A Life Half Lived

CHAPTER 8

Pilar returned to The Den exhausted. She had not been able to persuade Severus to come back with her, but she did have a letter he had written to Morgan.

She found herself actually feeling sorry for him, but finally understood his reasoning. She smiled, remembering the Valentines Day when she first saw the hidden depths of the man, and wondered if he knew just how much he had revealed to her.

She also smiled ruefully to herself. She had dearly hoped that Sirius and Morgan would make a match of it, but knew from the reaction of both Morgan and Severus that this was not just a sex thing. It went deeper, even if neither of them was willing to admit it.

Obviously neither was ready to cope with it - both fearing the emotions they felt. Both fearing loss. Neither of them ever having felt love before, and both of them running in fear from that strong feeling.

Pilar Lupin looked sad as she reflected that on the whole, her exile from Remus was not the worst thing that could have happened to them. At least she had never believed that loving lead only to pain and fear. Had never lived her life in fear of her emotions, trying to deny them to herself.

She knew what had happened to Morgan, and wondered again what had happened to Severus Snape to make him the man he was.

She opened the front door and headed for her husband's study, knowing he would be there waiting for her. He was, and her heart melted as she saw him fast asleep on the couch, their twin daughters also fast asleep tucked into his side, his arm protectively around them.

She walked over and kissed him, needing to be included in his protective embrace. His eyes opened and she saw the flash of desire that appeared whenever he looked at her. "All sorted then, love?" She nodded.

"As much as it can be. I've a letter to Morgan from him. He is just as confused as she is, but I'd bet my life he loves her as deeply as she loves him."

"And just who is "he"?" asked her husband.

Pilar started. She had forgotten he did not know. "Let's get the girls to bed first. I don't want them to be hurt when I tell you," she said, knowing his reaction would not be good, but also not being able to resist teasing him just a little. "Remember, you promised not to hurt him."

Remus grunted rudely, but picked up one of the sleeping babies and handed it to Pilar. "Take Lily. I've got Heather." He suddenly looked inordinately proud, "You missed it this evening," he said, unable to keep silent, "the girls performed their first bit of magic."

Pilar's eyes shone. For the moment, the achievement of her children overshadowed her sister's plight. "Oh Remus," she cried softly, "and I wasn't there to see it! What did they do? How did they do it?"

He put a finger under his wife's chin, lifting her face to his. She was so dear to him, and beneath the pride in his daughters' achievement, he felt her pain that she had missed it. "They were not at all happy about having their bath, and managed to move a considerable amount of water over Sirius."

Pilar snorted. "Splashing doesn't count," she said, knowing her daughters' bath time habits.

"It does when the water splashes down from a foot above his head."

"Ohhh!" and she looked down at the babies. "Who's mummy's precious darlings then?" she cooed, as they carried the children upstairs to the nursery. "Who's smart enough to drench Uncle Sirius?" She chuckled suddenly. "How did Sirius take it?"

"With surprising good humour. In fact, I think he's very proud of them. Amend that - I know he's proud and he says that they will make good little marauders."

"Over my dead body," said Pilar dryly. "I am not having you and Sirius Black teach them any of your little tricks. Do you hear me Remus Lupin?" Her tone was stern and her expression forbidding.

"Yes, dear," said Lupin meekly. His eyes, however, were twinkling. There was no way he would ever tell Pilar that he and Sirius had already started to plan how they would teach the girls.

When they had the babies settled, and were getting settled in their own room for the night, Remus brought up the question of Morgan's boyfriend (or whatever he was!) again. He was stretched out in bed watching his wife brush her hair, the action soothing to both of them.

"So, you were going to tell me who he is."

Pilar looked up at his reflection in the mirror. She knew she would have to tell him and was not sure how he would react. She put the brush down and got into bed beside him, his arms going round her and holding her close.

"Now you have to promise that you won't hurt him," she said, kissing him. He returned the kiss.

"Promise. Now spill before I get too distracted."

For a moment Pilar considered distracting him - feeling strangely reluctant to tell him what had been revealed to her that evening. Her hands started to wander over his body caressing, and she felt him harden with desire.

Unfortunately, he was used to her using this method of distraction, and was able to enjoy the sensations whilst still keeping his mind on the topic of conversation.

His own hands started to roam, and he lazily answered her. "Not going to work yet, Pilar. Spit it out so I can get some ravishing practice in."

"Perhaps you had better ravish me first - you may not want to after I tell you," she said, hoping he would take the hint. Hoping that he would forget his question.

"Not a chance, Pilar. Spit it out."

"Severus Snape."

"Please don't say that name when I'm trying to make love to you. It puts me off. And I still want to know who Morgan's involved with."

Pilar giggled. "I am definitely not wanting to put you off," she gasped, "Oh god, Remus, " she gasped suddenly, "please do that again."

"Nope. Not until you spill the beans."

"But I did! Morgan is in love with Severus Snape. And from his reaction to her, and what he told me tonight, I think he's just as in love with her as she is with him."

Remus stopped and sat up. "That has definitely put me off," he said. "I thought Morgan had some taste in men - not to mention some sense. What does she see in Snape?"

Pilar looked disgruntled. She just knew this would happen. "I have no idea what she sees in him," she snapped, irritated that their lovemaking had been interrupted. "All I know is that they both desire each other, and from what both of them have said, they are probably as deeply in love as we are."

Remus looked thoughtful. "I suppose they would get along well," he said slowly. "They both tend to think the same way, and I know that Morgan's been very happy in the past few months with her new working partner. Who, by the way, I take is Snape?"

Pilar nodded. "She said that she's been attracted to him from the get-go, but felt that the mission was far too important for her to be distracted by having sex with him. He said much the same thing. The result has been sexual tension you could cut through with a knife - and this afternoon they both lost control a little."

"So they had hot, sweaty sex. What caused the fallout?"

"They didn't have hot, sweaty sex," Pilar said and blushed. She felt very uncomfortable discussing her sister's sex life with her husband - especially where Severus Snape was also involved! "Morgan is, let us say, sensitive in certain areas. Snape apparently appreciates those certain areas on her, and showed it. They were both rather embarrassed by the results, and Severus felt he had taken advantage of her. Unfortunately, Morgan thought he was disgusted with her, and she fled."

Remus looked as uncomfortable as his wife, and for the same reasons. "It would have been better if they'd gone the whole hog," he said finally.

Pilar nodded. "But both of them are incredibly stiff necked. Neither would admit to wanting the other - and it took me hours before I would get either of them to admit they actually enjoyed their encounter."

"Pilar! You didn't!" He was shocked now.

"Well somebody had to! I have to make them both see that their need for each other is not something to be ashamed of." She looked Remus directly in his eyes. "Imagine what would happen if we decided that our love was something that would undermine us. That loving each other was something that was not proper. To be frightened of the emotions that love releases."

"Was it as bad as that?"

Pilar nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks. "Oh Remus, they are both so unhappy. And I'm afraid that Severus will be too proud to ever let himself loosen enough to admit to her he loves her."

"And what about Morgan?"

"The difficulty with Morgan is that beneath her hard exterior is a heart of pure marshmallow. She takes her ideas about love from silly romance novels. And both of them are scared to death of how they feel, and because of that fear, won't admit to feeling anything other than lust for each other. By the way, where is Morgan?"

"Morgan is probably lying in bed eating chocolate, reading a romance novel and sobbing. Hopefully, though, she's asleep," said Remus, "I tucked her in just after you left. She was exhausted."

Pilar put her arms around her husband and hugged him. "Thank you for that," she said fondly, "I've a note for her from Severus, which I will give her tomorrow morning. I know what he's put in the letter. Morgan will accept it, and it will make her happy again. But if Severus won't unbend a little to her, then everything will just keep going around in circles."

"And their mission?"

"Will go on. Neither of them will allow it not to. They are both determined to see it through - to make it succeed."

"And their love affair?"

"I intend to do everything I can to make that succeed."

He reached over and kissed her deeply, his hands resuming their exploration of her body. "And my needs?" he asked, nipping lightly at her throat.

Pilar arched her body to meet his. "Oh I intend to fulfill your needs my darling. And really, you never have successfully ravished me."

*****************

Morgan read the letter from Severus Snape again. Her face softening as she re-read certain paragraphs. She looked up at her older sister, her eyes shining. "So he doesn't find me disgusting?"

"Oh Morgan! How could you think he did! If he did find you disgusting, do you think he would have done what he did? He was disgusted with himself - he felt that he had taken advantage of you by losing control."

Morgan snorted. "I wish he'd lost control more," she said.

Pilar smiled. "Remus thinks that as well. He said that if you'd both had - as he put it - hot, sweaty sex, then there wouldn't have been this problem."

Morgan and Pilar both giggled like schoolgirls. "Remus is one of the most clear-minded men I have ever come across," said Morgan. She smiled cheekily. "When you've finished with him, sister dear, can I have him?"

"Morgan!"

"Only joking. I know you'll never be finished with him."

Pilar looked at her younger sister, who was still holding the letter, occasionally looking down at it to re-read certain sections. She smiled. Morgan was more in love than she would ever admit. She watched the younger woman smooth a finger across the writing, as if the action of touching Snape's writing brought him closer to her.

This was going to be a very interesting relationship, and Pilar wondered if she would be able to cope with the force of the emotions involved.

And then wondered if Snape knew he had no chance at all of getting rid of Morgan now.