You Don't See Me

CHAPTER SIX: Out of Reach

Hermione was very surprised when I told her I had agreed to be one of the bridesmaids at the wedding. She said I was punishing myself too much. But I countered that I was doing it for the sake of friendship.

"Oh, don't give me that crap of a reason again! You're being too nice, you know that?" Hermione lectured me. We were at a coffee club in Diagon Alley then, sipping our mocha lattes after an afternoon of window-shopping scouting for possible wedding gifts.

"Mione, I am just being practical here. What do you want me to do? Wallow in self-pity forever because I never got Harry for myself?" I replied. "Besides, you're a bridesmaid too. Why did you accept the offer?" I asked in return.

"Because Harry's my friend?" Hermione answered sheepishly.

"My point exactly," I said casually, popping biscotti into my mouth. "Look, I know we have our issues with this whole Harry's getting married thing. But can we at least try to put that behind us and be happy for our friend now?" I pleaded. Hermione looked at me as if the world just fell on her shoulders.

"I really don't understand you sometimes, Virginia Weasley," she said. "But I know that you only want the best for Harry, even if he broke your heart." It was amazing how Hermione practically knew what I was thinking - down to the last letter. "So tell me, what was it like being chummy for one night with Cho Chang?"

We were back to teasing once again. She still couldn't believe that Cho and I managed to talk for a few minutes that night without strangling each other. Blame it on Hermione's exposure to Muggle romance novels, she tends to expect a melodramatic scene whenever two people meet.

"Hermione, I thought we went over this already," I rolled my eyes at her.

"Yeah. Sorry, I just couldn't help it," she winked. "We'd better get going. Your mum expects us at the Burrow in half an hour. Cho said we have gown fittings today at the boutique." For Harry's sake, Hermione and I had agreed to give Cho a chance and we had actually helped her look for a designer to do her gown.

The upcoming Potter-Chang nuptials had caused so much excitement in the wizarding world that Harry and Cho were swamped with offers left and right for pictorials, magazine interviews and the like. Such celebrity attention just couldn't be avoided especially if you'd been known for years as the Boy Who Lived. But Harry made it very clear that he wanted a low-profile wedding, with only friends and family present. Only in that way, he said, could he enjoy the solemnity of the occasion.

****

"I really appreciate all the help you've given me in preparing for this wedding, Ginny," Cho said to me after the fitting that afternoon. Hermione was still fussing over her dress with the designer and so we had the chance to talk again while we waited for her to finish.

"It's nothing really," I said. "I just enjoy helping to coordinate events. Mum tells me I have an eye for detail."

"Well I could see that," she happily replied. "You know what? Harry's lucky to have all of you as his friends."

'And you're lucky to have him as your future husband', I thought. We were interrupted when Hermione approached us at the waiting area.

"I'm through! I can't believe he got the designs of my gown wrong! I specifically told him I wanted a princess cut dress, not a fish-tail one!" Hermione rambled as she grabbed her handbag and followed Cho and me outside the boutique.

"At least you got to see your gowns," Cho told us. "I haven't even seen the finished version of mine yet."

"Oh. At least the element of surprise is there," Hermione replied in consolation.

"Hermione's right. You still have two weeks before the big day. Ample time to get your gown tailored to perfection." My statement made Cho smile in relief and we were on our way back home to meet the guys.

It was hard not to feel sorry for myself as I watched Harry and Cho spend a quiet time together when we got back to the Burrow. But perhaps helping in the wedding preparations was just the closure that I needed. I had to move past all my insecurities and get on with my life. I knew it would be hard, but I'd soon get over it. And someday, I'd be able to face Harry without feeling sorry for myself.

****

On the day of the wedding, I lay nestled under my baby blue covers debating whether or not to play sick and not attend the ceremony. I hadn't done that (pretending to be sick, of course!) in years, and felt even childish considering it, but I couldn't help it. Besides, the way my head was throbbing and my body was aching, I might as well have been sick. No matter how hard I pretended that I was over this "Harry-chapter" of my life, it was just killing me seeing him with Cho and the fact that they were getting married today seemed to sap all the energy I had.

Hermione suddenly burst into the room, wearing her white terry-cloth robe, having just stepped out of the shower. She headed straight for my closet but did a double-take when she saw me lying on the bed.

"Uh, Gin?" she said, holding her towel with one hand. "Today's the wedding, remember? Are you planning on getting dressed or what?"

I groaned as I pulled my legs out from under the covers. "I don't know."

"You don't know? Well you're the one who's been helping to plan this wedding for weeks!" Hermione exclaimed. "Now may I suggest that you get moving or we'll be running late," she told me, disappearing into the closet.

I regarded myself with half-closed eyes in the mirror above my dresser and saw that I was a total mess. It was no wonder considering I went to sleep very late last night. And now eye-bags were appearing under my red-rimmed eyes.

"Is something wrong?" Hermione asked. She walked over and sat down on my bed.

"No. I'm just tired," I reasoned.

"C'mon, Gin," Hermione insisted while she dried her hair with a towel. "You don't sleep late unless something's bothering you. Is it the wedding?"

I shrugged my shoulders as I turned away from Hermione's stare. But then I knew that it was just pointless to hide it. "Fine, there is something. But it's just a petty issue," I admitted.

"Okay," she responded. "What is it?"

"The wedding, of course," I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. "Tell me, Hermione. Will I ever get-over this self-pity fest that I'm indulging in? I mean, no matter how hard I try to move on and accept all of this... I still end up feeling sorry for myself by the end of the day." This discussion was only making me feel worse. But I had to let it all out before I self-combusted.

"Oh Ginny!" Hermione gave me an affectionate hug. "You've tried to stay tough these past few weeks and I salute you for that. It's not easy to pretend everything's going on fine when in your heart you know that something's wrong."

I sighed irritably. Why couldn't Hermione be as clueless like my brothers? How was it she knew exactly the way I felt? Was she just psychic and using her witch powers to the fullest? Or was I just that obvious?

"Perhaps you should consider taking some time off for yourself," Hermione continued. I could see her point. I needed to get a life away from Harry. "That way you'll learn to love yourself before you dedicate your life to loving others."

"You should consider writing an advice column for the Daily Prophet, you know that? You're good at this!" I marveled at my friend. Hermione whacked my shoulder playfully on that remark.

"That wasn't very nice, Weasley," she teased me. "Well, I'll let you get ready. The ceremony's in two hours so you still have ample time to prepare. I'll be downstairs if you need me, okay?" Hermione called out, disappearing and leaving me all alone in my room once again.

The next two hours were probably the longest ones in my entire life. While I prepared myself for the wedding, I came to a decision which I knew would be the best for me. My family would understand. After all, I'd always shown them that I could be responsible in whatever situation I got myself into, ever since the mess with the diary in my first year at Hogwarts.

****

Cho looked radiant in her gown. She was every inch the blushing bride as she walked down the aisle with her parents while Harry waited at the altar. Ron was at his side, he was the best man of course. Mum was crying too... weddings always made her sentimental. I stood next to Hermione. I fought back tears as Harry and Cho said their vows while Hermione kept glancing at my side for fear that I might faint. As soon as the ceremony was over, I excused myself from the swarm of well-wishers who wanted to greet the couple and rushed back home.

It was better this way, at least it wouldn't be hard to say good-bye. The second I reached the seclusion of my room, I grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment and wrote a letter. My good-bye letter. I was leaving home to find myself, just as Hermione had suggested. I wrote two letters to be exact, one for my family and one for Hermione. I owe it to Hermione to at least tell her how I came to this decision. I told her it wasn't her fault, and that this was my own free-will. Lastly, I told her to take care of Mum and assure my family that I'd be doing fine wherever I ended up.

Quietly, I slipped one letter in Hermione's trunk and left the other one on my dresser. Then I took my stuff, all neatly packed in one large traveling bag (Hermione's gift), and took the portkey (a worn-out sock) that I had managed to trick my brothers into giving me last Christmas. I had been saving it for a special occasion and I guess now was the time to use it. Fred and George had it programmed to be used only once so I had to be careful. By this time all of them would be at the reception. I was crying as I took one last look at the Burrow before I touched the sock. Soon I was caught up in a swirling array of colors and a howling wind seemed to suck me out of the house.

Before I knew it, I was on my feet again. As I looked up, I marveled at the sight that greeted me. I had always wanted to go there when I was still a little kid. Now I had the chance to live my dream, and I wasn't going to let this pass. Even if it meant living a Muggle life for a while.

Hello, New York City!

(To Be Continued...)