In A Time Of Uncertainty

Part Two, Chapter Five

His clothes were first. Someone had brought boxes of his things over while he was out; he threw open drawers and threw in the piles of clothing before slamming the drawer shut. Next were the books, shoved hard into the shelves and smacked down on the top of his desk. His head felt hot, his fingers ached to destroy. He spotted his briefcase and heaved it across the room with all his might. It hit the wall and burst open, papers flying across the floor.

"Don't, Percy."

He looked up to see his father standing in the doorway, his hands at his sides and an intense look on his face. With a sob, Percy sank to his knees and held his head in his hands.

He felt his father's arms enclose around him; he fought to get away. "Leave me alone," he moaned, feeling angry and hopeless and embarrassed all at once. "God, why can't you all just leave me alone!"

"You always were dramatic," said Arthur. His grip stayed firm. "I'm not going anywhere until we talk."

Percy let out a cry of frustration and let his body go limp, defeated. "What. What is it?"

His father's hands tugged his own away from his face; Percy forced himself to look up. His father's lips were pressed tightly together; he seemed older than he had been the last time Percy had seen him, older yet calm and a little sad.

"Percy, I don't know where to start. You have acted like everything I raised you not to be: an arrogant, self-centered elitist. You have caused your mother indescribable pain, you have been callous and cruel, and, above all, you've behaved like a spoiled child." He took a breath. "Frankly, Perce, I haven't got the energy for this. This is a trying and emotional time for everyone, especially those in the Order. I'm tired. I haven't had a proper night's sleep in over a week. My back hurts, my head is throbbing, and I had to go destroy a flame-breathing computer this morning. I'm on the breaking point, and your behavior is the last thing I need right now.

"I'm going to give you a choice. You can stay here, be civil and helpful, try to redeem yourself, or you can go back to London and stay there until you're willing to admit you were wrong and apologize. It was your mother's idea to bring you back here, it wasn't mine. I love you and I always will, but you cannot live here if you're going to act like you have for the past year." His eyes remained steadily gazing at Percy, who finally had to look away.

Percy swallowed. "Dad?"

He hadn't called his father Dad since he was around nine. At that point he'd decided that Father sounded more dignified.

Arthur sighed. "What, Perce."

"I - I can't promise you that I'll change. I don't know if I can. I've just realized in the past day - everyone I've ever cared about, I've treated like dirt. I don't know how to do anything else." He paused and then continued. "But I can try. I am sorry for the way I've acted around you and everyone else, I just don't know if I can change."

His father seemed to be deep in thought. Finally he said, "I don't know if you really believe that or if you're making excuses."

"I don't know either." He realized he was twisting his hands and stopped. "I have been horrible, I know I have, I've been more terrible than - "

"No, Percy, that's where you're wrong. You haven't been one bit more horrible than anyone else who's ever lived. Millions of other people have thought the same sorts of spiteful things you have, they've just lacked the rashness and sheer impudence to say them out loud." He laughed, a sort of hollow, empty sound. "It's hard to keep track of where you're at; one day you're convinced you're the most wonderful person in the world and the next day you think you're the worst."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Finally Percy spoke. "I ought to have visited you when you were in hospital. Of all the things I regret, I regret that the most."

Arthur sighed. "I hope you mean that. For both our sakes." He gripped Percy's arm. "You can stay here, but the exact minute you act as insensitive as you have been, you'll leave. Is that understood?"

Percy nodded. "Yes."

His father released his hold. "I think your mum and I forgot that you were still a child in so many ways." He moved as if to stand up. "Now pick up these papers, I've got to get back to the office."

He leaned over and Percy could feel his father's lips pressed against the top of his head. But before he could say anything Arthur was gone, out the door and walking steadily down the staircase.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Percy wasn't usually given to speculating on how the past could have been - then again, he usually didn't throw things and cry in front of other people either. As he resorted his various sheets of paper and scrolls of parchment, his mind turned to years ago. He wondered what Penelope was doing now, whether she had a lover, where she was working. At least Oliver seemed to be happy, Percy hadn't ruined that much for him. He had a job he enjoyed and a flat and Ian. Ian, who had permission to run his hands over Oliver's firm backside, to taste those lips, to - Stop it, Perce, he told himself as he held the briefcase open and slid in the last of the scrolls.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In the hours before dinner, Percy's mother was too preoccupied to worry about him. Bill and Charlie had come home early, and Charlie was sporting a fresh shiny burn on his left arm.

"Calm down, Mum, it's not like he hasn't had them before, said Bill, who was leaning against the cupboards. The look on his face was somewhere between irritated and amused.

"Oh, let her go on," said Charlie, who was wearing loden robes and sitting at the table, finishing off a bottle of butterbeer. "With Fred and George out of the house, she needs a fresh victim to worry about." Bill rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Really, Charlie, you wear fireproof clothes when you're at work, I don't understand how - "

"Because you have increased versatility if you leave your arms bare to just past the elbow," said Charlie, clearly trying to be patient. "Everything has its occupational hazards." He glanced over at Bill and for the first time noticed Percy, who was standing in the doorway. Charlie licked his lips slowly. "Hello, Perce."

"Hello," said Percy quietly. He felt very small all of a sudden, small and young and timid.

Charlie gestured to the chair next to him. "Here, come in and sit down."

Percy did. The chair felt steady compared to his quivering stomach.

"Well, I wish you'd find a way to be more careful," said Molly, who was cleaning the oven. It seemed to have been neglected for a long time; she had performed a Scourgifying Charm five time and there was still of a thick layer of grime coating all sides.

"Mum, they're dragons, there's only so much you can do," said Bill. "Anyway, we didn't show up early so you could fuss over Charlie, we thought we'd update you on what's been happening at headquarters."

"Scourgify! Well, let's hear it, then,"

Percy felt like perhaps he should leave, as after all he wasn't a member of the Order of the Phoenix. However no one seemed to care, so he stayed in his seat.

"Well, Kingsley and Tonks are still on Azkaban guard duty, but Tonks is only temporary until Moody gets back. It's a risk, having someone so clumsy around that place, though she's done a good job so far. About a fourth of the other Aurors are with them - they say that Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy keep trying to put up a fight."

"Dumbledore and McGonagall have been in meetings with Fudge just about every few hours, they're reporting back whenever they've got a spare second," Charlie continued. "It's been agreed that the identies of the Order are going to be kept from the public. Hestia and Emmeline are due back at the end of the week, Moody a day or so before them. Mundungus has found loads of stuff he reckons could be used as weapons; he keeps bringing in more boxes and storing them in the cellar. Sturgis is leaving for Japan in a few hours."

"And how is Remus?" Molly asked.

Bill pressed his lips together and exchanged glances with Charlie. "Not good," he said. "Worse than the last time you saw him."

Their mother set her wand down on the counter and took the seat on Charlie's other side. "The poor man," she murmured.

"He's decided that he will move back into the old flat, though," said Charlie. "Eventually - he isn't ready to leave headquarters yet."

"It ought to be good for him, moving," said Bill. "Imagine having to live in that house, where that goddamned portrait still shrieks - "

"They haven't taken it down?" exclaimed Molly.

"They'd have to remove the entire wall, the Permanent Sticking Charm isn't giving," said Charlie.

"Then they ought to do it," said his mother. Her voice was intense and her hands were shaking slightly. "It ought to be burned, destroyed - "

"And the full moon begins tomorrow, to make matters worse," said Charlie. Molly let out a low moan and buried her face in her arms.

"Perhaps it won't be as bad as it could be," said Bill. "Mundungus thinks he's found some sort of an animal sleeping potion - "

Their mother's fists slammed down hard on the table, making all three brothers jump. "Mundungus!" she screamed. "If that irresponsible, despicable thief so much as - "

"You aren't being fair, Mum," said Bill, hastily taking the chair next to Percy. "Sirius trusted Mundungus, Dung wouldn't - "

"Well, Sirius didn't always trust the right people, now did he!" cried Molly.

The argument was growing louder. Percy was trapped in the middle of it, confused and out of place.

"Sirius would have never trusted someone he thought would hurt Remus," said Bill, his voice rising emphatically. "Ever. I know you don't like Dung, but you can't say he's ever physically harmed anyone. Snape's examining the potion beforehand. I've never liked Snape, but I'm not thinking about that because I know he knows what he's doing. There's too much at stake these days to let personal problems get in the way."

"Am I in the way?" Percy asked timidly.

They all turned at once; it seemed they'd forgotten he was there.

"Don't be stupid," said Bill at once, before getting up to get a glass of wine.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dinner was a subdued affair. Everyone, it seemed, was too frustrated and overwhelmed to say anything more about the Order or the Ministry. Conversation revolved around Ginny and her day; she'd gone to see a girl called Luna and then met up with Dean Thomas, who, it seemed, was now her boyfriend. At his father's quietly spoken suggestion, Percy went to bed early.

Hermes had flown in sometime during dinner, and sat on his old perch in the corner. Percy's room was neat and orderly now, almost as if he had never left. The only notable difference was his desk, which was clean and empty.

When he tried to think through the day, his head hurt, so he gave up and fell into an uneasy sleep.