Questions and Answers

Harry Apparated into the back garden of the house, glancing around the garden warily. It was far too quiet for a mid-summer afternoon. James and Al should be out flying, taking turns to give Lily a chance on their brooms when they thought neither Harry, nor Ginny was looking. There were no sounds of splashes and yelps coming from the pond. The vacant swing hanging from the elm tree swayed slightly in the breeze.

Harry shrugged, trying to shake his unease. Lily could be inside reading, as could Al and James. Or Ginny could have set them some chores for the afternoon. All three of them badly needed to sort through their outgrown clothing before it came time to buy their things for school.

He stood with his hand on the doorknob of the back door, waiting for something. He threw a glance over his shoulder toward the pond, thinking he could go for a swim, but the idea of a scalding shower and a good scrub with soap drew him inside the house.

Inside the very quiet house.

Harry stilled, barely breathing. He slowly slid his wand from his pocket, and held it lightly in his hand. His eyes traveled carefully around the kitchen, looking for something out of place. There were no overturned chairs or debris on the floor. Something caught his attention at the corner of his eye.

Harry - Took the heathens to the Burrow for the afternoon. Will be back for dinner. Gin

Harry drew in a deep breath. What the bloody hell were you thinking, Potter? That somebody kidnapped your extremely capable wife with nary a struggle? Harry let the note drop from his sweaty hand to the table.

Had he mentioned how much he hated the probation interviews?

Harry sat on the edge of a chair and untied his boots, tossing them by the kitchen door. He unbuttoned his shirt and tugged it off, dropping it on the floor next to his feet, and then stood to unfasten his trousers. He pushed them down his legs and kicked them off to join the shirt. His socks and boxers soon followed. Harry's gaze settled on the fireplace in the kitchen. Should I burn them? he thought. Each time he came home after one of these days, he considered burning his clothes, but never did. His hand twitched around the handle of his wand and he was on the verge of Banishing his clothes to the fireplace and setting them on fire. Instead, he stooped and picked up the bundle of clothing, and threw it in a basket on top of the washing machine in the scullery.

Naked, Harry ran up the stairs and into his bedroom. He shut the door behind him, and strode into the bathroom. He closed the bathroom door, and went to the bathtub. He twisted the hot water tap as far as it would go, and held a hand under the water. When he had to snatch his hand away, lest he burn it, he added just enough cold water to make it bearable, and turned the shower on.

He stepped into the hot, pounding spray, and let his flow over his head. The warmth forced his shoulders to relax and as his shoulders fell from their position somewhere around his ears, he felt his stomach unclench.

Harry felt his throat constrict and he fell to his knees, hands clutching the sides of the tub. He coughed and retched, but nothing came up. He gasped for air between retches, until the feeling subsided. He knelt, panting for air, until he was certain the retching had stopped, the muscles of his abdomen aching from the strain.

Harry Potter's legendary iron self-control cracked.

He screamed, howling with renewed pain and rage. Mourning his parents, Sirius, Remus. All the people he loved who had died for him. As long as the bathroom and bedroom doors remained shut, the Silencing charms held, and he sat back, his arms wrapped around his knees, the roar of anguish slowly dwindling to a whisper.

Harry lifted his face from his knees and he let the hot water pour over his raw cheeks. When did I start crying? he wondered. Christ, Potter, when did you let them start getting to you like that? He had to admit, he'd been more rattled by seeing the Malfoy mansion than he cared to admit. 'Maybe I'm not cut out for this anymore...' he muttered to the rubber duck, sitting in cheerful insouciance on the rim of the tub.

*****

Shacklebolt came into Harry's office not ten minutes after Draco had left. Harry pushed his glasses up and rubbed his eyes. 'Are you sure you should keep me on as Head Auror?' He pulled his hands away from his face, and the glasses fell back onto his nose.

Shacklebolt's eyebrow rose slightly. 'Why wouldn't I?'

'Why did you do it? Make me Head Auror so young?' Harry gazed at Shacklebolt. 'You've never told me.'

Shacklebolt stretched out his feet in front of him and crossed his ankles, slouching a bit. 'You know when you admit you're over your head and need help. You knew that when you were fourteen. You know how to admit you're wrong about something. Or someone, even if you don't like to admit it. After everything we'd been through, I thought we needed someone like that here.'

'But why me?'

'Why did you not like Fudge or Scrimgeour?'

Harry sat back, and closed his eyes, contemplating the two previous Ministers. 'Fudge was willfully blind to what transpired in front of his own eyes. It interfered with his idea of how things were supposed to be. He refused to listen to anybody else's opinions in that regard. And Scrimgeour? He was the same type of man. Had an idea of what things were supposed to be like, and when they didn't fit neatly into his perception of them, he tried to project an air of sturdy confidence that things would be all right. Got miffed when people didn't act the way he wanted them to, or when he couldn't manipulate them. Acknowledged the bad things, but made people feel he was doing something when he just spun his wheels...' Harry's eyes opened, and he looked at Shacklebolt. 'Kingsley, that still doesn't explain why you think I'm the best for this job, still.'

'Because you're not like Fudge or Scrimgeour,' Shacklebolt said. 'You've always eschewed the limelight, and you've never felt you deserve accolades, simply for what you've done years ago. It's always about what you could do next.' Shacklebolt sat up a bit straighter. 'And you've never felt the need to cash in on your name.' He examined Harry closely. 'What brought this on?'

'It doesn't get better. Even with twenty years, this...' Harry bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. 'This day doesn't get easier.'

Shacklebolt leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. 'That doesn't make you a bad Auror, Harry. It just makes you human.'

*****

Harry remained seated on the floor of the tub, and reached for the washcloth and soap, and began to lather the washcloth. He started to scrub the soles of his feet. It was almost routine. The soles of the feet, the toes, ankles, legs, stomach, chest, back, arms, hands, neck, ears, face. He washed his hair twice. He was so lost in thought, he didn't see or hear someone slip into the steamy bathroom, and step into the tub and sit behind him. 'Ahhhh!'

'And you wonder why the boys prank you,' Ginny said lightly. 'You're an easy target when you're lost in thought.'

Harry retrieved the dropped washcloth, and carefully lathered it again. 'Where are the heathens?' he asked, trying to make normal conversation.

'With Mum and Dad. I thought you could use the peace and quiet.'

'I told you not to do that last night,' Harry said slightly annoyed.

'And I heard you.' Ginny tugged the washcloth from Harry's hands, and slowly moved it in circles around his tense back. 'We'll pick them up at lunchtime tomorrow.' Ginny leaned around Harry's hunched body, and flicked her wand at the taps. The rubber stopper neatly fitted itself in the drain, and the flow of water switched from the showerhead to the taps. The bathtub filled rapidly, having been charmed to do so when James was a baby. Ginny pushed herself to the back of the tub, dragging Harry with her. She leaned back, and pulled Harry down. He resisted for a moment, then sagged back, his head resting on her shoulder. 'I thought you - we - could use the time alone,' she said gently, stroking his wet hair.

'Yeah,' Harry muttered darkly. 'I'm not fit company for anyone.'

'Good thing I'm your wife and not just anyone.'

'Why isn't it better?' he whined petulantly. 'Why does it still get to me?'

'I don't know,' Ginny said softly, helplessly. She lifted a dripping hand and massaged the knots from his neck.

'I'm sorry...' Harry sighed. 'I shouldn't complain...'

'But every time you have to do this, it makes you relive things you'd rather not remember,' Ginny finished.

'Yeah.' Harry was silent for a moment. 'Do you think I can still do my job? And do it well?'

Ginny leaned her head back against the rim of the tub. 'Truthfully?'

Harry twisted his head to look back at her. 'Of course. I don't want you to blow a Cheering charm up my arse just to make me feel better about myself,' he said sullenly.

'Lose the attitude, Potter,' Ginny said, shoving his shoulder. 'Otherwise, I'm going to have to ground you.'

Harry snorted and examined the palms of his hands. He was starting to get wrinkly. 'Good luck with that.'

'Most of the time, yes, you can do your job very, very well. But...' Ginny chewed the inside of her cheek.

'But?' Harry prompted.

'But you need to learn to let things go sometimes,' Ginny said quietly. 'It's not worth all this. They are not worth everything you put yourself through sometimes.'

'But they - ' Harry began mulishly, sitting up forcefully, sloshing water over the side of the tub as he turned around to face Ginny.

'I know what they did. I know that's why you became an Auror. I know it's why you work so hard.'

'If I let it go... What those people did, what's to say they won't do it again?'

'What's to say it's not someone else? Someone that's not one of those names on your list?' Harry's mouth dropped open. 'Never considered that, eh?'

'Well... Yes, I did but...'

'You didn't think it could be anybody else except a former Riddle supporter, since Muggle-baiting was one of their hallmarks? Haven't you ever heard the term "copycat"?'

Harry said a few words that threatened to peel the paint from the bathroom walls. 'Yes, Ginny, I have,' he replied sarcastically. 'But still...'

'What?'

'I've got this...' Harry shrugged. 'Feeling.'

'Feeling?'

'Yeah.' Harry turned around and leaned back against Ginny. 'The same feeling that told me to kiss the Snitch before I went into the Forest. The same feeling that told me to play dead afterwards. The same feeling that made me investigate Greengrass' gang in Dublin. The same feeling that makes me think there's more to this round of Muggle-baiting than is visible. Even with no proof.' He hitched a shoulder in a half-shrug. 'I can't really explain it.' He allowed his hands to float on the surface of the water, watching the play of the shadows of the ripples of water over the backs of his hands. 'I'm sorry, Gin,' he said abruptly.

'For what?'

'For dragging you into this, too.'

Ginny rested her head back on the rim of the tub. 'Part of the package. I knew that when I married you.'

*****

Harry arched his body, seeking leverage, as he reached back for the afghan over the back of the sofa. Ginny shook her head as Harry tucked it around the both of them. 'We're alone... Who's going to see?'

'Do you remember the last time we did anything outside our bedroom without a blanket of some sort near by?'

'Ron seemed to get over it by the time James went to school.'

'Yeah, and it only took eight years.' Harry chuckled a little. 'I don't think he could look either of us in the face until Lily was born.' He sobered and gave Ginny a guilty look. 'I'm really sorry about this...' He gestured at the two of them sprawled on the hearthrug. 'I shouldn't have - I dunno - used you like that.' He twisted a strand of the fringe decorating the afghan around his finger. 'Or any other time I've done that,' he said in a low voice. '

Ginny looked at him in astonishment.

Then she burst into laughter. Ginny pulled a corner of the afghan over her face, whooping. After several minutes, she peeked at Harry from under the fringe, chortling with mirth. 'You think I haven't known what you've been doing?' she asked. 'Twenty years,' Ginny stated. 'Every nightmare, every bad day, every Dark wizard that makes you feel like everything you've done isn't enough.'

'That doesn't make it right, though,' Harry mumbled.

'And after all this time, you've just decided to say something?'

'Well, no...' Harry hitched himself up against the cushions piled against the front of the sofa. 'Just thought it was kind of weird. It's just...' He picked up Ginny's hand and traced the lines on her palm, as if he was trying to tell her fortune. 'Sometimes, when we're...' Harry coughed, making a vague gesture with his other hand. 'You're the only thing that seems real.' He laced his fingers through Ginny's. 'That didn't sound as lame in my head.'

'It doesn't sound lame at all. And Harry -' Ginny wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 'If I'd ever minded being your source of comfort or whatever you want to call it, I'd have said something. A long time ago.'

*****

'Grandmother, you've got a letter,' Scorpius said, holding up an envelope, as he trotted into the sitting room.

Narcissa took the letter, a bit startled. There wasn't anybody she would receive mail from. Perhaps it's Andromeda... She opened the letter, in apprehension. Maybe Andromeda would say, 'Thanks, Narcissa, but no. I've had nineteen years to think about it and I'd just rather keep things as they are...'

The letter was short, but Narcissa sighed in relief nonetheless.

Dear Narcissa,

You are right. It's not too late.

Will you be able to come this Saturday afternoon? Bring Daphne and Scorpius. Teddy will be here, too.

Andie

Narcissa looked at her grandson, who was stretched out on his stomach, his Transfiguration textbook in front of him, writing an essay for his summer homework. 'So, Scorpius, how would you like to go visit Teddy and Andromeda Saturday afternoon?'

Scorpius' face lit up. 'Really?'

Andromeda waved the letter under his nose. 'Yes, really. She's invited you, your mother, and me.'

'And Teddy will be there?' Scorpius asked excitedly

'Yes.'

Scorpius wrote a few more lines on his essay, before he looked up at his grandmother. 'Are you sure it will be okay to go?'

Narcissa knew what he meant. 'We just won't tell your father then,' she said crisply.

'We won't tell Draco what?' asked Daphne, coming into the sitting room.

'We're going to see Teddy Saturday!' Scorpius said happily.

'Would you like to come with us?' Narcissa asked Daphne.

'I'd love to. Draco's been in a mood this week. It's worse than trying to appease bowtruckles.'

Andie,

We'll be at your house at three Saturday afternoon, if that's all right with you.

Narcissa

*****

Teddy lounged against the kitchen counter, licking the last of the peanut butter from his spoon, a pair of Muggle sunglasses perched on top of his turquoise hair. 'Teddy?' Andromeda's voice came from the doorway. 'Do you have to have the turquoise hair today?'

'As opposed to any other day?' He dug another spoonful of peanut butter from the jar and stuck the entire spoon in his mouth.

'Teddy, please,' Andromeda pleaded.

Teddy frowned, trying to pull his tongue from the roof of his mouth. He yanked the refrigerator door open, and pulled out the carton of milk, gulping a few swallows from the carton. 'Gran, I promise you, Scorpius has seen my hair. And I'm sure his grandmother and mother have seen the photographs from last Christmas, so ergo, they've seen my hair.' Teddy dug another spoonful of peanut butter from the jar and replaced the lid. 'Why does it matter so much to you, anyway?'

Andromeda paused in the act of straightening the vase of flowers on the kitchen table. 'I don't know,' she admitted. 'Old habits die hard, I suppose. Non-conformity was frowned upon in the Black family.' She went to Teddy and reached up to ruffle his hair. 'Keep it that way.'

Teddy put the jar away in the pantry. 'When was the last time you saw your sister?'

'Oh... You weren't quite two, I suppose.'

'Why did she come see you then, and not once since then?'

'She was leaving,' Andromeda said shrugging. 'Moving to France permanently. Wanted to say good-bye in person.' Andromeda reached up to take the good tea set down from the top shelf of the cupboard. 'You had been with Harry and Ginny that weekend...'

*****

'Would you two like to stay for dinner?' she asked. Harry looked at Ginny, who looked back at Harry, an entire conversation in those looks. Andromeda had to smother a laugh. Already communicating in those married couple 'looks'.

'If it's no trouble,' Harry said.

'None at all.' Andromeda grinned impishly. 'Then I can recruit you into giving Teddy a bath later. He's in a spaghetti phase, and you'd be amazed where those noodles will end up.' Andromeda led the way into the kitchen, where she maneuvered Teddy expertly into his high chair.

After dinner, Harry carried Teddy upstairs to the bathroom. They were both liberally covered in marinara sauce and noodles. Teddy had offered handfuls of the slippery pasta to feed Harry, and Harry obliged by eating them. Ginny and Andromeda had unsuccessfully stifled their laughter. For a brief moment, Ginny could see echoes of Tonks in her mother.

Andromeda looked at Ginny, as Ginny's eyes followed Harry and Teddy out of the room. 'So, when are you two going to make it official?'

Ginny choked on her tea. Eyes watering, she fired a glance at the older woman, which had no effect on Andromeda at all. 'I'm not even a year out of school,' she pointed out.

'Old enough to know your own mind, wouldn't you say?'

'Well, yes, but...' Ginny spluttered. She wilted under the laser-like gaze of Andromeda. 'We'vetalkedaboutit,' she muttered.

'Talked? Well now, talking is... A start. I don't mean to pry or prod, dear, but he's a lot happier than that scared, angry, confused boy who showed up in my back garden three years ago. I think a lot of that has to do with you,' Andromeda sat back, watching the play of emotion on Ginny's face. Andromeda smiled to herself, and tactfully changed the subject to the upcoming Chaser tryouts. Ginny had been a reserve player for a year, and one of the other players was retiring. She was hoping to take up the vacancy. They chatted amiably for the next half-hour, until Harry came back downstairs with Teddy, who was bathed, dressed in fresh pajamas, and smelled strongly of talcum powder.

As Ginny and Harry prepared to leave, there was a knock on the door. Andromeda's face grew ashen when she opened the door. 'May I come in?'

It was Narcissa Malfoy.

Harry and Ginny spun around, mouths gaping. Ginny collected herself faster, shutting her mouth with a snap. She elbowed Harry, who shook himself, rather like a dog. Narcissa turned to face Harry. Harry was only slightly surprised to find the expression on Narcissa's face far less haughty than it had been before. It softened even further. 'Harry Potter...'

'Mrs. Malfoy.' Harry paused, frantically trying to think of something to say.

Ginny saved him by touching Andromeda on the arm. 'We'll see you on Saturday,' she said softly. Andromeda nodded and Harry and Ginny Flooed back to Soho.

Andromeda's hands went behind her back, where she could clutch them unseen. 'Narcissa,' she said coolly.

'Andie... Andromeda.' Narcissa visibly swallowed. 'I wanted to tell you good-bye. In person.'

'Where are you going?' Andromeda asked sharply, peering through the dark windows, looking for the Hit Wizards that should have accompanied Narcissa, if she were going to Azkaban. 'Surely, the Wizengamot hasn't reconsidered and decided to send you to Azkaban...'

'No, they haven't. We - Lucius and I - are going to France. Nice, to be exact. We've just been given permission by the Wizengamot to leave.'

'Why?' Andromeda blushed slightly to hear the child-like tone in her voice.

'Too many looks. Too many whispers. Every time we leave the house. Mr. Potter's testimony at the trial notwithstanding.' Narcissa traced the pattern of the sitting room rug with her eyes. 'I regret...' Her voice broke. 'I'm sorry...'

The sound of Teddy gurgling in laughter as he tried to scoot down the stairs on his heavily padded bottom broke the tension. 'Teddy!' Andromeda exclaimed in exasperation. He had learned how to climb out of his cot. She swung the boy into her arms, nuzzling his turquoise hair. 'What am I going to do with you? Just like your father and mother, it seems.' Andromeda turned toward Narcissa. 'My grandson,' she said by way of introduction.

'I know.' Narcissa took a step forward, and Teddy's hair faded to sandy brown, and he buried his face in Andromeda's neck, overcome by a sudden fit of shyness. 'He looks like... Like...'

'Remus. He had a name. Remus Lupin. Antonin Dolohov killed him.' Andromeda's eyes bored steadily into Narcissa.

Narcissa looked at her sister in the eyes. 'He looks like Remus,' she said. Narcissa's gaze went back to Teddy, who was peeping around Andromeda's arm at the strange lady. 'And... Nymphadora,' she said carefully.

'I'm going to go put him back to bed,' Andromeda said. 'It won't take more than a moment or two.' Narcissa nodded her eyes back on the rug. Andromeda climbed the stairs and lay Teddy in his cot, handing him the stuffed wolf he carried nearly everywhere. Andromeda squeezed her trembling hands together and spent several long moments trying to collect herself. Isn't this what she had wanted for years? For one member of her family, other than Sirius, to remember she existed?

When Andromeda finally went back to the sitting room, Narcissa was gone.

*****

'She left a note on the mantle,' Andromeda finished. 'We wrote once or twice a year. I didn't even know she had stayed in England after Lucius' funeral. And she sent me that letter a few weeks ago.'

'No offense, Gran, but your family...' Teddy shook his head.

'None taken,' she said wryly. 'But you've been spoiled, lad.'

'How so?'

'You have a godfather, who knows all too well what it's like to grow up an orphan,' she pointed out. 'As well you know.'

'Yeah...'

'You also have the advantage of his being married to a woman who comes from one of the most closely-knit families I've ever seen. And they all but adopted you. And me. You've never had a birthday or Christmas go by where you've been forgotten. You know they love you. Especially Harry and Ginny. Not everybody has that.'

'I know, Gran.' Teddy had heard horror stories from the other Weasleys about Harry's Muggle relations. He had also heard Al and James talk about how Scorpius' Greengrass cousins harassed him during school.

The conversation was cut short by a knock on the door.