A Life Half Lived

CHAPTER 7

She appeared on the front doorstep of her house, now known as "The Den", where her sister Pilar and her family lived. She had tears in her eyes as she stood there, for the first time in her life wanting a man who had rejected her.

Loving a man.

Morgan raised her hand and knocked, the tears now streaming down her face. She heard the noise of dogs barking, and hoped her sister would answer the door soon.

To her dismay, it was Sirius Black who answered. He took one look at her face and swore to himself.

He had no idea who had caused her this distress, but he was going to do something particularly nasty to them when he found out.

Taking her arm, he drew her inside, and yelled for Pilar to come down. Morgan squirmed under his hand, trying desperately to hide her face, herself. Not wanting anybody but her sister to see her distress. Desperate to avoid the touch of any man. Fearful of their disgust of her.

"For gods sake, Pilar. There's something wrong with Morgan."

In the bedroom upstairs, Pilar heard the words and felt her heart turn over. She looked at the baby at her breast, unable at the moment to move. She turned to her husband, engaged in one of his favorite pastimes (watching her). "Remus, I can't go, " she said, her voice anxious, "bring her up here."

He nodded, moving swiftly from the room. There must be something very wrong for Sirius to sound so distressed.

When he reached the bottom of the steps he could see there was something badly wrong. Morgan was huddled against the wall crying. Sirius just looked confounded, as each time he tried to approach her, she pushed him away.

"Morgan?" asked Remus, wondering what had happened to upset his usually even-keeled sister-in-law.

"Oh Remus!" she wailed, throwing herself into his arms, and sobbing onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, and patted her head. "Pilar is upstairs feeding the pup - er - babies. She said to bring you up." He felt her nod, and supported her up the stairs, guiding her into the bedroom.

"Morgan, whatever is the matter?" asked Pilar as they entered, her heart going out to the sobbing woman in her husband's arms.

"Everything's so confusing, P. He hates me. Worse. I disgust him. I can't face him. Can't work with him. And I think I love him."

At that, Morgan collapsed on the floor, burying her head in her sister's lap, and broke into a fresh round of sobs. Pilar looked up at her husband and took a deep breath. "Remus, can you please organise a nice cup of tea for us. Morgan and I need to talk," her voice tightly controlled as she tried to keep her sister from hearing the anger she was feeling. Somebody was going to pay for upsetting Morgan this badly.

He nodded, deciding that whoever "he" was, he was going to have to do some explaining. Fast.

The male members of the house had discovered that Pilar was not the only de Lisle woman who had a trick of creeping into your heart. In her own way, Morgan had also managed it. She had become part of the family, a group that was starting to be called the "wolf pack."

And the Pack Leader was not pleased that one of his pack had been hurt.

He went downstairs and found Sirius and Harry in the kitchen, and started to thump around with the kettle. He could have done it using magic, but he felt the need to thump things.

Sirius looked at him. "So, will it be fists or wands?"

"As soon as I find out who he bloody is, it'll be both," snarled Remus, sounding more like the wolf than his normal self, "and if what he's done to Morgan ends up upsetting Pilar, it'll be me going to Azkaban for murder."

He pulled out his wand and aimed it at the kettle, intending to boil the water.

The kettle exploded.

Harry looked at both men, got up and filled a saucepan with water. "I think I'd better handle this," he said, "and you're going to have to replace that kettle or Pilar will want to know what happened."

"I'll replace it," said Lupin, "but it felt damn good to blow something up."

Harry finished making the tea, and the three males sat waiting for the females of the pack to make an appearance.

When they finally did, the tea had been re-made twice, and they had fed all of the puppies. Both women looked exhausted. Morgan's face was still tear streaked, and Pilar had a set look about her lips.

She sat Morgan down at the table and poured her a cup of tea. Then she looked at her husband. "I have to go to London," she said grimly, "look after the children."

Remus crossed over to her, and moved to put his arm around her, but her raised hand stopped him. "Don't touch me, Remus. Just now, I'm not safe."

He nodded. "When will you be back?"

"I shouldn't be too long," she paused. "I may be bringing a guest back with me. Promise me that you and Sirius won't hurt him."

Remus stood straighter. "I'm not sure I can do that."

Pilar softened, and kissed him gently. "I love you," she said. "Please, promise me. For Morgan's sake."

He looked grumpy. "Can you give me a good reason why?"

Pilar looked amused. "Well, whatever I say, you will want to hurt him anyway. But I think that he will be feeling as bad as Morgan at the moment. And I think that what he's feeling for her is as strange to him as her feelings for him are to her. But somehow, if we can stop them from killing each other, they may just be as happy as us in the end."

"It's a reason. Not a good one, mind, but a reason. If I can somehow make it make sense. If he hurts our Morgan again though, I won't be held to any promises."

"If he hurts our Morgan like this again, you won't get a look in." With those words, Pilar disapparated.

When she appeared in the living room of Morgan's flat she looked around, marveling at the fact that such strong emotions had left no mark. Then she noticed the figure slumped on the couch, his head in his hands.

"Severus."

He looked up, and she saw despair. She looked at the man, and realized she had never seen him look like this before. His eyes were haunted, and he looked grim.

Pilar recognized the look. She remembered it on her own face when she and Remus had been separated.

And she saw the confusion in his face. The unyielding pride, and the determination to not let anything he felt show.

Then in a flash, it was gone. His face became the usual hard surface.

"Well, if it isn't Mrs Lupin," he said mockingly, "what the bloody hell do you want?"

Pilar shook her head. "It won't work with me, Severus. I've been there, remember."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Morgan. She arrived at home, nearing collapse. I've had her wailing for the last few hours, sobbing that you hate her, that she disgusts you. Blaming herself."

He was startled at that. "But I don't!" He stopped and put his face back in his hands, trying to grasp the control he had always had, and failing miserably. "I still don't see why it's any of your business," he said finally, his voice hoarse with the raw emotions that still coursed through him.

"Morgan is my younger sister. I thought you knew that?"

"She never mentioned it. So, Morgan has gone home to her big sister. How mature."

"I can understand why she thinks you hate her. As for myself, quite frankly, at this moment I could kill you without a second thought, you bastard."

"I don't hate her. I hate myself for what I did to her. For losing control. And you're right. I am an evil-tempered bastard and nothing will change that. But I never meant to hurt Morgan."

Pilar sat down in one of the armchairs and rested her chin on her clasped hands.

"Suppose you tell me your version then."