How Adam's Ears Changed Stan

The scene before Stan's eyes had evolved into an erratic snog. Instinctively, Stan brought his hands up from his sides and promptly covered Adam's delicate eyes. "Sorry, little guy, but the rating on spying on Mummy and Daddy with Granddad has currently been upped to a PG-13, and seeing as how you are twelve years too young, you must go." He put Adam down. Adam started to wail.

"Oh," cooed Mrs. Granger. "Come over here, sweetie..." Adam nodded shyly making everyone present say, "Aww..." Stan scowled. Why didn't sentimental things EVER happen to HIM?

Returning to his post, Stan balled his hands into tight fists as he watched Harry stroke his daughter in many an inappropriate place. Hermione seemed to be enjoying it though, as her throaty moans were echoing distantly off the walls of the corridor. They were becoming increasingly raucous by the second as they haphazardly wandered, still DEEPLY enthralled with each other, closer and closer to the room.

"What on earth is making that unusual sound?" Stan's worst fear was confirmed by Delia, who looked utterly perplexed. A barrage of moans and sharp intakes of breath were quickly becoming VERY audible. "Stan, you're near the door, what the devil is going on out there?"

"Err..." Stan didn't know quite how to respond. How the bloody hell was he going to communicate was happening outside the door??? "Err...it's um...can't put a label on it really..."

"Well at least describe it for me, for God's sake!"

"I don't know, Delia...have you ever watched your pregnant daughter attempt to seduce her husband in the deserted corridor of a London hospital?"

"No, can't say I have actually..."

"Delia Smyth, what are you saying? You have too!" corrected Delia's husband, John. "Don't you remember Catie's little escapade with Chris last year?" Both Catie and Chris went a deep shade of scarlet.

"Oh, no, no, dear, THAT was in the JANITOR'S CLOSET of a London hospital!" Delia retorted, causing John to slap his beefy knee and bellow, "Oh, that's right! Don't know WHAT I was thinking!"

Just as silence feel over the hospital room again, Harry and Hermione's husky voices penetrated the serenity.

"God, Harry, just do it!"

"So you want me to take you right now?"

"Yes."

"Right here?"

"Right here."

"Right HERE?"

"Right here."

"Okay!"

Stan leapt out of his chair and, quick as a flash, snapped the door closed, thereby blockading out the groan-y sex noises lofting in from the hallway, and turned to meet the shocked stares of his relatives, his face more crimson that a hard boiled egg submerged in red food coloring. "I...uh..."

No one moved a single centimeter; they were all so immensely mortified. If someone would have contacted the people with the Guinness Book of World Records, they family would have been loaded, for no one could have ever, in all of history, achieved a redness deeper than Stan's, though Mrs. Granger was definitely getting up there.

"Um, Granddad?" Simon inquired shyly. "Um, why are my Mummy and Daddy making those weird noises? Are they hurt?"

"Oh, no, quite the opposite, I'm afraid..." Stan managed before falling to the ground in a dead faint.

Every stood over him and gaped to the sounds of "Oh, Harry! Oh, GOD, Harry! HARRY!" coming from the hallway.

Simon rounded on his Great Aunt Kathleen. "Is my Daddy going to come b-?"

"Oh!" Kathleen interrupted him with disgust. "I'm sure he already cumming, cumming all over a perfectly polished floor!" Simon was confused, so he plunked himself down next to his grandfather, once again not having the slightest clue what the adults were talking about.