knitting her eyebrows together. "There is no proof of your guilt in the matter. There's no guarantee you even recall things correctly."

"But I do," he answered, and wished would leave him alone. "He said we were bad." She suddenly seemed much more severe.

"There was someone else there?"

"No."

"But you were talking about someone else!" She looked rather frustrated.

"Yes." She's probably expected him to deny it.

"You... You need rest. The Headmaster will be in shortly to speak to you."

"Alright."

-------------

"Are you aware of your actions?" The Headmaster looked at him over his spectacles.

"Yes."

"And were they intentional?"

"No."

"I see." He leaned back in the chair he'd conjured up next to the bed. "Your parents have been informed of the circumstances." Nathanyel felt his stomach drop to his feet. He knew his father would be pleased.

"What's going to happen?" He wanted to know.

"You will not be sent away from this school," Dumbledore replied, almost reading his mind. "The rest will be decided later."

"Am I allowed visitors?" He missed Severus.

"Yes. In fact, I think it would do you a world of good. Mr. Snape has been quite anxious to see you."

"Really?" That cheered him up a bit.

"Indeed. I will return this evening to further discuss the matter. In the meantime, do try to relax." He stood and left, letting Severus into the hospital wing as he did so. Severus was at his side immediately, sitting in Dumbledore's deserted chair and fussing over him.

"Are you alright? What happened? Are you hurt? Do you need something?" Shocked, Nathanyel stared at him.

"You are such a mother." He went just a little red.

"No I'm not!" Nathanyel smiled.

"I'm glad you came." Severus rolled his eyes.

"Why wouldn't I?" Nathanyel only shrugged. "So... I heard that... You killed some seventh years." He looked away.

"Yes."

"...Fuck." There was a long silence between them. "Are you expelled?"

"No." There was a bitter taste in his mouth. "My father has a lot of influence."

"Well... It's not like you want to be expelled, or anything." Nathanyel nodded. "Just don't worry about it."

"Do you think I'm a monster?" He asked abruptly. Severus blinked.

"No, of course not." They were silent for a moment. "I trust you, Nathanyel. I know you didn't want to hurt anyone." Nathanyel could feel the back of his eyes stinging, and reached out to embrace Severus.

"You were right," he muttered, tightly wrapping his arms around Severus' neck.

"About what?"

"Your present is much better than mine."

---------------

His father was there. He knew before he could even see him. He didn't want to know why. "Nathanyel." He opened his eyes to see his father looming over him. His neat brown hair looked a bit disheveled, and his eyes were bright. "Is what I've been hearing about you true?"

"Yes," Nathanyel replied quietly. His teeth looked almost sharp as his face pulled into something halfway between a sneer and a smirk.

"I see. Well, it seems you've turned out to be less disappointing than I'd anticipated." Nathanyel refused to turn away, but he tried not to listen. "Perhaps there's a place for you in this family, after all... In the family business..." Those horrible green eyes were full of undiluted pleasure. "Of course, you'll need to be less obtuse... You've a lot to learn." Nathanyel didn't want to learn anything. He just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep and never wake up. "Which is why I'm sending you away this summer." Nathanyel gasped; he tried to hide his dismay, but it was no use. His father's smirk-sneer grew larger. "You'll be with Laszlo for the summer. And, hopefully, Shinji. I expect you to learn." Nathanyel tried to keep his resolve, but it was slowly fading. "You'll make a very lovely weapon." Outright grinning, now, his father turned to go.

Nathanyel waited until he was out of hearing range, then turned onto his stomach and cried into his pillow.

---------------

Nathanyel was in the hospital wing pretty much alone for two days. Severus could only visit when he wasn't busy with classes or assignments, the other students were put in beds in a different ward, and owls kept flying through the windows to deliver hate mail from parents.

On the third morning, he woke up at daybreak. There were the telltale noises of a patient being put to bed, which the ward had been devoid of during his entire stay. He opened his eyes just a crack and turned to his head to the right to see Madam Pomfrey helping Remus into the bed next to him.

Remus looked terrible. He was pale, with dark circles under his eyes, and covered with bruises and cuts. He looked as if he'd been mauled by a wild animal, or something of the sort. Nathanyel watched Madam Pomfrey tut over him for a few minutes, then give him a potion and bustle away. He stared at it forlornly, a crease forming between his eyebrows. "Good morning." Nathanyel raised himself onto his elbows, wincing as his put his weight on his forearms. Remus snapped his head around and, upon seeing him, recoiled slightly. Nathanyel felt as though someone had punched him in the stomach.

"Good morning," Remus croaked. His voice sounded as if he'd been screaming all night long. They stared at each other for a long time. "...Does it hurt?" Nathanyel glanced down at his arms, then back at Remus.

"Yes." There was more staring. "And you?"

"Yes." They watched each other carefully. "Did... Did those boys do that to you?"

"No. My arms have been like this."

"What about your eye?" Nathanyel reached up to touch his eye, and found that it was sore.

"I suppose."

"Is that why you killed them?" It had come out in a rush from Remus' mouth, and he clamped it shut tightly, as if afraid something else would force its way out. Nathanyel hesitated a bit before starting to answer.

"I-"

"Alright, Mr. Lupin!" He quickly dropped down in bed and pretended to be asleep. "You need to drink your sleeping potion!" With a quick glance in his direction, Remus downed the potion in one gulp, then dropped off.

---------------

Sirius was visiting Remus. James and Peter had been there, too, but they'd left. Nathanyel had a visitor, too. One that wasn't welcome.

He kept the sheets pulled over his head the whole time, so they wouldn't know who he was. Remus didn't tell them. "So, how was it, last night?" Sirius whispered.

"I- I'm fine. It was the same as always... You know." Remus sounded hesitant, as if he wanted desperately to change the subject. Curious, Nathanyel lowered the sheets to look at him. Remus looked back and flushed a bit. "Listen, Sirius, I think-"

"Sh! Shut up. It's him." Nathanyel bit his lip, looking away. He should have known Sirius would see him. "Hey, Page!"

"Leave me alone, Sirius." He rolled onto his side, trying to pretend that he'd fallen asleep.

"Oh, so we're on a first name basis now?" He didn't answer. "I always knew there was something wrong with you. You're a monster, and now everyone knows it." He curled up into a ball, trying to protect himself against the word. "Three people, Page. That's three dead. How many more are you going to kill, eh? Maybe I should get you first. It would be best for everyone." The bed shifted a little as Sirius leaned on it.

"Leave him alone," Remus murmured weakly from the next bed. Sirius ignored him.

"Come on, Page. Aren't you going to fight me? I'm planning to kill you, and you'll just sit there and let me? Just let me murder you?"

"If you're going to do it then get it over with!" Nathanyel half-shouted, half-sobbed. He threw the sheets away and turned onto his back, ready. "Go on and do it! I don't blame you a single bit!" Sirius backed away a little, his eyebrows raised. "What's the matter!? You want me dead, don't you!? Go ahead and kill me! Come on, I'm ready to die!"

"What's all the commotion back here?" Sirius quickly backed away and took his place by Remus' bed, carefully keeping his eyes averted as Madam Pomfrey hurried over.

"It's nothing," Nathanyel muttered, raising himself onto his elbows. With a bit of a gasp, Madam Pomfrey stepped back. "...Never mind." He dropped back onto the bed and pulled the sheets over his face. "Just a bad dream. I'm alright." Though he knew she was more worried about Remus and Sirius, because they were with him. "I'm alright, really."

"Of course you are," He whispered, sighing happily.

---------------

"Nathanyel?" It was Remus, whispering like he was trying to keep a snake from striking.

"What?" Nathanyel murmured back, keeping his eyes closed.

"What really happened?" He hadn't expected that. After all, everyone always assumed that they knew exactly what had gone on.

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't know!" He didn't like talking about it. "I don't remember! I didn't mean to do anything, it just happened!" There was a long pause.

"...I killed someone, once." Nathanyel just lay there, absorbing it. He tried to feel something, but really he was just numb.

"Was it the same?"

"I... No. I didn't mean for it to happen, either. I couldn't control it. But... I remember." Remus was breathing rather heavily. "You're lucky. That's the worst part, remembering."

"I wouldn't know." He just wanted to sleep, really. Instead, he pulled the covers down and turned to look at Remus; he was staring blankly at the ceiling.

"I don't think you're a monster," he whispered. "I don't think you're a bad person. It was an accident, and you couldn't help it. I just think... I think you're lovely."

"You're wrong about me." He glanced at the bedside table, where a rather enthusiastic letter from his father lay. "And once summer starts, I'll get even worse. My father, he knows." He turned to look at the ceiling, mimicking Remus. "He knows what I really am."

"What are you, then?" He could feel eyes burning his flesh.

"I don't know." He didn't want to talk anymore. "I don't know anymore. I've never known." Someone was stroking his hair.

"It's alright. I know you're not a monster." He turned to see Remus still in bed. "Trust me on that. I know monsters."

"You need to sleep," He muttered. "You're tired."

"I'm tired," Nathanyel repeated apathetically. "I need to sleep." He let his eyes slide shut, moving up into the hand that was still stroking his hair.

"Alright," Remus sighed. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Remus."

---------------

"Nathanyel?"

"Remus... I think... Well, you know."

"Yes."

"I'd like us to be... Better acquainted."

"Yes, that would be nice."

"I'd like us to be friends."

"Me, too."

"Thank you... For what you said, that is."

"You're welcome... What are you doing this summer? I'd like you to visit."

"I can't. My father's sending me away."

"Where?"

"To my uncle's. He's nice, and my cousin will be there, too."

"Oh... Wow. Where does he live?"

"A lot of places. Sometimes here, or China, or Japan."

"That sounds exciting."

"It is, I suppose."

"See you later, then."

---------------

He was back in his own dormitory, and Regulus and Mundungus were avoiding him like the plague. Come to think of it, everyone was. Except for Severus, of course. "It's rather empty in here, wouldn't you agree?" Nathanyel nodded, watching Severus pick his way through the dirty laundry strewn about the floor.

"I would," Nathanyel replied.

"...Happy birthday." Nathanyel blinked. He'd lost track of time, in the hospital wing. It was difficult to believe that it was already May 25.

"Thanks."

"This came for you, while you were gone." Severus held out a package that was meticulously wrapped in green paper. Nathanyel took it and checked the card, grinning; it was from Lucius. "It's probably another dildo."

"Naw." Nathanyel opened up the package. "They're... Shorts." He held them up, smiling. "Green!"

"Oh no."

"And look! Lotion!"

"Put that away!"

---------------

"Those are miniscule," Severus criticized, apprehensively watching Nathanyel lounge under a large tree by the lake.

"Lucius gave them to me," Nathanyel argued, shifting. "They're nice and soft, too." Really, they were called shorts for a reason.

"Lucius is a pedophile," Severus muttered, walking away to study for his last final. Nathanyel was done with his finals, surprisingly enough (most of them seemed to be crammed together in one day) and was taking some time out to simply laze around.

"Hullo." He glanced up to see Remus, looking healthier than usual.

"Hello," he greeted, shifting to the side a bit so Remus could sit beside him and lean against the tree, as well. Remus sat down, blushing slightly.

"I like your shorts."

"Thanks." Nathanyel stretched a bit. "They were a birthday gift." Remus, apparently, really did like the shorts; he was staring.

"Er... They're nice."

"They're very comfy," he sighed. "From Lucius. Severus gave me a new Silver Arrow. He says I'm not getting anything else from him as long as I live." Remus nodded. "So are your finals over with?"

"I've got another one in an hour, then I'm finished." Remus moved a bit closer to him, so that their legs were touching. "Looking forward to summer?"

"Not particularly." Nathanyel shrugged. "But it's only two months." Remus nodded.

"Yeah. Two months." He put a hand on Nathanyel's leg, and they sat together until it was time for his final. It was always nice, spending time with Remus.

---------------

Nathanyel only had two days at home before he had to leave. Lucius had arrived the night before he was scheduled to go, and read dirty stories to him. Before he knew it, he was standing in the entrance hall with Lucius, his bags packed, ready to catch the noon train to London, where he would meet Uncle Laszlo.

Lucius glanced down at him, frowning. "I suppose you're looking forward to your trip." He'd intended to lie, but he just couldn't.

"Lucius, I don't want to go away. I'll miss you."

"Oh, calm down," Lucius scolded, rolling his eyes. "You'll be fine. I'm sure Laszlo and... Company... Will treat you alright."

"But I want to stay with you." Lucius let out a long-suffering sigh.

"Would it help if I gave you something to remember me by?" Nathanyel nodded. "Alright, come here." Lucius pulled him into the alcove with the green vase and pulled him close. Nathanyel sighed happily and buried his face into the front of Lucius' robes, taking in his scent.

"I love you, Lucius," he whispered.

"Yes, I know." Lucius put his hand inside Nathanyel's pants and started rubbing.

"Oh!" Nathanyel blushed deeply, biting his lip; it felt much better than touching himself. Then his pants were wet, and probably his trousers, too, and Lucius kissed him on the neck.

"Go on, now. Get out of here." Lucius put a hand on his bum and nudged him out of the alcove. "You'll miss the train."

"G-goodbye, Lucius," he muttered shakily.

"I'll see you at Christmas," Lucius replied listlessly, heading for the kitchens.

---------------

Nathanyel sighed as he lay in bed. Uncle Laszlo had taken him to the estate in China, where he was learning all about fighting and martial arts. Sometimes they even trekked into the dense rainforest, traveling the whole day to get to ancient training grounds. Needless to say, he'd never been so sore or tired in his life. And He was hanging around sometimes, when Nathanyel wasn't ready for it, and smirking like He'd won a prize. Nathanyel didn't really like to think about it.

Sighing quietly and covering his mouth, he started to touch himself, as he did every night when the house was asleep. And when there was wetness in his pajamas and the sounds of the night carried him off to sleep, he thought of Lucius. And he smiled.