A Life Half Lived

CHAPTER 13

Severus Snape looked at the woman in the chair, her chin resting on her hand - the elbow of her arm resting on her leg, a faraway look in her eyes and a soft smile on her lips.

In the light of the lamps her hair turned from flame to a rich deep red, and he could see the beauty of the woman she would become as she grew older. Less brash, more refined - and his heart grew full. He hoped that the love shining in her face was for him - wanted to see the promise reflected in the lamplight become reality.

"Morgan," he said softly - and the spell was broken, and yet it was not. As she looked up at him, the love stayed in her eyes, and her smile was for him alone. "All sorted out with Draco, darling girl?" he asked - appalled as he realised the endearment that had slipped out.

He could not remember when he stopped calling her "Morgan" in his thoughts, when she had become his "darling girl". Had never intended to speak the words aloud - although he had wondered what her reaction would be.

Her reaction was, as it happened, all he could have hoped for. Her eyes went wide, and her lips parted; her face became softer and infused with wonder and love. That was how he thought of her! And Morgan's heart turned over - was it possible that he loved her?

She forced herself to answer his question, knowing that she would need his help in this task. "In a way," she said slowly, "Draco wants to spend Christmas with me. Home apparently is pretty horrible," she paused and took a deep breath, "apparently Lucius is demanding that Draco become a DeathEater." As she looked up at him, he saw the horror and fear in her eyes.

He felt a shiver go through him at her words, and remembered the pressure he had been put under. A pressure he, at that time, had never been able to resist. And his fear that he could not keep resisting as he did now. "And does Draco share that wish?" he asked.

"He's not sure. He doesn't think so, but said he wants time to think and can't do that at home."

"And you want to give him that time - and be able to influence the outcome."

"Yes. But I had intended to spend the holidays with P," she then blushed, "or you."

He walked over and pulled her out of the chair, sitting down himself, and drawing her onto his lap, her head on his shoulder, his arms cradling her. She sighed and snuggled close - feeling much the same relief Draco had felt earlier.

"I may have a solution," he said slowly, not believing he was going to suggest what he was about to. "What if I invite you to my home for Christmas. Pilar, Lupin and the whole damn pack can come too if they want - but I don't think I could stand Lucius and Narcissa for two weeks."

Morgan sat up and looked at him. "Funny - I never saw you as having a home, other than Hogwarts. I suppose you must," she said.

He nodded. "I rarely go there - it has very bad memories. But what's left of my family are there, and I usually visit for a week or so during the summer holidays," he made a face. "They take me being the Head of the Family seriously, and everybody in the villages on the estate is trotted out when I go home."

"Estate? Villages? Severus, just how big are we talking here? And where?"

She thought he shifted uncomfortably. "In Cornwall," he said, "and it's pretty big." Morgan thought she saw him blush. "As for size, well there's the main house and its grounds, as well as home farm, and two villages on the Estate. Oh - and three smallholdings."

Morgan looked at him even more incredulously. "Bloody hell, Severus! Please don't tell me you have some ancient title to go with it."

He looked even more uncomfortable. "No. Usually we are just known as the Squire. And before you ask, we've not had any money for a few hundred years now. It all gets spent just to keep the estate running."

She dropped back against his shoulder. "I don't care about money, Severus. It hasn't done me any favours. But how many rooms has home got?" she asked weakly.

"I'm not sure. I remember hearing once that it had 30 bedrooms - I believe it's probably got about 100 rooms or thereabouts. It's bloody huge, I'm afraid. But - it will give Draco the room, and we can fit the Wolf Pack in without any problems. It's just a suggestion, though."

"I'll take it on," said Morgan. "I think that the idea of Neutral Ground may help here." She was intrigued - and wondered what Severus Snape - Lord of the Manor was like. And wondered what pain it was that kept him away from his home - obviously a place he loved from the tone of his voice. She wondered if he would ever feel comfortable enough to tell her.

For himself, Snape didn't know whether to feel ecstatic or sad at her acceptance. Didn't know whether this was a commitment to her or not. But deep inside, he needed her to see his home. Needed her to see the boy he had been when he was growing up. And in his heart, he tried to deny that he wanted her to be acknowledged as his Lady by the people he had known all his life.

Severus Snape tried to harden his heart towards this woman. Tried to see her as someone for whom he felt an unusual amount of lust, but no more. To love was to lose. Love was for those who had no self-control. Love was dangerous.

Then why did he crave it from this woman? Why did she fill every waking thought - not to mention some very interesting dreams?

He sighed, and tightened his arms around her. God she felt good. He began to run his hands up and down her arms - and felt her become more and more pliant. Sighing again, he bent his head to hers and began to kiss her.

Morgan opened her mouth under his as his kisses became more and more passionate. She felt his hands move from her arms to her breasts - stroking and kneading, and she leaned into his hands, wanting the touch. She felt him harden against her thigh, and moved her own hand to touch him.

Severus started as he felt her hand on him - and took pleasure at the gentle stroking of his erection through his trousers. His own hands wandered over her body, and finally pushed up her skirt and he started to stroke her - feeling her moistness against his questing fingers, and her indrawn breath as he probed deeper.

Not here, he thought, not some quick tumble here. He wanted to spend time doing this, wanted her in his bed where she belonged, he realised to his shock.

Raising his head, he looked down at her. "Not here," he murmured, "will you stay with me tonight?"

Morgan nodded - she had no words left.

They stood up and embraced again, this time their kiss was long and loving - the passion tightly restrained in them both.

He took her hand and led her through a narrow door at the back of his office, a passageway to his own chamber.

As they entered, Morgan looked around keenly. The room was austere and masculine in appearance, though as she looked around she could see small touches that gave hints to the personality of the occupant. She wandered around, and he watched her indulgently.

Morgan looked at the bookshelves and saw that amongst the heavy texts on potions and dark arts were novels. Ranging from heavy and meaningful, to the positively ridiculous. She saw that most of them were obviously read, and read often, and saw others that she recognised from her own collection. Novels she had introduced him to - and that he had obviously gone and bought himself.

She picked up a copy of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe" and flipped through it - chuckling as she read his comments in the margins. His deeply hidden sense of humour shining through in this private place.

She looked at the mantelpiece and was surprised to see a photograph there. A Muggle photo of herself. She remembered it being taken - and had not realised he had bought a print. She felt touched that he had done so, and obviously put it in a place where he could see it constantly.

She looked at the furnishings - the surprisingly large sofa, covered in soft velveteen, rather than the leather she would have expected. She looked at the matching armchairs, plush and inviting. One of them, she noticed, had a small table next to it, as well as a reading lamp. She imagined him buried deep in its comfort, reading, or perhaps just staring into the fire. Absently, she ran her hand over the back of the armchair, imagining herself curled up in its depths with him.

She turned back to him and smiled. "So this is where you live." He nodded. "And where do you sleep," she said, teasing, but wanting him to acknowledge the bed.

He pointed silently at the bed, and she caught her breath. It was huge - a four poster, like most of the beds in school, with deep green hangings - not the usual Slytherin green, but a much deeper richer shade. She walked over to the bed and touched the soft covering. "Nice," she said. He nodded again.

Suddenly, he turned and went into what she could see was the bathroom and closed the door. Morgan smiled. She would be waiting when he came out.

In the bathroom, Snape leaned against the cool marble of the sink. His heart was beating so hard and so fast he thought he would have a heart attack. His mouth was so dry he couldn't get any words out.

Watching her prowl around his room touching his belongings had been hugely erotic. He had not been able to trust himself to talk, to move, frightened he would lose all control and fling himself on her.

He washed his face and hands, needing the cool water to help him think rationally. He knew she definitely was not a virgin - but all the same, he felt as if he was about to take something infinitely precious.

He took a deep breath. It was a passing infatuation. It had to be lust, pure lust. Once he had fucked her senseless, then it could be over.

After all, the thought of Hogwarts Potions Master, Professor Severus Snape being in love was ludicrous.

Wasn't it?

He left the bathroom, and walked into a room of semi-darkness. The only light was the fire, and a lamp near the bed. As he entered the bedroom, his eyes adjusted to the dimness, and he looked around the room for her.

His eyes were drawn by a pale glimmer on his bed, and he looked at her. Naked, relaxed against the pillows on the bed. Looking directly at him. His blood pounded, and he felt himself get harder - so hard he felt pain.

"Now you've got me here," she said, "what on Earth do you intend to do with me?"

He smiled and walked over towards the bed. He looked down at the woman and sat on the edge of the bed, raising his hand.

"This," he said, running his hand down one side of her body - starting at her neck, skimming her breast, and down her thigh to her ankle. He then moved his hand to the other side of her body, "and this," he said repeating the gesture.

He watched her shiver and moan beneath his hand, and ran it back up her body - letting his fingers skim the red curls between her legs - feeling her shudder as he touched her.

"This," and he lowered his head to her breasts, his tongue flicking out to each nipple in turn, causing her to cry out at his touch.

"And perhaps this," he said, his mouth moving down her body, down and coming to rest between her legs, his tongue again reaching out to touch her - causing her to cry out her desire. She was delicious. As he eagerly tasted her, he felt her hands catch on his head - drawing him closer and he willingly obliged - wanting to know her taste, wanting to give her this pleasure.

Morgan was trembling at his touch, and as his mouth had trailed over her body had wondered how she had lived without that touch.

As his mouth found her centre, she had cried out and never wanted him to stop, her hips raising, pressing herself into him - never wanting the delicious feeling of his tongue and fingers to stop. She felt her orgasm growing, and with a cry that was part sob, part scream, she felt him eagerly welcome her need, felt him drinking her deeply, her pleasure increasing as she felt his eager mouth between her legs.

He moved up her and kissed her, and she could taste herself in his mouth. It was the most erotic thing she had ever experienced. The intimacy of the act moved her and she felt herself build to a second orgasm.

Her hands moved to his shoulders - and she struggled to remove his coat, his shirt - needing to feel their bodies together.

He left her and stood, hastily removing his clothing. Morgan coming onto her knees to help him, looked admiringly as he stood naked before her.

She reached out her hand, and stroked his erection - gaining pleasure in his drawn in breath, in the way it lengthened and hardened even more under her hand.

Her mouth followed her hand, and she gave herself up to the pleasure she was giving him.

She had no idea she was moving against the soft bed coverings - her excitement matching his, until she felt his hand clamp against the back of her head, tasted him as he came, and shuddered her own orgasm.

Then his lips were on hers again, and she knew by the way he shuddered that he felt that same erotic charge she had - and for the same reason.

He moved onto the bed with her, lying down next to her, his hands stroking and caressing, her hands doing the same.

She felt him lengthen and harden again, and shifted slightly. "I want you inside me. Now," she said, pulling his head down to hers for another kiss, "I want you to fuck me until I can't take it any more."

His breath caught, "Oh Gods, yes," he moaned, raising himself above her, and entering her.

Morgan felt him enter her - felt him fill her and felt that she had never had a man this deeply inside her before, a man who seemed to fit her body so well.

He moved slowly, lazily, and she found herself grinding herself into him in an effort to get him to move faster. He moved his hand down to her hip. "We have all the time in the world," he said, "don't rush it."

In answer, Morgan pulled his head down to hers and kissed him deeply, and surrendered to his loving.

Severus was trying to control his own need - he wanted more than anything to grind himself into her - to take her with all the urgency he felt. Instead, he forced himself to move slowly, revelling in the exquisite pain that the slowness caused, and knowing she felt it as well.

He allowed himself to revel in the sight of her breasts, and decided that he would die a happy man if he could see, touch and taste those breasts whenever he wanted. The thought surprised him, as he had never really been drawn to a woman's breasts before. But then, none of the other women were Morgan.

He felt his strokes quicken as he drew one nipple into his mouth, and abandoned himself to their mutual need.

He felt himself thrust harder and deeper into the woman beneath, her moans and cries of ecstasy mirrored in the thrust of her hips to meet his. He'd never experienced anything like it, and he groaned as he came, felt himself fill her with his come.

Morgan screamed as she felt him come. "Oh god yes!" she cried, her own climax released by his frantic movements. "Fill me, Severus. I need you to fill me."

Her hands grasped at his shoulders, the nails digging into his back as she tried to pull him even closer, their climaxes causing them to grind together, sweat soaking them.

He finished, and found himself completely spent, unable to even remain inside her. Morgan felt his cock slide limply out of her as he collapsed, and felt it lay against her leg.

She could feel their mutual orgasm dripping out of her and her breathing was short in the aftermath of her passion.

Severus looked down at her, his eyes and hands wandering over her body, taking pleasure in its curves (and he became even more determined that she would eat more. He worried that he could count her ribs). He imagined the over-slender body beneath him with more flesh - and hardened immediately.

With more curves she would become more gorgeous to him than she was now. He looked between her legs, and smiled to himself.

The sheet was inundated, and he could smell the tang of sex in the room.

The smell made him desire her even more, and he moved to kiss her mouth, her breasts, anywhere she let him. Her response was everything he hoped for, and he wondered how he could ask her what pleased her more than anything. Wondered how he would find the words to tell her what he liked.

Morgan loved the feel of him making love to her. This had been more than sex, it had been the most intense feeling she had ever had. She desperately wanted to confide in him. Confess her deepest sexual desires. To tell him how to pleasure her, to ask what he enjoyed.

She felt his mouth on her body and responded with kisses of her own, and took a deep breath. It was now or never. She explained to him exactly what she wanted him to do.

He blinked. Had she just said what he thought?

"Pardon?"

Morgan looked at him, realising that in spite of everything, she was far more sexually experienced than him. She tried again, trying to use words of two syllables or less.

Snape blinked again. Well, that was clear enough. He felt himself harden, and realised the full implications of what she was asking. He caught his breath as he saw the look in her eyes, lust overlaid with love, and knew that the same look was in his eyes.

He thought about what she had asked him, and felt his breathing quicken as he realised how good it sounded.

"What a wonderful idea," he said, raising them to her knees, turning her around so his erection pressed against her arse. His hands cupping her breasts, then pulling her head to his shoulder and returning to her breasts. He covered her mouth with his before bending her forward and entering her from behind, raising her up when he was inside.

He followed her instructions to the letter and both of their eyes glittered as they watched themselves in the mirror she had enchanted. Unable to look away, lost in their own desire.

It was the best sex he had ever had. And he never wanted to let her go.

Morgan rubbed herself against him, the desire she had voiced had been a fantasy of hers for some years, and he had been the only man who, when she had voiced it, had seemed to feel the same desire as she had.

It was as good as she had hoped. And she never wanted him to let her go.

Their loving continued long into the night, until finally exhaustion overcame them during sex. Still joined, their hips still moving, they fell into a deep sleep, locked together, body, heart and soul.