There Is No Such Place

Chapter summary: Sirius' Brilliant Idea (does the idea strike fear into your heart? It does into Lily's...) is revealed; nudity and dubious hilarity abound. Snape continues to dabble in moral ambiguity.

See chapter 1 for disclaimers etc. Some author's notes and credits at the bottom.

They clung to each other in silence for a long time. Finally, Severus pulled away.

"I fucking hate this school," he said.

"Right now, I think this school hates you, too."

"Huh." He sat down on the piano bench, playing with her hand. "Spawforth wants to expel me."

"Can he?"

He shrugged. "I don't think so. Dumbledore's never expelled a student yet, not since he became Headmaster."

Lily watched him, admiring the shape of his lips and eyelids. Sometimes, she could be distracted by the smallest things: the curve of his ear, the light on his fingernails. He was far from beautiful, but she could never grow tired of looking at him.

He caught her eye. "It doesn't feel real," he said.

"What doesn't?"

"Anything. Outside of this room ... I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know what to do." He leaned backwards, and she saw the heavy shadows under his eyes. "It's like a nightmare. Unreal. Surreal."

Lily thought of the dark bruises on James' stomach. Those were real enough.

"I wish..." she said slowly.

"What?"

"I wish this was different."

He smiled slightly. "Me, too."

***

The boys were out of the hospital wing the next day, turning up in the common room shortly after the last class ended. Lily was curled up with a book in a chair by the fire. The boys waved at her as they split up: Peter and Sirius headed up to their dorm, Remus stopped to talk to a couple of third years who he was tutoring, and James was called over by Frank.

Lily watched their conversation over the top of her book; it looked like Frank was berating him, again, for his attitude towards Snape. She thought of Severus' conversation with Marguerite in the Restricted Section, and wondered what he had against Frank Longbottom.

Sirius wandered back downstairs, tucking a piece of parchment into his robes. Lily wondered if it was the map of Hogwarts that Remus had concealed from her a couple of weeks ago, and if so, why the boys were still carrying it around.

She tried not to wonder why they were concealing it from her.

Sirius grinned at her, and wandered over to throw himself on the rug at her feet.

"How's the nose?" she asked.

Sirius shook his head in mock sadness. "I don't know, Lily, but I'm dreadfully afraid that this is the end of my girlish beauty."

"Yeah, but you still have your charming personality," said Remus, joining him. "Oh, wait. No you don't."

Peter came bounding downstairs, taking them two at a time. On the last one, he tripped over his robes, but managed to right himself at the last minute. Sirius and Remus applauded politely, and James looked up from his conversation with Frank to shoot the number "9.7" from his wand. Lily giggled.

Peter grabbed an enormous cushion and sat down, looking like a young, pale Buddha. "Did we miss any interesting classes?" he asked.

"Interesting?" said Lily, "no. Important? Yes."

"Ah, bugger," said Sirius. "We haven't revised Aural Charms yet, have we?"

"What, you need revision?" asked Remus in mock surprise.

Sirius shrugged. "Just couldn't figure them out."

"Couldn't figure what out?" asked James, joining them. He looked around, realised that there was no space, and then took up residence on the arm of Lily's chair.

"Aural Charms."

"Ah, easy. I'll show you later, Padfoot."

"Cool. Hey, what did Frank want?"

"Word about Snape."

"A good word?" asked Peter.

"There are good words about Snape?" asked Remus.

James shrugged. "Wants us to back off a bit. I tried to explain that we were backing off this time, but he didn't care. Like he wasn't planning to ignore the git completely two weeks ago." James frowned. "Not that Snape isn't acting strange, all right. Following us around and--" He glanced at Lily and stopped. "Yeah, well. You know."

'I don't,' Lily wanted to say, but she kept her mouth shut.

"I heard that he might be taken off the Slytherin Quidditch team if he doesn't straighten up," said Remus.

James looked shocked. "But -- but he's their only decent player. They can't do that!"

"It's not like you can't beat him anyway," pointed out Peter.

"Yeah, but at least I have a bit of a challenge beating him. He's a pretty good Keeper. I'm just a better Chaser."

From anyone else, it might have sounded like boasting, but James could have been stating any self-evident fact: that he wore glasses, that he had messy hair, that he was skinny enough to hide behind his wand if threatened. James was a Quidditch natural, and that was all there was to it. He'd played Seeker in third year, but in fourth, he'd become a Chaser with Frank and Sirius. The Chaser position was more challenging than Seeker, for the three Chasers had to learn to think and act as a unit, yet be capable of independent action whenever necessary.

"Everyone knows that Wilson'd take any chance to play Keeper before he finishes," said Sirius.

"Is he any good?" asked James, "'cos he's a crap Chaser."

"Who knows?"

"I heard that they'll be separating Gryffindor and Slytherin for Defence Against the Dark Arts classes next year," said Peter. "Professor Spawforth doesn't want to deal with us all together anymore."

"I hope we're not paired with Hufflepuff," said James.

"Maybe we'll all have separate classes," Lily suggested.

"That'll be a lot of extra work for Professor Spawforth," Remus pointed out. "Still, he might think it's worthwhile. Less brawling and all." He grimaced as he stretched, rubbing his chest where Lestrange had punched and kicked him.

James sighed and stood up. "I need to get to the library. We still have to do that essay on the Li paper, Remus."

"I know. Bloody Snape. Now I have to read that stupid paper again."

"We'll come too," said Sirius. "Moral support and all."

"Plus, kitchen runs," proposed Peter. "Coming, Lily?"

Lily held up her book. "I'm good."

They trooped off, still grousing about the extra work and their lingering aches.

***

The next day at breakfast, Mariam returned bearing a sheaf of blue-lined paper covered in her mother's handwriting. Lily read the letter eagerly.

'We're seeing a great deal of Petunia's fiancé, Vernon, of course. Your father described him as "a very solid young man". If I didn't know Daddy better, I'd suspect him of irony...'

Lily chuckled, wondering what sort of man Petunia had nailed. She was such an odd bird: serious, critical and brittle. Lily had never really understood her. Petunia was a lot older than her sister. She was doing a teaching course, but she never seemed to want anything except a nice house and a family. Lily, who flitted from one mad ambition to another on a regular basis, was a touch mystified by this, but she was probably the last person in the world that Petunia would choose to confide in.

'As always, the family has exhibited a great deal of curiosity about your schooling. I don’t know what we'll do when you finish, and we have to start telling people where you work. Would you mind very much if we tell Auntie Janet that you fell in with a bad crowd, and have become an official groupie for Pink Floyd? I only want to see the look on her face, you see...'

Lily giggled, earning herself a funny look from Nancy, and an answering grin from James as he tried to stuff three pieces of toast into his mouth at once.

'We miss you a great deal. It was strange, not having you around for Christmas. I can't help thinking that we made a mistake, letting Petunia keep you at school while we met Vernon. He seems to have the impression that you're some kind of lunatic hippie, spoilt beyond belief by indulgent parents. I can't wait until you come home for summer, so you can meet him and set his mind to rest.'

The letter rambled on, filled with funny anecdotes and messages from various relatives, all delivered in her mother's detached, amused style. She could almost hear Mrs Evans' deep chuckle.

There was a postscript on the final page. Her mother's neat handwriting had become almost illegible. Lily had to read it three times before she could decipher the text, and even then, it didn't quite make sense.

"Lily?" asked Sirius. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, you look really pale," James added.

"I, um. I'm fine." She took a quick sip of pumpkin juice. "It's my grandmother. My, uh, my mother's mother. She's dying."

Around them, people began moving off to classes. Lily stood up carefully. "I need to speak to Professor McGonagall."

The professor listened in sympathetic silence as Lily explained the situation.

"My mother wants to know if I'll be able to come home when she, uh, when she..."

Professor McGonagall touched her arm. "I understand completely, Miss Evans. Please assure your mother that we'll do everything possible to get you home when you're needed."

"Thankyou, Professor."

Lily turned away to find James waiting for her.

"You okay?" he asked. "I could lend you my notes if you want to skip classes..."

"No. Not with the OWLs coming up." She turned to go out to the greenhouses for Herbology.

"Hey, Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"We have Arithmancy now."

"Oh. Right."

***

Lily began to feel better as the week ended. After all, her grandmother might linger for months, years even. And she'd never been particularly close to Grandma Madison, who'd always favoured Petunia for some reason. She felt a little guilty about her detachment, but at the same time, she was glad that her shock passed after a couple of days. She'd been thinking of skipping the Quidditch match on Saturday, but in the end, she wrapped herself in the Coelura "fabric" and concentrated until it shifted to become a warm, thick cloak. If nothing else, she was desperately curious to find out what the boys were planning.

They were annoying absent as the students settled in the stands. In the end, Lily had to sit beside Nancy. Geraldine and Mary sat on her other side, apparently too absorbed in other matters to make bitchy comments about Mudbloods.

"Where are James and the rest?" Nancy asked as the Ravenclaw team flew around the stadium.

"I don't know."

Frank leaned past Nancy. "If they're planning *anything* related to that twit Snape--"

"They're not," said Lily, desperately hoping it was true. "I don't know what they're doing," she added, half-wishing that this was a lie.

Nancy patted Frank's hand. "Look, don't worry about them. They're not going to do anything to affect the outcome of the match. Sirius is an idiot, but James usually keeps him in line." She put her head on his shoulder, and Frank wrapped an arm around her.

Lily looked away, a little envious of their ability to express their obvious affection in public.

Over the pitch, Severus was taking his position at the Slytherin goals. Nothing had officially been said about removing him from the team. He scanned the crowd and met her eyes, giving her a slight, almost imperceptible nod. Lily smiled up at him, and then looked away, risking a glance at Geraldine to make sure she hadn't noticed the exchange.

Geraldine was looking behind her at a Ravenclaw boy. She caught Lily's eye as she turned back towards the pitch. For a second, she looked as if she wanted to say something cutting, but her evident curiosity won out.

"Is that a Coelura cloak?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Lily, hoping that Geraldine wouldn't ask who'd given it to her.

"Huh. You're pretty good at Potions, I guess." Geraldine made it sound as though this was nothing to be proud of. "That's a nice colour," she added.

"Oh. Thanks."

The game had begun, but no one had scored yet. Severus and the Ravenclaw keeper were both pretty good, which rather compensated for the fact that the rest of the teams were strictly average. The Slytherin chasers were merely adequate, and the Ravenclaw beaters were almost dangerously inept. Lily sucked in her breath as one sent a Bludger against the Ravenclaw Seeker. Madam Hooch called a time out to allow the Ravenclaw captain to yell at her teammate.

When play resumed, the Slytherin Chasers scored twice, knocking a Ravenclaw off his broom in the process.

No one but the Slytherins cheered when Severus deflected the Quaffle twice in quick succession. He raked a hand through his hair and sent a hostile glance in the direction of the Gryffindor stands, where a few students were hissing.

"He's so strange," Lily heard Mary say to Geraldine. "I hate looking at him in class."

"I know what you mean. Look at his hair."

"I heard that he washes it once a year, whether it needs it or not." They giggled. Lily clenched her fists and tried to ignore them.

A cry went up from the lower stands as Severus deflected another goal. For a moment, Lily was surprised, but then she realised that they were cheering, not the Slytherin team, but four pink, nude figures running across the pitch. Lily stared at them for a second, then hurriedly averted her eyes. She stared determinedly up at Snape and tried to ignore the conversations going on around her.

"I'll kill Sirius," Frank was saying. "What on earth possessed James to go along with this?"

"Gosh, Remus is hairy, isn't he?" said a nearby third year girl.

"Uh, do all guys, um, look like that?" asked a worried-sounding first year.

Geraldine and Mary were giggling madly.

"Look at James. Do you think that's normal?"

"Well, I'm not an expert..."

"I was talking about his knobbly knees, dear."

"Oh. Well--"

"Although now you mention it..."

Ian Dunn, the Hufflepuff calling the match, was having a field day. "And a certain group of fifth years are representing the Gryffindor nude Quidditch team, inspired, I'm told, by the Muggle custom of 'streaking'. Next time, boys, wait until June. The cold doesn't exactly lend you dignity."

The crowd was still shrieking as a group of furious-looking teachers, led by Professor McGonagall, threw their cloaks over the boys and led them into the school. At the same time, Wilson narrowly caught the Snitch, but the Slytherin victory could only be an anti-climax.

***

"Next time?" said James in the library, the next Wednesday. "Next time? Next time, I'm wearing my Invisibility cloak." He stood up, putting his books in his bag. "And on that note, I fear I must abandon you for the charming Mr Filch." He threw his bag over his shoulder and headed off to his detention.

"Next time, we'll just wear clothes under the Invisibility cloak and tell everyone we're naked," Remus said. He prodded Sirius' books, abandoned while he and Peter raided the kitchens.

"And why were you involved, Remus?" Lily asked. "I never thought you were into public nudity."

"Oh, you'd be amazed at the places where I've been naked. Anyway, anything for the cause."

"Cause?"

"Mischief. Mayhem. Chaos." He frowned. "We need another 'M' word."

"Magic? Mystery? Madness?"

"Ah, Lily. You're like the official group walking thesaurus."

"Oh, thanks ever so." Rather hesitantly she added, "then, you really do think of me as part of the group?"

Remus looked surprised. "Of course we do." Seriously he added, "why? Have you been listening to those idiots in your dorm? Or the Slytherins?"

"No ... I was wondering before that started. Over Christmas I thought ... well, I had a lot of time to myself."

"Oh, that." Remus looked away. "I, uh, James had a lot of family visiting. There wasn't space."

"Ah." Liar, she thought. But then, she'd just lied to him. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe the story (excuse, said Petunia's voice) was true. Or maybe they'd just wanted to be free to snog hated Slytherin rivals over the break.

But she couldn't shake the thought that Remus had lied to her.

"You guys seem so tight," she found herself saying. "You have all those private jokes. And nicknames. I feel like the token girl. James Potter's girlie sidekick. I'm Anne, for God's sake!"

"Anne?"

"Oh..." She felt somewhat ridiculous now. "Muggle books, a series about four kids and their dog. They go around solving mysteries and stuff."

Remus looked confused. "Is the dog an Animagus?"

"No, just a dog. They're pretty silly books, really. There are two girls, but one pretends to be a boy. And I feel like Anne, the other girl. The one who has to be rescued and reassured, the one who keeps the tents clean and does the cooking and bursts into tears at the slightest provocation."

"You don't need to be rescued."

"No, but I need reassurance." She wiped her eyes. "Look at me now."

Remus swallowed, looking rather awkward. Lily felt humiliated: she'd just been complaining about being perceived as a weepy female, and here she was, about ready to bury her head in her arms and sob.

"Lily," said Remus softly. "Look. I, uh, I never had any friends before I came here. And for ages, I kept wondering whether James and Sirius and Peter were just pretending ... I thought they felt sorry for me, because I'm -- I get sick so much. But they're the real deal, Lily. They don't pretend -- James isn't capable of it, and Sirius can't be bothered, and Peter doesn't have a cruel bone in his body. They're real. You can trust us."

Lily's throat was too tight to speak, and she had a feeling that her face was blotchy from the effort of suppressed tears. She squeezed his hand. "Thank you so much," she choked, and kissed Remus on the cheek.

"How touching," sneered a voice above them. "Nice to see that Potter and Black share with their friends."

Remus picked up his wand. "Fuck off, Snape," he said softly.

"What's the matter, Lupin?" asked Marguerite. "You i* realise that you'll only ever have Potter's cast offs, don't you?"

"Mudblood cast offs at that," Florence added. "Black probably gets the purebloods."

"Pettigrew must get the sheep," said Snape. "And everyone's happy." He glared at Remus, and Lily realised that she was still holding his hand.

She felt a flash of anger: how could he think such a thing of her?

"Like you could ever attract a girl, Snape," she said. Even as she opened her mouth, she was amazed that she could be so cruel, but she saw the jealousy in his eyes and plowed on. "Unless, of course, Crowley has you making love potions now."

Florence slipped an arm around Snape's waist. "No love potions required," she cooed. "Although he does a rather amazing arousal charm. You really should get him to teach you," she added to Remus. "I can't imagine that uptight Gryffindors are particularly easy to please."

Lily stared at Severus in disbelief. Perhaps he could believe it of her because it was true of him... oh God, she was so naïve. She really didn't understand what it meant to be a Slytherin: that promises, spoken or implied, were meaningless.

Marguerite snorted. "Feel up to a challenge, Sev? You can finally found out how you match up against Potter."

Snape looked Lily up and down. She wanted to shrink away from his intrusive eyes.

"I think not," he said.

Madam Pince, who'd been watching them for several minutes, chose this moment to stride over.

"This is a library," she said, "not a meeting place. Either move on or take this gathering outside."

Snape finally broke eye contact with Lily. "Whatever you say," he said softly. The Slytherins left, Severus flanked by Florence and Marguerite. In the doorway, they passed Sirius and Peter, who glared at them but said nothing.

"What did they want?" Sirius asked, sitting down.

"The usual."

Sirius took a careful look at Lily, who suddenly realised that her face was wet. She blinked, and more tears rolled down her cheeks, hot and humiliating.

"I'll kill Snape," Sirius said abruptly.

"No." Lily took a deep breath and wiped her face on her sleeves. Peter silently handed her a handkerchief. "Don't worry about it, okay? It was no worse than usual. He just got to me is all."

Sirius looked mutinous for a moment, then relaxed. "Okay. But only because you asked." He rummaged in his bag and produced a slightly squished package. "Eclair?"

"Oh. Thankyou."

"Hey, Sirius," said Remus, "you wouldn't say that Lily was only our token girl, would you?"

"Huh?"

Lily and Remus explained what had precipitated the fight.

"That's a heap of crap," Sirius said when they were finished. "Lily, we didn't exactly hold auditions or anything. You were alone after the Reynolds twins were -- well, you know. So we got a chance to get to know you."

"I realise that now."

"Good. And don't let the Slytherins tell you any different," he growled. "As if they'd know anything about having friends."

***

Lily stayed up late in the common room one night, about a week after the fight in the library. She knew from awkward experience that it would be impossible to sneak out of her dorm; Geraldine was a light sleeper.

She was to meet Severus at one am, and she'd intended to study until twelve-forty-five. Despite her virtuous promises, though, she ended up dozing off in a chair.

She was awoken by soft male voices. She wasn't at all surprised when the source of the interruption turned out to be James, Sirius, Remus and Peter.

"Come on," Sirius was saying, "we're already late -- oh shit--"

"Shut up." That was James. "She's asleep. Let's keep it that way. Where's Wormtail?"

"Here. Let's go. Wait, Remus, I can see your foot."

"Oh, bugger. Thanks. I never get used to this cloak. Hey, James?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Hey, it's not fair that we can always remember these jaunts better than you. Seeing as how we wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for you."

"Um. Well, thanks."

"Anytime," said Sirius airily. "We'll be telling the authorities the same thing if we're caught."

"Guys, quiet!" hissed James.

"Let's go, then."

"No -- wait." Lily forced herself to relax as James came closer. She felt her blanket being tucked more closely around her.

"Sweet, Prongs. Are you done now?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just -- I think we should tell her."

"No." Remus sounded firm, and slightly angry, as though he was irritated that an old argument had been resurrected. The boys' footsteps moved towards the portrait hole.

"Look, it's not fair--"

Their voices moved out of earshot. Lily opened her eyes and stared into the dim common room. She'd wanted to believe it was her imagination, that there were no real secrets, just old private jokes.

Well, she had secrets of her own. Lily checked her watch. It was five past one. She gave the boys several minutes' head start, and then made her way to the music room.

Severus waited for her in the music room. "You're late," he said.

"You should be grateful that I came at all," she answered. "I fell asleep. The boys woke me up."

Severus sneered. "Don't *any* of you Gryffindors sleep? They've been doing this on a regular basis, you know."

"Yeah. I had that impression." Lily sat down, keeping her distance from him. "They said something about you following them."

Like her, he kept his hands to himself. "Bugger. I thought they hadn't noticed."

It was easier to complain about the boys than each other. "How long has it been going on? They do seem oddly tired, sometimes."

"True. Usually on the same day that some poor idiot wakes up to find his hair coloured green, or his socks transfigured into Snitches."

Lily couldn't help laughing as she wondered how they'd gotten into the Slytherin dungeons. There was probably some girl smitten with Sirius; she wouldn't want to be in her shoes when her housemates found out.

"It's probably been going on for a couple of months," Severus added. "But they've always come and gone in odd ways. I've been watching them for--"

"Why can't you bloody well leave us alone?" Lily's anger, at the boys and at Severus, and even at herself, had returned. "Why is it always us that you choose to provoke? You're cruel."

"I know." His eyes were expressionless.

"Doesn't it bother you? Or isn't it real? Because Florence seemed pretty damn real when she was snuggling up to you in the library."

"Oh, and Lupin--"

"I was upset. He was comforting me."

"Oh."

"And don't try and tell me that's what you were doing for Florence."

He crossed his arms. "It was necessary."

"Whatever."

The resentful skepticism in her voice wasn't lost on him. "What?"

Lily shrugged, her anger evaporating. Unlike Petunia, who could hold a grudge for years, Lily was prone to intense, short outbursts which took a long time to build.

"I feel like such a nag," she said helplessly. "I whinge, you sulk, nothing changes. Nag, nag. Wash your hair, stand up straight, either treat me like a human being or ignore me all together." Softly she added, "I don't like the person I become when we fight. I don't like the way you bring out the worst in my friends, or the way you let them provoke you. And I really don't like the way Florence has been acting like you and she are a couple again."

Severus looked away.

"Would you feel better if I said I was just using her?"

"Only a little."

And she wasn't at all comfortable with the fact that she did feel marginally better at that thought.

"Look, I don't like her. I don't even like touching her -- I try to avoid it when I can."

"Yeah, I think the whole school has heard about that by now." The rumours about the sexual charms, enchantments and a whole new use for Transfiguration had sent Bertha Jorkins into a frenzy of loud gossiping, before Professor Sprout took her aside and for a quiet word.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I do what I have to do."

Lily shook her head. "I don't want to hear about Slytherin house politics. I just--"

"I'm sorry," he said again.

Apologising was somehow alien to his nature, she thought; it didn't become him. Now she was feeling the guilt that always followed her tempers, a need to make it all better.

"It's all right," she said, just to make him stop. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his cheek. Severus' skin was dreadfully pale, but the candlelight softened the tiny lines around his eyes. He looked much older than fifteen.

"I don't want to be like this," he said.

"I know."

"Come for a walk?" he said.

"Where to?"

"It's a surprise." He took her hand and began leading her out of the music room.

As they made their way downstairs, she wondered what this meant, that she could forgive so much.

Perhaps it was love.

Severus led her into the Trophy Room, the light from their wands reflected off the massed trophies.

"Why are we here?" she asked.

"Look at this."

He pointed to a large golden shield in a corner cabinet. 'For special services to the school,' it read, 'T. M. Riddle.'

"He was a Slytherin," Severus said softly. He pointed his wand at a plaque bearing the names and houses of old Head Boys and Girls.

"What does he do now?"

Severus frowned. "I don't actually know. I can't find any information about him, except that he was a Slytherin. Like me." He looked at her. "It's hard to succeed in Slytherin House. There are always other people ready to pull you down and destroy you. From all houses."

"That's not true."

With a hint of scorn he said, "Use your eyes, Evans. The school loves nothing better than to watch a Slytherin fail."

Wandering through the Trophy Room, she found hundreds of trophies for other houses: lists of Head Boys and Girls, Quidditch Cup and House Championship winners, Medals for Magical Merit. But for the last hundred and fifty years, there were increasingly few honours awarded to Slytherins.

And yet, there was T. M. Riddle, who had won an award for Special Services to the School. Who'd been Head Boy. She wondered if he was spoken of among the Slytherins, an inspiration for the angry, defensive Slytherins of their generation.

"I think I understand," she said, taking his hand.

He kissed the top of her head. "Thankyou."

They were silent together for a long time. Lily felt tired and oddly unhappy. She glanced at Severus, reflected in the cabinet opposite. He looked as though he felt the same way. She wondered if they were merging to the point where they shared moods, or if their common melancholy was just a coincidence.

"What's wrong, Severus?" she asked suddenly.

"Nothing." But his arms tightened around her, as if to seek comfort.

"I'm worried about you."

"I know."

"Look, I was wondering..."

"Yes?" His voice was wary, and she wondered if she'd get an answer. Marguerite hadn't, after all.

"What did Dumbledore say to you? After that meeting?"

"Nothing." After a second, he amended, "nothing of any value." He snorted slightly. "Dumbledore may be a great wizard, but he's as naïve as a first year Hufflepuff. As if he could paint the world in black and white and force everyone to make a choice." He shook his head. "You wouldn't understand."

"I'm sorry?"

"It's simpler for you Gryffindors. Dumbledore hates Voldemort, therefore, Voldemort must be evil."

"You don't think that he's right? Dumbledore, I mean, not--"

"I think he's an idiot. And worse, he encourages everyone else to be naïve. As if the world would be perfect, if only we all held hands with Muggles and sang happy songs." He glanced away. "Gibson was killed by Aurors," he said softly. "I can't stop thinking about that."

"What? How--"

"I heard it from Crouch, that Ravenclaw kid. He was telling Marguerite. He says that it was an accident, but his dad made the College of Aurors keep it quiet. Because the good guys don't kill fifteen year old schoolboys by accident," he said bitterly.

"I can't believe this," she said softly.

Severus' eyes glittered. "I don't believe in anything. Except you." He wrapped his arms around her, running his hands up and down her spine. She leaned upwards and kissed him. For a second, he was still, but then he responded passionately. They stood, entwined in the semi-darkness, exchanging hungry, wet kisses.

"I don't want to think anymore," he whispered, his breath warm and moist against her ear. Lily shivered against him. "I wish this would all go away ... I just don't want to think anymore..."

to be continued...

notes and credits:

chapter title: from "Special K" by Placebo: "I'll describe the way I feel / You're my new Achilles Heel / Can the saviour be for real / Or are you just my seventh seal". He's not her only weakness, but he's definitely up there with the big ones. I liked the notion well enough to take the song pretty much out of context.

Anne and her companions are, of course, the Famous Five. There's a serious Enid Blyton vibe running through this fic -- not sure why. On my third round of revision, I recalled that Heidi Tandy featured a nude Quidditch team reference in "A Surfeit of Curses". I wasn't making an intentional reference, but I figured it was worth mentioning.

Reviews make me really happy, you know.

Because I'm (a) pathetic and (b) obsessed with this fic (see note a), I've been compulsively sketching for this thing. The pics live at http://www.uq.net.au/~zzebarr/harrypotterart.htm

Originally posted to ff.net on May 27.

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