If In The Beginning

Chapter Five: Moony

It was the night of the twenty-fifth. Dusk had fallen, and within the hour the full moon would rise. In the dormitory, the three boys were planning their adventure.

"Where´s Peter?" Sirius asked.

"He decided studying for exams was more important," James said.

"Oh, like anything could be more important than this," said Sirius, grinning at Remus. Remus smiled back, glad for a break in the tension that had grown between them in the past week.

But as James and Sirius began talking about how they would sneak out of the school, Remus felt the old barriers of isolation rise. Yes, some things were more important. He was irritated with their superficiality. So many pointless nothings uttered, so many important things left unsaid. He needed to talk to someone, someone who would never betray his confidence, someone who would care and listen without judgement. The answer flashed across his mind: Lily. He got out of his chair and started for the door.

"Where are you going?" James asked.

"Got to ask Lily about something," said Remus, not wanting to lie but not wanting to go into too much detail either. "Be right back."

Lily was alone in her dormitory. "Oh, hello," she said cheerfully. "The others have all gone shopping in Hogsmeade. Wait a minute, isn´t tonight the night that...?"

"That I turn into a werewolf, yeah," said Remus. "Not for another hour or so, though. Lily...can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure," said Lily, surprised. She patted the corner of her bed and Remus sat down. She looked at him expectedly.

Deep inside of him, some untapped reservoir of bravery was released. "Lily," he said, "if you fancied someone, and a lot of people would disapprove if they knew, and they might even hate you for liking this person, because it´s not really someone you´re supposed to fancy, and you had no idea how the other person felt, would you tell them?" Lily looked wary, and Remus suddenly understood why. "Don´t worry," he said, "it´s not you."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, good! Let´s see, I think I´m going to need a few more specifics. Why would a lot of people disapprove?"

"Well..."

"It´s okay," she said, tossing her red hair over her shoulder. "Here, I´ll guess, and you just have to say yes or no. Is she Muggle-born?"

"No."

"Is she a Slytherin?"

"No."

"Her parents aren´t connected with You-Know-Who, are they?"

"No."

"Help me out here, Remus, I´m out of guesses."

The reservoir of bravery unleashed its final dam. "Lily," he said, "it´s not a girl."

"Is it Sirius?" she whispered.

"Yeah."

Her arms were around him in a second. "Oh Remus...that´s got to be so hard..."

"Yeah," he said, his voice thick with emotion, "it is." He rested his head on her shoulder. "How´d you know it was him?"

"Well, I didn´t think you´d tell me if it were James, and I can´t really see you fancying Peter," said Lily logically. "I think you ought to tell him."

Remus pulled back from her and nodded. The time had come. He didn´t want ten lonely years to go by, haunted by thoughts of, "What if, if in the beginning, I´d told him? We might be together now..."

Surprising even himself, he bent down and kissed Lily on the cheek. "Thanks."

"You´re welcome," she said, squeezing his hand.

"You can´t tell anyone," he said. "Not even James."

She promised.