Harry Potter and the Adventure He Affectionately Calls Life

When Harry awoke, the moon was shining through the window. He reached for the side table and fumbled for his glasses. "Uh... Madam Pomfrey?"

Nothing.

"Harry? Oh, thank God you're awake." Hermione got up from the chair across the room. Gently, she nudged Ron and Lana awake.

"Harry!" Lana threw her arms around him. "What happened?"

"I'm not exactly sure," Harry said. "How long have you all been here?"

"Professor Dumbledore Wingardium Leviosa-ed you and brought you here. He let us stay with you the rest of the day. We're supposed to alert Madam Pomfrey as soon as you wake up."

"Oh."

"You alright there, Harry?" Ron asked, his blue eyes full of concern.

Harry was silent for a minute. He felt fine. His scar didn't hurt anymore. "Yeah," he said. "I'm great."

Lana lay down next to him. "I was worried," she said quietly.

"I know. I'm sorry." He kissed her forehead softly.

"I'll get Madam Pomfrey," Hermione offered.

"You do that," Ron said, watching his best friend contentedly.

"Will you come with br> "Nah... I'll stay here."

"Ronald Weasley, come here this instant!"

"Coming," Ron said weakly.

"How long have I been asleep?" Harry asked once they were gone.

"All day. We were here the whole day, you know."

"All day? Wow." He turned on his side so he was looking directly at Lana. He ran his fingers through the silky waterfall of her hair.

"Do you remember anything?"

"No," Harry said, offering no clue to his emotions in his voice.

Lana didn't say anything.

Harry hugged her close to him, breathing in the scent of her.

She leaned her head into his chest so she could listen to his heart beat. Sighing, she closed her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"What time is it?"

Lana turned around and looked at the clock. "Near two in the morning," she yawned, facing Harry again and burying her head in his chest again. "G'nite, Harry," she yawned again, closing her eyes and drifting off into sleep. "I... love..." She fell asleep before she could finish.

Harry reached for his face and took off his glasses, trying not to disturb her. He folded them and placed them back on the nightstand. "I love you, too," he said, kissing her eyes closed before shutting his own.

_________________________________________________________________

"You alright?" Ron asked, coming up behind her. He put a hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah. Just concerned."

"Me, too. What do you think caused it?"

"I don't know," Hermione admitted, yawning.

"C'mon. Let's get you to bed."

Hermione shook her head indignantly. "I don't like leaving him here alone. If anything happens to him..."

"If anything happens to him, if anything happens, Lana'll be here. She'll alert us immediately."

Hermione considered this. She looked at Ron, his jeans peeking from the bottom of his school robes. "Okay."

Ron put his arm around her narrow waist and they walked back upstairs quietly. It was 2 in the morning, after all.

Mrs. Norris stared at them on their way up. She flicked her tail, then followed after them.

"Go away, Mrs. Norris," Ron said, annoyed.

"Meow."

She followed Ron and Hermione upstairs to the sixth floor. Ron and Hermione walked to the stair case to take them up to the seventh floor, but Mrs. Norris stayed behind.

"Fine," Ron smirked. "We didn't want you, anyway."

Hermione walked up to the portrait of the Fat Lady, who was snoring. She tot;What are you like before those showers?"

"I'm not too bad."

"Hmm..." Ron grew thoughtful.

"I don't like that look, Ronald Weasley." She poked his forehead, then kissed the now-red spot of skin. "What are you planning?"

"Oh! Nothing..." Ron raised his hands in surrender, Hermione's head hitting the rug.

"Oof!"

"Sorry!" He cradled her head tenderly. "I'm so sorry."

"That's okay. But now you have to make it up to me."

"Anything." Ron ran his fingers through her hair. It wasn't as thick and puffy as it looked.

"Let me sleep."

"Right here."

"In my room."

"With me."

"Ron, I'm tired!" she tried to look grumpy, but it wasn't working.

"I'm not."

"You were."

"'Were' as in past tense. But not anymore."

"Well that doesn't help me."

"Sure it does."

"How?"

"When a person is drowning, if a mermaid kisses them, they're not drowning anymore, right?"

"Uh... Ron? The mermaid isn't kissing them, she's giving them oxygen."

"Ssh! You non-believer." Ron shook his head. "You're upsetting my theory."

"What's your theory?"

"If I kiss you, I could make you not tired anymore."

"Or not." She stood up. "G'nite, Ron." She kissed him quickly then walked upstairs.

Ron sat down on the couch. Any second now... 3... 2... 1...

Hermione ran back down and threw herself into his embrace.

Perfect timing, he though, grinning. "And now, Hermione, I will see you in="left">

__________________________________________________________________

Ron walked Hermione to the stairs of the Girls dormitory (we all know he couldn't go in), and kissed her goodnight one more time. "I'll see you in a few hours. Then we'll go check in on Lana and Harry." With one final peck on her forehead, he left her.

He raced up the stairs to his room and reached for some parchment and a quill.

"Dear Fred and George," he wrote, reading aloud as he did so. "And hello, George and Fred, too! Hermione's birthday is coming up soon, and I haven't the slightest idea what to get her. I want it to be special..."

Ron wrote more, stopping twice. Once to go the bathroom, and the other to heat up some coffee. When he was done, he raced to the owlry. This was important, and hoping Harry wouldn't mind, he reached for Hedwig. Ron figured be better check the letter one more time before sending it off. He had inserted many complements. It was extremely vital that this letter was answered to.

_________________________________________________________________

Dear Fred and George. And hello, George and Fred, too! Hermione's birthday is coming up soon, and I haven't the slightest idea what to get her. I want it to be special. Since you two always seem tI thought I would seek out your advice.

But even more than Hermione's present, I want to play a trick on her. Nothing dangerous, just some harmless little prank. It's fortunate that I have two master-mind brothers as opposed to just one, or even none. That would be horrible!

Please write back soon. Your 'ickle Ronnie

____________________________________________________________

He strapped the letter to Hedwig's talon. "Give it to Fred and George. Make sure you get a reply."

Hedwig looked upset that she had been woken up at odd hours of the morning. She spread her wings lazily, as if she was yawning, and flew off.

___________________________________________________________________

Ron sat down awkwardly at breakfast the next morning. Neither Harry nor Lana was there. Not that he minded sitting down with just Hermione, of course. Hermione was awkward, too. In six years, this was the first time that something like this had happened. Oh, sure, sometimes Hermione had had to leave to do research or talk to a teacher. And sometimes Ron was sick. And Harry usually l towards the end of the years because he had to go and save the world. But this was different. Very different.

The owls flew in, and Ron searched the thousands of owls looking for Hedwig, who landed on his shoulder.

"Ron, why is Hedwig holding a parchment addressed to you?"

"I sent a letter to Fred and George last night. I wanted to make sure it reached, so I sent Hedwig."

"Oh, okay then. What does it say?"

Ron detached the letter from Hedwig's foot, feeding her a piece of bacon. He unrolled it. It was a relatively long letter, considering that their letters usually consisted of "Mum, Dad, we need money." Attached to the top of the parchment was a pink Muggle paper clip. Ron grinned. He read the letter and smiled, then passed it to Hermione.

"Ickle Ronnie,

Glad to hear from our baby brother. All is well. Mum and Dad are fine, business is booming, and there are these two American girls who are vacationing with they're family. They find us hilarious. Who wouldn't?" Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Yes, Ron, we will be pleased to send you a copy of our magazine. You'll have to subscribe, you know. And then we'll send you copies. Just because you're our brother doesn't mean we like you. Bloody prefect.

"Fare thee well, sweet Romeo - er, Ronaldo. Give our love to Herm-erm. Actually, don't. That's your job. Just tell her we said hi."

"Idiots, the both of them," Hermione muttered. "What's with the paper clip?"

Ron shrugged. "You know them."

Hermione nodded.

Ron stood up.

"You're leaving me?"

"Just for a few minutes, love. I'll be back."

"Okay," she said, slightly grumpy.

Ron stuffed the parchment into his pocket and walked in the direction of the boys bathroom. It was empty, considering everyone was at breakfast.

Ron detached the paper clip and sat down on the floor, leaning against the cool stone of the wall. He grinned. The paper clip signal had been a joke that Bill and Charlie invented so they could write to each other when they weren't together. The actual letter was hidden in case the parchment was intercepted. As long as there was a paper clip, they knew that there was a hidden message to be read. Ron stretched the paper clip so it was just a line of metal and wire, then tapped the parchment 14 times. Charlie had come up with that number, he believed. It was the number of letters in the sentence "Dragons Are Cool."

Ron, we are so proud of you. You want to follow in the footsteps of your amazing brothers (us two, of course) and play pranks on the people you love. We have the most amazing idea. We're assuming you're going to get this by the Twelfth of September, the thirteenth if you're delayed.

George and I will come to the castle on the eighteenth. You know Dumbledore always lets visitors stay for a few days. We have the most amazing idea. But I think I already said that. Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom. George will take over.

Hi Ron, it's George. Your brother. Your older brother. Not Percy, he's a different older brother. Not Bill, he's different, too. And no, not Charlie. And not Fred. Damn, you have a lot of older brothers. You lucky dog, you.

Now what was I talking about again? Oh, yes, this joke that you want to play on Hermione. We have the most amazing idea. Completely brilliant. Brilliant beyond brilliant. It involves Polyjuice potion. Now before you go objecting that it would take a long time to brew Polyjuice potion. We actually have Insta-Change, which works just like the potion except it isn't. And it's flavored, too. That poly shit is nasty.

So here's the plan: We arrive on the eighteenth and you give us some of your hairs. On the nineteenth morning, ask Hermione to meet you in your room. Tell Harry to move out for a few minutes, and tell Hermione you want to give her her birthday present. When she comes, Fred will be there, changed to you. He'll kiss her and do all of that romantic shit that we saw you and Hermione doing. Oh, wait, you weren't aware that Fred, Longbottom, and I were watching you. Oh, for heaven's sake, STOP BLUSHING. Anyway, Fred will kiss her. Then I, disguised as you, will walk in and demand to know what the fuck is going on. Are prefects allowed to curse? Whatever. Then I'll be all gentle and sweet and forgive her, and we'll end up on the bed or couch. Then YOU walk in. Don't say anything, just glare at her, and if she's the Herm-erm we love, she'll panic. Then you explain everything, Fred and I change back to normal and laugh our asses off, and it's all good.

Hi Ron, it's Fred. George had to leave. Those American girls are here. They really do exist, you know. Anyway, as for the birthday present, we know about the necklace. Herm-erm's parents were here just to deliver the package via owl. How sweet. Why don't you get her a ring to match it? George says it's a horrid idea, but I disagree. You can engrave her name on it. It's just the stupid, sappy thing you would do.

As a matter of fact, I'm so sure you're going to say yes that I'll order it and bring it when I come. Don't bother replying. I'll see you on the eighteenth!

Ron laughed. This was going to be fun. He tapped the parchment again 14 times, it changing back to its normal form. He couldn't risk anyone seeing it.

When Ron got back to the table, Hermione wasn't there. "She left a note for you," Ginny told him, handing her a piece of parchment that basically said that she had important work to do.

"Okay, then," Ron said, sitting down with his sister. "I'll just sit with you."

"Dean's sitting there."

"Okay then..."

___________________________________________________________________

Hermione climbed the stairs back to the seventh floor and knocked on Mr. Crivellare's door.

"Yes?"

"Good morning, Mr. Crivellare," Hermione said politely. "I trust you slept well?"

"Quite."

"Good."

Mr. Crivellare looked baffled as to what a sixth year girl was doing in at his room with him in his boxers. "Can I help you?"

"Five."

"Five?"

"Five."

"Five what?"

"Five times." It felt good for Hermione to be in charge this time.

"Five times?"

"Five times."

"Five times what?"

"Five times Harry's faced Voldemort. Not six."

"Excuse me?"

"You're wrong, Mr. Crivellare. He's faced Voldemort five times."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. As a baby. Trying to get the Sorcerer's stone. The Chamber of Secrets. The Triwizard Tournament. And the Department of Mysteries. That's five." She held up five fingers. "Where's the mysterious sixth," she demanded, her hands on her hips.

"In your third year. The Dementors. The Death Eaters."

"But he never faced Voldemort."

"My dear Miss Granger. You know well as I do that those were sent by Voldemort."

"He never faced him in our third year."

"Close enough."

"Five times."

"Six."

"Five."

"Five and a half." Mr. Crivellare slammed the door shut.

__________________________________________________________________

Harry woke up the next morning to find Lana asleep in his arms, her breath falling heavily on his cheek. He reached for his glasses and looked to the grandfather clock that read that Lana's first class began in fifteen minutes.

"Lana?" he whispered gently, shaking her.

Lana frowned, then sunk back into slumber.

"C'mon. You have a class. I'll be here for at least half a day, if I know Madame Pomfrey. You have to go."

"Two more minutes, Hermione. I promise."

At least she got the first letter of my name right, he thought wryly.

"Lana Weasley, get up this instant!" Madame Pomfrey yelled down at her. "How long have you been there?"

"Two more minutes, Hermione. I promise."

___________________________________________________________________

Lana made it in time for Potions. Hermione was sitting next to Ron, her head leaning on his shoulder. Both of them looked like they hadn't slept all night.

"How's Harry?" Ron asked. "We meant to come visit him, but we..."

"Don't. He's fine."

"Oh, thank God," Hermione sighed, obviously relieved. "Thank God."

"Settle down," Professor Snape murmured.

Lana suddenly realized that she had no one to work with. Hermione and Ron were together, holding hands underneath the desk. Neville and Seamus were talking about something, but Lana was in no mood to figure out what.

"Looking for something, love?"

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Lana turned in the direction of Draco's voice. "No, thank you."

"Harry's not here. You need someone to worth with today."

"How observant," Lana retorted, rolling her eyes.

"You can work with me."

"Is there a problem?" Professor Snape wanted to know, sighing in distress that his class was being interrupted yet again.

"No, sir. Not at all." Now I can tell him that I'm Harry's girl. Maybe it'll work out after all.

Draco put his arm around her waist and let it ride down her back.

Then again, maybe not.

___________________________________________________________________

Hermione was fuming at Potions the next day. "I'll tell you later," was her response when Ron asked what was wrong."

"Okay," Ron said, hugging her supportively.

Hermione took a deep breath and exhaled. She shook her head. "Let's get to work," she said, picking up the supplies on the table.