Rating:
PG-13
House:
Riddikulus
Ships:
Other Female Squib/Other Male Squib
Characters:
Other Female Squib
Genres:
Humor Slash
Era:
Harry and Classmates Post-Hogwarts
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 12/28/2005
Updated: 12/28/2005
Words: 2,301
Chapters: 1
Hits: 257

Cats Galore

lumos2005

Story Summary:
Mrs. Figg had a thing for cats.

Cats Galore

Chapter Summary:
Mrs. Figg has a thing for cats.
Posted:
12/28/2005
Hits:
257


Mrs. Figg had a thing for cats.

It was fifty-five minutes past five o'clock in the morning when Mrs. Figg was waiting for her suitor in her lovely home in Number thirteen, Wisteria Walk in the Surrey village of Little Whinging. The man promised he would arrive at six a.m, bringing her presents for her special day. She sat patiently in her brown dusty rocking chair as her six cats surrounded her.

One of the cats was a small brown Devon Rex cat with rosy ears. The name of this slender and muscular cat was Devon and was always found playing with Mrs. Figg's black and white Persian cat whose name was Matthew.

Matthew was always the type who would bring comfort and cheer to Mrs. Figg but breaking things accidentally seemed always a waterloo to this feline.

Another was Sean, a dark, svelte Siamese cat whose favorite past time is licking a piece of wood located near the table beside the rocking chair.

A jet black Chausie cat identified as Christian, had a broad muscular chest and had dark marks in its legs, ears, and tail. Christian always had a tendency to fight most of the cats especially winning over Robert.

Robert, an Abyssinian always gave an instant impression of grace, with long, slim legs, displaying the illusion of standing on tiptoe. But after every fight with Christian, he always ended up badly injured because blood usually spattered all over its body.

A Korat cat, named Tom, was the only cat that has a good relationship with Christian. Tom, a muscular and supple cat, had a distinctive torso and a body of silver-blue and silver sheen caused by silver tipping on its sleek hair.

The sun gleamed overhead and alerted Mrs. Figg. She checked the grandfather clock. It was just fifty-seven minutes past five a.m. She picked up Matthew who was eyeing her in front of her as if he had been longing for her to notice him. Matthew curled in Mrs. Figg's lap and closed its eyes. Meanwhile, Mrs. Figg reminisced on the day she had met her beau.

She met him in the Kwikspell School of Beginner's Magic where Squibs like her learn simple spells using Kwikspell's courses and methods. When they were first introduced, they both got along pretty fine for they were the only two people there who knew about Dumbledore and the school Hogwarts. After months of hard work, she was sometimes successful of doing simple incantations and was able to produce a Scintillation solution. Her acquaintance, however, failed to succeed.

Although difficult times seemed to go on, he liked her and she liked him despite his short temper. She dreamed that hopefully their friendship will have developed into something more over the years. She knew she deserved love. She longed for it ever since her late husband passed away. She assumed that love can be found in the heart of the man she met in Kwikspell.

Now, she was going to meet him again on her birthday. She put down Matthew and paced around the room.

"One more minute to go," she whispered to herself as she checked the time again.

"What if he doesn't come?" she wondered.

"No. He will come. Just give him a little more time. He would want to come at his best therefore using Floo Powder and ending up sooty is impossible. Undoubtedly, he can not apparate or fly, thus, his only choice is to walk," she decided.

She closed her eyes and hoped for the best.

The grandfather clock chimed six o'clock and there was a loud creak that came from her doorstep. She opened her eyes and rushed towards the entrance as Tom and Christian followed her. She flung the door open and found herself face to face with the man of her life.

Mr. Filch was wearing khaki pants and a grey vest layered by a brown lengthy coat. He carried his usual smug in his face but his brown eyes sparkled like the barks of the Whomping Willow. He brought with him a caged cat and a leash that held another cat. Mrs. Norris trailed after him. He hugged Mrs. Figg and she welcomed him with a smile.

"Happy Birthday, Arabella!" Mr. Filch said. The cat in the cage shuddered.

"Thanks, Argus!" Mrs. Figg said. "How did you get here?" she asked.

"A portkey, organised by Dumbledore, directed me to St. Ottery Catchpole and I walked from there," he replied. The cat in the cage made loud noises.

"Ooh! Great man Dumbledore!" she cried happily, ignoring the cat in the cage.

"Before I forget, my dear, I brought you...not one, not two, but three presents. Check them out," he said. The caged cat began scratching the steeled pillars that bounded its cage.

Mr. Filch put down the caged cat and tied the leash around the pillar of Mrs. Figg's house. He stood beside the pillar and urged Mrs. Figg to come near him.

"This leashed cat was previously owned by a seventh year Hogwarts student who was punished by me for breaking a couple of school rules," Mr. Filch smirked.

"Her punishment was no other than surrendering this cat. This student named her Crookshanks, but since I am giving her to you, you could rename her anytime you want," he added as he pointed to the leash where an enormous cat with fluffy ginger fur sat grumpily.

"Why did you put her on a leash?" Mrs. Figg asked.

"Because she always tries to get away from me. I was supposed to put her into that cage--" Mr. Filch snapped. "But that tabby cat deserves it more," he pointed to the caged cat. The caged cat made even louder noises, but Filch didn't seem to mind.

"Don't you think the student would mind?" Mrs. Figg asked again.

"No, my sweet. The student deserves retribution for her actions," he replied.

"So what will her name be?" Mr. Filch added, sweetly.

"I rather like the name Crookshanks," she replied as Mr. Filch looked disappointed. The caged cat made irritating noises for it continued to scratch its cage.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" she asked, once more.

"Girl," Mr. Filch snarled.

"Let me check," she said. She carried Crookshanks and held it by her anus.

"Indeed it is a girl!" she shrieked.

"Told you, my love."

"But are you sure the student wouldn't m--" Mrs. Figg started.

"NO! NO! NO! Enough about the damn student!" he baffled, looking completely paranoid.

Sean finished licking the wood, looked up and gave a raucous "meow!" at Mr. Filch.

"Alright," she said somberly. "Sorry for bringing it up."

Mr. Filch just glared a 'you-should-be' stare, and finally he said, "That's quite fine, Arabella."

As though Mr. Filch's reply wasn't good enough, Devon and Matthew drew nearer Mr. Filch and scratched the leather out of his boots. Mr. Filch gave a high kick and Matthew flew, detaching himself from Filch's boots and knocked over Ms. Figg's favorite vase.

Mrs. Figg raised her eyebrows and gave Filch an angry look.

"You! You--you broke my vase!" she pointed to Filch.

"I did not! Your ruddy cat did!" he shouted.

"You kicked him--"

"That is because he is damn anno--", he stopped short. "Alright, Arabella. Sweet Arabella, I am sorry. Forgive me and let's forget that this ever happened," he said suddenly.

Mrs. Figg has just finished picking up the remains of her vase. She stood up, and glared at Filch. It was her turn to do the 'you-should-be' stare. Then, she muttered, "Ok. Let's forget that moment ever happened."

Filch beamed. "Ok. Now for the second gift," he said softly.

"Come here Mrs. Norris. Come here, my sweet," he said as he urged Mrs. Norris, who slyly came towards the couple.

"Mrs. Norris is my second gift. She is a very good companion and I hope she would be to you," he smirked.

"Why! Thank you, Argus. That is so thoughtful of you. Are you sure you would like me to keep her?" Isn't she the only one you've got?" Ms. Figg asked as her anger faded away.

"Definitely. She is all yours now," he sneered.

"But isn't she the only one you've got?" Mrs. Figg asked, beaming ever so widely.

"Yes. But I've got you now," Mr. Filch said. He grinned showing his shiny golden tooth.

Mrs. Figg stopped smiling. She didn't know how to react, because after the vase incident and Filch's mistreatment of her two cats, her feelings towards him changed.

"Er--", she started. "Anyway, what is your third gift?"

"Oh," Filch stuttered. "Yeah. That is my third gift," he said drawing nearer to the caged cat.

"Why is it caged?" Mrs. Figg asked.

"Same reason with Crookshanks--because it will get away from me. This cat is a stray cat. I have just found him on my way here. Didn't I, my sweet?" he asked the caged cat.

"I found this tabby cat a bit unique and unusual. He had these markings on his eyes, don't you see?" Filch pointed at the caged cat's eyes. "That's why I have decided to give him to you. I knew you had a thing for cats. I put this cat in the cage in a jiffy before he could even complain," he said.

"Lovely!" Mrs. Figg squirmed in delight. "Since you are so used to saying 'he' and 'him' are you definitely sure he is a male? What sex is it?" she asked.

"As to that, I have no idea. Let's see, shall we?" Filch said.

Ms. Figg opened the cage while Mr. Filch stooped down to get a grip of the tabby cat. He held the cat by her anus and replied, "It's a female, Arabella!"

Ms. Figg opened her mouth to reply, but something happened. The tabby cat turned into a sever-looking woman who was wearing square glasses the same shape of the markings the cat had around its eyes.

"I know I am a female, Argus," Minerva replied angrily.

"Professor?" Filch asked in disbelief. "Sorry--I--", he stammered. "I didn't mean to!"

"Next time you try finding a gift, double check if it's what you really want!" Minerva attempted to kick Argus but somehow she can't. She realised Filch was still clutching her anus.

"Let go of me, Argus!" Minerva shrieked.

"Oh sorry, Professor," Filch said, sounding not sorry at all. He seemed to enjoy the pleasure of holding Professor McGonagall.

"Now that I'm back to being human, I assume you would return Crookshanks to its owner," she added.

"But--why?"

"Crookshanks rightfully belongs to Hermione Granger. Crookshanks wasn't involved in Granger's scene of crime and Crookshanks is definitely not an object banned in the Hogwarts castle," Minerva said.

"Is this true, Argus?" Mrs. Figg asked, seriously.

"Yes, but--"

"But me no buts, Argus. I see you are only left with one gift, and that is Mrs. Norris," Minerva replied sternly.

Filch rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe it. He was this close to pleasing Mrs. Figg with his three gifts just to win her heart. What could be worse?

"Actually, I do not wish to receive any gift at all. You mistreated my cats, you broke my vase and you are the worst caretaker I have ever met. You can have Mrs. Norris back. I don't like something that would remind me of a silly idiot that you are," Mrs. Figg said.

"But sweety--please! Forgive me for my harsh and stupid actions--" Filch started.

"Oh don't you call me sweety. Devon, Christian, Tom, Sean, Robert, Matthew...get him!" Ms. Figg said.

The six cats drew near Filch and soon Filch found himself lying on the floor after several aggressive attacks. Devon started stripping the clothes of Filch, with his claws scratching hoarsely Filch's body. When Devon scratched the leather out of his boots, Filch kicked like crazy. Then, Matthew pissed at him. Before Filch could stand up, Sean dropped a piece of wood over his body. After that Tom went on top of him to snarl the hell out of him. Filch had been shouting and moaning since he got shocked to death. When he was about to let out another scream, Christian, whose paws were very dirty, crawled beside Tom, leaving nasty dark marks all over Filch's body. Then, Robert licked the insides of Filch's open mouth.

Filch laid there in the stony cold floor. He was still unconscious, naked, and petrified by the looks of it. The two women, watching every move the cats were making, sat there bewildered.

"Erm--Minerva?" Mrs. Figg started.

"Yes, Arabella?"

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

"I would fancy one. Thank you very much," Minerva replied.

The two women entered the house. Minerva sat in the couch while Mrs. Figg prepared some tea.

"So you do have a thing for cats, do you?" Minerva asked, as she sipped her tea.

"Yes. Very much," Mrs. Figg replied.

"Alright. Then, that settles it," Minerva said.

"Settles what, may I ask?" Mrs. Figg asked, but the answer flashed before her eyes.

Professor Minerva McGonagall transformed back into the small tabby cat she was, with square markings around her eyes. She moved towards Arabella Figg and gave a soft 'Purr...'

Arabella Figg carried the tabby cat and placed it on her lap. She stroked the fur of the slim feline. It was soft and cuddly, and gave every sign of grace whenever it moved its grey slender legs.

"I want you for my birthday," Mrs. Figg decided.

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A few streets away, a boy called Harry Potter woke up with a start. He had a very vivid dream, yet he couldn't remember the details. He sat up in his bed, and spoke of nothing but a very short sentence.

"Aunt Marge has a thing for dogs. Big BLACK dogs."


The six cats were named after the hot HP actors, Devon Murray, Matthew Lewis III, Sean Biggerstaff, Robert Pattinson, Christian Coulson, and Tom Felton. Each of these cats played their own character in the fic. (Example: Matthew plays Neville, a careless boy. In this story, Matthew knocks of a vase accidentally.) Please review. Sorry if this isn't really a fic worth reading. Critiques galore, if you please!