Conveniently Placed Cardboard Cutouts At Hogwarts

**Hogwarts Castle**

Britney: Christina? Are you like sure we have the right place? I mean, this, like doesn't look like Paris.

Christina: (bored) Of course it does, Brit. (points at Hogwarts Castle) Look, it's the Eiffel Tower!

Mandy: (in a maddening false Texas accent which she will use throughout the whole freakin' story) Yeah, ya'll! We're not in Kansas anymore! (mad cackle)

*everyone gives her strange looks, as they have not once even mentioned Kansas and are too stupid to understand the Wizard of Oz reference. They all decide Mandy is very weird and unanimously decide to ignore her throughout the whole trip.*

Jessica: (gung-ho) Well okay then. I guess we should get explorin'! I mean, this is a tourist attraction! (muttering to herself) I knew I should've taken that Zoloft this morning...

Britney: (confused) Uh oh, you guy. I think I was right. This can't be Paris. According to the map, we're like in Africa!

Jessica: (still muttering to herself and anxiously tearing strands of hair out) ...Can't be so damn peppy any more...

Christina: (rolling her eyes and ignoring Jessica) Britney. The map is upside down. (under her breath) Ditz.

Britney: Oh! Okay. Hey what did you say?

Christina: I said my hair dryer is on the fritz.

Britney: (still confused) Okay.

*the girls get out of their car and hoist their suitcases onto their shoulders even though they are supposedly visiting the Eiffel Tower. Trudging up countless hills, they finally make their way up to a conveniently placed cardboard cutout of a tiki bar/concierge desk. It is right on the shore of the lake, decorated in little luau lamps and hula girl things from car dashboards.*

Jessica: Wow, the Eiffel Tower is biiiiggg. (giggles for no apparent reason, though everyone knows it's a side effect from her medication)

Mandy: Y'all, I can't believe that we're actually in Paris!

*all the girls giggle and give each other high fives*

Britney: But, like, you guys? Where's, like, the tour guide?