There'll Be Bluebirds

'Teddy?'

'Hmmm?' Teddy absently glanced up at his grandmother over the edge of a journal.

'Teddy, it's after eleven.' Andromeda slipped her hands into the pockets of her dressing gown and leaned against the door frame. 'It's an hour past your bedtime.'

Teddy wasn't quite able to refrain from snorting in derision. Going to bed at ten was almost a quaint vestige of home at school. Between the occasional detention, homework, Quidditch practice, and skiving off his homework, he was lucky to get into bed at midnight some nights. 'All right, Gran...' he murmured.

'I know bedtimes are nothing more than some vague memory at school,' Andromeda said lightly. 'But it's a long day tomorrow. We're to be at Harry and Ginny's early, then to the Burrow for lunch.'

'Too bad you just can't tell me Father Christmas won't come unless I'm asleep anymore, eh?' Teddy chuckled.

'I'll admit, it made things easier,' Andromeda said dryly. 'Fifteen more minutes, young man, then turn out the lamp and go to sleep.'

'Gran?'

Andromeda stopped and turned back around. 'Yes?'

'Dad... He said... that you...' Teddy glanced at the journals, lined up neatly on their shelf. Remus had intimated Andromeda was against his relationship with Dora from the beginning. 'Nothing.'

Andromeda hadn't missed Teddy's furtive look at the journals. 'All right.' She indicated the alarm clock, ticking softly on the small bureau. 'Fifteen more minutes,' she repeated.

'Yes, Gran...'

'Good night, Teddy.'

'Night, Gran...'

Andromeda closed the door and crossed the corridor to her bedroom, and stood for a moment, with her hand resting on the doorknob. Instead of seeking her own bed, she went downstairs to the sitting room, where their tree stood in the corner, festooned with fairy lights, just as it had been every Christmas since she'd married Ted. She nudged a few packages aside with her toes, then, feeling extremely foolish, knelt and lay on her back, wriggling until her head was under the tree and she looked up into its branches, as Ted had always done on Christmas Eve. 'When he does ask, Ted, what shall I say to him? Shall I tell him everything?' Her eyes closed and she exhaled slowly. 'It was much simpler when he was younger and I could divert his attention away from questions of his father. Sometimes, I wish Remus hadn't been such a conscientious recorder of his own history. But I suppose I ought to admire him for that, oughtn't I? Not very many people have the ability to hold their own soul to a mirror as he did.' Her head tilted to one side, as if she rested it on the shoulder of someone only she could see. 'Happy Christmas, Ted...'

*****

Remus set a large cup of coffee on the table next to Sirius' damp head. 'We need to talk.'

Sirius looked up through strands of hair, his eyes bloodshot, nearly closed against the dim light of the lamp hanging over the table. 'D'you have to be so loud?' he asked in a pained whisper.

Remus glared at him for a moment, then set a vial of deep blue potion next to the cup of coffee. 'You don't deserve it.'

'And you're a love for giving it to me regardless,' Sirius muttered, prying the cork from the mouth of the vial and tipping the contents down his throat. He shuddered as the contents brought him welcome relief, snatching at the cup at his elbow, scalding his tongue as he gulped the black coffee. 'What? No milk?'

'You're lucky you're getting coffee. Milk is for people who haven't been getting pissed on a regular basis.' Remus calmly poured his own cup of coffee, then with a smirk, ostentatiously added liberal amounts of milk to it.

'Would you like a little coffee with your milk, then?' Sirius snickered.

'Oh, go sod yourself...' Remus sighed.

'That's anatomically impossible,' Sirius retorted.

'It's the only thing you've got left,' Remus murmured, sipping his coffee. 'Considering you've already done so metaphorically.' Sirius frowned and reached across the table, searching Remus for something, making the werewolf giggle. 'Stop that. It tickles.' He slapped Sirius' hand away. 'What on earth are you doing?'

'Looking for the newspaper. So I can roll it up for you, and you can smack me on the nose more effectively.'

'You're not a pup,' Remus said. 'Shouldn't have to smack you on the nose.' He set his cup down gently between his bent elbows. 'I know you're bored. And you're lonely. Discouraged. But...' He hesitated. 'The drinking's getting out of control, Pads...' Sirius looked at him sharply, but Remus continued. 'Harry's going to be of age next summer. He'll be able to come and go as he pleases, and I daresay once his aunt and uncle discover he's an adult in wizarding law, they'll be more than happy to throw him out with naught but the clothes on his back. He'll need you. And even before then, things are probably going to get worse, and he'll need you with all your wits about you.' Remus met Sirius' stunned gaze. 'If you want to drown yourself in whisky after it's all said and done, that's your prerogative. But too many people depend on you just now for you to get a head start on the job.'

Sirius licked dry lips. 'Did Dumbledore tell you to say that?'

'No.' Remus cradled his cup between his hands and inhaled slowly. 'But you are being selfish. Just like you were in school and you don't give a damn who you hurt in the process, just as long as your needs are met,' he said firmly.

'If you had to be locked up in here -' Sirius began.

'Enough!' Remus snarled. 'I know this isn't the ideal place for you to be, but you're hardly in Azkaban. Do you ever think about that?' he snapped. 'You act as if hope doesn't exist for you anymore. Stop behaving like such a spoiled child and think beyond the next ten minutes.' He raked his hand through his hair. 'When we win -'

'If - if we win,' Sirius interrupted.

Remus studied him dispassionately. 'When we win,' he stated coolly. 'When we win, you can clear your name. And be free in every way there is. This prison in which you now hide is of your own making. We all know of your distaste for this house, but it's the best we've got for now.' He sipped his cooling coffee and looked at Sirius over the rim of the cup. 'Besides, what good will you be if you're thrown back into Azkaban while Fudge is on this trial and conviction spree of his? And if you cannot do it for yourself, do for Harry. Like you promised Lily and James you would when he was born.' He pushed his cup to the center of the table and stood, striding out of the kitchen without another look.

*****

16 March 1996

I used to wonder sometimes, especially when we were in school, if James, Sirius, Peter, and I had been Muggles, would we have been friends? Toward the end, it seemed as if the only thing the four of us had in common was magic. I buried myself in books and study, when we weren't plotting some sort of mischief. Strike that... When James and Sirius weren't plotting some sort of mischief. And Peter... I still wonder how he managed to get himself Sorted into Gryffindor. I'm curious as to just what Voldemort offered him to make Peter turn against his friends and agree to assist in the murder of James and Lily, and then to frame Sirius for his death.

I can understand why Peter might have grown to dislike James and Sirius. They weren't exactly kind to him, really. But Peter was always somewhat of a sniveling, gormless prat, and it only got more and more grating the older we got. I rather think the four of us were friends for the simple reason that we were the only boys in our year in Gryffindor.

James... James was enamored, or at least fascinated, with Lily from the beginning, and anything she did or said to disparage him pricked his ego. And when he got older, she helped distract him. Or at least kept his impulses in check. And if he had Lily dividing his attentions, he had less time either for Peter, or to devise ways to subtly torment him, as Sirius did with so much time on his hands. I think Sirius used to spend his spare time thinking of ways to insult Peter to his face, but to do so in a way that wouldn't be apparent immediately and see how long it would take Peter to realize he'd been slighted. And together, they did exclude Peter often. When they researched how to become Animagi, they didn't include Peter until it was time to start trying the transformations. Although, in hindsight, it wasn't necessarily a poor decision on their part, given how difficult Peter found it to transform at first. I don't know if James and Sirius ever commented amongst themselves if Peter's Animagus form was suspect, but perhaps we should have, given he turned into a rat...

As for myself, I'm hardly blameless in all this. Just like with everything else I did regarding Sirius and James, I never said anything to them when they were actively engaged in discovering new ways in which to take the piss out of Peter. Maybe I just didn't care

*****

Most of the Order crammed themselves into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. They glumly stared in disbelief at the morning's newspaper announcing Dolores Umbridge as the new Headmistress of Hogwarts. Minerva's lips were pressed into such a tight line, they had all but disappeared. 'Is Harry all right?' Remus asked into the yawning silence.

Minerva nodded, just once. 'They weren't able to pin forming the group on Harry. Albus took full responsibility for it.'

Sirius snorted. 'I'm sure Harry's just thrilled by that.'

'And that girl won't talk?' Dora asked.

Shacklebolt shook his head. 'Memory charm.'

'Which was excellent spell-casting, Kingsley,' Minerva interjected.

'Thank you,' Shacklebolt said, inclining his head, in a small bow.

'So where is Albus, exactly?' Mad-Eye inquired.

'We don't really know,' Minerva sighed.

'Then how are we supposed to contact him?' Molly huffed.

'Patronus,' Minerva said succinctly. Her lips twitched and she began to howl with laughter.

'This is hardly amusing, Minerva,' Mad-Eye growled.

'Oh, but it is, Alastor,' she wheezed. 'That... toad tried to swan into the Headmaster's office this morning when Fudge named her Headmistress, but...' Minerva tried to stop laughing, and breathed deeply. 'The phoenix guarding the door refused to let her enter,' she choked, wiping tears from her cheeks. She sat back against the chair with a sigh. 'Oh, I haven't laughed like that in ages,' she chortled. 'Needed that.' She sighed again, this time with regret. 'I ought to go back. Before she tries to sack me.'

'Right.' Shacklebolt stood. 'No messages to anyone at the school - not Minerva or Severus, or the children,' he said severely with a look at Molly.

'But I... I've sent their Easter eggs already,' she stammered.

'You didn't put anything personal in there, did you?' Mad-Eye exclaimed in alarm.

'Of course not!' Molly snapped.

'Easter's next Sunday,' Emmeline Vance murmured. 'Will they get through with her searching the post by then?'

'Be lucky if it does,' Arthur muttered. 'Anything else before you leave, Minerva?'

'Why yes.' She looked at Molly and Arthur. 'I summoned the twins to my office this morning. With Albus gone, I figured it was the right time for them to set their plans into motion.'

'How did that go?' Molly asked, almost fearfully.

'Have you ever seen what those two can do with fireworks?' Minerva asked idly, examining her nails. 'If you try to Vanish them, they split in two. They set off a few, and she tries to get rid of them, but alas, they multiply. Seeing her completely and utterly fail to clear them away was one of the most pleasurable experiences I've had in years.' A small beatific smile graced her face. 'It was almost better than sex...' Remus felt his mouth drop open. 'Oh, close your mouths, the lot of you,' Minerva said breezily. 'I said almost. I have had a life, you know.' With that she rose from her chair and swept from the kitchen.

Sirius shook his head and tugged gently at one ear. 'Did she say what I think she said?'

'I believe she did,' Shacklebolt chuckled.

Sirius gave his ear one last tug. 'I was afraid I'd have to use another Scouring charm on my ears...'

'Tonks, you've got watch in ten minutes,' Mad-Eye told her.

'Blast,' the younger witch muttered. 'Right. I'm out...' She dug in her small knapsack for a moment and emerged with a small, brightly-wrapped package. 'We missed your birthday,' she said to Remus, handing it to him. 'You can open it later,' she said shyly.

'No... I'll...' Remus ripped open the bright red paper. It fell away to reveal a book he'd mentioned to Dora. 'Paradise Lost...' he murmured, lifting the book to his nose, inhaling the mingled scents of leather, ink, and paper, closing his eyes in pleasure. He fancied if he were able to actually engage Dora in less... intellectual... pursuits, the usual devices women employed to make themselves more alluring would be wasted on him. Perhaps if she rubbed the page of a book over her wrists and behind her ears in the way Lily used to do with perfume... 'It's lovely. Thank you.'

Dora blushed and bobbed her head. 'You're welcome.'

'Tonks!' Mad-Eye said irritably.

'Better go...' She left the kitchen, tripping over the umbrella stand. Her cry of, 'Every bloody time!' could be heard over Mrs. Black's mad howls.

The kitchen emptied slowly, but Remus remained seated at the table, paging through the book. Sirius waited until he was the only one left. 'You'll notice,' he began, 'that I'm washed, shaved, dressed in clean clothes, and I've even managed to wash my hair. I cut it last week. Buckbeak barely recognized me.' Remus raised an eyebrow. Sirius' hair didn't look as if a pair of scissors had so much as been waved in his direction. Sirius ran a hand through his dark hair. 'Oh, all right, fine... I just trimmed off a few inches. And it's been fourteen days since I've had so much to drink that I pass out and need to have someone put me to bed.'

'It's a good start.' Remus closed the book, and propped his chin in an upturned hand. 'I've been thinking... Molly usually does a nice do for Harry on his birthday. I'll talk to Dumbledore about finding a way to get you there for it - in disguise, of course. And maybe he can come here for the Christmas hols next year...'

'Thank you...' Sirius breathed. He waited a beat then indicated the book. 'Did she inscribe it?'

'Don't know...' Remus opened it and looked at the flyleaf. His lips curved in a slight smile. 'She did.'

'What's it say?'

Remus just gave Sirius an enigmatic smile, glancing down at the flyleaf once more. Remus - Sometimes, you have to travel the depths of Hell in order to recognize the Paradise we seek was with us all along. Nymphadora Tonks, March 1996

*****

2 April 1996

Well, Fudge has finally done it. He's got Ministerial control over Hogwarts. Nominally, at any rate. At least the Order isn't fully dependent on Dumbledore to function. Between Kingsley out here, and Minerva on the inside of Hogwarts, we're stable as an organization for now. I have to give credit where credit is due to Minerva, taking advantage of the upheaval as she did to unleash Fred and George today. Perfect timing.

I'm pleased to see Sirius didn't bury himself after our little chat. Perhaps if Dumbledore can see him taking responsibility for himself around here, and perhaps doing more internally, he'll let Harry come for visits during the summer. It would be better for both of them. So much rests on Harry's shoulders just now, and if what Dumbledore says is indeed true, the happier Harry is, the better he'll be able to get through the next few years...

*****

Teddy sat up groggily rubbing his eyes. He looked eagerly at the foot of his bed, but the usual pile of gifts weren't there. 'Gran?' he called, a tiny fissure of fear sending chills down his spine. He pushed the heavy quilt back and yelped as his feet came in contact with the cold floor, then crammed his feet into the slippers next to the bed. 'Gran?' He grabbed the dressing gown from the foot of the bed and pulled it over his pajamas. He peered through the gap between the door to her bedroom and the doorframe. The bed was still neatly made, and didn't look as if it had been slept in at all. Teddy bit his lip and ran back to his room for his wand. Andromeda never made her bed until after breakfast. And at this time of day, he was more likely to find her in it with a pot of tea and the morning paper. Teddy's sweaty hand slipped around the handle of his wand as he padded down the stairs. 'Gran?' he said, annoyed at the quiver in his voice, like he was some ickle baby.

He craned his head around the corner of the staircase, fingers rubbing over the dent in the banister. 'Gran...?' He could see Andromeda's feet sticking out from under the tree. 'Gran!' he shouted, running to the tree and frantically prodding her shoulder.

'Teddy, stop...' Andromeda said weakly, trying to wave him off. 'I'm awake...'

Teddy frowned at his grandmother's rather incongruous position. 'Why are you on the floor?'

'I fell asleep...' Andromeda stiffly pushed herself up. 'Ted used to lie on the floor under the tree and watch the lights. I always said he was silly to do so, and I thought I'd try it,' she said loftily. 'When your mother was young, she liked to do it with him.'

Teddy folded himself to the floor, relief making him limp. 'You scared me,' he said, only a little mulishly.

'Believe me, it was entirely unintentional.' Andromeda massaged her aching shoulder. 'I'm far too old to do something so foolish.' She inclined her head toward the tree. 'Would you like to open your gifts?'

Teddy fiddled with the sash of his dressing gown. 'Did you not like Dad?' he asked softly.

Andromeda's breath caught for a moment. She finger-combed her disordered hair to buy herself some time. 'How far along are you in the journals?' she asked.

'Easter, two years before I was born.' Teddy said promptly.

'I see...' Andromeda inhaled through her nose. 'It wasn't that I disliked Remus. Under normal circumstances, he and your mother might have been happy. He was patient, kind, and more than a match for her intellectually. I didn't mind the age difference, not as much as Remus did for so long. There have been many marriages where one spouse is several years older than the other.'

'What are normal circumstances?' Teddy asked suspiciously.

'Not being a werewolf. The laws regarding lycanthropy were much more punitive then. I wasn't certain if they would include your mother in some sort of "guilt by association" loophole. They never would have been accepted, beyond their intimate circle of friends. Marriage shouldn't be that difficult. When your parents married, I thought your mother rushed into something she wouldn't be able to handle in the long run. I imagine your father might have felt the same way about it before then.' Andromeda looked down at her hands, afraid she'd revealed too much.

Teddy shrugged. 'Makes sense, I guess. Took him long enough to consider just getting involved. I mean, blimey, Gran... Only people I know that took longer were Ron and Hermione, and that's just from the stories Ginny's told me.' He reached for the first package that came to his hand. 'Would you have still loved me, even if you despised Dad?'

'Of course, I would!'

'Even if I was a werewolf, too?' Teddy asked haltingly.

'But you're not.'

'But what if I was?' Teddy persisted.

'It wouldn't have mattered,' Andromeda said firmly. 'Now, why don't you see what Hermione and Ron sent you?' She managed to leverage herself to her feet and find the camera, knowing it was only a matter of time before Teddy came face-to-face with some of the more unpleasant circumstances surrounding Remus.