A Life Half Lived

CHAPTER 18

Fortunately it was a full moon. That meant that when she arrived at The Den, Pilar was still up, waiting for her husband and Sirius to return from wherever they went on full moons.

Tomorrow the adults in the house would be tired and cranky, but Pilar knew that Harry could cope with the twins for a day, and blessed Dumbledore's understanding that let Harry visit during that tumultuous twenty-four hours.

Morgan's pounding at the front door roused her from her doze in front of the study fire, and she hurried out. Whoever it was would wake the children if they weren't careful.

She did not expect Morgan, nor did she expect Morgan to be in tears.

Well, actually she did. The fact that Morgan was here when Severus was supposedly spending the weekend with her meant that they had probably had a row, and that Morgan had fled.

Pilar hoped that she wouldn't be called upon to be a sex counselor again.

She definitely hoped that it would be worked out quickly - because she couldn't cope if they did not resolve things by the end of the weekend.

She put her arms around her younger sister and drew her inside. Morgan was shaking uncontrollably and Pilar grew seriously worried.

Morgan only shook like that when the darkness inside of her grew too much for her to bear, and Pilar knew that she would have to work quickly to keep this dear sister sane.

She drew her into the study, and the two women sank down onto the hearthrug, both holding each other closely.

"Speak to me, Morgan," said Pilar. "What has happened?"

"He's not taking me seriously!"

Pilar sighed. It was going to be one of THOSE.

"About what, dear?"

"Children."

"What about children?"

"I want children."

"And?" Pilar grew irritated. She didn't want to have to drag this out of Morgan word by word. She wanted Morgan in bed and sound asleep by the time Remus came home.

She rather enjoyed his nature after he had transformed from wolf to man again, when the wildness of the wolf was still to the fore, and didn't want to have to delay anything.

Pilar shook her sister gently. "Morgan, if you don't start telling me the whole story, I will start to sympathise with Severus and probably tell you to go to hell," she said sternly, knowing that her words would jolt Morgan out of whatever little wallow of angst she was reveling in.

Morgan's eyes cleared as Pilar's words sank in. She explained to her sister everything - from the potion to her conversation with Severus that night.

Pilar hugged her again. She had no idea that her sister had been damaged so badly - and would lay a lot of money that Narcissa didn't either. "He was right about one thing. You can't let your fears of death overtake your life. And you do have a lot of time for children. Morgan, darling, you don't want a child right now. It may mean you would have to give up training Harry."

Morgan started upright. She had not thought of that. Being pregnant and with a young baby would definitely curtail any apprentices she wanted to take on.

"I hadn't thought of that."

"I didn't think so. Besides, if it does come to your not being able to have a baby, then there are ways around it."

"How?" asked Morgan miserably. "If I can't conceive, I can't have a child. And even if I can conceive, then what if I can't carry a child?"

"Muggles have overcome a lot of problems for women who can't have children. Have you never thought that you could use eggs from either Narcissa or I? Artificial insemination could be the answer. And if you can't carry a child, then I would do it for you."

"But it wouldn't be mine!"

"Morgan! Have you even been to see a doctor? A specialist to find out if you can have a baby?"

"No."

"Then how can you be certain you can't?"

"Severus said...."

"Possibly. Not definitely. And even if it is definitely, my offer stands."

"You would do this for me? What about Remus?"

"It's my body, Morgan. I would discuss it with Remus of course, but I think you will find he would leave the decision to me. You may even be surprised at his point of view. But first - you have to get yourself checked over. Both magically and by a good gynecologist. Do you have one?"

"No."

"Then I'll make an appointment for you to see mine. She's a witch, but also has Muggle medical qualifications. To top it all off, she's a lovely lady."

Morgan sighed and rested her head against her sister's breast, feeling the need to be mothered for a bit. "Why didn't I come to you before?"

"Because you keep forgetting that you have people you can turn to now. People who love you and who will accept you for what and who you are."

"People who aren't on the side of Voldemort?"

Pilar laughed softly, catching the reference to Lucius, and why Morgan could not go to Narcissa.

"That too," she said hugging her younger sister fiercely. "I hate to do this, Morgan, but it's nearly moonset, and I think you should go to bed. Now."

Morgan stirred, feeling drowsy. "Why?"

"Because Remus will be back soon, and he will need me then."

Morgan was surprised to see her sister blush slightly at that. So that was how it was. She realized that Pilar was not talking about bandaging cuts or running a bath - at least not completely.

And she marveled at the love between her sister and her husband that allowed them to cope with his curse - indeed seemed to let them revel in parts of it.

Morgan then realized that the problems she faced were nothing. She stood up. "Sheets? Towels?"

"In the linen cupboard. I'll get you some."

Morgan wandered to her room, feeling better for her talk with her sister. Tomorrow morning she would go home and apologise to Severus - if he was still there.

And even if he wasn't - she would find him and apologise. She had been completely irrational tonight, letting all her fears overwhelm her. It had not been fair to him.

Morgan climbed into bed, the sheets soft and welcoming, smelling of lavender and sunshine. She closed her eyes and let sleep take her.

Her dreams for once were not nightmares, but dreams of a family. Dreams of her and Severus Snape.

He arrived the next morning at eight, pounding on the door and calling for Morgan.

As it happened, Harry and the twins were the only people up, and he opened the door, an exceedingly grubby baby tucked under his arm.

Snape was rather taken back at the boy before him. If the baby was grubby, it was nothing to Harry, who looked rather like one of Neville Longbottom's potions had exploded over him.

"What have you been doing to that child, Potter?" he asked.

Harry grimaced. "I haven't done anything to the puppy. The puppies have done it to me!"

Now Snape was confused. "Puppies?"

Harry looked discomforted. "Sorry - babies. For gods sake, don't let Pilar hear you calling them puppies."

"I hadn't intended to. Is it something that happens often?"

Harry grinned. "Sirius and Remus can't stop calling them puppies, and it's sort of rubbed off on me."

"Somebody should have warned you about letting bad habits from that particular pair rub off on you, Potter." Snape at his most Snapeish.

At that point, a loud crash came from the kitchen. "Oh ye gods, what's she up to!" cried Harry, dumping the baby in Snape's astonished arms and racing towards the kitchen.

Snape held the kid gingerly, it dangled from his hands and even with the hold he had on it, it felt decidedly sticky. And smelly. He looked down and saw a trickle falling to the floor. With horror he realized it was actually his goddaughter he was holding. His goddaughter who he usually saw clean and sweet-smelling. What had happened to her?

And Morgan thought he actually wanted one of these?!

He took it into the kitchen, wondering how he could get rid of it. Then he saw the disaster of the kitchen. "Potter what have you been doing?"

"Giving the girls breakfast. Pilar has just started them on some solids, and they find it fun to play with it."

Snape looked at the gooey mess dripping off most of the surfaces in the kitchen. This was solid?

"Have they been using canons?"

"Just hands."

He felt a twitch from the child in his hands. "Potter take this and clean it up. In fact, clean up this whole area."

"Best if I finish feeding them first. Otherwise it'll get messy again," he paused and remembered. "By the way, Sir, just why are you here?"

"I'm looking for Morgan."

"I haven't seen her, but that doesn't mean she isn't here. If you wait a minute, I'll just check her bedroom."

Snape looked panicked. There was no way he was going to be left with this disaster. "Just tell me where it is and I'll go," he said hastily.

"No need," came a voice from the doorway, "Good morning, Severus."

He turned around slowly and felt his eyes glow and himself harden as he looked at the woman in the doorway.

He had no idea a shabby plaid dressing gown could look so good.

"Good Morning Morgan."

"I think we should talk."

"Good idea."

She took him by the hand and drew him out of the kitchen. "Harry you had better get this cleaned up fast. You don't want Pilar to see her darling babies like that."

Harry muttered to himself. Morgan had no idea just what the so-called "darling babies" were capable of. "You might at least offer to help," he called, knowing that he was as likely to get an answer as Remus was to not change to a werewolf during full moon.

He looked at Heather and Lily who were now sitting in their high chairs looking innocent. "Don't you pair look at me like that. You know what you've done, and coming all coy and innocent at me won't work."

The babies merely blew bubbles at him.

Morgan led Snape upstairs to her bedroom. He looked around himself, never having been here before.

And it was here, he realized, that you could see the true woman. It was a fresh pretty room, decorated in shades of gold and white - the colours bringing out her own blaze of hair and delicate colouring.

Around the room were photographs of her family, and on the mantle he was surprised to see one of the two of them, flanked on either side by a photo of Remus, Sirius, Harry and Draco and one of Morgan with her two sisters.

The mantelpiece clearly showed the people who were closest to her heart. He was flattered that he was there.

Morgan sat down on the bed - the only sittable piece of furniture in the small room. "I am sorry, Severus. I was irrational and I took it out on you. You were right. There is no need to hurry to have a baby and.."

He interrupted. "Don't apologise for being afraid. Don't apologise for thinking of the future. I am sorrier than you can imagine for being so nasty to you last night. I didn't take your concerns seriously - but then I'm not used to thinking of anybody but myself. It will definitely take a bit of getting used to."

He sat next to her and put his arms around her, hooking her onto the bed with him, her cradled in his lap. "I always envied them when Remus and Pilar sat like this," he murmured, "and I know now why they do. It's terribly comfortable."

Morgan relaxed back into him. "Awfully comfortable. I don't really want to move." She moved slightly anyway, and put her arms around his waist. "Pilar is really pissed off with us both, you know."

"Ye gods. And we're staying here?"

Morgan chuckled. "Pilar won't be up for hours yet. It was a full moon last night."

His arms tightened and he bent his head to kiss her. "How convenient."

"Very." Morgan returned the kiss and pressed herself closer to him. "I missed you last night. I couldn't help feeling that without you asleep next to me, everything was wrong."

"It was. Very wrong."

"But we can't spend every night together. I can't see Dumbledore letting me move into the school."

"No. None of the married Professors have their spouses living with them at the school. But the married Professors do get some extra time off."

"I guessed that - from how often Remus comes home."

"Ahh - officially he lives out. That means he can go home after the end of prep in the afternoon."

"How convenient," Morgan smirked.

"I can't live out, Morgan. I'm the head of Slytherin House. I can't just dump that on somebody else. Much as I would like to on many occasions."

She sighed regretfully. "I know. Besides, we're not even married. We'll just have to put up with your free weekends, and any other time we can snatch."

"Disappointed, Darling Girl?"

Morgan smiled. He'd done it again. It happened rarely, but she knew that for it to slip out - in such a deeply reserved man - that it was heartfelt. "I am. I think I could very much like sleeping next to you. Even without the sex, I like being with you. Love being held. You make me feel safe."

He hugged her harder. "Thank you, Morgan." He kissed her again, lingering on her lips and holding her close. "I love you," he said softly, "Oh my Darling Girl, how I love you."

"Oh Severus! Please don't leave me."

"Not sure I could, actually." He kissed her again, his hand slipping into the opening of her dressing gown. "In fact, leaving you right now would be rather awkward."

She sat up and took off the dressing gown, and he gasped again as he looked at her naked body. She took his breath away every time he saw her like that. Morgan leant forward and kissed him, and then let herself drift down, eager to taste him - to give him pleasure.

Their ardour left them both breathless as in a flurry he discarded his own clothing, welcoming her touch, but raising her before he could come - he needed them joined; to give mutual pleasure.

Their cries filled the room and floated out the partially opened door into the hallway.

Harry, coming upstairs to bathe the two babies, saw the open door and looked at the couple.

Surprisingly, he felt no nausea at the sight of Snape having sex with Morgan. Only a surprising joy that Morgan was happy.

Shifting one of the babies, he used his foot to close the door. This couple would have to learn about the closed-door rule in this house if they were going to spend any time here at all.