There'll Be Bluebirds

Spring drifted over Hogwarts with a gentleness that belied the recently departed, but unlamented, winter. Grass surrounded the castle in a soft green carpet, dotted with tiny flowers. It was almost enough to make Teddy forget his upcoming exams.

Almost.

His struggles with Potions were still the stuff of legends, but he had managed to improve enough to not embarrass himself every time he walked into Williams' classroom. It helped that Williams seemed to have an infinite amount of patience, and was willing to give up some of his free time to meet with Teddy outside class. Victoire had constructed a calendar scheduling down to the last hour when he should revise for which subject. It was frightfully organized and left just enough free time for Quidditch practice, but little else. Just as well, in Teddy's mind. There were only a depressingly few diary entries left in Remus' remaining journal. Knowing what was approaching, he didn't think he had the energy to deal with them anyway.

After dinner one night just after the Easter holiday, Teddy commandeered a table in the Gryffindor common room and piled every note, essay, and book he'd ever used for Charms around him, effectively walling himself off from the rest of the room. As he fished his current textbook from the recesses of his knapsack, his fingers brushed against the leather cover and he pulled it out, glancing around the room for Victoire. The girl had eyes like a hawk, and he swore she could see if he was skiving off, even for a moment. It made him wonder if she'd taken lessons from McGonagall.

Teddy opened his textbook, and slipped the journal inside it. He could read one entry, couldn't he? Charms was his best subject after all. With a glance over his shoulder to reassure himself Victoire wasn't paying attention to him, he opened the journal.

XxXxXxX

By the middle of January, winter howled over England in a chillingly wet and thoroughly miserable fashion. One grey listless day followed another in an endless soggy loop. It seemed if it wasn't snowing, it was raining or pelting sleet. It matched Remus' mood to perfection. As the holidays drew to a close and the impending birth loomed ahead within the next few months, he found himself pondering just what kind of father he might turn out to be. The only real experience he had with children had been that year teaching at Hogwarts, and the occasions he saw Harry out of school. And the last time he'd seen Harry in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. The rage that had burned out of control and nearly goaded him into harming Harry. Was that the kind of father he was going to be if questioned or confronted as teenagers were wont to do with their parents? He'd actually jinxed the boy he loved like a son. The question constantly trilled in his conscience: had he harmed Harry at all, and would Harry ever be able to forgive him for his behavior? Remus restlessly shifted in the bed, savagely punching his pillow, his elbow nudging Dora in the back.

'Out with it,' Dora sighed wearily, sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. She rubbed her hands over her face and then tapped the lamp with her wand, flooding the room with warm amber light.

'I beg your pardon?' Remus replied blankly.

'Whatever's got you in a lather,' she prodded. 'You're keeping me awake tossing and turning like that. It's bad enough the baby's kicking me from the inside, you've been poking me from the outside.' Dora pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and crossed her arms, resting them on top of the pronounced curve of her abdomen. She picked up a book from the night table and paged through it, consulting a scrap of paper that marked her place. 'Full moon isn't for another few weeks, so it's not that,' she mused.

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'Only that you have signs that the full moon is coming.' Dora smiled blandly.

Remus exhaled stiffly through his nose. 'Oh?' he responded archly, crossing his arms over his chest, deliberately mimicking her pose.

'Mmm-hmm.' Dora nodded cheerfully. 'You get quite randy,' she told him. 'But I think you knew that one already.' Remus colored deeply, but said nothing. 'You're snappy, irritable, impatient. Shall I go on?'

'It's not necessary,' he grumbled.

'So...' Dora persisted. 'What's on your mind?'

Remus picked at a worn spot on his t-shirt. 'I found Harry, Ron, and Hermione last August after Bill and Fleur's wedding,' he confessed. 'I already suspected you were pregnant, and at the time I was not certain I would be able to stand by and watch something happen to you. So... I...' He drew a deep breath. 'I offered to join them on their quest,' he mumbled. 'And when faced with the inevitable questions from them regarding you, voiced my suspicions about your pregnancy to them. Needless to say, the idea that I could blithely abandon you roused Harry's considerable temper and he told me in no uncertain terms how much I disappointed him.'

Dora's brow rose and she allowed a sardonic chuckle to escape from her lips. 'I wondered what prevented you from traipsing off into the mists.'

'I jinxed him,' Remus said in a low voice, relieved at finally being able to say it aloud. 'I'm sure I inflicted even a minor injury on him, and I should very much like to apologize.' He turned to Dora and rested one hand over her navel, marveling at the insistent nudges against his palm. 'I know he's alive and still on the run. He must be. Otherwise, it would be plastered all over the Prophet. They wouldn't be able to help themselves from crowing it from every rooftop in London.'

'That's true.'

Remus continued as if she hadn't spoken. 'I know there is a way to reach them. I need to apologize before...' He gulped. 'If something were to happen to me or him before I can accomplish that, I will regret it.'

Dora stared at him, an incredulous expression on her face. 'You're so bloody blind,' she told him. 'It's staring you right in the face.'

Remus blinked. 'What is?'

'You're not usually this thick,' Dora commented, as if she were speaking of the weather. 'I would have expected Sirius to bang his head against a wall for ages until something penetrated his skull. But you...' She clucked her tongue sympathetically.

Remus studied the confines of their bedroom. 'I don't understand,' he murmured, gazing around them. Dora pointedly glanced at the wireless, sitting in the windowsill over their bed. Remus inhaled sharply in comprehension. 'Lee... They've got a wireless with them. Bill told Kingsley and me after Christmas that he'd briefly been in contact with Ron and gave him a small portable wireless and told him the technique to detect Lee's program.' He jumped from the bed and scrabbled for his clothes. 'I need to find Lee!'

'It can't wait until morning?'

Remus hopped on one foot, struggling to don his trousers over his pajama bottoms. 'I suppose it can,' he said ruefully, when a growing sensation of warmth spread from a locus in the pocket of the pajama bottoms. 'Now?' he groaned, digging the charmed Galleon from his pocket. With the Order scattered by the war, meetings to plan and strategize were difficult to arrange, and Kingsley remembered Hermione's trick of using a Protean charm on Galleons for the D.A. at Hogwarts and how well it had worked during the battle at Hogwarts last year. He shamelessly borrowed her idea, dropping the Galleons from a hole in his trouser pocket as he walked by known Order members, then picking it up, and gave it to them under the guise of returning it to its rightful owner. He flipped it over to the obverse side and read the information that scrolled across precisely ten seconds after the charm had been activated. It would happen only once.

Dora heavily swung her feet to the floor and heaved herself off the bed. 'Where?'

Remus stripped off his pajama bottoms, and yanked the trousers over his bare legs. 'You're not going,' he stated firmly.

'I beg your pardon?' Dora said softly, stunned at Remus' tone.

'Dora, please be reasonable,' Remus wheedled. 'I promise I will tell you everything, but your condition...' He cupped her face in his hands and met her gaze. 'As soon as I come home. But I will be able to concentrate more if I know you and our child are safe. Please?' At her continued skepticism, he added, 'If you were still working as an Auror, they would make you start your leave soon enough.' One hand drifted down to rest on her stomach. 'I do not want to risk either you, or our son.'

Dora's lips pressed together and she opened her mouth to argue, but she closed it slowly. 'Very well,' she acquiesced reluctantly. She settled against the pillows and rearranged the bedding. 'You should know I won't sleep at all until you're back.'

'Of course you won't.' Remus bent and gently kissed her.

'I'll see you soon,' Dora told him, the words more of an expression of hope than a promise. They could not be anything else these times. Remus nodded and ducked from the room. He slipped down the dark stairs and eased into the damp back garden, Disapparating as he strode into the woods.

XxXxXxX

Muriel Prewett's sprawling ramble of a house had been built in the days of Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine. At least the center of it had been. Subsequent generations had seen fit to add their own touches to the hulking structure, and as a result, it looked more than a bit bedraggled by the competing eras. It was under a Fidelius charm, like Shell Cottage. Muriel's house was the preferred location for the infrequent Order meetings. They had squeezed into Shell Cottage a time or two, and even used the werewolves' farmhouse once, much to Matthew, Philip, and Maurice's chagrin. Remus stood in the shadows of a rundown shed and whispered, 'Stregone revelio.' No wizards. He slipped from the shed and darted across the overgrown lawn. Remus lightly tapped in a pattern on a side door, hidden by gangly shrubbery, smiling a little as he did so. Fred and George Weasley had proposed using Morse code for the code words and passwords. They reckoned, and quite rightly, that Dark wizards would never condescend to learning common Muggle methods of communication. The door was charmed to admit a wizard at the correct password, and creaked open. Remus made his way to the back room of the house, taking care to avoid the cartons piled along the walls, bearing the distinctive lurid magenta triple W of Weasleys Wizard Wheezes. One nudge in the wrong spot and Merlin knew what would come flying out.

Remus made his way to the scarred and stained table near the back wall and edged in around the small group clustered there. Arthur greeted him with a short nod. 'How are things?' he asked quietly.

'Ten more weeks,' Remus sighed. 'Confinement does not suit her.'

'I imagine it wouldn't,' Arthur demurred. 'It didn't quite suit Molly, either.'

Remus tapped George on the shoulder. 'I need to speak with Lee Jordan.'

'Yeah, sure,' George replied. 'About what?'

'I have something I need to say on his program.'

'There's one later this week,' Fred said, his face appearing over George's shoulder. 'Sorry for eavesdropping,' he said, not sorry in the slightest. 'You can do the Pals of Potter segment. Lee's been trying to find someone for ages that has the right... Blimey, George, what's the word he used? Sounded like something Hermione would have said.'

'Gravitas?' George guessed.

'Yeah, that's it! Gravitas,' Fred pronounced pompously. 'It's one thing for Lee to use Oliver Wood, or someone like that, but it's another for someone of your...'

'Tread lightly there,' Kingsley said from behind Remus.

'Just that someone needs to do the Pals of Potter segment that has the right attitude,' George explained. 'A serious sort of bloke.' George tugged the hair over his missing ear. 'It doesn't sound quite right coming from one of us, yeah?'

'I'll take it,' Remus said quickly.

'Excellent,' George said with a grin. 'You'll need a code name. Something that is associated with your normal name. And for some reason, Lee likes them all to start with the letter R.'

Remus frowned for a moment, before chuckling softly. 'Romulus.'

George shook his head. 'I don't get it... Never thought I'd miss Hermione...'

Remus smiled a little. 'The founders of Rome were said to be a pair of twin boys, named Remus and Romulus.' His smile grew a little wider. 'They were also thought to have been weaned by a wolf.'

George's laugh bounced off the walls. 'Perfect.'

'Brilliant. I'll let Lee know as soon as the meeting's over,' Fred said. 'It's been a few weeks since he's done a program. Kids at Hogwarts ought to be going spare right now at the lack of news.

And you'll be perfect.' He lightly punched Remus in the arm. 'You're remembered with much fondness from your sojourn in those hallowed halls,' he said, without a hint of irony.

George nodded. 'The best DADA teacher we ever had. And that includes that Mad-Eye impersonator who took over the year after you. He was pretty spot-on, but if anyone could teach Neville Longbottom how to cast a good spell, it was you. And don't say it was all Harry,' he continued over Remus' protests. 'I mean, it was Harry doing the teaching, but if it hadn't been for you, Harry wouldn't have learned how to teach us all.'

'Say thank you,' Fred prodded.

'Thank you,' Remus stammered. He listened to the remainder of the meeting engulfed in a happy glow he hadn't felt in far too long, pleased with at last having a sense of purpose.

XxXxXxX

31 January 1998

As your birth draws near, I feel a greater and greater urgency to leave something to serve as a guide for you. I do wish to survive the war, and in the event that I do, the simple truth is that I will not live forever and in light of the fact that I have no immediate family or much in the way of possessions to leave you, I hope that this might serve.

A great man by the name of Albus Dumbledore once said love was the greatest power there was. You should never doubt how transforming love can be, even when it is unaccompanied by words. Love gave me two friends that were closer to me than any brother I could have ever had. In a roundabout way, they led me to your mother, whom I love more than anything else on this earth, except perhaps for you, my son.

Love does not find its existence only in the arms of family or one's spouse. It is in the respect you can find in the hearts of others, in the unexpected admiration of a student or peer.

You will know exactly who the people are that love you. They are the ones who will pick you up when you fall. They love you despite your faults - even the insurmountable ones. They refuse to allow things beyond your control to define you, or their relationship to you. And when you do everything in your power to attempt to hold them at arm's length, they will push back, and are unafraid to try and make you understand the follies of the choices you might make.

They will become your heart's blood. And if you can imagine your life without them, then it might be that you do not love them, and they in turn, do not love you.

XxXxXxX

As reticent as Remus could be in public, he had discovered he quite enjoyed working with Potterwatch. It was the most fun he'd had since teaching at Hogwarts. Each and every time he declared Harry was alive; he imagined it was one more blow to the Death Eaters. He hoped what he described on the program inspired others to take up the cause and join the fight, that it wasn't a hopeless situation. He looked forward to the next broadcast. Even with his code name, Remus appreciated the anonymity afforded to him by the wireless. Few people aside from Hogwarts students knew his voice, and he was sure fewer would make the connection between Remus and Romulus. He was certain Hermione would, but she was beyond clever insofar as puzzles and logic were concerned. Each and every time he appeared on the program, he prayed Harry had heard and understood Remus' coded message of apology and forgiveness. He was far more grateful than he knew how to say, even with all the wealth of literature at his fingertips that he had stayed with Dora. Witnessing her pregnancy was one of the few bright spots of his life. He was even more grateful to know he'd see his son born.

And it couldn't come too soon. Dora grew increasingly fractious as the beginning of April approached and Remus continued to refuse to allow her to even attend Order meetings.

Kingsley broke into Remus' reverie. 'When is the baby due? We need Tonks back in fighting form.'

'April first.' He was on the verge of confessing his misgivings about her continued involvement in the war when twin blurs accosted him.

Fred and George exchanged gleeful grins. 'You're planning on naming the wee sprog after us, aren't you?' Fred prodded.

'It's only right,' George added. 'He'll share only the most spectacular birthday with the most spectacular wizards to have it.'

'And the handsomest,' Fred piped up.

'We're still discussing names,' Remus evaded.

'Has anyone heard anything? About anybody?' Hestia Jones asked softly, entering the back room of Muriel Prewett's house.

'That's why we're here,' Kingsley said. 'There's still no word on Harry, but in this case, as we always say, no news is good news.' He paused and threw another glance in Remus' direction. 'I have some sad news to share with you. A Muggle family was murdered in Gaddley. We've managed to convince the Muggle police it was a gas leak, but it was the Killing curse.'

'Are you sure?' Charlie asked from his perch in the shadows.

Hestia nodded. 'Positive. You can always tell with the faces.'

'Completely blank.' Arthur removed his glasses and polished them carefully with a handkerchief.

'A goblin was also found,' Kingsley said into the yawning silence. 'Gornuk.'

'Damn...' It was Bill, striding through the door. 'And they're still riding the fence about supporting the Order, even when they're being killed with the same regularity as Muggles and our side.' He grimaced and slammed a fist into the wall. 'You'd think they would know better than to support the Death Eaters!' he burst out.

'Feelings being what they are,' Remus began to explain, but Bill waved him off.

'Yeah, I know. It's not like we've treated them any better.'

'Dirk Creswell's body was also found,' Kingsley interrupted, impatience coloring his voice. With a final glance at Remus, 'He was found with... Ted Tonks,' he said heavily. 'I thought you could break the news to your family before word get out,' Kingsley said quietly to Remus.

Remus groped blindly for the edge of the table. 'Of course,' he said faintly, wondering how on earth he was going to tell his wife her father was dead.

XxXxXxX

Remus stood outside the house, noting the lamps burning in two windows. Sleep did not come readily to either his wife, or her mother. Just as well both of them were still awake, he reasoned. It would be much easier to inform them of Ted's demise at the same time, rather than have to go through the ordeal twice. He gathered his cloak about him and entered the house, squaring his shoulders resolutely. There was little to be gained by delaying the inevitable.

He walked up the stairs, feeling as the heaviness of his heart pulled at his feet. He pushed open his bedroom door, and found Dora sitting up in bed, just as he'd left her. She dozed, her head leaning against the stacked pillows, waking at the rustling sound of his cloak. 'How was it?' she asked muzzily.

'Fine,' he said shortly, hanging up his cloak.

'Remus?' Dora asked. 'What's the matter?'

His hand tightened around the edge of the door of the wardrobe. 'What makes you think something is wrong?'

Dora rubbed her hands over her face. 'You haven't looked at me once since you walked in here.'

Remus turned to face his wife, hoping to keep his face as impassive as possible. 'There's been news of your father,' he said softly.

Dora's face paled. 'Oh, God,' she breathed. 'He's been killed, hasn't he?'

'I...' Taken aback by her ability to read him so well, he asked, 'How could you tell...?'

Dora swung her feet to the floor and attempted to heave herself from the bed. 'If it had been good news, you would have come into the house shouting the news, and not looking as if you had just returned from a funeral.' She made a final, desperate lurch, and succeeded in leaving the warmth of the bed and snatched her dressing gown from the chair by the bed. 'I must tell Mum...' She left the room, the hem of her dressing gown flapping behind her. 'Mum!' Remus trailed unhappily after her. Dora peremptorily knocked once on Andromeda's bedroom door and entered before Andromeda could respond.

Andromeda looked up from the novel she was reading. 'Nymphadora, you ought to be in bed,' she reprimanded mildly. 'Are you having contractions? How far apart are they?'

Dora shook her head dismissively. It was a testament to her emotional state that she did not make some sort of sharp retort regarding Andromeda's use of her proper name. 'It's not the baby,' she said, her voice breaking. 'It's Dad...' She knelt awkwardly next to her mother's chair and took one of Andromeda's suddenly slack hands. 'Mum... Remus just heard... He's gone... Been... Killed...' The last was muffled by her rising sobs. Andromeda's other hand rose slowly and began to lightly stroke Dora's ruffled hair. She didn't say a word, but from his vantage point, Remus could see the devastation descending over her face. Her whole world revolved around her family, and part of it had crumbled away.

18 March 1998

I once believed Andromeda to be completely imperturbable. It seemed as if nothing would ruffle her aloof exterior, a finely honed mask adopted in childhood, perfected as a teenager, and donned as easily as one would wear a glove during the winter as an adult. It was a perfect contrast to her daughter, whose emotions are so clearly drawn on her face that it takes very little to comprehend what lurks beneath the surface. Do not make the same assumption that her reticence is truly what she feels. She is just as much the product of her upbringing as I am. You see, in the social sphere in which your grandmother was raised, demonstrating emotions gave someone a weapon that could be used against you. Many times, it could be someone within one's own family. It is a self-defense mechanism employed during times of intense sensibilities, and nothing more.

I long respected and admired your grandfather and namesake, Ted Tonks. He let neither custom, nor convention dictate with whom he desired to create a life. He was able to look past your grandmother's family - a family that would have preferred to see him dead - and see the woman behind the name. He only ever wanted your mother to be happy, even if it meant changing his own ideas about people (not to mention werewolves). I do hope your grandmother and your mother will be able to fully sketch Ted for you, so you know the kind of man whose name you share. Ted had this ability to try and see the light in a given situation. I want you to remember that and do your utmost to attempt to live your own life by it.

XxXxXxX

Teddy took a seat next to Victoire at breakfast the next morning and began to load his plate with food. 'What would you do if I did something stupid?' he asked, casually buttering his toast.

'As in?' Victoire prompted.

Teddy groped for something, then hit on something that would truly cause Victoire distress. 'Failing most of my O.W.L.s?'

'You wouldn't?' she gasped.

'But what if I did?' Teddy asked.

Victoire regarded him thoughtfully. 'I wouldn't stop being friends with you,' she began. 'I would be disappointed, of course, because you're capable of getting at least an Exceeds Expectations in everything.' She eyed his stained and pockmarked Potions book, sticking out of the top of his knapsack. 'Well, almost everything,' she amended quickly. She idly picked up a piece of Teddy's toast and nibbled the edge. 'Your marks don't define who you are,' she added. 'It's a shame it defines what we can do after school,' she sighed. 'I suppose I'd make sure you were feeling all right with your results and try and see if I could help you do better next time.'

Teddy pushed some egg around his plate and stared out one of the windows are the bright, sparkling morning. He rubbed his forehead with his free hand to try and erase the nagging ache between his eyebrows. The full moon was approaching. 'What if I was like Dad?' he whispered.

Victoire gazed at him and laid a cool hand on his forehead, and Teddy leaned into the soft touch. 'They can help you now. You can find work...' She trailed off and swiftly kissed Teddy on the cheek. 'It wouldn't change anything,' she whispered, then bolted from the table.