Harry Potter and the Adventure He Affectionately Calls Life

"Malfoy," Ginny replied rather nervously. "Draco Malfoy."

"Oh," he said, looking her up and down and nodding in satisfaction. "In there." He nodded his head in the direction of Draco's room.

Ginny wasn't sure what to do. This had seemed like a good plan. But what would Lana do? Should she act like Lana or herself? Ginny sighed, wondering if Lana would knock on the door or just burst in. Maybe you should knock, she thought. He might be naked. Then a voice in her head reminded her that seeing Draco naked was nothing she hadn't seen before. With a sigh, Ginny raised her hand and knocked on the door.

"What the hell do you want?" Draco called with annoyance from the other side of the door.

"Hi, Draco," she said, letting herself in.

"Lana! I didn't know who you were... Sorry..."

She smiled. "It's okay," she said, reminding herself that she had to sound American. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just getting ready for bed. What about you? Is Ginny with you?"

"Ginny? No, she's up with Ron," Ginny said smoothly. Hard part over. "Um... Draco... can I talk to you for a while?"

"Sure," he said, frowning in concern. "What's wrong?"

Easy, Gin. Just remember what Lana said to do. "Harry broke up with me."

"What?" Draco stared at her in shock.

"Yeah." She sniffled.

"Why?" he asked, sitting down next to her and putting an arm around her shoulders.

"I don't know," she said, leaning into his shoulder. "He said that he's sixteen and doesn't wanna be tied down in a relationship like this. But I don't get it, I thought he loved me, Draco. I really thought he loved me." This is fun! Ginny thought, trying her best not to break out in laughter.

"He did," Draco said. "He does. Maybe he's just going through a phase. You know Potter. He's not exactly the smartest guy around..."

"Draco! Don't say that!"

"What? Can you blame me?" He took her chin in his hand. "Lana, he's an idiot. He has no idea what he's missing. If I were Potter, and I think the good lord that I'm not, I would be kicking myself in the ass right now for letting you walk away."

"Draco, that's so sweet." Make eye contact and hold it. That's what Lana said. She looked deep into his gray eyes as he looked into her blue ones. "Draco..." she said simply as she leaned up to kiss him.

Ginny wasn't sure what to expect. Half of her expected him to pull away immediately, the second half of her expected him to further it. The second half was right. Ginny felt her heart break again as Draco continued to kiss "Lana." How could I have been so stupid? she asked herself ascheek. How could I have been so dumb?

"Lana..." he said, pulling away from her after the kiss was through. He took her hand. "Lana, I can't do this. You're a beautiful girl, you really are. You're smart and funny and independent, and you know how I feel about you. Well, how I felt about you. A part of my heart will always love you, Lana, but right now I just want to be with Ginny. The part of my heart that loves her is the controlling my mind."

She stared at him in shock, using all of her self control not to beam like crazy and kiss him senseless. "I understand," she said, becoming Lana again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I'm just... I don't know..."

"You're hurting right now, Lana. I know. You're in a very vulnerable place and state of mind right now, and it's going to take time to get over it. It took me time to get over you. And I know, a part of you will always belong to Potter. I understand. And you can come talk to me whenever you need."

She smiled at him. "Thanks, Draco." She stood up and turned to him. "I'm just going to head back up." She hugged him. "Thanks, Draco. Thank you so much." She kissed his cheek and left.

Once safely outside, she headed to the empty girls bathroom on the second floor. Moaning Myrtle was nowhere to be found, and that was perfectly fine with Ginny. She waited until she looked like herself again, then beamed. He loves me, she grinned. He really loves me.

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The real Lana was just coming back. She had been with Professor Snape in the Potions room discussing her grade. Potions, as it turned out, was not her best class. Fortunately, Professor Snape had given her the chance to do some extra credit. A ten-foot parchment on Polyjuice potion, which wouldn't be too hard, just extremely laborious.

side, and even the great Hogwarts had a few faults. Water dripped in through a small hole in the ceiling. She knew it would be repaired by tomorrow.

"Hey Lannie," her cousin greeted her, coming out of the Great Hall with a few cookies.

"Hello, Ronald. Stuffing your face as usual?"

"Yup."

Lana laughed and walked on over to steal a cookie.

"What are you... hey! That's mine!" Ron held the cookie in the air. "Reach this!"

"I will!" She jumped and missed. "Hey! Ron! C'mon, don't be such a brat."

"My cookies," he said selfishly.

"Ronnie!" she whined. "C'mon!"

"Shut up," he said, rolling his eyes.

"No," she said stubbornly. "Cookie. Now."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Ron!"

"Lana!"

"Ron!"

"Lana!"

"Oh, fine. Have it your own way then," she said, pushing him.

"I will," he said proudly, pushing her back.

Lana lost her balance and fell back against the wall, banging her shoulder against it. "Ow. Now look what you did, you idiot."

"Sorry, Lana," he said, bending down to help her up. "Here, take the cookie."

"Yay!"

Ron rolled his eyes at her. "You okay?"

She rubbed her shoulder. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay." He handed her another cookie, and she munched it happily. He put his arm around her shoulder and rubbed it for her.

"Thanks, Ron," she said, stealing another cookie from him.

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Draco watched Ginny leave his room and sighed, not sure of what to think. I should just swear off of Weasley's forever, he thought. Well, I'm not going to get any sleep tonight. I may as well get some studying done. He changed out of his pajamas and into some normal clothes. He gathered his books and headed to the library. On his way up, he saw Potter's sidekick walking with his arm around a girl's shoulder. That girl definitely wasn't Granger. She was way hotter than Granger.

Draco watched as Weasley came up the stairs, his arm around... Lana? Yeah! Lana! She was eating a chocolate cookie and he rubbed her arm and kept saying, "Sorry, Lannie." Didn't girls eat chocolate when they were upset?

Draco calculated in his head that the girl in his room and been with him for just under an hour, and by now over an hour had passed. There was no way Ginny could have turned into Lana, back to Ginny, and then back into Lana again in the given time span. That means it was Lana in my room before. She must have just told Weasley about her break-up with Potter!

Draco felt like kicking himself. You stupid idiot, that was Lana. You could have had her. Your one chance and you fuck it up. Great job, Malfoy!

All thoughts of Ginny Weasley left his mind as he headed back to his room. I am the world's biggest idiot. I may as well tattoo it on my head for the world to see. What do I do with myself?

Once back in the safety of his room, Draco sat down. I need to figure out which Weasley I want. If Lana is available, do I go for her? And what about Ginny? She's so great. And I really do owe her. What do you mean, owe her? She loves you, and you love her. Ginny, I mean. You wouldn't have spent all that money on rose petals if you didn't. You wouldn't find her so fascinating to talk to if you didn't. You woou didn't. Just face it, Malfoy. You're in love with a Weasley again, and this time it's little Ginny. And the only reason you thought of Lana is because you think with a body part that is different from your brain. You know what I mean. You're a sixteen year old male, it's perfectly natural. Congratulations, Malfoy. You're in love with Ginny Weasley.

Draco stopped thinking. His eyes darted around the room nervously. He looked up and met his reflection in the mirror. Draco stared into his eyes, hoping to find some sort of answer there. He smiled at his very good-looking reflection. "Ginny", he thought and spoke at the same time. "Ginny."

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Ron was sitting on the couch in the Gryffindor Common Room. He was supposed to be writing a Potions paper, but Ron's attention span was... nonexistent at the moment. He was falling asleep by the warmth of the fire, the satisfied, full feeling in his stomach after a feast of a dinner and the constant yet melodic nagging of his girlfriend.

Ron snapped back to reality. "Huh?"

"Honestly, Ron. Were you even listening to me?"

"Of course!"

Hermione glared at her.

"...Not."

"I thought so," Hermione replied. "Well, when you fail this paper as well, don't look at me."mal (Web)" align="left" style="margin: 1.74mm 0.00mm 1.74mm 0.00mm; padding: 0.00mm 0.00mm 0.00mm 0.00mm; ">

Ron grinned, kissing her quickly. "What were you saying before you yelled at me?"

"I was saying that Professor McGonagall is standing right in front of us waiting for your attention." And so she was, an amused sort of smile on her usually-stern face.

"Professor!" Ron jumped up, his face red with embarassment. "Sorry. I was... um... potions... Snape... Professor Snape... um..."

"It's okay, Ron. If you don't mind, the headmaster needs to see you. In his office. Immediately."

Ron's face went from red to white.

"As well as your sister and your cousin."

"I'll get them," Hermione offered, shooting Ron a confused glance.

"Thanks..." When she was gone, he turned to McGonagall. "What's wrong? Am I in trouble? I swear, I didn't do it."

"Do what?"

"Nothing," Ron said quickly. "Nothing at all." He was joined a minute later by Ginny and Lana, and they filed out of the Gryffindor Common Room towards the headmaster's room. They were given permission to enter and did so, only to be greeted by...

"Charles!" Lana ran to her cousin and hugged him.

"Don't call me that," Charlie fussed, hugging her back.

"Andy!" Lana hugged Charlie's fiancé as well.

"Lana! How are you?" Andromeda smiled at her.

"Fine," Fred or George said from behind Dumbledore's desk. "Don't greet us."

"Honestly," George or Fred complained. "It's not like we're family."

Ron looked at his brothers in confusion. "What on earth are you all doing here?"

"Hello, Freddie," Lana said, kissing him on the cheek. How she could tell the difference between them was a mystery, considering Ron couldn't even do it. "Georgie-poo." She kissed him, too.

Ginny looked around. "What the hell is going on?"

"Perhaps, Miss Weasley, your question can be answered." Everyone stopped talking as Dumbledore came in. He looked at his chair, occupied by one of the twins, and smiled. "No matter," he said, conjuring up a rocking chair. "Now. Perhaps Charles-"

"Charlie."

"Charlie and Andromeda would like to answer that, as we've already discussed this."

Charlie looked at Andromeda and beamed. "Andy and I are getting married."

"Yes, we know," George said. "Hurry up and get to the important part. I do have things to do, you know."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "We want to get married here at Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore has already given us permission." There was a murmur of congratulations and excitement before he continued. "But we're going to do it over summer vacation when everyone goes home. Please don't tell anyone." Before Ron could ask, Charlie answered, "of course Harry and Hermione are going to find out, and of course you should tell them in advance."

Lana let out a little shriek of excitement. "Charlie, that's great! Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you!"

"Nah. You can write to Al and tell him."

"Okay," he said with another chuckle.

"So this is the big announcement?" Ron asked. He turned to the headmaster. "When McGonagall came, I thought I was in trouble or something."

"Well now, have you done anything to get yourself into trouble?" Dumbledore's blue eyes sparkled, making him seem younger than he really was.

"Of course not," Ron said.

Fred and George laughed.

"Now if you'll kindly excuse me," Dumbledore said. "I'm going to go read a bit, and then, we shall see if I sleep tonight."

"What are you reading?" Andromeda wanted to know.

"Passionate Trousers," Dumbledore said seriously, winking at Ginny. "And I must say, I am getting quite the education..."

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Charlie and Andromeda had Apparated back to the Burrow. (Andromeda was living in Ginny's room while Ginny was at school. Molly and Arthur wouldn't let them sleep in the same room.) Fred and to spend the night at their old school, testing out their latest products on eager, unsuspecting first years. Ron went to sleep knowing that the twins were up to something, but by this time was far beyond tired to know (or care) what it was.

As it turned out, the twins had chosen to wake the entire castle up at a time when they should all be fast asleep. "Fred, you go place the firecrackers in Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. I'll take Slytherin and Hufflepuff. Set them to get off at exactly four AM."

Sure enough, at four in the morning, firecrackers went off in all four of the houses. Everyone ran out in a state of panic, the twins watching from broomsticks outside and laughing so hard, they were in danger of falling off. The four house ghosts announced to their respective houses that everyone would be sleeping in the Great Hall, much like a few years ago when Sirius Black was trying to kill Ron.

"When I find out who did this," Lana threatened in between multiple yawns. "Someone is going to be in very big trouble." She turned to her cousin. "Do they have the death penalty here?"

Ron shrugged, eyeing the sleeping bags longingly.

"It appears," Dumbledore said, greeting his students in a blue-and-white striped nightdress (complete with a matching nightcap and Passionate Trousers in his hand). "We have a prankster about the castle."

"There!" Colin Creevy said, pointed. "Fred and George Weasley!"

"Where?" Filch demanded, coming into the Great Hall wearing nothing at all. Professor Fiora followed behind him wearing almost as little. (Draco and Ron winced at the same time at the unpleasant view.) "When I find those two..."

"Argus...?" Professor Dumbledore looked at him.

"Yes?" He looked down, realizing he was fully naked. Cheeks red with humiliation, he fled, returning a minute later with a pair of boxers and a large shirt for Fiora.

Ron, who found the entire scenario extremely hilarious, sat down where he was and started laughing uncontrollably. He was now dressed exactly like Filch, wearing nothing but boxers. Harry noticed for the first time that everyone was standing in the Great Hall in their nightwear. And what a sight it was! Draco Malfoy wore, of course, expensive silk pajama pants with "DM" monogrammed on the sides. Luna Lovegood wore bright pink pants with the word QUIBBLER written across the backside and a matching t-shirt with QUIBBLER written across the chest. "Ron!" Harry whispered. "Look at Pansy Parkinson!"

Ron turned around to see and laughed even harder. Pansy Parkinson wore curlers in her hair and the green cream of a facial mask. She slept in a pair of Hogwarts pajama pants and a tight shirt that Ron supposed was meant to say "princess." However the word "prissy" was flashing in bright green, no doubt the work of his twin brothers.

"Argus, if you would please inspect the castle? Students, you can wait until the inspection is complete, or you can sleep here. The choice is yours." Then he looked out to the window. "Mr. Fred and George Weasley, you are in serious trouble!"

Ron looked at the expression on the headmaster's face. Clearly his brothers were not in trouble. Only them, Ron mused with a grin on his face.

Harry shook his head in amazement. "Hats off to them," he said, making a show of taking off an imaginary hat and bowing. The twins bowed back at him, and Harry grinned. He looked over at Ron, who was still laughing at the entire scenario. Harry chuckled; in all the years of knowing Ron, he had never seen him laugh like this. Lana was staring daggers at her twin cousins and muttering some very R-rated swear words. Ginny looked shocked at her cousin's mouth, while Draco was clearly impressed. Only Hermione seemed to have maintained a level head, crawling into her sleeping back and shaking her head at everyone before sighing and trying to sleep again.

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Harry, Lana, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Ginny were relaxing on a picnic blanket on the edges of the lake. It was a fairly warm for the end of February.

"Harry, babe," Lana winked at him. "Love the jacket."

Harry shrugged modestly, putting his arm around her. "I wonder why you love it so much? Could it be... oh, I don't know... because you gave it to me?"

"I think that could be it."

"I think so." He kissed her quickly and Draco rolled his eyes. "I saw that, Malfoy," Harry warned.

"I don't care." He shifted so that Ginny could lean on his shoulder. "Hey, I have a brilliant idea." Ron raised an eyebrow in doubt, but Draco pressed on. "Granger? Truth or dare?"

Hermione grinned. "Malfoy, you bastard. There's no knowing what you'll tell me to do if I say dare. Truth."

"'Truth,' huh?" Draco frowned in thought. "How far have you and Weasel gone?"

Hermione blushed. "Um... pass?"

"You can't do that," Draco insisted. "You have to answer the question."

She squeezed her eyes shut as she saw Ron blush. She mumbled her answer.

"Excuse me? I can't hear you..."

"He..." she mumbled the rest.

"Herm!" Lana prompted. "Continue."

"He touches me down there," she yelled.

Lana and Ginny winced at the same time. The idea of their brother or cousin doing that to Hermione of all people was not something they wanted to think about. Neville Longbottom and Seamus Finnigan had been walking to lunch when Hermione had shouted. They stared at her blankly for a minute, then walked off while shaking their heads.

"Dare," Draco said with an air of boredom. "There's nothing you can make me do that I haven't done before."

Ron grinned. "Really?"

"Well, maybe except do the dishes or fold laundry. The house elves do that, you know."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Tonight, you will borrow Harry's invisibility cloak, sneak into Filch's room, and read his diary. I'll question you tomorrow to make sure you've done it."

Draco stared at Harry. "Potter, you've got an invisibility cloak?"

"It belonged to my dad."

"Right. And Weasley, how will you know if what I've read is true?"

"I've read Filch's diary," Ron said grimly. "Accidentally, but that doesn't wipe away the horrid mental images."

Draco paled. "How bad can it be?" he asked, sounding slightly worried.

"Bad," Lana insisted. "Very. Very. Bad."