Pink Flamingos and Flying Cars

Chapter 4:

Dinner that evening was fabulous. Aunt Linda had gone over-board, now that Uncle Vic had finally given back the kitchen to her, and had made sumptuous lasagna with apple pie for dessert. Afterwards, myself, uncle, aunt and Roxie, who had also had her share of apple pie dragged ourselves into the living room to watch TV and allow the digestive juices to take over. Both Uncle Vic and Aunt Linda had a habit of falling asleep in front of the TV; and not even a stampede of wild elephants through the hallway could wake them up. So, predictably, they were soon snoring away and I managed to heave myself up the stairs to my bedroom, with Roxie ambling behind me. There was something about Aunt Linda's Italian food, I decided, that required the consumer to go for a 30 mile hike afterwards. What I needed was some fresh air, and since walking even 1mile would require work I decided the simplest solution would be to open up a window. I cracked open the bedroom window and stuck my head out, breathing in the cool night air. From my window I could see several other neighboring yards and the ghostly shadows that were cast by the various lawn chairs, patio tables and children's toys. A small breeze cooled my face, and I felt immediately refreshed. Between the swiftly moving clouds above me, the bright, glowing moon could be seen for brief intervals before being shrouded again and again by the dense and strangely bright clouds of the night sky. There was something so peaceful about a moon-light night. So quiet...too quiet. The hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up as I noticed the eerie silence that had suddenly crept up around me. It seemed like someone had hit the "mute" button on the planet's volume control. No crickets chirping, no cars honking, no cats mewing, no dogs barking. I strained my ears for any sign of life. The atmosphere almost seemed...tense. Roxie seemed to have sensed this as well, and she whined behind me, making me jump.

"Oh, too many horror movies and indigestion, that's what it is," I muttered to Roxie, who had promptly forgotten her fears and was now a misshapen bag of apple pie, snoring away on the floor. It never ceased to amaze me how absolutely unflappable that dog was. Of course, it comes as no surprise, when living in a house where any household appliance could upchuck, explode, take flight or attack; one gains a certain level of equanimity. Just as my thoughts were straying to one of Uncle Vic's latest "adjustments" to the blender, a distant rumbling noise broke the silence. A wave of relief swept through me at the arrival of some noise, which I assumed was a plane or motorcycle, and with one last glace at the placid sky above, I turned to get ready for a good night's sleep. Ah, now looking back, I wonder how peaceful my life would have been had I not noticed that tiny spec on the bright yellow moon. I hadn't seen it before, and strange as it seemed, the rumbling noise seemed to be originating from it, and was getting louder by the second. I blinked and rubbed my eyes. The spot was definitely growing, and fast. The noise that at first was faint was also getting clearer, and I noticed that it was coming in starts and stops, like an engine that was about to conk out at any minute. Its silhouette against the moon was becoming more and more clear, and as I tried to discern its size, I noticed that it HAD NO WINGS. The image was now quite clear and I was practically hanging out the window. This was no normal plane. It was a car. Yes, call me crazy, but it was a car - with headlights, tires and what was unmistakably a bent radio antennae. I tore my eyes from the apparition in the sky to go downstairs for a better look. I imagined I would stealthily sneak down the stairs, as to not wake anyone else, but this did not go as well as planned. Most importantly, I failed to account for Roxie who was asleep right behind me and proceeded to trip over her, rousing her from an angelic sleep and falling flat on my own face.

"Oh get out of my way, Rox!" I muttered as I untangled my self from the floor. Roxie only looked at me reproachfully and whined.

"Then come along with me if you want, you can tell me if I'm going nuts or not." Roxie was only too happy to join in, and followed me as I raced downstairs, threw open the patio door and ran into the backyard. What I saw stopped me in my tracks. Not only was the mysterious UFO a car, but it was floating in the Dursley's backyard.

"I'm not going crazy, I'm not going crazy, I'm not going crazy," I said to myself over and over again. Okay, if I'm not crazy, why am I seeing floating cars in the sky plain as day? And what did Aunt Linda put in the Lasagna? And where was Roxie? Roxie had decided to investigate on her own, and was making her way underneath a gap in the dividing fence into the Dursley's backyard.

"No Rox!" I whispered hoarsely. I dove at her wriggling form and grabbed her hind legs before she could go through. Thankfully, I didn't have to worry too much since Providence had seen to her eating quite a lot of pie, and there was no way she was going to get herself underneath that fence. As I pulled Roxie out, I dragged her over to a hiding place behind some bushes where the two of could investigate. Now that my attention was fully on the car, I noticed that it wasn't stationary; it seemed to be hovering, but I couldn't see any propellers or fans holding it up. The engine, or, whatever was making all that noise in the hood of the car, suddenly seemed incredibly loud, and reverberated through the whole neighborhood. Apprehensively, I waited for Aunt Linda or even one of the Dursley's to wake up...but no one came. Besides the floating car rumbling away in the Dursley's yard, the engulfing silence seemed to have crept back into the rest of the neighborhood. Not a creature was stirring, except me and Roxie of course. The car was now moving slowly...initially it was facing the back of the Dursley's house but now it was parking itself parallel to Harry's window. Who was driving this thing? I focused into the front and back seat and could see three shapes inside. Almost on cue, the moon again reappeared from behind a cloud and the bright light illuminated the three mysterious pilots within. I braced myself for an image of green skin, tentacles and antennae but instead...I saw red. There was unmistakably three human beings, possibly male, all with red hair. Their faces were covered by shadows, but their hair was practically glowing. One of the mysterious trio turned their faces to look out the window, confirming my belief that these creatures driving the car were male. In fact, upon closer inspection, the male was more of a boy, probably only in his teens, with freckles. He scanned the yard and even into our yard - upon which my heart, which was already threatening to leap out my chest, lodged itself somewhere in my esophagus right at the moment when he looked into my hiding spot. Fortunately, just then a movement from Harry's window made the boy turn away. Harry had lifted his window and appeared to be as awestruck as I was. I strained my ears to hear their conversation, but the distance and the sound of the cacophonous motor drowned it out. It was all I could do to keep myself from pulling a "Roxie" and wedging my way underneath the fence, although I probably wouldn't get much farther than she did, thanks to my own over-full belly. Finally, a rope was tossed from the car, and Harry quickly tied it around the bars, while the car straightened out and backed up. I had to give it to these kids for inventiveness. If I was going to help my friend sneak out of home, it certainly never would have crossed my mind to rent a floating car. Then, it dawned on me what they were planning to do, and I braced myself for the inevitable noise that a wall would make when it is being ripped out of the side of a house. With surprising speed, the car shot forward, and I closed my eyes. The loud crunch certainly came...but when I re-opened my eyes, the window had been neatly removed.

"Uncle Vic would love to see this," I whispered to Roxie, who whined in response.

Two of the three boys inside the car clambered out, and hopped through Harry's window, coming back in a few minutes with a large trunk which they managed to push out the small window right into the car's trunk, which had been positioned perfectly. This break out plan was going well, I thought to myself. Too well. The thought crossed my mind a moment too soon because just then a rhinoceros stampeding noise added itself to the existing rumpus, which meant only one thing. Vernon Dursley. Sure enough, just as Harry had passed the large bird cage containing one large bird through the window, a pair of meaty arms grabbed at Harry as he was about to hop out the window into freedom. Such was my excitement, that I nearly began shouting at the top of my lungs, before I caught myself.

"Oh, come on Harry, kick him in the face, just get out of there!" I muttered under my breath. Just in time, three pairs of arms shot out from inside the car, grabbing Harry and pulling from their end. With one mighty pull, the three from the car won out, and Harry went toppling out the window to join his rescuers, leaving Mr. Dursley, Mrs. Dursley and Dudley peering out of Harry's small window, open-mouthed as the car zoomed upwards into the night.